Come Undone (A Twilight Fanfiction)
by TheMetaBard
Summary: Bella's future was set: she was going to become a vampire and then spend eternity with the love of her life, Edward Cullen. At least that's what she thought. But, when Edward is struck with a mysterious and fatal illness, everyone's future is thrown to the wind. And with a familiar threat looming on the horizon, it's up to Bella to keep her world from coming undone. (COMPLETE)
1. Prologue: Dance

**This is set a little bit after _New Moon_ with some timeline rework in there so I can shoehorn in a Christmas scene (WTF is up with Stephanie Meyer only setting her stories in the winter/spring? Like, there are other seasons. Strike 1, SM. Strike 1) So, all those wasted pages in _New Moon_ where just the month is printed on them (goddamn, SM, have you EVER heard of conservation? Strike 2) you can just throw right out of your heads.**

 **IDK if there are even readers for _Twilight_ fanfic anymore. You know, after Kristen Stewart botched the character in the movie with her subpar acting skills and Robert Pattinson's orgasm-esque faces. Butttt, found this old story in my thumb drive and I thought it was an interesting premise, so I'm publishing it to this hellhole. Fuckkkkk it. **

**Enjoy and review, pls.**

* * *

"To the left!" Alice ordered the boys. "No, Emmett, the other left!"

My face tipped up in the cold mist as I watched Jasper, Emmett, and my boyfriend Edward decorate the Cullens' house with Christmas lights.

It was snowing now, which was made everyone at school buzz with the excitement that there might be snow on Christmas. A white Christmas in the dreary wet of Forks, Washington. It was unlikely; clouds already threatened to wash it away with the constant mist of rain that kept this part of the country gray in the skies and green everywhere else.

I had begrudgingly grown to love the wet, overcast climate. Each waft of the musty petrichor in the early morning and the thick clouds overhead and the deep emerald of the trees reminded me of the only thing that mattered in my world: Edward Cullen.

I watched him now. He was a blur of crimson hoodie and dark red hair as he moved too quickly for my eyes to comprehend on top of the roof of his family's pristine house. Jasper, one of his adopted brothers and Alice's mate, held the lights in place as Edward stapled them to the top frame. The hulking brute that was Emmett, Edward's other brother was trying to center an life-sized inflatable Santa sleigh on the rooftop.

Alice gave a noise next to me that was part frustration, part amusement. Her pale, beautiful face twisted underneath the red beanie she was wearing. I watched her jog towards the house and spring up, nimbly landing on the rooftop. "Over here, Emmett." She started to pull the sleigh to the east part of the house.

I stood frozen in the middle of the Cullens' front yard, obediently following Edward's clear instructions to not move. I was an accident-prone danger magnet, apparently. And it would be my luck that something fell off the roof and crushed me in an unfortunate Christmas decoration accident.

Edward stopped to take in his handy work, spinning the staple gun on his fingertip like he was a wild west gunslinger. He turned to face me "How does it look?"

"Well, there not on." I said at a conversational level. He would still hear me, even though he was fifty yards and two stories away. "But, I assume they're just fine."

He jumped down to the ground, landing on the balls of his feet like a cat and walked over to me at a pace I could comprehend. At his house, outside of the eyes of curious humans who didn't know who or _what_ he was, he was free to act how he pleased. And unlike me – who was bundled up like Randy from the _Christmas Story_ \- he didn't have to dress for the bitter cold weather. Today, he was in a simple hoodie with HARVARD printed over the chest and jeans.

Even in aggressively casual clothes, he looked like a one of Homer's demigod incarnated into flesh and blood. He had high cheekbones and smooth nose and eyes that sucked me in and didn't let go. He was perfect and beautiful and no human words could describe him.

I unabashedly ogled him as he ran his fingers through his tousled reddish hair and looked at the lights. "Where's the extension cord, Jasper?"

"On the porch." Jasper answered and jumped off the roof himself, doing a front flip on the way down.

"Show off." Alice said and lightly bounced down next to him, not even making a print in the grass.

Emmett was the last to come down. His landing sounded like a rockslide down a mountain's face, but he was as graceful as the rest of them, landing like a jaguar out of a tree.

They all took their place next to me in front of the house. A row of impossibly beautiful mythological beings and one dull, ordinary human. I must've looked like a troll standing amongst angels.

"Bella," Edward purred my name as he held out the female part of the string lights and the male part of the extension cords. "Will you do the honors?"

It was very _National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation,_ completely childish and unnecessary, but I grinned and yanked them out of Edward's white fingers. "Sure."

"Alright, light 'er up!" Emmett clapped his large hands.

It had started to snow harder and the big clumps of snowflakes stuck to my eyelashes and the hair around my face and the edge of my upper lip. I blinked back the cold wet, suck in a breath of apprehension and stuck the two cord ends together.

With a snap, the house lit up from the left to the right. Rainbow lights danced in a pattern, flashing back and forth. The spotlight that show on the inflatable sleigh that was perfectly centered on the roof clicked on. The candy-canes that lined the front yard shone red and white. In the fading light of the dusk, the house glowed with warmth and yuletide greetings

Emmett whooped and Jasper clapped hands together with Alice.

But, that's not why I gasped. I was looking at Edward and he was looking at me. The colors of the Christmas lights reflected on his alabaster skin and made him look otherworldly. He grinned my favorite smile and his dark eyes smoldered in contrast to the heavenly lights dancing on his skin. I moved to touch his face, only stopped when I heard the crash of the front door.

"Are you guys done?" Rosalie asked, the most beautiful one of them all. A radiant, breathtaking specimen of beauty. DaVinci would eat his heart out at the sight of her, screw the Vitruvian Man. Or are you just gonna stand there staring at the lights like idiots for the rest of the night?"

Edward grabbed my hand that still hung in the air, frozen on its quest to my face. "Shall we get warm?"

I smiled back at him. That question was one-sided, even though he spoke in plurals. He was never warm, instead his skin was almost the same temperature of the snow that fell around us. "It depends," I teased. "Are you going to try and make me hot cocoa again?"

I was referring to the other night where he failed to put water in with a Swiss Miss packet before microwaving it, causing the little dehydrated marshmallows to congeal to the bottom of Charlie's favorite mug. I took the blame for that one – I didn't want another strike against Edward on Charlie's very long list of Why Edward Was the Absolute Worst Thing for My Daughter.

He rolled his eyes at me, humor flashing in them. "You have to cut me a little slack." He smiled and started pulling me towards the house. "Instant hot cocoa wasn't invented yet when I was a human."

We made it inside. A fire blazed in the Cullens' living room fireplace and the whole room was nice and toasty. I shed my moist jacket with Edward's help and he draped it on the back of one of dining room chairs and then disappeared in a flash into the kitchen.

I took a moment to take everything in.

Alice outdid herself when it came to decorating the inside, as if the Cullens' house wasn't pretty by itself. A gigantic Christmas tree dominated the corner of the living room by Edward's piano and it dripped in different shades of golds and silvers. The rest of the room was done up the same, gold tinsel wrapped along the staircase handle and the couch cushions replaced to match. Bowls of festive potpourri were scattered, giving the house a light cinnamon scent.

It perfectly matched the scene outside as a panoramic window that made up the north wall framed the picturesque Olympic mountain range that silhouetted in the distance.

I moved to the fireplace to shake off the last bit of cold and to look at the stockings. Each family member had a gold or silver stocking that hung symmetrically on the edge of the mantle, the Cullens' names artfully embroidered into the cuff. Carlisle, then Esme. Jasper, Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, Edward and then Bella. They had a stocking made for me. I smiled at the gesture, even though I wasn't apart of their family…yet.

My smile faded and I bit my lip. I wanted so desperately to join their family. To become a _vampire_ like one of them. It would solve so many issues, the first being my insufferable fallibility and the last being the all-powerful royal vampire family that expected me to be turned _at some point_. Edward, on the other hand, was not on board with this idea. He wanted to keep me human, upset at the very thought of me joining him in the world of the mythological.

I pushed it from my mind though. For now. Edward made me promise that Christmas break was for Christmas and that we should enjoy the holidays. It was a ploy to bide time so that he could push off making me a vampire. But, I agreed. And I didn't want to break promises, especially to the most important person of my life.

"One hot cocoa," Edward vaporized next to me, a coffee mug in his hand. "I hope this meets your expectations this time."

The mug was brimming with tiny marshmallows – the real ones – and had a cinnamon stick jammed in it like a straw. I took the drink from him, letting it warm my cold fingers and took a sip. It was creamy and chocolate-y and delicious and _not_ Swiss Miss. "This is good, Edward." I said as I sipped on it.

"I Googled a recipe," He said sheepishly as he wrapped one of his cool arms around my waist. "'Old-fashion hot cocoa'"

"It's perfect." I said over the edge of the mug.

And it was. Everything was perfect. He was perfect. This fire was perfect. This mug in my palm was perfect. The mountains outside was perfect. Perfect.

Edward held up a small remote and Frank Sinatra's version of 'Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas' piped in from hidden speakers embedded into the wall. All of a sudden the mug I was holding was out of my hand and I was being spun around the open living room.

"Edward," I hissed with wide eyes, my awkward feet unable to keep up with his grace. I thought about the fireplace. I thought about myself accidently tripping _into_ the fireplace. I was too big a hazard to be moving like this around an open flame. "What are you doing?"

He grinned. "Making the yuletide gay." His arm looped steadily around my waist, and he pulled me around, slowing his pace to a steady rock.

I looked up at his face and his eyes looked down into mine. He was thirsty, his eyes the color of ebony, and circles were starting to form under them. They were supposed to repulse low-minded humans like myself - a warning sign of the danger, a marker to flee. But, I always found myself so captivated by Edward's eyes. They sucked me in, wiping away any coherent thoughts. I couldn't tell if I was different because I was destined to love him, or if it was because I was an idiot. _Both._ I smiled at my own private joke.

"What are thinking about?" He asked as he gently spun me with the song.

"I'm disappointed in the lack of mistletoe." I lied.

"We have to," His perfect brows came together in chagrin. "Otherwise Emmett and Rosalie…"

"Nope," I interrupted. "That's weird."

He rolled his eyes and rocked me back and forth. "Try being in their heads."

I moved my hands so I could lace my fingers around the back of his neck. He responded by wrapping his arms tighter around me. I could smell the musky, sweet, beautiful scent of him. The song faded out and the beginning of 'Fly Me to the Moon' replaced the Christmas jingle. We continued to dance slowly, but Edward picked up just a smidge to match the beat of this old song.

He pressed his cheek against my head and sung the lyrics – velvet and soft – in my ear. _"You are all I long for, all I worship and adore."_ I sighed and melted against him, letting him push and pull me around.

"I want to stay like this forever." I murmured against his chest.

 _"_ _In other words, please be true."_ He sang perfectly and then chuckled. "Forever is a long time." He noted. "I'm afraid you'd get tired of me."

"Never." I breathed and squeezed in tighter, my body fitting against his like two puzzle pieces finally finding their mate.

He spun me around. _"In other words."_ He sang. _"In other words…I love you."_

Firmly grasped in his arms, while supporting most of my weight, he dipped me at the end note of the song. I opened my eyes to see my world had turned upside down and giggled that he managed to dip _me,_ Bella Swan, klutziest person this side of the Mississippi River. Incredible.

And then my upside down world moved in a blur and I hit the hardwood floor, the back of my head impacting with _smack_. It wasn't hard – I was already pretty close to the floor – but the surprise of being dropped knocked the wind out of me for a second. "Oof." I managed, my hand automatically coming up to rub the back of my head.

"Bella, I'm so-," The sheer horror in Edward's voice made me sit up suddenly.

Edward's shoulders jerked in two different directions, his left one stiffly going up, while his right one went down. His face twisted. I had only seen that face on him before – in Volterra as he jumped in front of me to save me from Jane's torturous stare.

Pain. But, more than that.

Agony.


	2. 1: Plans

It there and over and in a second.

The pain that flashed across his face rearranged itself into apology and embarrassment as he lifted me back up to my feet by my upper arms. His shoulders relaxed into their normal positions. If I had blinked, I wouldn't had believed that he was in any sort of pain at all.

"I'm so sorry." He breathed, mortified. "I don't know what happened. I just-,"

"Edward," I cut him off, knowing full well that if I let him dwell on it then he would tornado himself down into a fit of self-loathing. "I'm fine." I assured. "Are you okay? You seemed like something hurt you there."

"I…" He started, his face taking on a chartreuse shade. "I'm okay."

I pursed my lips. "Are you sure? Should we get Carlisle?"

His dark eyes widened. "No-,"

But Carlisle had heard our hurried conversation from wherever he was in the house and appeared like a ghost at our side. The patriarch of the Cullen family was physically not much older than Edward himself. In his mid-twenties maybe. Carlisle even forgot his exact age when he was changed and even then, the sixteenth century didn't do much in the way of record keeping.

His golden eyes shone with centuries of wisdom and made him seem much older than he looked. He cast a worried glance at me and then at Edward. "I heard my name."

"It's nothing –," Edward started to say and then switched the story. "Well, Bella fell on the hardwood."

Carlisle turned toward me, fatherly concern in his eyes and my jaw dropped at the fact that Edward was trying to deflect from himself onto me. "I did not _fall,"_ Although that would've been very likely. "Edward and I were dancing and he dipped me and then he _dropped me."_ I said a little bit more accusatory than I meant.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Carlisle asked. "Did you hit your head?"

"I'm perfect." I said. "It's Edward you want to be examining. He looked like he tweaked his shoulder or something. And it looked like it _hurt._ "

A mask of surprise passed Carlisle's face at my words. And something else. Worry? He turned back towards his adopted son. "Edward?"

Edward gave an impatient sigh like this whole conversation was starting to bore him. "I moved too fast and she slipped from my hands." He shrugged simply. "I'm not in a pain at all." His brow puckered like the very thought of him being in pain was atrocious.

I sucked in a short breath and crossed my arms. This discussion was making me sound crazy. I wasn't crazy, I knew what I saw. I knew _his_ face of pain because it haunted my dreams. Along with Jane. Her hurting him. It was the stuff that was meant for the darkest parts of the night. I didn't push it the subject, instead just turned to glare out the window.

"I'm very sorry I dropped you." Edward said low and soft, his hands going to my shoulders. "I didn't mean to ruin the evening."

Carlisle looked between us and then turned and moved backed up the stairs and speeds that made him seem more like a blur than a person.

"Bella, look at me." He said, pulling my face up to meet his.

"I'm not crazy." I sputtered the mantra I was repeating in my head, still dwelling on his expression. The pain in his eyes. I shivered.

"Nobody said you were crazy." Confusion crossed his beautiful features and he pulled me close to his body. "The thought of hurting _you_ put a dagger through my chest, Bella. I'm sorry I alarmed you."

That wasn't it though. There was a physical reaction: like he was gripped with some sort of momentary palsy. It was hard to explain. It didn't matter, however. It was getting late and I was going to be late if I didn't get home soon. Even on Christmas break, I had a strict eight-thirty curfew set by Charlie.

"I should get home." I said.

"Bella," He groaned with frustration. "Will you please forgive me?"

I looked up into his face. The half-moons under his eyes looked darker. It could've been my eyes playing tricks on me or the fireplace casting odd shadows or the evening light hitting his beautiful face. But, I also had a sneaking suspicion that it wasn't any of those things. _I'm not crazy._ I repeated in my head.

"I forgive you." I said gently. "Charlie won't if you get me home late, though."

"It's only eight-seventeen." He said as he glanced at the clock that sat in the center of the mantle. "That's eight more minutes than I need. We have time for one more song." He swung me up into his arms.

I shook my head, but felt a smile on my face as he held me tight and close to his body. "In a car, silly." I couldn't be mad at him for long. Or be mad at him, ever, really. Even when he made me feel like I was a loony.

"Oh," His eyes flashed with humor. "Then, I should probably get you home."

I got home at 8:28.

"Hey, Bella." Charlie said from his favorite chair in front of the television, a can of beer in his fist. I took after Charlie more than my mother, as we had matching dark hair and dark eyes. "How was decorating?"

"It was good." I shook off my jacket and hung it up next to Charlie's police gear on the wall next to the door to dry. "I didn't do much _helping_ though, since everyone was on the roof."

A look crossed his face as he tried to imagine me navigating a rooftop. "That was probably smart." He conceded and then turned back to the television.

I started eagerly up the stairs, knowing full well that Edward was going to be waiting for me in my room when I got there, having slipped through my bedroom window. It was our nightly tradition.

"Hey, Bella." Charlie called and I stopped about five steps up.

I ducked my head so I could see him. "What's up?" I asked a little too impatiently.

Charlie gave me an odd look that quickly dissipated when his sports event came back on television. "Billy invited me to Christmas dinner."

"Oh?" I came back down to the bottom step at the mention of Billy Black, Jacob Black's father. A million emotions flickered through me at the thought of my best friend. Or, well, ex-best friend.

"He invited you too, but I told him that you'd be spending it with the Cullens." Charlie's eyes tore away from the television and landed on me. "That's still the plan, right?"

The _plan_ was exactly that. I was going to spend tomorrow with Charlie and then Christmas with Edward and his family. This worked perfectly, as Charlie always volunteered to cover Christmas so the other officers could have it off.

But, there was a possibility that I could see Jacob.

Jacob hadn't talked to me since he dropped off my motorcycle at my house, causing my subsequent house arrest and Edward's ban imposed by Charlie. His goal was to get me in as much trouble as possible – and it worked, sort of – not to make my life hell, but to keep me from Edward.

Because by keeping me from Edward, he could spare me from turning into a vampire – and keep the Cullens' from breaking the treaty that Carlisle formed with the Quileute tribe. What he didn't know was how _soon_ I planned on turning into a vampire.

I tried calling him. I called everyday for awhile and was either deflected by his dad who made up some lame excuse, or didn't answer at all. Soon everyday became every couple of days and then once a week. Then I realized that Jacob didn't want to talk to me. If he did, if he wanted to be my friend, he would've picked up the phone. So I stopped calling.

And I couldn't really go to La Push. I was under house arrest. Right to school and then right home. After disappearing for three days, I was just glad Charlie didn't lock me at the Forks jailhouse. Christmas break had been an exception. Charlie was feeling generous with the holiday spirit.

"Is-is Jake going to be there?" I squeaked.

Charlie shrugged. "I assume so. It _is_ Christmas."

"Well, I could come home in the afternoon…" My agenda for Christmas day started to reshuffle as I moved around my plans. To be completely honestly, the Cullens didn't have anything planned for Christmas dinner. They didn't _have_ to plan for dinner.

I could totally spend Christmas with both.

Charlie's face brightened at the thought of me spending less time with Edward. "Well, I'll be home around four if you want to go together. They'll be happy to see you, Bells."

"That's sounds great." I said, my chest full of happy bubbles at the thought of talking with Jacob. I could _explain_ in person. I could ease bad feelings towards the Cullens.

I turned and bounced up the stairs.

The bubbles disappeared when Edward's brooding expression snapped to me when I entered my bedroom.

"You're not spending Christmas with us?" Edward asked. I knew that he heard the whole thing. He probably was also hearing Charlie's cheered thoughts that I wasn't going to spend the whole day with him.

"I _am."_ I said and pulled off my boots. "I'm just doing dinner in La Push." I sat down on the bed in front of him.

"You're going to miss Emmett's epic snowball fight." A humorous smile pulled the corners of his mouth up.

I cringed at the thought of getting hit in the face by a cold, wet Emmett-sized fistful of ice. "I think I'll pass on that."

He made a face. While he never openly voiced his disdain for the Quileute werewolves, there was some resentment for them that was rooted in legends and old traditions. They were cordial to each other, but only just. And they never went over each other's lines.

There might've been a hint of jealousy as well.

"Besides," I continued, moving to sit on my knees so I could be face-to-face with Edward. "I _do_ have to eat."

Edward's crooked grin stretched across his face. "You don't trust me to make you a Christmas dinner?"

He pounced into me at that point and I clamped one hand over my mouth to keep myself from shrieking in delight and alerting Charlie that I wasn't the only one up here. In a blur that made the air whistle in my ears, Edward scooped me up against his chest and settled against the head of the bed.

"After the hot cocoa incident," I answered and pressed my face against the hollow of his neck, breathing in his scent. My heart pounded loudly against the walls of my chest. "I think you should just stay out of the kitchen."

"I made up for that, though." He argued, his lips skimming my forehead. He was doing the same, although the physical reaction for him was much, _much_ different.

"True." I said, my hands running up his stone-like chest.

That conversation was over. We found each other's lips in the dark. Even if I was able to physically speak, I knew that the only sounds I would be able to make were incoherent animal noises. Dizzy and overcome with the intoxication of Edward's existence, my fingers found the soft waves of his hair and the sharp jawline that faded into his neck. His skin was like ice, but I still flushed hot red as if I was standing in a dry sauna.

My body pressed into his closer and closer until it felt like we were one person, until I didn't know where he started and I stopped. My fingers grew desperate, like I couldn't hold as much of him as I wanted. My hands weren't big enough.

It was usually that point where Edward pushed me off, unwilling to test the limits of his self-control. I always went too far and he always had to stop. The combination of my overpowering scent and teenage hormones enough to drive him into a deadly craze.

I gasped like I had just broken the surface of the ocean. "Sorry," I mumbled.

He just giggled and pressed a kiss onto my forehead. "It's okay."

Very gently, he picked me up and sat me back down on the bed and then straightened out his Harvard alumnus hoodie from where I balled it in my fists.

"Where are you going?" I asked, pained at the thought of him leaving me.

He sighed. "I have to hunt. Alice and I are going to go tonight so we don't have to go on Christmas." He didn't want to leave either.

I pouted, but didn't protest. Hunting was a very real and necessary part of the vampire lifestyle. I understood completely, even though my arms ached to hold him.

"Enjoy your day with Charlie tomorrow." He pressed a kiss to my forehead.

I rolled my eyes. "I'd rather spend it with you." I answered and then grabbed his hand before he could leave. "You'll come tomorrow night, right?"

"Of course. I couldn't miss the sugar plums dancing in your head." He asked and smiled.

With that, he was off. The only thing he left was a small flutter of my curtains as he hopped out of the window.

* * *

Christmas Eve morning, I was surprised to come downstairs to an empty house. Charlie's Christmas morning tradition always started with a gigantic breakfast in pajamas while watching a _It's A Wonderful Life._ I expected him to be in the kitchen cooking already.

The surprise disappeared when I found a hasty note from him on the kitchen table.

 **The Mueller's are fighting with the Tysons again. Will be home ASAP.**

 **-C**

That made sense. The Muellers and Tysons were farmers that lived on the edge of Forks. Their shared property line had been a source of contention for the two families for generations. Most of the time, the contention would grow until someone threatened bodily harm and the cops were called. Charlie must've left early.

I went to the kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee with plenty of cream and sugar and a little bit of that peppermint syrup I thought to buy at my last grocery trip.

Both families respected Charlie, so I assumed that he would be home soon to start breakfast. I sat down in front of the television and flipped it on. There were a bunch of Christmas specials going on various channels, but I didn't want to watch any of them without Charlie.

I stopped at the news, but they were just talking about a golden retriever that was visiting sick kids in the hospital for Christmas. I kept going and finally landed on a horror channel in the upper numbers. _Interview with a Vampire_ was just starting and I put the remote down next to me on the couch.

I watched this with Edward once. I wasn't a huge Brad Pitt fan, or really a fantasy-genre fan. But I wanted to watch this one now that I knew that vampires were _not_ a myth, but a very, _very_ real thing. He sighed and rolled his eyes the whole time. He was not super jazzed over the anything that romanticized a vampire's existence.

I enjoyed it, even though they got most of the details wrong.

I sipped my coffee and watched Brad Pitt gallop around in period-piece costumes on the screen. I sipped my coffee and thought about my dinner tomorrow with Jacob, my chest filling with butterflies again. I wanted to see him _so bad._ I felt _so bad_ for ditching him. I knew he was hurt and I just wanted to smooth it over. I wanted him to be my friend again.

I thought that wasn't completely absurd. I could be in love with a vampire and best friends with a werewolf. Okay, it sounded a little absurd to people who didn't know that both of those existed. It sounded absurd to Edward, who was unsure how I could be friends with a pack of wild, gigantic dogs. It probably sounded absurd to Jacob too, who called Edward and his family ' _bloodsuckers'_ at one point.

No, it was going to work. I was going to make it work.

I started paying attention to the movie again when they introduced Kirsten Dunst's character, Claudia. While the hair and the teeth and the eyes were wrong, she reminded me so much of Jane, it made me cringe back into the couch cushion.

My mind jumped back to yesterday evening. To Edward's pained face.

I knew, _knew_ what I saw wasn't a figment of my imagination. And I was pretty sure that it wasn't just the shock of dropping me. No. I knew Edward's face better than that. I stared at it enough that it was seared into my memories. He was in physical pain. _Pain._ And the way he deflected so the attention was on me. He _knew_ I was right.

I just couldn't answer the question of why. Why was he in pain in the first place? Why did he deflect? Was he trying to hide something?

I bit my lip as I watched the movie.

It might've been a freak thing. Like a side stitch or something. Maybe vampires get dehydrated and get charlie horses and cramps. Maybe it wasn't a cause of worry. Maybe I shouldn't dwell on it like I was doing.

The front door opened at that point and Charlie entered, shaking snow off of his police jacket. I quickly clicked back to the news, which was featuring the _How the Grinch Stole Christmas_ now.

"That snow outside is getting thick." Charlie said and smiled at me. "Merry Christmas Eve."

"Merry Christmas Eve." I answered back.

"Are you hungry?"

"Starving."

His face lit up. Breakfast was the only food he could cook. And he did it well. "Alright, well, let's get started."

I pushed Edward's face from my mind. _It was probably just a freak thing._ I thought. _Nothing to worry about._

* * *

 **I'm surprised there are people reading for this book series anymore. It seemed like an old thing that's fallen by the wayside like Napster or Soulja Boy. If you enjoy, please express opinions in the review boxorino below. If you don't enjoy, please also paste thoughts. You can call me a dumb broken hamster dildo idec I'm dead inside so booyah**


	3. 2: Christmas

"Merry Christmas."

I pulled the edges of my blanket up underneath my chin and squeezed my eyes shut, trying sleep a couple more winks. My blanket was so warm and I was so comfy. I was in the in-between area where I could see the light streaming through my closed eyelids, but I still chased the last moments of unconsciousness. I could smell Edward's sweet, intoxicating breath in my face as he chuckled at me.

"Merry Christmas." I breathed and opened my brown eyes to face Edward's amber ones.

They brightened when they saw me. "Are you awake?" Edward asked with a hint of childlike impatience.

I groaned and sandwiched my head in my pillow. The sugar plums were not dancing in my head as they were in Edward's. "Barely." I mumbled.

"Good enough." He chuckled again. "I have a present for you."

I groaned, my mind flashing through all the lavish and extravagant things that Edward could've gotten me. "I thought we agreed we're not going to spend money on each other?" A promise I was holding him too. His idea of presents and my idea of presents were on two different planets with wide margins between the where the decimal point should go in terms of price.

"I didn't spend money." He assured.

My eyes popped opened and I rose an eyebrow.

" _Much_ money." He corrected and grinned, his perfect row of teeth sparkling in the morning light.

I un-sandwiched my head and sat up on one elbow. "You're not going to make this morning very easy for me, are you?"

"Absolutely not." He said and rolled to his feet. "Although, this gift is more for _me."_

My mind went a completely different direction than cars and boats and other large, high-ticket items I thought Edward was planning on gifting me. It plunged right into the gutter as I thought about lacy lingerie. My face turned brick red. "What did you get?"

"Nothing inappropriate!" He laughed and bent down, fluidly picking up a pile of cloth. He held it up in front of his chest, his crooked grin growing wider.

It was the ugliest sweater I've ever seen. It was this off-blue color with a three-dimensional felt snowman protruding from the chest. Around him was a pompom snow scene. It looked like the poor sweatshop kids rebelled and created the monster of Christmas sweaters. The sweater that brainlessly eats other sweaters.

I felt my face twisted into a disgusted mask. "What is that?"

Edward moved the sweater over to the side to show me that he was wearing a matching one over his white button down shirt. As if only one sweater in that caliber of ugliness wasn't enough, there had to be _two._

"Why would you even waste money on something like that?"

His beautiful face crumpled in disappointment. "You don't like it?"

"Edward," I said, sitting all the way up now. "That's looks like something that was pulled out of the back of Bill Cosby's closet."

"Well, its ugly on purpose." He smiled again and sat down on the edge of the bed. "We're having a competition against the others for ugliest couples' sweaters."

"We're having a competition against someone who can read the future?" I took the blue monstrosity from his hands. I noted that even in the ugliest of sweaters, Edward still managed to look like a god.

"Well, I can read minds, so I can see what she sees." He giggled, his eyes dancing. "The only couple at a real disadvantage is Emmett and Rose."

I couldn't say no to his face. He had the biggest, cheesiest grin and his honey-colored eyes flashed with mischief and humor. "Okay," I said. "I'll wear it."

"Wonderful," He said and picked up a Santa hat from the floor and tugging it over his messy bronze hair. "You better get dressed. You have presents to open."

I clapped my hand to my forehead and groaned at the thought of presents from the Cullens. "Edward…"

"Don't be a scrooge." He said.

"You're one of those overly festive types, aren't you?"

"Well," His cold fingers glided down the side of my face. "I haven't been excited for Christmas in about a century. But, you have breathed new life into me. You can say I'm a little intoxicated on Christmas spirit."

"And some spiked eggnog, it seems." I joked.

He giggled and planted a kiss on my lips. "I'll come get you like a normal person in a couple of minutes."

"Okay," I answered and watched him disappeared through the window.

I rose to my feet. If we were going to match, we might as well go all out. I never really notice what Edward was wearing. There was so much to look at when it came to him, that his clothes were the least interesting part. But, I noted his outfit today, so I could match him.

I pulled my own white button down from my closet and a pair of black jeans. Digging around the bottom of my sock drawer, I found a Santa hat that was given to me when I was in middle school choir for our Christmas show. I threw on my outfit, fixing up my collar and rolling up my sleeves – just like Edward - and my hat and made my way downstairs.

"Merry Christmas, Bells." Charlie said from the dining room table as he sipped his coffee in his uniform. His eyes bugged at the sight of my sweater. "That's an interesting outfit choice."

"Ugly sweater contest." I explained weakly.

Edward ran the doorbell at that moment and I skipped to the door to open it. My favorite crooked smile split across his face as he stepped inside Charlie's entryway. He had a wrapped present in his hands. "Good morning." He greeted and kissed me.

"Merry Christmas." I answered back.

Edward turned to my dad. "Good morning, Charlie." "I was hoping you could make an exception of the Edward-ban, so I could give you this."

Charlie looked surprised as he rose to his feet to accept his gift. "S-sure thing."

"It's from all of the Cullens." Edward explained.

We watched as my dad opened it and pulled out a kit of shiny, reflective lures for fishing. His eyes bugged again. "Wow. These are Livingston lures." He said with awe in his voice. They must've been nice lures. Or rather e _xpensive_ lures.

"Merry Christmas, Charlie." Edward's smile widened as he took my hand and started guiding me out of the door, grabbing my jacket that hung on the hook in the process.

"Merry Christmas." He said, his eyes still on his lures. "Drive carefully!"

"Wow." I breathed as I took in the snow scene around me as I shrugged on my jacket. There had to be at least three to four inches of snow. The Harris' across the street had their Christmas lights on and the colors reflected on their white front lawn. It was like a Christmas card.

 _Perfect._

"Are you coming?" He asked, a frustrated pucker in his brow. "Or have you given into the scrooge inside of you."

I tore my eyes away from the snow. "I have to grab something from my truck." I said and carefully stepped down to make my way to my jalopy Chevy that dominated the back part of the driveway.

Edward beat me there. "I can grab it." He said. "If you want to get warm in the car."

"Okay," I said. "It's a box."

He pulled out the Budweiser twenty-four pack box. Instead of beer, the contents inside were wrapped presents. The box itself I took from Charlie. "This? Bella…" He said with a groan. "I thought we agreed that you weren't going to get us anything."

"But, you were going to get _me_ something." I argued as I made my way to his car. "I'd feel bad if I showed up empty-handed."

He slid the box into the backseat of his silver Volvo and grabbed my hand before I could get into the passenger seat of his car. "You are my present." He said as he looked into my eyes with such ferocity that I thought I was going to blackout for a millisecond. "There is nothing more in this word that I want more than you."

"You'll like my present then." I managed to garble out as I still stared into his eyes. "I made it myself."

My favorite smile broke out across his face. He reminded me for a second of the sun baby from the _Teletubbies_. The joy that exuded from him was contagious. I found it hard to tear my eyes away from him.

I finally did though, just long enough to get into the car and let Edward slide in next to me in the driver's set. He pealed out of Charlie's driveway and onto the highway that lead out of Forks.

Edward sang along with 'O Come, All Ye Faithful' that played through his speakers as he moved incredibly fast down the icy road. It was comical, watching him in the ugliest sweater imaginable sing so velvety with Michael Buble on the radio. His eyes sparkled with the snow around us. The scene almost didn't work. I couldn't wrap my brain around it. It was like trying to hang a Picasso painting in a 7Eleven bathroom. I giggled as I tried imagining _that._

"What is so funny?"

"You," I answered simply.

His fingers came over and squeezed mine. My hands were cold from the snow outside and it was like out temperature matched for a second. "Well, if you think I'm a little drunk on spiked eggnog, wait until you see _Alice_."

I went back to looking out the window, internally cringing at the stereotypical Christmas things that families did. "That bad?"

It wasn't like I completely disdained Christmas. I just grew up doing eclectic things with my mother on Christmas in the Phoenix heat. Such as seeing movies or eating Thai food on our back porch or hiking up Mummy Mountain. The traditional _white Christmas_ thing never appealed to me. We didn't even decorate a tree half the time.

He shrugged as he sang the last couple of bars of the song, his eyebrows raising. "You'll see."

I did see.

I saw the interior of the Cullens' household changed from the last time I had been here. The gold and silver decorations had been replaced by green and red ones. Edward's piano had a Christmas town on it with a moving train that spun in circles. The tree was decorated with traditional green and red ornaments. The pillows were now in differing plaid patterns.

I also saw the sweaters got worse. It was going to be a tough competition for the ugliest. I honestly couldn't believe that any clothes maker would dare producing such _evil._ Emmett and Roses' sweaters were red with a clashing pattern of yellows and oranges. An elf with an obvious developmental disorder adorned the front and 'Let's Get Elfed Up' framed him. Alice's and Jasper's had a Christmas tree that dominated the sweater from their neckline to the hem. Actual glass ornaments hung from each corner of the tree.

It was Esme that got to me first. "Merry Christmas, Bella." She said and squeezed me against her granite body.

"Bella's here!" Alice sang in her high pitched voice, the ornaments clacking together on her sweater as she sped around the corner to greet us. "I'm so excited to open presents. Everyone's going to _love_ what they get!"

"Stop it, Alice." Edward said. "I want to leave _some_ of it to surprise."

She gave a sheepish look and Edward just rolled his eyes. "Fine, I'll think of our _snowball_ fight later."

"I'm gonna win!" Emmett called from the living room.

"No, you're not!" Alice turned back to us, a wicked grin crossing her face. "Your sweaters are atrocious."

"Yours is absolutely revolting." Edward swung his arm around my shoulder, his other hand balancing my box of presents like a waiter balancing a tray of drinks.

"You all…" I tried to think of a word that described gold dressed up as trash. "Look festive."

Emmett howled from the living room. "I told you we should've done extreme Pictionary."

 _Extreme_ Pictionary? I shook my head as I shrugged off my coat and placed it on the banister of the stairs before following the others into the living room.

Emmett was slung casually over the couch with Rose perched on his lap like a snoozing cat. Carlisle took a seat on the couch's armrest. Jasper hung near this piano, his calculating eyes taking everything in. I watched Esme take a seat on the raised hearth of the fireplace.

Alice came up behind me and took my shoulders. "Since Bella is the newest member of the family, she gets to open the first present."

"I'm not apart of the family yet." I argued, shooting a look at Edward, who just looked down at his feet.

"Of course you are." Esme said. "You have a stocking." Like the fact that I was still a fallible mortal human was trifling.

"I'm glad." Emmett said. "I was afraid we were going to have to watch Jasper open the first present for the rest of eternity."

Edward sat down cross-legged in front of the tree and I took a spot on the floor next to him. I watched as Alice handed out gifts to everyone, who took them and placed them on their laps. Alice handed the last present to me, a wide grin on her face.

I picked up the present. It was a small box wrapped in Santa-adorned wrapping paper. I sick feeling twisted my stomach. Part nausea of having everyone watch me open a present, part déjà vu from the last unfortunate gift-opening experience I had at the Cullen household.

I handed the present to Edward. "You should probably take care of the paper for me." I said sheepishly. "After last time…"

Everyone's faces grew two or three shades lighter as they all remembered my birthday from earlier this year. It was like a forgotten nightmare.

Edward's golden spirit couldn't be deterred though. He swiftly ripped open the paper in a fluid motion and then handed the box back to me. I popped the lid off and pulled out a small, black brick.

"A cellphone." I said as I held it in my hand. It was a newer one with a touch screen. I wasn't a big electronics person – my computer still ran on dial-up – but I was pretty sure this was an iPhone.

"That's from all of us." Carlisle said.

"We even put you on our family plan." Rosalie tittered. "Unlimited everything."

I clicked the phone on and saw that the background was a photo of Edward and I from school. I smiled, overcome with the generosity. I knew these things weren't cheap. "Thanks. This is really nice."

Everyone dug into their presents now. A flurry of paper and bows and ribbon exploding like a small nuclear bomb of Christmas.

"This is from me." Edward placed a shoebox-sized box in my lap and scooted closer so he could pull me into his cross-legged lap. His finger dug the edge of the wrapping paper to get it started.

"Edward," I said. "I thought we weren't going to spend money on each other."

"I didn't spend a dime." He smiled and placed a cool chin on my shoulder. "I promise."

I unwrapped the rest. It was a shoebox. A very _elderly_ shoebox. I pulled the lid back, curious and unsure what I was going to expect to find inside.

They were framed photographs. A stack of them. They were old and yellowed. The black and white of the photograph graying or fading along the edges.

The first one was a family portrait. A woman and man dressed in simple, but elegant clothing, each of their hands on the shoulders of a boy who looked to be fifteen or maybe sixteen. None of them were smiling, except for the woman. Her smile was small and knowing, like the Mona Lisa.

I gasped as I eagerly pulled all the pictures out of the box. "Is this you, Edward?" I asked with pure astonishment.

Edward chuckled in response.

I examined the boy. His eyes were different and his face had the roundness of youth. Freckles splashed across his cheeks like constellations and his expression was of teenaged weariness. But it was definitely Edward.

I touched all the flaws. Freckles and acne and his jaw that didn't quite sit symmetrical with his face, causing his unenthused pout to sit crooked. All the things that made him human. All the things he lost when he turned into the godlike being he was now.

"You had a birth mark." I touched the spot on his neck in the photo and then twisted around to see if I could find a trace of it. Of course, Edward's throat _now_ was smooth and white and perfectly flawless. I turned back to the photos, embarrassed I even tried to look.

I flipped to the next photo. He was boy in this one. Ten or eleven. His hair was a curly mass on his head and he squinted in the sun. He held a flat bat in one hand and a ball in the other and beamed for the camera. _His smile's exactly the same._ I noted. _At least he didn't lose that._

"I was pretty good cricket player." He said, his eyes narrowing. "Or at least, I thought I was a good cricket player."

I laughed and flipped to the next one, my laugh dissolving into an unbelieving gasp. I picked up the photo, unable to even comprehend it. Edward just giggled above me.

It was Edward as a baby. He was dressed in what looked to be a christening gown and bonnet, his wavy hair rebellious sticking out of the edges. He held up a toy in one hand to a person off camera, his eyes squinting with his round cheeks as he smiled at them.

I melted in Edward's arms, overtaken with a million emotions. "You are the _cutest_." I squealed. "Look at you."

"Do you like your presents?" He giggled, his chest rising and falling with laughs as I leaned against it.

"I love them." I picked up the photo of him as a baby and held it against my chest. "They're perfect."

And they were. Edward didn't remember his human life. He described his human memories as a fuzzy blur, like a dream. He said most vampires couldn't remember, although there was an exceptional few. Alice couldn't remember anything except being a vampire.

I think trying to remember also pained him in some ways. Like, looking back on a life he never got to have. So, I never pressed it. I _was_ thankful he became a vampire. If he didn't, we would've never met and I couldn't imagine my life without him now that he was in it.

"Do you remember taking these at all?" I asked and picked up the family portrait again to stare into the human eyes of the love of my life.

"I vaguely remember this one." He poked at the picture I was holding. "We took it right before the flu. I was in _desperate_ need of braces."

I giggled and stacked the antique pictures neatly back in their box, knowing full well I was going to stare at them in the privacy of my bedroom later, trying to wonder what life was like for human Edward.

Without moving off of Edward's lap, I twisted around and pulled a small present from my Budweiser box and handed it to Edward. "Merry Christmas."

He pulled the paper wrapping off with one hand - the other cinched around my waist - and opened the small jewelry box inside.

It was a chunk of quartz. I had found it in the hills of Payson, Arizona one summer. When wracking my brain for a Christmas present for Edward, I had found it in a box of keepsakes from all the adventures I had gone on with my mother. Using the jewelry making skills I had learned in a class I had taken with Renee, I wrapped a piece of copper wire around it and hung it from a leather cord.

"The Chiricahuans of Southeastern Arizona have a tradition," I started to explain as Edward examined the small, glittering rock. "The women would find these quartz crystals and give them to their mates before they went off to war. They believed that no matter how long they were gone or what happened, that the people they loved wearing these would return to them."

There was silence as Edward scrutinized my handiwork. I felt a little cheesy now that I explained what it was. Like I was duped into buying a cheap souvenir. And then compared to what _he_ gave _me._ It was kind of dumb…

"You made this?" He finally breathed. His eyebrows pinched together and his face twisted like it was going to cry.

I looked at my bandaged finger. "Yeah. I guess. Sort of."

"It's beautiful." He breathed and pressed a kiss to my lips. I gasped a little at his sudden movement, but very, _very_ quickly recovered to kiss him back. "I love it."

He slipped it over his head and then went back to cupping my face. His eyes went as intense as they did outside my house. It was like watching golden melt in a smelter, the fire behind them lighting his whole face up. I felt weak and breathless. "I will never leave you, though. I _promise."_

I touched the white crystal that hung a little down his chest. "I know." I whispered back.

"'Ey! Get a room." Emmett called to us and then laughed at his own joke.

"How about some music?" Edward suggested while still looking into my eyes. I didn't want to detach from him, but there was a consensual agreement from everyone else that overruled me. I moved and stood up, Edward standing up with me.

He moved to his piano and uncovered the keys. With a couple of opening scales to get his fingers going, he started the first bars of 'White Christmas.' He smiled while his fingers artfully danced over the keys, filling the room with the instrumental of the Christmas classic.

"Thank you so much, Bella." Alice said and hugged my shoulders. "I love my present. This is the _best_ Christmas _ever_."

I looked back at Edward, who was slowly looping in 'God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman' in with the melody of 'White Christmas.' His hair was sticking haphazardly out of his hat and the grin that had been on his face since the beginning of the morning was replaced by mild concentration as he listened to the music he created. "It is the best Christmas." I agreed wistfully.

We moved closer to the piano. Emmett and Carlisle leaned their elbows on the baby grand. Rosalie stayed on the couch. Esme joined at Carlisle's elbow and Alice and I hung out across from them.

Jasper appeared down the stairs holding an antique looking fiddle. "Mind if I join you?"

"Absolutely not." Edward's fingers danced and the music changed again, playing the first couple of notes of 'Carol of the Bells' with one hand.

With one foot on the piano bench, Jasper plucked along with him and then positioned his bow over his violin, assisting with the harmony on the chorus. I always enjoyed 'Carol of the Bells.' It had a passionate urgency to it. I was unlike the other feel-good Christmas tunes to it.

Played by the both of them, though, new life was brought into it. The speed picked up and Jasper and Edward's skills both shone as they played. Edward's eyebrows creased as his hands moved skillfully over the ivories and Jasper's shoulders swung as he worked his bow over his fiddle. I was entranced with their performance.

The rest of the Cullens were just as taken. Esme's eyes shone with adoration over her sons and Carlisle had his eyes closed and his mouth moved like he was praying. Alice gently swung with the music.

I looked out the window wall as the music built into a crescendo. The peaks of the mountains were blanketed with snow and the grass sparkled with the same iridescence as Edward's skin. The evergreen trees stood tall and proud against the stark white. It was beautiful and breathtaking and…

 _Clunk._

The music stopped with Edward's missed note. My head moved around so fast, that I thought it was going to snap off my neck. Edward had an expression of shock that quickly rearranged itself into embarrassment. Jasper frowned and took his foot off of the piano bench.

"Edward," Alice said that was half-question, half-scold.

"Sorry," He said, his eyes flashing down to the keys. "I missed a key."

My mind plunged me back to the other night when he dropped me. Back to his face of pain. Not once had he made a mistake playing the piano that I had witnessed. Obviously, his family hadn't witnessed errors either, since their expressions were all different flavors of shock.

"Are you okay?" Alice asked incredulously and stepped forward. Her eyes went distant as she looked into the futures, but then she closed them and shook her head.

Edward didn't speak or answer, he just stared down at the keys.

"Edward?" Carlisle started.

It was Emmett who spoke for him, rolling his eyes and snorting. "He's fine."

Edward's eyes were pitched down and unreadable. "I'm fine." He echoed. "Just missed a key."

"Let's go outside. That snow had been calling to me _all morning_." Emmett whined.

"I should probably get Bella home." Edward placed the cover down on the piano and stood up. I did a quick inventory of him. He wasn't in pain, like the other night. But, the cheer from earlier seemed to have blown out of him. "You have a dinner to get to."

I thought about Jacob and the La Push dinner and glanced at my new iPhone. 2:47. "Yeah," I agreed, my thoughts still on Edward. "When the white, ice projectiles start flying, Bella disappears."

"Aw man," Alice pouted. "I don't want you to leave. We can play something else. Extreme Pictionary?"

My eyebrows rose. "To be completely honest, I have no idea what that is and I'm a little afraid to ask at this point."

Alice pouted. "Wou-,"

"Alice," Edward snapped harshly. "She _doesn't_ want to play."

Alice glared at him and he glared back, an unspoken conversation going on. I watched Alice's expression grow petulant. Edward shook his head at her and her eyes flashed.

Emmett snorted in frustration and with a quick "I'm going outside" he dashed out the kitchen door.

"Good job ruining the Christmas spirit, guys." Rosalie rolled her eyes and followed Emmett. Soon there was delighted shriek and a crash that sounded like a rock being thrown from outside.

"Fine." Alice finally snapped at Edward and then turned to me. "I'm so glad we got to spend Christmas together, Bella." She hugged me and then ran outside to join the others.

"Bella," Jasper nodded and put his fiddle down on the piano next to the miniature Christmas town. "Merry Christmas." He followed Alice.

Carlisle and Esme gave their goodbyes and soon I was back in Edward's silver Volvo, my shoebox on my lap and my new phone in my hand, speeding down the highway.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing." He said quietly.

"Edward," I groaned his name. "There's something going on that you aren't telling me."

"Nothing's going on." He insisted.

"Then why were you fighting with Alice?"

"She was irritating me." He said simply.

I fell silent, letting my attention go to my gifts and stealing glances at Edward out of the corner of my eye. His eyes were set on the road, but I could his jaw was tight. His knuckles of his right hand were tense around the top of the steering wheel. His left hand was relaxed on his lap.

We pulled into my driveway and I looked at the blanket of snow that replaced my front lawn. I was upset. Edward was hiding something from me. The memory of his twisted face made my stomach flip. But, it was more than that. I was upset that he felt that he _had_ to hide something from me. That he knew he was being dishonest and _hurting_ me and yet was doing it anyway

"Bella," Edward said quietly. I turned, half-expecting him to tell me whatever the hell was going on. His expression was changed though. A grimness making his golden eyes dark. "Be safe in La Push." He said.

I snorted with frustration and unbuckled my seatbelt. "They're not going to do anything. My _father_ is going to be there. They're not _savages_ and-,"

Edward kissed me suddenly, a small smile on his lips. "I know." He said. "I still worry."

"Well, I'm not helpless." I got out with my box and slammed the door shut, angry that he would even surmise that the wolves would hurt me _on Christmas._ I started to walk towards my house, but then stopped myself. I leaned down to look through the passenger window.

"Yes?" Edward asked when he got the window down.

"What's my phone number?" I asked. "So, I can give it to Charlie."

"It's in your contacts." He said an amused smile crossing his lips.

"Oh, okay." I said and looked at the black brick. "Thank you."

"Merry Christmas, Bella." He said. "I love you."

"I love you too." I tore my eyes away from his face to take stock of him before he left for the evening. He had pulled his hat off, but that god-awful Christmas sweater was still as loud as ever. His eyes shone again, the humor back in them.

My heart caught in my throat as I looked at his hand - his left one - the one that was relaxed on his lap only moments ago. It was clenched, like a fist. But, his fingers twisted around painfully in a spasm.

But, then I had to blink. And his hand was back to normal, resting exactly as it did on our ride over here.

I looked into his face, only one thought occurring to me.

 _What is going on?_

* * *

 **cue cute Christmas scene. I told you I would shoehorn it in here. All opinions expressed over ugly sweaters are Bella's and are not endorsed by TheMetaBard or any of TheMetaBard's subsidiaries. Also, someone PLEASE tell me the rules for extreme pictionary in the reviews. Also review if you liked the chapter. And just review what you had for dinner you are my only friends and i am lonely k thx bye**


	4. 3: Cross

I watched Edward's car peel out of the driveway and speed away until it disappeared around the corner. I watched where it had been until the cold from outside numbed the tops of my cheeks and my fingers around my box started to ache.

 _Why? Why? Why?_ Repeated over and over in my head. Why would he lie? There was something going on. First with dropping me. And then at the piano. And then right then with his hand. He was _keeping_ something from me.

My mind jumped to the worst. Of course. Maybe a secret illness? Did vampires get sick? My brow furrowed. No. They're insane super beings with strengths and powers beyond anyone's wildest imagination. And the only way to kill them was to literally break them into pieces and then burn them to ash.

Then _what? What?_ What was he keeping from me?

I felt so…betrayed.

I was brought back to the woods those six months ago. When he left me. When he _lied_ to me. My chest contracted as panic twisted through me from the base of my skull to my toes. My palms grew sweaty and all of a sudden I couldn't get enough air. I felt the exact same as when I desperately stumbled around the woods, calling for Edward.

I could even see it. The dark trees growing around me.

Why would he _lie?_

"Bells?"

I snapped out of my painful memory to Charlie. He looked me up and down with concern in his eyes as he stepped out of his cruiser.

"Hey, Charlie." I smiled weakly. "How was the station?"

"Quiet." He nodded. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah," I said, pulling my frozen fingers from my box. I didn't even notice that it had started snowing again. "I'm great."

We both started up to the house together. All my joints were frozen and numb and I felt like had to put in extra effort to make it through the front door.

"Did you have a good Christmas morning?" Charlie asked as he shed his gear on the peg near the front door.

"Yeah," I said and looked at my box. "It was sweet."

"I'll get changed and then we'll go to La Push?" He asked like I had changed my mind.

"Cool," I nodded, placing my shoebox on the coffee table and sliding my phone in the back pocket of my jeans. "I'm excited to see everyone."

And I was very excited. I pushed Edward from my mind and focused on Jake on the way there. I focused on his face. I hoped that he would smile his easy-going smile at me. I hoped there weren't any hard feelings. I hoped that he wasn't mad. I played with my hands, growing more nauseous with every passing mile. Growing more worried that he wasn't going to be happy to see me.

Before I even knew it, were in coasting into La Push in Charlie's cruiser. And soon, we were pulling into the driveway of his small, boxy house. Snow covered the roof of his house and his front yard, but had been proficiently shoveled from his driveway. A string of lights hung from his gutter.

I followed Charlie in, jamming my hands in my coat pocket to keep them from wringing. The blast of the heater hit me in the face when I walked in and I took in the scene.

Jake and Billy's house was transformed. There were multiple folding tables pushed against their small dining room one, elongating it and extending it into their living room to accommodate multiple people. Sue Clearwater, Rachel Black, Leah and Paul were standing in the kitchen, laughing about something. Seth Clearwater and Jake was playing with a Wii on Billy's television set while Billy watched from his wheelchair.

"Charlie!" Billy greeted and rolled over and shook hands with my father. "Bella." He nodded at me. "I'm glad both of you could make it."

"Thanks for having us." Charlie said.

"Thank you." I echoed. "It's very kind of you to invite us both." I hope he understood how much I meant that.

I met Jake's eyes. A million emotions crossed them in a span of about two seconds. He motioned to Seth that he was going to take and break and walked over to me. I waited until Charlie followed Billy into the kitchen before greeting him. "Hey, Jake." I started. _I have a so many things to say to you._ I added in my head.

"I didn't think you'd come." His lips pursed into a frown.

He looked like he was still growing, which was incredible because he was already way over six feet. His black hair was cut short and was brushed to the side, like a forties' military cut.

"I wouldn't ever say no to an invitation from you." I said and took off my jacket.

A small smile slid up his face. "Your nos are not the ones I worry about."

He was talking about the Cullens. He was afraid that Edward was keeping him from me. I just wanted to tell him that they weren't the bad guys in this story. They didn't want to forbade me from being with him. _It's okay._ I shouted in my head.

"You haven't been returning my calls." I said gently, my eyebrows pulling together.

He sucked in a hard breath. "I…didn't really have anything to say."

That felt like a dagger in my middle. Like I had been punched in the gut. I felt like running out and not stopping until I ran over a cliff into the Pacific. "Oh."

"Let's not worry about that, though." He smiled and took my jacket from me. "It's Christmas, right?"

"Right." I smiled back.

It was like we never stopped being friends. Like we could ignore this wedge between us. The wedge of the inevitable. Jacob and I laughed while Seth and him took turns on playing sports video games on their small television set.

We were free. Free to just be together. To enjoy each other's company without any sort of underlying hostility or responsibility to our families. I savored each moment I spent with Jake, knowing full well that the once the holidays were over, the lines would be drawn again.

"No, Seth. _Left."_ Jacob said as he tried to direct Seth on where to punch in Wii boxing. He sat with me on the shabby patterned couch, his hot arm looped around my shoulders.

"I'm using left." Seth's eyebrows furrowed in frustration.

"No, you're using your right hand." Jacob laughed.

"It's okay, Seth." I encouraged the boy. "I would be doing the same thing."

"Well, you're uncoordinated." Jacob joked, his smile sliding easily onto my face.

"I'm not _that_ uncoordinated." I playfully pushed Jacob away in mock offense. "I learned how to ride a bike." I pointed out.

"You also kept the entirety of the emergency room nursing staff at Forks General employed when I was teaching you how to ride as well."

"Ah, we have jokes." _That'll change when I do, you know._

"Dinner, everyone!" Billy called at that moment.

We all got up and filed into the kitchen, grabbing food buffet-style. I sat down next to Jacob at the long table. We teased Seth about girls. Jacob started giving him relationship advice, which Seth spun back at him by asking when Jacob ever had a girlfriend. We both fell quiet at that.

"Jacob." Paul said quickly. "Do you smell that?"

I watched a silent conversation ensue between them as Jake met his eyes and then stuck his nose into the air. His face twisted into an angry mask and both boys were up and moving. They disappeared outside Jacob's back door in a flash.

"Should I go with?" Seth asked his sister, who was starting to get up too.

"No, stay here." Leah said. "I'll go see what's up." And she disappeared too, her hoodie being ripped over her head as the storm door crashed behind her.

Seth pouted over his turkey dinner.

"It's probably nothing." I said, trying to sound casual for his sake, but I was curious too. I wondered what they smelled? A vampire? Who would _dare_ wander into wolf territory? Someone suicidal, apparently.

"Yeah, you're right." Seth agreed, obviously talking himself out of whatever bad feelings he was having. He brightened. "You wanna play Wii?"

I was talked into playing video games with the youngest wolf of the pack and with a quick tutorial and a wrist strap pulled so tight it was cutting off the circulation to my hand, I was quickly becoming a pro at Wii tennis.

"Wow," Seth said. "You're getting good."

"Why can't regular tennis be this easy?"

Seth snorted. "Right? I'm so bad at sports."

"Really?"

"Well, except running of course." He giggled.

All of a sudden there was a succession of crashes and both of us abandoned the game to watch Paul followed quickly on the heels by Leah and Jake come through the back door. Paul wasn't wearing shirt anymore and that seemed to bother no one except for Charlie, who just casted us all a worried glance.

"Bella," Paul said in an even tone, but I could see the seething underneath the contained exterior. "Can we speak to you outside."

 _Oh, crap._

"Sure," I said and undid the Wii remote and placed it on Jake's coffee table and followed them outside to their backyard. I forgot my jacket, so I crossed my arms over my chest to keep the cold from getting in. We stopped about halfway to Jake's garage, almost dead center of his backyard.

"We smelled a vampire." Paul said, his fists clenching. I could see him visibly shake with anger, vibrate like he was going to phase into a wolf at any second.

"And surprise, surprise - it's a Cullen." Leah snorted from behind him.

"Do you know which one?" I asked quietly.

"Edward." Jake said, his voice more sad than angry. His gaze turned towards the house, like he was afraid to meet my eyes.

"I'll give him a call." I said quickly, trying to smooth everything over. I didn't want this evening to end. "It's probably a misunderstanding."

"Do that," Paul said, his fists clenching together. "And then leave the reservation, please."

"But-," I started to argue. I hadn't had a chance to speak with Jake, yet. I hadn't had a chance to explain. If I could explain, I could make these bad feelings go away. I could make the _hostility_ go away.

Paul just rose a hand to stop me and marched back inside, followed by Leah who shot me a look that would've annihilated me on the spot. Only Jake hung back and watched as I pulled my new cell phone from my pocket. I navigated to my contacts and hit the call button for Edward.

It rang four times. _"You've reached Edward Cullen. Please leave a message."_ His velvety voice purred through his voicemail message.

"You are in so much goddamn trouble." I cursed at him as I left my message. "Wandering on Quileute territory? Have you lost your mind? Call me _as soon_ as you get this."

Jake just laughed at me as I angrily hung up my phone. Poking at a touch screen was not as satisfying as clanging a phone down on its cradle. "I know your boyfriend's a bit…obsessive." He winced hard through that sentence. "But, if we catch him on our land, we _will_ kill him."

"I know." I sighed. "I'm _so_ sorry, Jacob. I have no idea why he's even here."

"I know why." Jacob stepped closer to me and grabbed my hand. They were large and hot. I shivered more intensely at the contrast of hot and cold. "Because of this."

"He's just worried about me." I argued. _And keeping things from me apparently and obviously looking to pick a fight. He's kind of maybe mental? I don't honestly even know anymore._

"Whatever gets you to bed at night, Bells." Jake laughed and shed his hoodie. He handed the mass of cloth to me and I shrugged it on, immediate warmed from his body head.

I sighed and looked at the house. "Can I confide something in you? Like, can you keep a secret?"

Jacob's eyebrows knitted together. "Sure."

"Something's _wrong_ with Edward."

He snorted a laugh. "Well, I could've told you _that."_

"No," I said. "Like, he's sick or something."

His expression twisted and the laughter ceased. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know." I said honestly. "He's not telling anybody anything, but I keep catching him…do things that are out of the ordinary."

Jacob's expression grew worried. "Do you feel threatened by him? Because Bella, I will end him…"

"No," My eyes widened in horror. "Nothing like that. Just…I don't even know what I am saying." I sighed. "It's probably nothing."

Jacob looked quizzical for a moment. "Well, you could just talk to him."

I looked up at my best friend's face. "You're not really good at advice."

He snorted. "Well, the only girl I've ever loved loves a corpse. So, yeah, you can say I'm not too good at the whole _relationship_ advice thing."

I gulped at that word. Love. Jacob _loves_ me. I loved him too, but I knew that our definitions were on completely different planets for each other. I didn't dwell on it though. I decided to stay light. I punched him in the arm. "You're ridiculous."

"Maybe," He mused, his brow furrowing. "Am I ridiculous enough to drive you home?"

I sighed, not ready to leave. "I'm sorry about ruining the evening."

"It's not _your_ fault."

"Well," I said. Disappointed didn't even begin to describe how I felt. "I'm still sorry."

"Come on." Jacob looped his arm around my shoulders. "I'll take you home."

I feigned nausea to make it look to Charlie that it was a very normal reason why I had to go home. And Jacob drove me back in silence. I sighed audibly when his Rabbit squeaked to a stop in front of my driveway. I took off my seatbelt, but didn't move to get out, trying to squeeze out a couple more moments.

I felt tears prickle my eyes. This wasn't the reunion I wanted. I didn't know what to expect, but this wasn't it. I had so many _goals_ for tonight. And none of them were realized. Actually, I felt like the chasm between Jacob and I had grown wider.

 _Stupid Edward._

"What's wrong?" Jacob noticed my face.

"I'm sorry, Jacob." I breathed. "I'm sorry for ruining the evening. I just wanted to have fun. Be _friends_ again. Enjoy Christmas. You know."

"Hey," He reached over and squeezed my hand. "You'll always be my friend, Bella."

"It doesn't feel like it." I said and kicked the footspace underneath the glove box.

He laughed at me. "Well, maybe you should tell your bloodsucking boyfriend to leave you alone every once in awhile."

"After tonight," I started, clicking on my phone. No calls back. "He's going to being leaving me alone for awhile."

Jacob seemed cheered by that. "Well, if you want, the pack is hanging out at First Beach on New Year's Eve. You should come. We're going to have a bonfire."

I smiled back at him. "I'd love to."

"Alright," He bobbed his head, excited. "Cool. Awesome." He quickly grabbed me in a hug. "Merry Christmas, Bella."

"Merry Christmas, Jake."

* * *

In my room the next morning – after pacing around my room like an angry, caged animal - I picked up my phone and composed my first ever text message.

 ** _Have you lost your mind? I'm seriously so pissed at you right now._**

I hit send and then composed another one.

 ** _Please don't come by until you learn the definition of 'trust.'_**

Send.

And he didn't come. I spent the next week alone, except for the mornings and the evenings with Charlie before and after work. Everyday he asked if I was going to see Edward, which I would reply with a curt 'No.' Which he would answer with a surprised, but not unhappy "Oh." While he didn't show it, he was probably over the moon that we were in a fight.

I took my free time to work on things that I had pushed off since Edward had come back. I took down the minimal Christmas decorations I had put up. I emailed Renee a thank you email for my Christmas present of two sweaters and a scarf. I pulled out some old clothes to drop by the Goodwill. I even cleaned the oven.

The whole time my new cell phone sat on my nightstand, silent.

And while I mundanely did human tasks around my house, I grew more and more insulted of Edward's intrusion. I knew he was worried about me, but that crossed the line. It was improper and impolite and _wrong._ He had a treaty to respect. On top of that, he was putting himself in danger.

What was he _thinking?_

When New Year's Eve came, I was so housebound, that the excitement of going to La Push made me jittery and hyper. I kept looking at the clock and it felt like time was moving at a snail's pace.

I decided to busy myself by making cookies.

I started pulling out ingredients from the upper cupboards and laying everything out the shabby kitchen counter. I turned on my oven to three-seventy-five to preheat and pulled out my favorite mixing bowl.

I had enough ingredients for two batches. One for Charlie and one for Jacob and his friends. They would be nice next to the bonfire. It'd be a nice peace offering. Jacob always joked that that the one way to his heart was through his stomach.

 _Jake._

My eyebrows squeezed together as I thought about him. I know our relationship was going to need some work. I felt so guilty for hurting him. But, we were taking baby steps.

Baby steps that were being ruined by Edward's _antics._

I started measuring out dry ingredients when a familiar flutter of the wind mussed my hair into my face. I didn't even bother to look up as I packed a measuring cup with sugar. I just pushed my hair back and continued to work on my cookie dough. I knew who it was.

"Cookies?" Edward asked in his velvety voice as he jumped up to sit on the countertop next to me.

"Yep." I answered and I tapped the brown sugar in a separate bowl and then grabbed the white sugar. "Nice of you to text back." I said between clenched teeth.

"I'm sorry." He said. "I went hunting with Emmett down in Utah. They're having a coyote problem."

"It's fine."

"Are you mad at me?" His voice was quiet and slightly wounded.

I didn't want to look up at his face. If I looked into his eyes, I would be all twitterpated and caught up in them and all the reasons I was mad at him would fly out the window. I _wanted_ to be mad at him. I _deserved_ to be mad at him.

I dumped the sugars into the flour, turned around, and threw the smaller bowl into the sink. "No," I said, but I chucked the bowl a little too aggressively, countering my words. I sighed, deciding to go about this a different way. "Why were you in La Push on Christmas?"

I stole a glance at him as his face twisted down to his shoes. "You know why." He said gently.

A small, white mushroom cloud of flour erupted from the bowl as I violently mixed the dry ingredients together. "That's not an acceptable reason and you know it."

"I know," He said, his voice pained. "I'm sorry."

"You _ruined_ the evening." I looked up into his face. At this point, I didn't care if I got sucked into his eyes. I was too mad. I would fight it. I promised myself.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled again.

Choler bit the back of my throat. It all coming out as a big rush at this point. All the bad feelings I had spent mulling over these last couple of days poured out. "And the _lying._ The lying has got to stop. I don't know _what_ is going on with you, but lying about it isn't going to help anything."

"Nothing's going on." He answered quickly.

"You're full of it." I said and cracked the eggs over the dry ingredients in my bowl and aggressively stirred them in.

"Bella," He said, grabbing my wrist that held the spoon in a cold, iron grip. I looked up into his face. His eyes were dark and intense and his jaw was set. "I'm _not_ lying to you."

"Then explain it." I said look intensely into his eyes. "Explain the pain from the other night and you missing a note on Christmas and your hand doing this." I held up my own hand in front of my face and twisted my fingers around in a claw to demonstrate. " _Explain_ it."

His face twisted with pain. "I…can't."

"But, you acknowledge that it's happening."

He jumped back down to his feet. "Yes."

"Well, that's a start." I yanked my arm out of his grip and grabbed the bag of chocolate chips, pouring most of them into the bowl. I mixed more gently, trying not to displace all the ingredients onto the counter. The anger steamed out of me like a whistle in a tea kettle. "Have you told anyone?"

"No."

"Has it been going on long?" Whatever it was.

I started spooning big clumps of cooking dough in even rows on my cookie sheet. When I filled up that cookie sheet, I turned around and popped it into the oven, the blast of heat hitting me square in the face. I straightened back up after I closed it, crossing my arms over my chest as I sized up my insanely gorgeous mythological boyfriend.

"A couple of weeks." He set my egg timer to twelve minutes.

"What is it?"

He sighed. "I don't know what it is."

"Why haven't you told Carlisle?"

"Because…" His face twisted as his sentence dropped off. My anger flared. He was trying to come up with a lie. _Again._

I threw up my hands in frustration and moved to start preparing another cookie sheet. "Why are you so _masochistic?"_

"I'm not," He said. "I just don't want to be alarmed if there is no reason to be."

"Then why lie?" I breathed, my heart feeling like it was ten pounds heavier. I could hear my own voice in my head as I called his name in the woods those months ago. Goosebumps ran up and down my arms and I stopped scooping cookie dough on the tray.

"I didn't mean to alarm you." He said and gently pulled my small ice cream scoop from my hand, placing it down and then grabbed both of my shoulders. I could feel his thumb twitch against me and it made me slightly nauseous. He twisted me so we were facing each other. "Or deceive you."

"That doesn't answer my question." I snapped.

"I don't have an answer to your question." His eyebrows pulled together.

"You don't have answer to why you just didn't tell the truth?"

The timer buzzed at that moment, making us both jump out of our skin. I started for the oven and Edward turned off the time. I felt as hot as the cookie sheet that was cooking in the oven. I knew I was probably red as a tomato in the face and I fought tooth and nail to keep the angry tears from spilling over onto my cheeks.

"No. I-,"

"Well," I cut him off. "Then maybe you should leave and return whenever you figure out…" I waved a hand at him to signify his whole body. Whatever that was going on with him that he insisted should be kept a secret. "…this."

"Bella, I-,"

"No," I almost shouted, grabbing the pan of cookies out of the oven without a glove. "I don't want to hear anymore _excuses,_ Edward _._ "

The metal was too hot on my fingers. My reflexes told me to drop the cookie sheet, but I didn't want to waste this batch of cookies by tossing them on the floor. I managed to get the sheet on top of the stove and then jumped around my kitchen, shaking out the pain.

Edward grabbed my hand, the cold of his skin causing me to gasp at first in shock. Then the ice numbed the burning and I stopped dancing around the kitchen floor.

"I'm…afraid." He choked out finally.

"What?"

His eyes were dark, but more than that. There was a fear in them. And it was more than the fear of Jasper trying to get to me. This was more than the fear of the Volturi or Victoria or the wolves. This fear grounded me into the floor like as sinkhole opened up and was slowly starting to consume me – ankles first.

I looked at our clasped hands. I gripped it tighter, letting the anger blow out of me. "What are you going to do?" I asked.

He shook his head. "I don't know."

"You shouldn't ignore it." I said and looked into his eyes. "At least tell Carlisle. Maybe he'll know-,"

"No." He said. "I don't want to worry him unnecessarily."

"But, if it is something-,"

"Charlie's coming." He cut me off, his eyes flashing to the front of the house. "I'll see you tomorrow." He let go of my hand, the air started to sting it and I fought the urge to cry.

"Edward-," I started, but he was gone.


	5. 4: Lightning

With my fresh cookies neatly tucked in a Tupperware container sitting on the passenger seat, I started for La Push in my truck. I didn't tell Edward about La Push tonight. _For the best,_ I had convinced myself. I wondered if he was going to be surprised when he climbed through my window tonight to see me not there. I chuckled to myself as I drove down the road imagining him looking around my room, confused. _Me,_ confusing _Edward._ That would be a day that pigs fly.

But, I knew better. He could probably follow the specific odor of gasoline exhaust of my truck or read it in Charlie's head or make Alice see where I was or something.

And something would happen and the vampires and the wolves would be at each other's throats again.

I punched my steering wheel in frustration. _Why?_ Why did I have to be the one caught between a hundred-year-old mythological land rivalry? Why couldn't they all just get along?

I guess it was mostly my fault. The company I kept was far from ordinary. And there was the fact that I was a danger magnet. I didn't get a say in my destiny; it was just thrusted upon me like an affliction.

At least I got Edward and Jacob out of the deal.

I bit my lip, replaying the afternoon in my head. I was too harsh on Edward, I decided. I was still upset that he came over the lines. That was a blatant disrespect of the pack. And it was only making my job of patching things up with Jacob that much harder.

But, I was worried about him too. Whatever that was going on with him. It was making him…reckless. I didn't want something bad to happen. He said he was afraid of it, too. Edward wasn't afraid of much. Him admitting that he was afraid was a lot.

I sucked in a short breath as I rounded into the parking lot of First Beach. He needed to see someone at least, tell a member of his family or _something._

"Bella!" Seth Clearwater bounded up to me, spraying sand behind him as his bare feet smacked the beach. His face was a beam of light and happiness. "I'm so glad you came."

I hopped out of my truck with my package of cookies. The smell of the ocean hit me in the face and I could hear the waves crashing against the rock formations that stuck out of the Pacific.

Seth got to me first, but Jacob was shortly behind him. Seth greeted me with a quick hug and Jacob hung back, his hands in his La Push, Washington hoodie.

"Aren't you cold?" I asked Seth, noting his lack of shirt or shoes. I reached out and rubbed the top of his arm, but he was feverishly hot under my fingers.

He shrugged and grinned. "It's not that bad near the fire."

Jacob laughed at my side. "The hot-bloodedness helps too."

I followed them both down the dune towards the pitch black water. Seth chattered happily over the things he got for Christmas and how excited he was about the fireworks he had for New Years. He was easy to keep in conversation as a quick "Oh yeah?" from me kept him talking.

Jacob stayed quiet at my side. Heat radiated off of him in waves and I found myself gravitating towards him as we walked closer to the icy water. Jacob noticed it too and put his arm around me, pulling me close. My sore heart flipped in my chest.

"I missed this." I said, smiling up at him.

"You have no idea." His eyebrows were pulled together.

A bonfire blazed on the beach, eerily lighting up everyone's faces. The whole pack was there: Sam, Jared, Embry, Paul, Leah, and Quil. They sat around the fire on sun-bleached logs, holding drinks from a cooler that sat just outside of the circle.

"Vampire girl!" Quil greeted. "I heard your undead boyfriend decided to take a walk on Quileute land and Paul here almost ripped his throat out."

"I don't think that's exactly how it happened." I said and sat down on a log with my container of cookies, trying not to let their teasing get to me. It was only that: teasing.

"Don't be a pain." Jacob said and sat down next to me.

"I brought cookies." I said, holding my Tupperware out like a peace offering.

"Cookies?" Seth asked, excitement in his voice. "Thanks, Bella!"

I handed the container off and watched it make its rounds. The only person who didn't take one was Leah, who passed the Tupperware on without even looking at its contents, her glared affixed to me.

"Do you guys come out here every New Years?"

"Its usually too cold." Jacob smiled at me. "Now, though…"

"It's nice having the beach to ourselves." Sam pushed his legs in the sand until they were stretched out in front of him. I was surprised to here him talk so casually. "Without tourists or Forksians making it crowded and littering."

I looked up at the sky. I could see the stripe of the milky way cut through the darkness like a scar. The bunches and bunches of stars grouped together in one long path. They glittered and twinkled their own cosmic light show.

"I can see why you came out at night." I breathed. "It's so beautiful."

"Yeah," Jake agreed, his face on the sky as well. "It is."

I turned to Jake. "What have you been up to these last couple of weeks?"

Jake shrugged. "Running, mostly. We're still trying to catch that redhead."

"Victoria?"

He shrugged. "Sure. She's got some tracker in her. Probably learned it from her mate. She knows how to pick stuff up and make herself scarce."

"Has she been close to Forks?"

"With us and the Cullens protecting this area?" Jacob scoffed. "Only if she was suicidal."

"We caught wind of her in Montana." Jared said and crossed his legs. "But then we lost her again somewhere near North Dakota."

 _That's pretty far away._ I noted. "Do you have any idea what's she planning?"

Jacob shrugged again. "Well, given the one-minded obsessiveness of the bloodsuckers she'll probably double around for you."

Panic flipped my intestines over my stomach like a jump rope. Not for myself, but the fact that everyone I loved was here, fighting this elusive vampire for _me._ "Oh."

"Again," Jacob said, his arm finding my shoulder again. "Between us and the Cullens, you have _nothing_ to worry about."

"Yeah!" Seth bounced to his feet, a ball of energy egged on by the three cookies he stuffed into his face. "We'll get her."

"You're not _getting_ anything." Sam turned to Seth. "Except for all As in your classes, right?"

"Yes, _Sam."_

We watched him pick up a bottle rocket and wander off with it. "Be careful, Seth." Leah started to get up to follow him.

"We got it Leah," Jacob stood up. "Sit down and enjoy yourself."

She snorted, but sat back down on the log. "Easy for you to say."

"Take a walk with me." Jacob offered his hand and we wandered away from the fire towards where Seth was lining up some fireworks in the sand.

"Is Leah alright?" I asked when I made sure we weren't in earshot, about three hundred yards away from the bonfire. We were so far away; it was just a little orange flicker against the dark horizon.

Jacob made a face. "She's…got a lot of issues."

"I don't think she likes me."

"She's kind of painted this picture of you from my thoughts as this helpless, soul-sucking tease that causes more trouble than what you're worth." His hand went to his head. "Pack telepathy, remember?"

My ears burned hot and my stomach flipping again. Was this what Jacob actually thought of me? I could feel the breeze from the ocean _whoosh_ in my ears, but there was something else. A ringing. My only friend, my best friend. The friend I owed so much - my life, my mental state – thinks I am a 'helpless, soul-sucking tease.' I felt like I had been suckerpunched in the stomach.

"Do you really think all that about me?"

"I did for a bit when your leech boyfriend came back." He shrugged. It was dark enough that I couldn't read his eyes, but his tone made it seem like it wasn't a big deal. "But, then I decided it doesn't matter." He grinned in the moonlight, his teeth white and sparkly against his copper skin and the dark sky.

"It doesn't matter?"

"Nope."

"Explain, please." I said between my teeth.

"Well, you are helpless." He picked up one of my hands that was glowing just as white under the moonlight and shook it. "And you can be soul-sucking." He giggled. "And you did lead me on…"

"I did not lead you on!" I interrupted.

He shot me a look that said 'think about that for a moment' and I dropped my eyes to my feet.

"But, I decided that I don't care about any of that, because I still love you and I'm going to win you from that freak." He said with such intensity that I took a step back. " _Before_ he turns you into one of them."

"Jake…" I groaned his name.

"Maybe not today or tomorrow." He shrugged. "But, someday."

"You're very sure of this plan."

"It's enough for now."

I turned back to the waters. What Jacob didn't know was that we had set a date already. There was a timeline already in place. He didn't know that I had already made up my mind. He didn't know that after this upcoming semester, I _was_ going to become one of them. No matter what Edward or him said.

It was as sure as the nose on his face.

"Jacob," I started gently. I had to let him know. I knew what it was going to him. _Soul-sucking_ was not a word I would used, but seemed most appropriate at this juncture. "I need to let you know-,"

There was a screech of brakes that made us both jump around in a 180. A Jeep with a bikini top and a heavy-duty set of roll bars skidded onto the sand in front of us, displacing it in a tsunami of dirt. To my utter astonishment, Alice jumped out of the driver's seat, her paleness making her almost phosphorescent in the moonlight.

"What the _hell_ is going on with you leeching, bloodsucking scum? Does the treaty mean noth-," Jacob started, his body visibility shaking as he held himself together to keep himself from exploding into a wolf.

Alice ignored him completely, her eyes intense on me as she cut Jacob off. "Bella, I need to take you back to Forks."

I closed my opened jaw and made a couple of confused noises before I found my words. "Wh-what? Okay." I started walking dumbly forward, like I was possessed.

"Hold on," Jacob put his arm in front of me to stop me. "You're not going with her."

"I have to take her." Alice said, her voice cold and menacing.

"No you don't."

"Yes, I do."

"What is going on?" I said, finally find my voice.

"It's Edward." She said, a height of panic making her voice crack. "He's sick. We don't know what's going on," Her words tumbled out so fast I had to focus hard on her to keep up. "He won't come out of his room but he's in pain and I can't see his future. It's black. And we need Bella. He's the only person he's going to listen to. I'm sorry I crossed the lines, Jacob. Her voice broke like she was going to cry. "But it's an emer-,"

"Go," Jacob said lowly, almost above a whisper. He was still shaking and his chest contracted with hard breaths. "Get out of here before the others catch your scent."

"What about my truck?" I asked.

"I'll drop it off at your house." Jacob said.

"Thank you." Alice said, tears still in her throat. "Thank you. Thank you."

Alice grabbed me in a vice grip and swung me up into the passenger seat of the Jeep. In a flash of white over my chest, I was harnessed in and Alice had taken her place in the driver's seat. We sped away from the water. I looked back to see Jacob standing there.

 _I'm sorry._ I thought, knowing it wouldn't do any good.

The open top of the Jeep was freezing in the winter air. The wind around my face made it impossible to have a conversation. Alice sped like a bat out of hell down the road and I had to brace myself against the glove box to keep my neck from snapping forward. Despite all of that, I maintained my eyes on Alice's face, which was twisted in a way that made it look like she was going to be sick.

We arrived at the Cullen household and just as quickly as Alice harnessed me into the Jeep, she unharnessed me and swung me down on my feet.

"What's going on?" I finally managed to say as I fought to keep up with her brisk pace. My face was numb and I shivered hard from the cold.

And from the fear.

"We went out hunting." She shook her head, her eyebrows pulling together. "He didn't have to. He just came back from hunting with Emmett, but he came anyway and..." Her voice broke off and a thread of panic shot through me like a bullet.

"Alice, what's going on?" I grabbed her hard shoulder.

"He fell." She threw up her hands. "Or - I don't know - 'dropped' is a better word for it. It was like he was having a seizure or was shot in the back or something. It was his _face,_ Bella. He was in such pain. I've _never_ seen anything like it before."

"Do you know what's going on?"

She shook her head as we bounded up the interior stairs together. "No, He got to his feet and ran inside and locked himself in his room."

The entire brood of the Cullens were standing outside of Edward's door. Emmett leaned on the wall next to it. Rosalie leaned casually on the bannister. Esme's hands were at her throat, like she was trying to ring herself out. All of them had worried, uneasy looks on their faces. Jasper was the closest, rapping his knuckle on the door. Carlisle was right beside him, his fingers twisting his wedding ring on his finger.

"Edward." Jasper called. " _Please_ let us help you."

"We can knock the door down." Emmett suggested.

Rosalie snorted and crossed her arms over her chest. "We should just leave him alone."

"Bella's here." Alice announced my arrival. I noted that she said the exact same thing a week ago on Christmas. How different it was now.

Jasper moved out of my way so I could stand at the door. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. I wasn't sure what I was doing or if this would even _work._

I cleared my voice and gently knocked on the door. "Edward," I said quietly, trying not to let the panic affect my voice. "Edward, it's Bella. Can I come in?"

Nothing.

My mind jumped to the worst. I imagined him laying on the floor, dead. Which was preposterous. The only way to kill a vampire was to split them apart and burn them. I knew that. But, the vision swam in my head anyway and I felt my breath catch with panic. I pushed my body against the door, as closely as I could get to him. "Edward," I knocked harder, my voice high with worry. "Edward, _please."_

It was twenty heartbeats before the doorknob twisted.

He held his left arm close to his chest, like he was afraid to let it go. His hand clenched and twisted against his chest. His shoulders were at odd angles again and he was hunched like his back hurt.

But that wasn't the only thing I noticed.

His eyes were dark with blue circles underneath. _He just went hunting._ I thought. That's what he said and what Alice said. They were golden earlier this afternoon and now they were onyx like he hadn't hunted in two or three weeks.

He scanned the faces that looked at him eagerly, worriedly. "Bella and Carlisle can come in." He said, his voice flat.

"Edward-," Alice started, her voice ringing high.

"No," He snapped harsh, a growl in his chest. "Just those two."

I walked in with Carlisle and Edward closed the door behind us. Dread wanted to root me to the floor frozen while panic wanted me to pace around like a caged animal. I instead managed to keep my feet moving until I hit Edward's couch. I sat on my hands to keep them from fidgeting.

To call Edward's space a bedroom would be wrong because 1) he didn't have a bed and 2) it was more of a hipster music store than a personal space. Shelves and shelves of CDs, records, eight-tracks, books and tapes lined the walls. Random art pieces and antiques decorated the empty spots on shelves. A black leather couch dominated one corner, while a sophisticated sound system dominated the other. And where there wasn't a shelf on the wall, crepe soundproof padding hung. A low eighties' song played from the record player, filling the room with soft music.

"What's going on, Edward?" Carlisle asked as they moved to the middle of the bedroom.

Edward sucked in a short breath, like he was gasping with pain. Like something hurt him. I jumped up, abandoning sitting on my hands and moved to comfort him, my hands finding place on his shoulder. _What can I do?_ I asked for my head, but when I tried to get the words out, my mouth felt like it was stuffed with cottonballs.

"There's something on my back." He managed, his face twisting.

I helped him get his shirt over his head. He spun around so that his back was facing the window wall, so he could see his own reflection. Carlisle and I both moved around to see what exactly was on his posterior.

Lightning.

There wasn't really anything else that described it. Across Edward's back from just left of his neck, following the pathway of his spine and splintering into fingers like a delta in a river just before his tailbone was a lightning bolt. It was raised off of his skin like a scar, but was blue like the visible veins in my wrist.

I compulsively reached and touched it gently, readying to jerk my hand away if it caused Edward pain. The mark itself was warm, almost human-temperatured. "What is that?" I managed to breath to myself.

"What does it look like?" Edward asked as he tried to look over his own shoulder.

"It's like a scar." I said. "But blue and _warm."_

"Can you explain it?" Edward turned to Carlisle, fear in his black eyes.

Carlisle shook his head. "No," He pulled out his cell phone and started dialing a number that had way too many digits to be American. "But, I know someone who can."

Edward and I gravitated towards each other at that point. I got underneath his hunched shoulders and wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face into collarbone. "We'll figure something out." I said to him, but also to myself. "It's probably not even something to worry about."

Edward responded by wrapping his arm around my torso and pulling me close. His nose found my hair and he breathed in deeply.

Carlisle paced around the room. _"Moshi Moshi,"_ He greeted and then launched into a flurry in a language I assumed was Japanese. He moved from one side of the room to the other, methodically taking his steps as he spoke. Finally, he hung up the phone and turned to us. "I invited a colleague to examine the mark. She's based in Japan, but she's in Miami for a conference." Carlisle looked at his phone. "She said she'll be here as soon as she can."

"And she'll know what's going on?" Edward's arms tightened around me.

"She's a doctor." Carlisle nodded. "But, she treats humans _and_ vampires."

"Why would a vampire need a doctor?" I asked and looked at Edward, who was still staring at Carlisle. "You guys are indestructible."

"Maybe doctor wasn't the right word." Carlisle conceded. "She's an expert on vampire physiology. If she knows anything about it." He said quietly. "It'd be her."

Carlisle streaked to the door and outside to the others. I watched Edward's eyes slide shut and he took a deep breath, hold, and then exhaled. I watched him repeat this a couple of times. I couldn't tell if he was angry or trying to delay a panic attack. I did that exercise frequently for both emotions.

"I can get Jasper." I suggested quietly. Jasper would be able to calm everyone down, at least.

"No, please…" He inhaled a sharp breath and my alarm systems went off.

"Edward," I said, my hands cupping his face. "What can I do to help you?"

"Just stand there." He whispered.

So, I did. I froze myself as best as I could to the shag carpeting underneath my sneakers and watched him breath. The only sound in the room was the record spinning its soft music and my heart drumming in my ears. After sixty heartbeats, his shoulders hesitantly straightened and he dropped the arm that was stiff at his side.

"Do you want to sit?"

"I'm okay." His crooked smile flashed. "I'm not used to sitting."

"Okay…" I said, narrowing my eyes at him.

"Thank you for coming." He said, changing the subject. His eyes lowered to look at our clasped hands. "My family was losing it for a moment."

"So you locked yourself in your room?"

"I needed a moment to think." He explained.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked. "You're not downplaying anything, right?"

"I'm fine." He sighed. You're probably right." He let go of me to move to his record player. "It's probably nothing. You could probably go back to the beach." He added casually at the end. The music stopped and I watched Edward place the needle of the record player in its holder.

"No," I shook my head and moved to sit on the couch. I even crossed my arms stubbornly. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Bella," He turned around, his eyebrows furrowing. "You don't have to do this. I know what Alice did to come get you. You should probably go back and _at least_ explain to the wolves why another vampire was on their land."

I shook my head, meeting his gaze. "Nope," I said. "I'm staying right here until the vampire doctor gives you a clean bill of health."

"What about Charlie?"

"He's on patrol and will be all night to catch drunk drivers." I said quickly. "And he thinks I'm in La Push."

Edward made a face. He knew he lost the argument. I watched him look at his hands, his left one shaking like he was shivering in the cold. He balled both of them into fists. "Okay. I'll make you up a bed."

"Edward," I groaned. "I'll be okay. Go tell your family you're okay too, so they don't have a collective aneurysm."

His smile widened, but he still held his hands in fists. "Now, _that_ would be something for the vampire doctor to examine."

He moved to the door and I followed him out. I felt the panic and unease steam out of me, and I knew it was Jasper manipulating the emotional climate. I sucked in a deep breath, not realizing that I had been holding it for most of that time I was in Edward's room.

"So, you have a blue line on your back?" Alice asked, crossing her arms over her tiny frame. "You're in pain and I can't see your future and nobody knows what's going on except for this Japanese doctor?"

"That's the gist of it." Edward groaned. "I'm not in pain now, though."

"And nobody knows what's going on?"

Edward looked towards Carlisle's office, his face twisting with frustration. I'd never seen him frustrated with Carlisle before. Actually, he spoke reverently of Carlisle. He was a father and a role model to Edward. I wondered for a second if Carlisle was keeping something from Edward in his thoughts. "No," He said. "Not yet, anyway."

"Well, I'm going to go watch the ball drop on Time Square." Rosalie announced and started down the stairs.

Edward turned to Esme. "Bella's going to stay over until this colleague of of Carlisle comes over. Can we make up a bed for her?"

"Edward," I protested. "I'm fine."

"You're going to have to sleep." He argued.

"I'll crash on the couch." I said. "It's really no big deal."

Edward met Esme's eyes and an unspoken conversation between them ensued. I knew that a bed was going to be made no matter how much I protested. It was okay, I guess. If it made him happy, he could make up a bed for me.

I grabbed his hand, a shock of panic running through me.

 _Please, Lord, let it be nothing._ I silently prayed.

* * *

 **I actually reread _Twilight_ and _New Moon_ so I could spruce this fic up and get the details right and I started in on the first chapter of _Eclipse_ , spent SEVEN whole pages of dialogue of Edward forbidding Bella from going to La Push IN THE FIRST CHAPTER and then put that book back on my guest bathroom toilet reading material pile. I like the first two books. The second two lose me, for some reason, hence this fic. _Eclipse_ is basically Bella begging Edward for some sparkly dick and treating Jacob like trash. _Breaking Dawn_ I don't even acknowledge exists. If you disagree, please debate me in the reviews. We can get a beer or something.**


	6. 5: Diagnosis

Everyone migrated to the living room and sat down on the sectional that wrapped around the large television. Everyone except for Carlisle, who was still upstairs somewhere. In his office, perhaps?

I sat down near an armrest and Edward took a seat next to me, his arms almost reflexively looping around my body. His face was resigned, except for a line in his forehead.

Everyone was stoic. Jasper strategically placed himself in the middle of the couch and was radiating a wall of calm to his family around him. It put everyone into a silent stupor. And while I couldn't feel the panic anymore, I could feel the apprehension. Like the calmness of the sea before a bad storm.

Fox's New Years special was playing and I watched for about three seconds as a blond pop singer in an outfit that wasn't conducive to New York winter dance and sing around on stage. My attention turned to the window wall to my right and instead I watched the snow lazily drift towards its brethren on the ground and the stars that were shining, despite the light pollution of the town.

I watched for what seemed like hours, but the manipulated calmness made time seem like it slowed down and that I was moving through dark molasses. I thought of the things I should be feeling at the moment, but couldn't. Trepidation? Maybe. We don't know what Edward has yet, but I knew I would be feeling the worry of the unknown. Anxiety? While it probably wouldn't do anyone any good, I knew that's what I _wanted_ to be feeling. Guilt? Yes. Guilt for yelling at Edward. Guilt for leaving Jacob. I pondered each emotion in the abstract, imagining myself actually feeling them, but not actually letting their fingers dig into me.

I wondered for a second if this was what an opioid high felt like. Jasper was good at what he did, that was for sure.

"Jasper," Rosalie said from the opposite arm on the couch, her voice was cross but her posture was relaxed. "You can turn it down a bit."

"It's nice." Alice sighed. "It's letting me think."

"He has it turned up to eleven." Rosalie said back. "Like we're going to start throwing furniture through the walls or something."

Alice shot her a look. "Can you not for a moment?"

Rosalie's eyes rolled. "I'm going outside."

"I'll join you." Edward said, unwrapping his arms from around my body.

"Wait," I mumbled, my head feeling heavy from the manipulation. Maybe this was exactly what an opioid high felt like. "Why?"

Edward cupped my face in his hands and I looked into his smoky eyes. My fingers, feeling heavy, prodded the dark circles that masked his face. They looked darker, like this whole evening was exhausting him. "I have to hunt again." He sighed through his nose. "I'll be back in an hour."

"Promise?" I garbled.

"Promise." He said and disappeared with Rosalie.

I didn't make it an hour. The calmness weighed on my head until I fell asleep against the arm of the couch, the last thing I remembered was Esme asking Jasper to turn it down, as he was probably too powerful for me.

 _I was standing at a cliff top, not unlike the once I threw myself off of only months before in an effort to hear Edward's sweet voice in my head. The sea below churned wildly like it was boiling and the wind whipped through my hair, stinging my eyes and making it hard to see._

 _I toed the edge, instinct telling me I needed to take at least twenty steps back. Some unknown force was pushing me towards the verge, though. An invisible wall that slowly inched me closer to my doom._

 _I didn't fight it, which was the most surprising thing. I moved with it, like this invisible force and I were friends walking down the street with our arms intertwined. It scared me because I knew better. My instincts told me to run away as fast as I could and I was doing the exact opposite. I was welcoming the danger._

 _With a smile I threw myself over, feeling the wind whistle in my ears as I dropped towards the water that would surely consume me whole. Like a gigantic animal. Alarm surged through me like an electrical current, but at the same time I wanted to hit the freezing cold water._

I opened my eyes with a start before I impacted with the water, a fluffy white blanket wrapped around my shoulders. I breathed in deep breaths as I calmed myself. _It was a dream._ _Just a dream._

"Are you okay?" Edward asked as he laid on the bed next to me.

I jumped again, startled to see his honey eyes so close to my own. I pressed a hand to my head and continued to inhale deep breaths. "Yes," I panted. "Just give me a moment."

I had forgotten where I was for a second. Then I remembered falling asleep on the Cullens' couch. I remember the blue line on Edward's back. Jasper's emotional manipulation. An itchy headache settled behind my eyes and I groaned as I rubbed my temples.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked.

"I feel like I have a hangover." I said.

Edward chuckled. "Have you ever been drunk before?"

The memory of vomiting in the hotel bathroom after five wine coolers at my mother's recent wedding came flooding back, making me internally cringe. I quipped a quick. "No." And then changed the subject. "Wait. Why are you asking how I am? You're the patient."

He scowled, his perfect features twisting in dissension. "I am not a _patient_."

"Okay, maybe that's not the right word for it." I said and scrunched the pillow back so I could see his face more clearly. So I could watch his eyes. "Still. Have you been having any more pain?"

"I've been okay since I've fed." He said. The words seemed like a chore to get out. He didn't like it when I brought up the pain.

I bit my lip, anxiety twisting my inside. To distract myself, I ran my eyes over his face. His auburn hair, while always in a sort of tousled pile on his head, was haphazardly sticking in a bunch of different directions. My hand came up and smoothed his hair back from his forehead. It was odd to me to see him unkempt. Unnerving.

"And that vampire doctor?" I asked, trying to keep my tone light.

"She should be here this afternoon."

Edward got up, so I did the same. I looked around the room. It wasn't one of the family member's personal rooms, so it must be a guest room of some sort. And then I wondered when the Cullens' would need a guest room if their guests didn't sleep. I also noticed that I was in different clothes from what I was wearing yesterday. Pajama shorts and a t-shirt.

"What are these?" I looked at the t-shirt, my face blazing at the thought of someone _undressing_ me.

"Alice lent you some clothes." Edward smiled at me, his hand coming to muss my already tangled hair. "She's very excited to dress you." He pointed to the armchair in the corner that had a neat pile of clothes on it. "Esme's laundering your stuff from yesterday."

"She doesn't have to do that." I blazed brighter in my face.

Edward's hand moved from my head to my cheek where I blushed, his cool fingers caressing over the red. His fingers twitched suddenly and I watched his smile turn into a worried frown and he dropped his hand. "You better get dressed." He said and then moved out of my room.

I followed my orders. Alice's outfit for me was a pair of tight dark jeans that looked and felt expensive and a shirt that was Edward's favorite shade of blue. The shirt itself was a bit flashy for my taste. But, knowing Alice, it could've been worse.

I wandered into the on-suite bathroom that looked like it was catalog ready and found an unopened toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste sitting ready on the counter. I fixed my hair up into a ponytail with a hair tie I had around my wrist and then started downstairs.

Edward looked better, I noted. His hair at least was back in its usual place and the circles under his eyes were gone. He sat at his piano, looping different melodies together as he played on the keys, a crease in his eyebrows.

"Happy new years!" Emmett sang as he came in from the kitchen, his eyes now a golden honey, a spray of blood ruining his gray t-shirt. I cringed and moved quickly strategically ducked around Edward's piano and sat down next to him on the bench so I could be downwind of the blood smell. I cowered against Edward's shoulder, trying to keep myself as far as possible away from the stain as physically possible.

"Emmett, you're a mess." Rosalie said.

"I like to think of it as more of as 'art,' my love." He answered and tried to grab her in a bear hug.

Rosalie shrieked and ran away from him. "Gross! You're going to get it in my hair!" They chased each other around the living room, flashes of color and white skin.

Edward giggled at his siblings' antics while he played. "You're going to make Esme upset if you get blood on her couch." He warned.

Jasper vaporized from somewhere in the house, gravitating towards the good spirits. Alice was right behind him, her arms swinging easily at her side.

"If you want to catch Rosalie, all you have to do is dangle her car keys in front of her." Alice joked as she leaned against the side of the piano.

"Jerks!" Rosalie said and crossed her arms. "The lot of you!"

Everyone laughed at Emmett's offense and Rosalie's reaction. I giggled hesitantly, thankful that I couldn't smell the blood on Emmett's shirt.

There was a _ka-clunk!_ as Edward's shoulder jerked up with a sudden spastic motion and came back down to hit the keys. Everyone froze where they were and looked at him, shocked expressions replacing the easy smiles.

His expression mirrored theirs. "I'm okay." He said, but then his expression twisted with pain and he grabbed his upper left arm.

"Edward," I said, my hands on his back and shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay," He repeated and winced, his fingers massaging his upper-arm.

Alice grunted. "I can't see _anything_. It's driving me bananas."

"Then don't look." Edward said. "It's probably nothing."

Her face twisted, but she didn't argue. Instead, her eyes went blank for a second. "The doctor is ahead of schedule." She said. "She's entering Forks now."

Esme appeared at the base of the stairs. "The doctor is here?"

"I don't _need_ a doctor." Edward said between his teeth. "I'm _fine_."

"Yeah," Emmett snorted. "Vampires don't get _sick_."

Everyone moved to the living room couch, anticipating this new vampire. Edward moved with them, his arm around my waist as we walked together. The absolute stillness of vampires was always very unsettling to me. I knew they had to constantly make an effort to fidget and sigh and shuffle and squirm to make themselves look human. Otherwise, they would maintain absolute stillness, like statues. They didn't make the effort now, and all of them settled into motionlessness. Except for Edward, who was stroking my face up and down with the back of his hand.

 _Whatever happens._ I sucked in a deep breath and squeezed his hand. My eyes were glued to his. _I'm right here._

Someone flipped on the television and started moving through channels, although I couldn't tell who was watching. Everyone looked as contemplative as the thinker.

"She's here." Edward said after a moment, dropping his hand and his gaze.

Esme rose to get the door, but Carlisle was already there, twisting the handle open. "Thank you so much for coming." Carlisle said and stepped aside to let the doctor in.

She was a tiny person, probably no taller than Alice. Her build was delicate and birdlike. Her dark hair was twisted behind her head in a high bun and she scanned the room with a resigned expression on her young face.

"Absolutely," She said with a slight accent. "I am just glad I was stateside so I could make it here without delay." She bowed stiffly from her waist at Carlisle. "Where is he?"

"Right this way."

I looked at Edward. His eyes were pitched to the window and he was as stoic and unmoving as a Greek statue, but there was a new height of worry in his eyes that was not there before. I wondered what he saw in the doctor's mind. It couldn't be _that_ bad, though, right? Vampires were mythological and myths don't get sick. Right?

"Everyone, this is Dr. Kotomi Funai. Dr. Funai, this is my wife, Esme. Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper, Edward and Bella." Carlisle said as he introduced us.

"Pleasure to meet you." She bowed again at us, a small smile on her lips. "You have a beautiful family, Carlisle."

"I appreciate the sentiment." He said.

Her eyes scanned faces that sat in the living room before settling on Edward. "You are the patient, yes?"

Edward's gaze shifted to her – a scowl forming at the word 'patient'– but he nodded in response.

"May I see it?" The small, Asian doctor opened her hands in front of her like she was offering something to him.

He stood up, turned around, and removed his shirt over his head in one fluid motion that looked like a blur to my human eyes. The doctor's small fingers rose and delicately brushed the lightning bolt. She followed it down from the source at his neck, tapping it in certain places with her fingertips.

"Have you had any pain?" She asked matter-of-factly as she examined his back.

His eyes flashed to me before pitching to the ground. "Yes."

"Describe it for me, please."

"Muscular spasming." He said. "It's a burning sensation mostly and then some residual aching afterwards."

"What limbs?"

"My left arm…and my fingers. My back."

"Do you have any other marks?"

He shook his head.

"Are your reflexes slower?"

"Yes."

"Any other unusual symptoms?"

We all watched this back and forth between Edward and this foreign stranger. The others' features were as stone as Edward's was before, but their eyes were now wide with mystified wonder, a million different thoughts rushing through their heads at once. I understood why Edward had been so quiet – beside the obvious worry of this mystery affliction – he could hear everyone's questions in their heads going a thousand miles per hours. Questions no one had answers to.

Emmett spluttered into the conversation at that moment. "Vampires don't get sick." He snorted incredulously. "What is this? What's wrong with Edward?"

"Thank you. You may put your shirt back on." The small doctor said to Edward before turning to Emmett. "You are correct. Vampires do not get human sicknesses. However, there is one disease that is specific to vampires…"

Everyone was on their feet in a flash, including myself – even though I was the last one up compared to the incomprehensible speeds of the Cullens. There was chatter as everyone started talking at once. A blur of voices as they all voiced their concerns in a big rush. The small doctor folded her hands in front of her and waited patiently for her audience to finish.

"What are you talking about…?"

"…but the only way to kill…and I should know…"

"…but why can't I _see…"_

"…What does this mean…"

Only Edward and I stood silent. He quickly slid his polo back on, covering the lightning bolt on his back. I grabbed his hand and he pressed a kiss into the top of his head.

"Enough." Carlisle boomed in an authoritative tone, even though his voice was only above normal talking volumes. I imagined the same tone as he preached at the pulpit as an Anglican pastor in the sixteen-thirties. "Let Dr. Funai speak."

Everyone froze in anticipation; cold, menacing silence replacing the noisy chatter from seconds before. The only thing I could hear now was the blood pounding in my head as panic twisted through me. Even without insane hearing abilities, I bet everyone could sense my heartbeat hammering in my chest.

"There is one disease." She started slowly. I couldn't tell if that was for my benefit or everyone else's as they weighted each word she said. "That I know of, at least. Vampiric encephalopathia is the official name for it, but most just call it 'the strikes' due to the lightning bolt pattern of marks it presents on the skin."

"What is it?" Someone asked. I didn't bother to see who it was. My focus was on this doctor as she spoke into existence something that I didn't even think was possible. Something _none_ of us knew was possible.

"In humans, cells die and are replaced. Some cells can't die on their own and must be destroyed. There are processes in the body set up to do that and the cells themselves submit to that destruction as part of their lifecycle." The doctor raised her hands to punctuate her words. "In vampires, however, our cells are almost imperishable and defiant to anything that tries to hurt them."

"Sounds like vampires." Emmett snorted and crossed his arms over his chest.

"And what's the only thing that can destroy a vampire?" She asked like she was teaching a class.

"Another vampire." Jasper said almost automatically.

"This statement is true down to the cellular level." She nodded. "To combat our own cellular structure so that cells can be replaced our bodies have adjusted to using our own venom to do the job."

"What does this have to do with Edward?" Rosalie asked, obviously through with the doctor's vampiric anatomy lesson. She flipped her hair and her beautiful face twisted into a scowl.

If Dr. Funai was offended by Rosalie's outburst, she didn't show it. Instead, just continued explaining. She gave the smallest of sighs before folding her hands in front of her again. "In Edward's case, his body has failed to set the limits of what his venom is to destroy. Instead of only attacking the cells that _need_ to be replaced, it is attacking cells that _cannot_ be replaced."

"My brain." He said so quietly that I almost missed it.

"And your central nervous system." The doctor nodded. "In the simplest terms, Edward has cancer."

This set everyone off again. It felt and sounded like I was caught in the middle of a river rush. The voices turning into rapids as I started to drown in the words around me. _Cancer._ In human terms that was devastating. Cancer was a stabbing knife of a word that brought fear, anxiety, sadness. But, was it the same for vampires? What did this mean for Edward? Did we not have an eternity together like _I_ wanted? Or at the very least a lifetime together like _he_ wanted?

This couldn't be happening. I wanted to open my mouth and shout, but I felt like I was being waterboarded, unable to catch my breath. _Vampires don't get sick_ circled around in my head over and over and over again. But, even if it was possible, _Edward couldn't get sick._ It couldn't be him. I needed him. I needed him more than the air in my lungs.

There was a darkness around me and I felt like I was going to pass out, my vision going tunnel-y for a moment. I felt a small push as I was guided back down to a sitting position on the couch. I looked around at the faces that turned fuzzy and indistinguishable. The floor swirled below me like it was alive. And then I looked at the one face that actually mattered. He was so beautiful, even when his eyes were set with worry.

"Is there a cure?"

I crash landed back to Earth so hard I felt winded. Like I had been punched in the gut. I pushed away the need to grab my knees airplane-emergency style and focused my attention on the doctor.

Her brow furrowed delicately and almost a pained look crossed her beautiful features. "There is not. Developing one has been my life's work for almost millennium now. A cure would mean a reversal of venom, an essential necessity for all vampires for a multitude of different bodily processes. I have been unsuccessful in finding a solution for just the disease itself without affecting other organ systems."

"What's going to happen then?" Alice asked, a note of hysterics in her voice.

"In my studies with this disease, I have found there are four stages. The first stage - which is what you are in now, Edward…"

A numbness settled into my bones as Dr. Funai listed off symptoms: muscular weakness, involuntary contractions, shooting pain, palsy, sore joints. Each symptom volleyed in our direction felt like a suckerpunch to my stomach. I detached myself from the lesson and instead looked up at Edward, letting the words float above my head like bubbles.

He was beautiful. I traced the slope of his furrowed brown with my eyes, down his high cheekbone, to his chiseled jawline. He was like a Greek god immortalized into marble. I tore my eyes away from his face to see what he was focused on. It was his fingers, which were seizing into a hard claw. He sighed through his nose and covered his hand with his other one.

Dr. Funai's words brought my attention back to her. "In the second stage, the victim loses most motor function and starts to display parkinsonisms. They also start to sleep-,"

"Vampires can't sleep." Rosalie interrupted with a choked laugh in her throat.

"They _can_ sleep. There is just no need or desire, and therefore our brains ceased using that function." The doctor argued. "However, the mechanisms are still there and in an attempt to heal the damage, the body resorts to using more human methods - such as sleeping – to do the job."

"What's the third phase?" Edward asked, his voice hard, his eyes still on his hand.

"Sensory deprivation." The doctor nodded. "The disease attacks sight first and then all of the other senses. This stage is short – a week, maybe two – before the fourth stage sets in and that's when the victim falls into unconsciousness and doesn't wake up." She bowed slightly. "I'm sorry I do not have better news."

A heaviness settled on everyone in the room. No one was talking now. Esme's hand flew to her throat and Alice rubbed her temples like she was experiencing a headache. I looked to Edward to see his reaction, but his eyes were still trained on his hand. His elbow jerked out and he winced with the pain. My fingers came up to rub his arm, but I dropped them at the last moment, instead turning to the doctor.

"How long?" I asked with a shaky voice. All eight golden eyes snapped to me. I cleared my voice. "How long does it…take to get to stage four?"

"Each person is different. Older vampires have more potent venom, so they tend to go faster. You are pretty young. I had one patient who was approximately a century old as well and it took nine months until he reached the fourth stage."

There was a collective gasp and everyone's faces twisted with disbelief with the exception of Edward – who was still staring at his hand, pain in his eyes now - and Carlisle, who was no longer in the room.

"There are actions you can take to slow its progression and help with controlling the pain." She said before they started in on her again. "Taking care to not physically overexert yourself is one and avoiding emotional agitation. Switching to human blood is another."

Edward's eyes snapped up. "I am not drinking human blood."

"It's just a suggestion." Dr. Funai said to Edward. "But, living on animal blood is the equivalent of a human trying to live off of solely rice. Your body needs the nutrients offered in human blood to repair. Without it, your disease will progress much faster."

"Listen to her, Edward." Rosalie snapped back. "She's a _doctor_."

"I am too." He retorted, on his feet now. "And I'm _not_ drinking human blood."

"It's your life." Rosalie said, acid in her voice. "What you have _left_ of it, at least." She dashed out of the room at an incomprehensible speed. She was a streak of white and blond. The door closed behind her in a crash.

"Rosalie." Emmett got up and chased after her. "Rose!" Another crash of the door.

"Is she okay?" I asked dumbly, looking up at Edward.

"She's going-," Edward's beautiful face contorted suddenly with pain. His arm jerked and his shoulder popped. He hissed and doubled over, cradling his hurting arm against his chest.

"Edward!" I said and jumped to my feet, panic twisted my insides as I watched him seize. I was helpless. Useless. I wanted to make it stop. I wanted to make him _well._ But, I couldn't do anything but watch him suffer. I put both hands on his shoulders and tried to push him down to sit, but it was as effective as trying to push down an elephant. "Edward, let us help you."

"May I please?" The doctor said at my elbow. I jumped back, startled at her sudden presence next to me.

She moved too quick for me to comprehend, but the end result was Edward sitting on the couch, his hurting arm stretched out in front of him. His face contorted with discomfort and he tried to jerk his arm out of the doctor's grip, but she held it firmly by the wrist.

"The marks are made by the venom's attack on the nerves." She explained and rotated his arm so it was palm up.

Another lightning bolt. This one ran from the crook of Edward's elbow to his mid-forearm. It splintered at the bottom in a small delta, the fingers reaching for his wrist. The blue was shocking against his alabaster skin.

I lowered myself back down into a sitting position next to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, clinging to him like he was a life raft and I was drowning in the middle of the Pacific.

"I have seen thirty-seven cases of the strikes." She said as she examined this new mark, running her fingers down it. "I am very close to a cure, but the last patient I treated was over sixty years ago. If I could take you back to my lab in Kyoto, I could-,"

"No," He said simply, pulling his arm free from her grasp. "I'm not leaving Forks."


	7. 6: Numb

My mouth popped opened into surprise and tried to get words to form, but incoherent vowel sounds only made it past my lips. What did he mean he wouldn't go? If there was a chance at a cure? Did he _want_ to die? He didn't look at me or anyone, his gaze fixed on his arm. His family members were a mirror of me: shocked and confused.

"Edward," Esme started, but closed her mouth and didn't finish.

There was a mix of emotions on the doctor's face, a tiny glimpse of the personality behind the polite exterior. She quickly recomposed herself and stood up straight. "Very well. Does anyone have anymore questions?"

Nobody answered her.

"I will take my leave then." The doctor bowed to Edward. "And I will check-in in a couple of weeks to see how you are faring. _Odaiji ni_." She clipped in Japanese. "Feel better."

Once the door clicked shut and the doctor was gone, Alice jumped to her feet. "Dining room. Now." She ordered and turned towards the direction of the garage. "You too, Rosalie! Carlisle!"

Edward and I got up in unison, as I was afraid to let go. My fingers gripped his shirt like I was clinging on to him for life. His arms wrapped around me like he was clinging to me too, his face pressed against the top of my head. We were each other's anchors, and if we dared let go, we would be swept away.

Soon we were all in the dining room. It served more as a meeting room, since the Cullens didn't really dine the old-fashioned way. I remembered when we sat in here to vote on my mortality. That seemed so long ago. Alice and Jasper took a seat next to each other on one side of the oval table. Esme took a neutral position at the head. Rosalie stomped in and violently pulled a seat back next to Jasper and sat down, her posture rebellious and poor. Emmett put his hands on the back of Rose's chair and leaned over her.

That left Edward and I to take the seats across from them.

The lines were drawn: those who wanted Edward to seek treatment and him to explain why he didn't. I wished that I could stand over on the other side. I believed he should go to Japan. There wasn't anything that Forks could offer him. But, I was sure that if I let him go I was going to dissolve into a puddle on my seat. I was afraid that he was going to disappear if didn't hold him here on earth. And I was pretty sure that my fingers were now permanently clamped to his golf shirt.

His hands moved from my waist to grip mine. I could feel them shake. A symptom of the strikes? Or from fear? Because I was shaking from the latter. I wasn't sure if vampires shook when they were scared. But, I wasn't sure about anything regarding vampires anymore. Everything I knew had been thrown out the window.

His hands clenched so hard at one point over mine, I thought he was going to accidentally break my thumb. But, I didn't want him to let me go. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep myself from crying out in pain.

"Where's Carlisle?" Alice asked.

"I'm here." He said, an old book in his hand. He took the seat on the other head, opposite from Esme.

"First things first," Rosalie turned to Carlisle, her hand coming down hard on the table with a bang. "Did you _know_ that vampires get diseases?"

All attention turned to Carlisle. His face was neutral, except for his brows, which were furrowed. "One disease," He corrected. "But, I did know, yes."

"Why didn't you tell us that this was a possibility?"

"The strikes are rare." He said. "Dr. Funai is over a thousand years old, yet has only seen a couple of dozen cases. I did not foresee it afflicting one of our own. I'm sorry that it wasn't discussed."

"I want to know why I can't see Edward's future now." Alice said and rubbed her temples. "You're making me as blind as the wolves do."

"That's an easy one." Rose scoffed. "It's because you don't _have_ it. So, you can't see him now that he has it. Like you can't see the wolves because you aren't one."

Alice gave a frustrated noise as a response and Jasper rubbed her back in empathy.

"Okay, so what's the game plan?" Emmett punched one hand into the palm of another. "We gotta fight it, right?"

"Yeah, Edward." Rosalie spat, her face turning to him. "Since you don't want to be treated by the only person on this planet who knows anything about this disease, what _is_ your plan?"

Edward's arms twitched and he scowled, pain in his honey-colored eyes. "There isn't a plan." He said lowly and stood up, pulling my arms from around him. I tried to protest, but I couldn't get the words to come out. "I just want to be left alone."

"Edward-," I started, my voice weak and shaky.

"Maybe we should give everyone time to process this." Esme suggested gently.

"We don't have time-,"

With that, Edward was gone. The door to the outside swung open and closed with a crash. The room stilled. We all watched him tear across the field through window until he disappeared behind the tree line and into the forest. A streak. I only knew he was there by the way the grass parted for his footfalls.

We stared at the trees for twenty or so heartbeats until he was out of hearing range and listening range. Someone sighed through their nose.

"What should we do?" Rosalie turned to Carlisle, her tone gentler. "To help him?"

He exhaled after a moment and opened his book. "Pain management is all we can do, really. We have to keep him well-fed. His body is going to metabolize the blood its fed much quicker and he'll be in pain if he goes without for too long."

"I wouldn't be against more hunting trips." Emmett rubbed his hands together.

"We need to keep him calm, as well. Adrenaline, emotional agitation, and anxiety will trigger convulsions."

"I reckon I can handle that for the most part." Jasper nodded and then turned to Rosalie. "If Rosalie agrees that she'll stop picking fights with him."

Rose's face twisted like she was going to argue, but then sighed in a big gust. "Fine, I'll play nice."

"We can all play a part to make him happy." Esme nodded. "We all love him and keeping him in positive spirits is important."

"I will keep Dr. Funai abreast of the disease's progression." Carlisle said. "At the very least, that should help her get a little closer to a cure."

"I can't see Edward directly." Alice pursed her lips. "But, I can see all of you guys, still. If we keep close to him, I can at least see when major events will occur and work around the holes in my vision."

I watched this back and forth and felt more and more useless at every word. I didn't have any gifts to offer up in the pursuit to help Edward with this disease. But I felt more than that. Desolation. It was almost worse than when he left last year. At least, that was unexpected. A quick punch to the gut that left the wind blown out of me. I didn't see it coming. This was like being strangled slowly. Every breath of air was torturously pressed out of me until I blacked out, until I ceased to exist. I could see this end date. And I couldn't do anything to stop it.

 _What do I do?_

"Honey," Esme had moved from her spot at the head to Edward's seat next to me. "You have the most important job of all."

I was confused at first at her words until I realized I voiced my thoughts out loud. I looked down at her cold hand over mine. "What's that?"

"You have to be _strong."_

* * *

"Thanks, Alice." I said quietly when we pulled into Charlie's driveway. It was nighttime, now. My truck sat on the curb like Jacob had promised. I had definitely broken curfew and had stayed over night somewhere without explanation and I knew that Charlie was going to give me the third degree when I got in. But I didn't care. All those rules seemed so silly now. All of my existence seemed silly. What was the point of living when in a couple of months, I would have to give up the only thing that made my life worthwhile?

Edward didn't come back to the house for the rest of the afternoon. I waited on the Cullens' back porch for him. I watched the tree line for movement. It had warmed up past freezing and the snow was starting to melt under the humidity. Eventually, dark clouds replaced the puffy white ones and it started to rain.

I sat in the cold, letting my hair go damp from the wet. I let it numb my nose and the tops of my cheeks and my fingers on the rail. The anesthesia of the chill kept the tears from flowing from the back in my throat. It was strategic, because I knew if I started I wasn't going to be able to stop. I kept my eyes vigilant for him and I listened to the others on the inside argue over whether they should go out and find him or leave him be.

My goals six hours ago were set: I was going to graduate in May, turn into a vampire and then move to Alaska or New Hampshire or some other cloudy, sunless place.

I could see it as clearly as I imagined Alice could see her visions. I imagined some small craftsman house, with a white front porch. Although, I was betting that the actual house was going to be a lot more lavish and excessive, given their current house in Forks. But, I liked to imagine a small house tucked into a dense forest somewhere, a glass lake in the back with a dock.

I imagined my days with Edward. Our skin matching and our beauty finally on even grounds. I imagined running with him. I imagined his arms around me, hugging me as tightly as he could _._ I imagined being with his _physically_ and unadulterated by concern of my fraility. I was as indestructible as he was and we could love each other as equals now.

Now I couldn't picture any of it. Our future was black.

Even Edward's ideal future I couldn't imagine. Where he would marry me as a human and I would stay human and go to college with my vampire husband. I couldn't see that either. I couldn't even really see the next day or the next hour. Nothing had purpose anymore.

"You're welcome." She smiled, but it didn't quite meet her eyes.

"Will Edward be back for school tomorrow?"

Her eyes went distant for a moment as she looked into my future. "Well, you aren't going to drive yourself. So, I assume so."

I nodded, satisfied with that answer and started to get out. I felt like Novocain had been injected straight into my brain, my hands and legs moving on their own. I somehow got my key into the lock and myself through the door.

"Hey, Bells." Charlie said from in front of the television, as I moved numbly through the house. "Bells?"

I somehow made it to the kitchen. I didn't even take off my jacket as I ripped the fridge door open and started pulling things out. "Have you eaten?" I asked quietly as I scanned the contents of the fridge, not really looking for anything in particular.

"A good ole' fashioned sandwich." He said. "I hope you have a good reason for being AWOL today."

"I'm sorry." Was all I could mumble out. I wasn't even hungry, even the last thing I ate was a cookie yesterday. I put the food I pulled out of the fridge back in it and started for the stairs. I wondered for half of a second if Edward was going to visit me tonight. I pushed it out of my mind, though. What would I say to him?

"Is everything alright?"

"No." I answered honestly, knowing full well that I wouldn't be able to lie.

"Did Ed-," Charlie started, his voice tinged with anger as he jumped feet first into conclusions.

I bristled. "Edward didn't do anything." I snapped back. I sucked a deep breath and started up, but something grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me down. I turned around hostilely to Charlie, ready to fight his cruel image of the man I love. The man I was going to _lose._

It was the concern in Charlie's dark eyes that broke the dam, that pierced through the numbness.

I jumped down the step into his arms and started crying against his Seahawks t-shirt. He was stiff as I pressed my face into my father's shoulder. I mumbled incoherent things, a babble of words that made no sense to even myself.

"Hey, hey." He wrapped his arms around me and patted my hair. "What's going on?"

A deep ache made my words choked and gutteral. "It's Edward," I managed between sobs. "He's sick."

Charlie pulled away at that, his hands flying to cup my face. Our matching brown eyes mirroring each other. "What do you mean, Bella?"

I tried racking my brain for a word that wasn't completely nonsensical, nor gave the Cullens away. Unfortunately, I was trying to think through a numb fog and that my IQ had taken a steep plunge. My memories went back to the Asian doctor standing in the middle of their living room. _In the simplest terms, Edward has cancer._ "Cancer." I repeated her, the word sour on my tongue.

"Oh, honey." He pulled me back in, his breath was in my hair as he held me tight. "Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry. Is it treatable?"

I shook my head against his chest, unable to speak. Every time I opened my mouth, I was choked out. Fate had my throat and was slowly strangling me.

We stood like that for awhile. I cried into his shirt and he held me. My dad's rhythmic breathing and the swirls of his hand on my back was soothing. He wasn't an affectionate guy by nature, but he knew what I needed at that moment. And it was this.

It was numbing, but in a good way.

Once I had felt like I had dried myself out, I pulled away. I was suddenly exhausted and just wanted to get to bed. I hugged him one more time started up the stairs.

"Honey," He stopped me, his eyes full of concern. "I've made my opinions on Edward quite clear these last couple of months, but I want you to know that I only want sheer joy and happiness for the _both_ of you."

"Thanks, Dad."

"This is going to be a tough time." He nodded knowingly. "When your Mimi got cancer, she could barely get herself out of bed. It was up to Poppop to show her there was still beauty in the world. Edward's going to need that from you. You have to be his cheerleader."

 _Beauty in the world._

A new future slapped me hard in the face at Charlie's words. I wanted to take a step back at the velocity and force of it all. It all came so suddenly, so clearly. I couldn't breathe or think. It was all I saw as it flashed in front of my eyes like movie.

I didn't see myself at first. I saw Edward. I couldn't imagine him exactly sick – I had no idea what that was going to look like - but I did imagine a dock still. We weren't in a cloudy, sunless place anymore. There wasn't a little craftsman house. I wasn't a vampire.

We were on a beautiful tropical island, both dressed in shorts and t-shirts. He sparkled in the sun, his skin luminous but marked with blue lightning bolts. We sat at the edge of the dock, our feet in the water and both of our faces caught in mid-laugh.

And then the scene shifted and we were on a gondola in Italy. It was nighttime and we leaned into each other as we watched the stars. There were more lightning bolts on his skin.

And then the scene shifted again. We were in the redwood forests of California, playing hide-and seek around the trunks of the giant trees. Hide-and-seek with each other and the splits of sun that managed to pierce the forest floor. More lightning bolts, still.

And then there was nothing.

"Bella? Are you okay?" Charlie asked and gently shook me.

"Yeah," I rubbed my head, trying to make sense of what I had seen. What it meant. "I'm going to go to bed, I think."

"Okay, Bells. Love you."

I turned in a daze. "Love you too."

I opened my door to my room and was slightly relieved that it was empty and that Edward wasn't there waiting. I needed a human moment to think. I dropped my things on my desk and changed quickly into some pajamas and moved to my bathroom to brush my teeth, mulling over this new future. What it meant.

For some reason, the Cullens' faces kept popping up into my head. Their shocked, unbelieving expressions as the doctor explained to them what Edward had. To the emotions that gripped them around the dining room table. They were usually so put together all of the time. So sure of themselves. They were like rooted, old trees. They were unbending to anything that was thrown at them.

So, it was unnerving to see them so frightened for the future. It was like they couldn't wrap their heads around it. They couldn't fathom that Edward could be _sick._ That their kind could be _weak._

And then Edward himself. He was in denial, there was no doubt about it. Wasn't that the first stage of grief? Its why he declined the doctor. Its why he said there wasn't a plan. He was just as unbelieving as his family. I wondered for a moment if vampires followed the usual Kubler-Ross model or if they skipped around on the path to acceptance.

What did that mean for me? How did that connect to my vision?

I finished brushing my teeth and moved back to my room. I was not surprised to see Edward sitting cross-legged on my bed. He was ruminating, his brows furrowed and his eyes faraway. I sat down across from him and picked up one of his cool hands, and pressed it against my face. His fingers juddered against my cheek.

"I'm sorry I didn't drive you home." He said, his gaze finally flicking to me.

"It's okay." I said lightly. "I think I prefer Alice's driving anyway."

He snickered, his eyes flashing. "She drives slowly for your benefit, Bella."

"At least she listens to my complaints." I rolled my eyes at him. "Unlike you, who seems to just go faster every time I say something."

His expression fell. "So, Charlie knows?"

"He knows…something." I said, unable to meet his eyes.

"Cancer," He nodded. "Makes sense. A little dramatic, though. Don't you think?"

I shook my head. "Edward…"

Instead of responding, he moved into me in a blur. He scooped me up with one arm and pulled the blankets back with the other. He placed me down gently in the bed, covered me with the quilt and then laid down next to me.

I pressed my fingers into his cheekbone. In the moonlight, I could only see the slope of his jaw and the silhouette of his hair and the shine in his eyes.

"What are you thinking about?" I whispered.

His cheeks pulled up in a smile. "I'm usually the one who asks that."

"I want to know, though." I pressed.

His brow furrowed. "I guess I'm trying to not think about this afternoon."

"Okay," I scooched closer to him so that we were brushing noses. Until I can smell his sweet, intoxicating breath. "Let's not think about that."

"Charlie is remembering your grandparents over the years." He said. "You have some of your grandmother in you." His shaky fingers found my face and they ran down my jaw line.

I closed my eyes let his cool touch shudder through me.

"Has he remembered the memory where he and Poppop tried to take out me out fishing when I was eight and I fell off the boat into the lake?" I asked.

"He's remembering it now." Edward giggled.

"That's one of his favorite memories."

"I can see why."

He froze suddenly and I opened my eyes. "No," He whispered and then his left arm jerked up. He brought it back to his chest, cradling it with his other hand. A groan of pain escaped his lips.

"Are you okay?" I sat up on my elbow, alarms going off in my head.

"I'm okay." He said between his teeth. "It'll pass."

"Are you sure?" I was thinking if I had anything I could give him, but I didn't think a normal aspirin would work on vampires.

"Please, Bella." He said, a note of begging in his voice. "Please, lay down. Just talk about that day at the lake. Please."

I hesitantly laid back down. "Um, well I was eight and walked like I had two left feet."

"Surprising."

"You could imagine how well that went in an old dingy." I said, keeping my eyes on his face. He hadn't relaxed his clenched jaw and his shoulders moved defensively inward. I sat up again. "Are you sure your okay?" I asked a little louder than I should. I hoped Charlie didn't here me.

There was silence as I waited for his answer. Both of our breaths were the only sounds in the room. Well, and my heartbeat in my chest. My hand found his shoulder in the dark. He was shaking like he was cold.

"Edward."

"Just go to bed, Bella." He sputtered between his teeth.

I rolled over and clicked on my bedside lamp. Edward moved so that he was facing away from me, but not before I caught sight of his arms, stiff with palsy against his chest and his fingers clenched liked claws. And I only caught that because he wasn't moving as fast as normal.

He was trying to keep it away from me. He was trying to downplay it. For who? For _my_ benefit? Was he trying to protect me? He might've been a good liar by nature, but he couldn't hide this from me. I was there this afternoon. I knew what was going to happen.

Or was it something else?

"Why are you hiding from me?" I asked gently, moving so I could rub his shoulder.

"I'm not hiding." He said, but didn't turn.

"Edward, its okay. I just want to help you."

"You can't, though." He said quietly. "No one can."

"I can if you let me." I argued. "If you let me know what's wrong, what you need."

He rolled back over to face me. There was a desolate pain in his eyes that took the courage right out of me, that brought back all of the emotions from the afternoon, that made me want to burst into tears again. I bit my lip and kept my expression neutral. "What are you thinking?" I asked again, trying to get the truth out of him.

His eyes closed and he sighed. "I don't want to be taken care of."

"Why not?" I asked. "You took care of me after the Phoenix incident. I can't return the favor?"

"It's not that." He rolled over onto his back, his reddish hair falling across his forehead. He still grasped one arm to his chest, like he was afraid to let it go. "This afternoon…everyone was in the dining room ready to take this thing on like it was just another creature to be hunted and conquered."

"That's not a bad thing," I pointed out. "They're just trying to make this easier for you."

"But this isn't their battle or your battle or anyone else's battle," Despair in his voice made my insides ache. He sucked a hard breath. "but mine."

We lapsed into silence again. My heartbeat drumming in my ears was just a tiny bit louder than Edward's pained slow breaths. I focused on own pulse as I tried to think.

Edward didn't want to be taken care of. He wanted to brush this off like speed bump on the long, windy road of his life. Except he _couldn't_ do that and he _knew_ that. This _disease_ was only going to get worse. I gulped at that thought and tried not to think too far into the future. However, it was true. He was going to have to rely on some sort of assistance eventually. And yet, Edward was still insistent of playing some weird martyr, doomed to suffer silently. _Why?_

Was he was downplaying it not for _my_ benefit, but for his? Was he in denial? Yes, probably. But, there was something else, too. Something he was trying to keep secret.

I flipped it over and over in my head, listening my heartbeat and counting Edward's rhythmic breaths, not even realizing that I was slowly drifting to sleep.

* * *

 **Thanks friends for the reviews so far! I'm like on the second chapter of _Eclipse_ and it's not as bad as I remember, although Bella's whining is starting to get on my nerves lol. "growing a pair" is definitely a character development lesson that SM skipped in creative writing night classes at Maricopa Community College or wherever tf she got her degree from **

**oh wait she got her degree from BYU. I just googled it. ok that makes sense then why Bella is literally a fifty yo nun in a seventeen yo's body hhahhahaahhaaaahahahahahaa mormons...**

 **we'll have to fix that in this one, huh? Have fun reading. Sorry things are angsty at the moment. Don't worry. It's only going to get worse.**


	8. 7: Weak

_"_ _Edward! Hold on!" I yelled, looking past him into the water below. I was at the clifftop overlooking the ocean again. The water below churned angry and ready to consume anything that dared enter it. Panic seized me and I felt my heart hammer against the wall of my chest and my pulse in my ears._

 _Edward dangled just under the edge, his feet couldn't find hold on the face. The edges were too ragged and they threatened to give at any moment. But, he had only a little bit to go to get to the top. I dropped to my knees and leaned forward._

 _"_ _Edward, grab my hand!"_

 _His eyes were dark, but I could see the pain in them. He shook his head. "I can make it." He said with resolution._

 _"_ _Let me help you!" I yelled back and tried to lean farther forward. If he just reached, he could grab my hand and I could help pull him to safety._

 _"_ _No," He scowled with frustration at me. "Only I can do it."_

 _"_ _That's not true." I said, tears choking me out. "I'm right here."_

 _I watched in horror as he tried to reach the next ledge, but his fingers slipped. He tried desperately to grab onto the edge and I reached over to try and catch him, but I was too late._

I woke up in a start, my breathing fast and a panicked scream in my throat. I looked around my empty room and the light coming through my window. It was just a dream. _Just a dream._ I pressed a hand to my chest and tried to will my heartbeat to lower.

I looked around for Edward, but he wasn't here. Instead my eyes caught my cell phone, which was lighting up with a notification as it laid on my bedside table. I grabbed it and saw that it was a text message from Edward.

 ** _Good morning, beautiful. I let myself out early to change for school. I'll be back later to pick you up._**

I groaned and threw myself back onto my bed. I almost forgot today was the first day of the second semester. My last semester as a senior. My last semester of school. And twenty-four hours ago, it was my last semester of being a human. Now, though…

 _Oh, Edward._

I rolled on my side and stuffed my fist in my mouth to keep Charlie from hearing me sob. The effect of yesterday hadn't quite settled yet. The immensity of what was going to happen hadn't quite hit home. I was still recoiling, still recovering from the impact of the punch. But, after that dream. That _very real_ dream. I could feel the darkness creep in around me. I was the deer caught in the headlights, watching the car crash, knowing I couldn't do _anything_ about it.

 _Only I can do it._ That's what he said in my dream. Why? _Why? Let me help you._ I begged in my head. I would do anything for him. I would trade places with him. I would give him my life, my heart. _Anything,_ if I knew I could save him. He could have it all. I would _die_ for him.

But, he didn't want it.

"Why?" I groaned and forced myself up. I resentfully stomped into the bathroom, not really seeing the point of going through these mundane motions. I wanted to be with Edward. I wanted spend every second I had with him, because every second was precious now.

I looked at my naked body in the mirror as the shower heated up. I was thin and pale and and very underwhelming. I poked at random scars I had gotten from being gravitationally challenged over the years. _Weak_ was probably the most appropriate word for myself.

 _Weak._

The eyebrows in my reflection furrowed and the mouth turned down in a hard frown. Weak. _I_ was the weak one. The fragile one. The one that could be corrupted and destroyed. Edward was the unfaltering bedrock that kept me safe. The savior.

But, after yesterday, the tables had turned - or well, folded in half. We were on the same team now. The _one_ thing that could destroy and corrupt Edward had found him.

 _Was that why you don't want help?_ I thought to myself as I stepped into the steaming water. _Because you'll seem weak?_

It was ridiculous to surmise. Edward's hubris was gigantic, sure, but he was smarter than that. And he had _some_ sense of self-preservation, I thought. There had to be another reason why he was so adamant about suffering silently.

I washed my hair and thought about it. His family loved him and he had never declined their help when he needed it before. It was actually out of character for him not to be completely honest with them. The fear of imposing on them couldn't be it.

It wasn't money. God only knew that they have plenty. I don't think it was attention. Then _what?_ There wasn't a logical explanation.

Except for the original one.

He was afraid to be weak.

He was afraid to be sick.

I felt nauseous at that word. Sick. Cancer. The strikes. Each word was a weight on each limb that was pulling me to the bottom of my tub. It made me want to crawl back into bed and forget that yesterday didn't happen. I wanted to hit the rewind button. I wanted the futures back. Either one, at this point. I didn't have to be picky. I didn't care if I stayed a human anymore, as long as I got to keep Edward.

I leaned against my shower and felt the tears on my face mix with the hot water of the showerhead as I thought about the pain in his eyes. I just wanted to hold him and let him know it was okay to be weak. We all understood. We all wanted to help.

That we all loved him. _That_ _I love him._

I loved him so much it ached to my core.

I crossed over my chest and tried to think about something else. Charlie popped into my brain at that moment.

 _You have to be his cheerleader._

Maybe I didn't have a power to offer him, but I was still his girlfriend. I was thin and pale and very underwhelming, but I was still his girlfriend. Maybe my power _was_ to be his cheerleader. Maybe the tables hadn't folded in half like I originally thought. Maybe they actually turned.

I was starting to make sense of my visions from last night. That I would give him the best life he had in the months that he still had it. That we could live a day at a time, a moment at a time, without fear of the future. Our story didn't have an ending. We simply went and handled things as they came up.

It was the complete opposite of the original blueprint of our futures. Our ideal futures – even though vastly different from each other's – were planned, down to the incidentals that came up. All unexpecteds were accounted for. Going at it like this would be throwing caution to the wind.

I think I could handle that.

I rubbed my eyes in the shower and straightened back up. I _think._ I chewed on my bottom lip. There were going to be challenges, I knew. But, I think I could do it.

With a new resolve, I got out of the shower and changed and pounded down the stairs, skidding to a stop when I saw Charlie and Edward leaning against the counters of the kitchen, chatting like they were old pals, a coffee cup in each of their hands. Charlie was wearing his work uniform and Edward was wearing a pair of jeans and leather jacket over a t-shirt.

"Hey, Bella." Charlie greeted when he saw me enter the kitchen and took a sip of his coffee.

I looked at Charlie and then Edward. The contrast between them was comical, but that's not why I started giggling. I slipped my hand around Edward's waist. "Since when do you come in for coffee?" I stood up on my tip-toes to kiss him.

"I asked him to come in," Charlie said with a blush. "You were taking a moment in the shower and I thought I'd invite him in instead of making him wait outside."

Edward's eyes flashed down to me and he placed his undrunk coffee mug on the counter. "I apologized for getting you home so late last night." Edward said as he wrapped his arm around my waist.

Charlie waved his hand. "It's not a big deal."

"And I was just asking if I could steal you again tonight for dinner."

My dad looked at us both and sighed, nodding. "Yes, but not too late. It _is_ a school night. And nothing too crazy."

Edward shook his head as he stared into my eyes. "No, crazy is out of the question."

"Well, I gotta go. Bella, see you later." My dad started for the door, but then stopped and patted Edward on the shoulder. "Edward."

"Thank you, Charlie." Edward said politely.

I watched this with odd fascination. _Charlie_ was being nice to _Edward?_ It was so _different._ I waited until I heard the cruiser pull out of the driveway to turn to Edward. "What the hell was that?"

He laughed and shrugged. "He's guilty for being too hard on me."

" _That_ was a complete one-eighty though."

Edward shrugged again and picked up my bag that was sitting on my shoulder. "I guess _cancer_ does have its perks." He grimaced at the word.

"Manipulating Charlie is not a _perk."_ I scolded followed him to the car. He opened my door for me and then got in himself a half-second later.

"Where's Alice?" I asked, looking around for her.

"She took a separate car today." He winced and flexed his fingers on his left hand, his other hand lazily resting on the steering wheel. "They're giving me my space, which I appreciate. I don't think I would be able to handle their sympathy in both their thoughts and their conversations."

I chewed on my lip at Edward's words as I watched the town of Forks go by on our usual way to school. It was going to be a challenge not to have a panic attack at every mention of the…disease or whatever. That was the first thing I was going to have to overcome. How do I be his cheerleader, now? What resume bullet points did I need to fill this position of optimistic supporter of my terminally-ill vampire boyfriend?

I decided distraction is what was probably best at this point in time. For both of us. "What are we doing for dinner?" I asked casually, trying to keep my heartbeat from speeding up. _One moment at a time._ I chanted to myself.

He shrugged. "I didn't really have anything in mind." His eyes flashed to me. "I just wanted to spend time with you."

I did a quick mental catalog of my homework schedule that went untouched this last week. While 'living in the moment' was my new lease on life now, I couldn't forego my homework. It wouldn't do any good for anyone if I flunked out of high school in my last semester. I didn't have anything major due soon – it was only the first week back - but I could work on a paper I had to do for English.

"We could go to the meadow." I suggested. "I have to finish _Mrs. Dalloway_ for my paper."

We pulled into the parking lot of the school. We were running a little late now and the lot was already pretty full of cars. We managed to find a spot next to Alice's Mercedes. Everyone automatically left a wide berth around the Cullens' cars. I couldn't exactly figure out if it was because they were so expensive or because they were the Cullens'. It was probably a little bit of both.

"The meadow sounds nice." Edward said once we got parked. He didn't move to get out, so I stayed put too, not even moving to click off my seatbelt. He sighed through his nose and closed his eyes like he was fighting a headache.

"What's…up?" I asked, trying to keep my voice light and carefree.

"Alice is on a rampage for you."

"What?"

"Watch out." He got out of the car and I jumped out before he had a chance to open the door for me. Alice moved quickly, but not _too_ quickly. It was a brisk power-walk that parted the milling students like Moses parting the Red Sea. Her expression was a mask of irritation, her delicate brows pulled together.

"You _told_ Charlie?" She said so close to my face, I could smell her sweet breath and see my own horrified expression in her golden eyes.

"I told Charlie." Edward said before I could speak for myself.

"What?" She turned too fast. A blur. " _Why_ would you do that?"

"Charlie's not going to tell anyone." I said defensively. "He's not a gossip."

"No, he isn't." Alice crossed her arms over her tiny frame. "But, he is going to act all pouty today and _Shirley Stanley_ is going to ask what's wrong and he's going to tell her."

My face twisted in horror and Edward's turned into a scowl. Jessica Stanley's mom was the 911 dispatcher for Forks. She was a tall, blond lady that had a pension for Crocs and sports leggings. She was also head of the PTA, coached Jessica's sister's softball team, ran the local girl scout troop, and was in a knitting club. Jessica's intrinsic gossiping abilities was not a behavior she picked up on her own. No, she learned it somewhere. And Shirley was the master.

"We need a cover story," Alice said. "With details."

"What are you suggesting?" I asked.

"Family meeting after school."

Edward groaned. "Bella and I have plans later." He almost whined – if angels could whine – and reached across his chest with his right hand to rub his left shoulder. "And I can't _handle_ anymore family meetings."

"Shirley is going to _attack_ Esme at the next PTA meeting." Alice argued. "That's scarier than a grizzly bear."

"Esme is intelligent." Edward argued. "She'll figure it out."

"People will start asking questions if you have four different types of unrelated cancers."

"I don't-," His shoulders stiffened and his eyes squeezed shut in pain. My stomach flipped with worry, but I pushed the sensation out before I let it blossom into anxiety. Before I let it freeze me to the concrete, useless and pathetic. Instead I moved to rub his back, my hand running down the twitching muscles.

"Why don't we go now?" I threw the arm that wasn't on Edward's back out to reveal my watch from under my jacket sleeve, and glanced at the time. We were already late for first period and we might as well get it over with. "We can make it back before third period."

"Carlisle's at the hospital." Alice pursed her lips.

"That's even better." I said. "We can all just meet at the hospital. It's right around the corner. It'll take fifteen minutes. We won't even miss second period."

Edward just smashed his teeth together so hard, they could've cut through sheet metal. I moved closer to rub circles into his lower back. He responded by pressing his face into my hair and breathing deeply. I wondered if the pain of thirst overridden the pain of the Strikes.

Alice's eyes went blank as she looked into the future for a second. "That works." She pulled out her cellphone and started dialing. "I'm driving, though."

We were the first to arrive at Carlisle's office.

I had only been in his office once before, awhile ago, so he could take the stitches out of my forehead after an unfortunate escalator incident. The wall behind him was all bookcases and I could see that he cataloged his collection by age: the oldest of the books starting in the upper-left hand corner and snaking their way downward. I glanced at his diplomas that were attached to the west wall and the picture of his family that was focal point of the opposite wall.

He rose to his feet from behind his desk when we marched in. "Light day at school?"

"The others are coming." Alice announced. "We need to discuss something."

Edward just scowled and rubbed his upper-arm. "This is unnecessary. You would be able to see if anything were going to happen."

"This _is_ happening." Alice argued and crossed her arms delicately.

Alice glared at him and he stared back into her eyes. I could see his eyes go distant as Alice revealed the the possible futures to him. His face twisted and then he barked out a sharp laugh, his crooked smile plastering to his face.

"Do you know how absurd that sounds?" He asked aloud.

Alice just crossed her arms tighter across her chest.

"It's not going to happen."

"That's what you think." She muttered.

I was lost at their one-sided conversation. Alice and Edward had these type of conversations all of the time. If it was need-to-know, Edward would tell me. _One moment at a time._ I chanted my new mantra to myself in my head. _One moment at a time._

"What's going on in here?" Jasper asked in his slight drawl as he entered the office, followed by Esme, Rosalie and Emmett. "There's so many emotions, I thought a riot was happening."

"I had things to do today." Rosalie said and crossed her arms. She was dressed casually in a plaid shirt and jeans, her hair French braided tight to her head. "You know, besides discussing Edward."

"Funnily enough, so did I." Edward chimed in.

Emmett just giggled to himself and slung an arm around Rosalie's shoulder.

"Guys, enough." Esme wrung her hands. "Alice said it was important."

"It _is_ important." Alice insisted. "Charlie's been…made aware of Edward's condition."

"Sort of." I corrected. "He's been told Edward has cancer."

"Shirley Stanley is also going to be made aware today, thanks to Charlie." Alice sighed. "And so will the rest of Forks by Friday and most of the Olympic peninsula by Sunday, thanks to Shirley. It'd be good to get a story straight."

There was an exchange of wry glances and then everyone looked at Carlisle, the medical professional. He leaned and put his hands flat on his desk, his brow furrowing in deep thought.

"Cancer is a good story." He started after a moment. "With the symptoms that Edward has, brain cancer is probably the best explanation. It's rare enough that people won't question its legitimacy."

"Inoperable cancer," Edward leaned against the east wall, next to the picture of his family, his fingers still massaging his upper-arm. "Then I can keep my hair." I was surprised to hear him contributing to the conversation, with how obstinate he had been lately.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Great, as if we weren't already freaks, we now have _inoperable brain cancer_ to add to the mix."

"No," I disagreed. Everyone's attention snapped to me. The queasiness of being on the center stage entered my stomach, but I forced it out before it could take hold. "It adds to the image." I explained lightly and shrugged. "What's more human than getting sick?"

Everyone froze for a heartbeat as they considered my words. I almost could hear the gears turning in their heads as they weighed it out. And I was right - for the most part. While it would garner unwanted attention, it would add to the humanity of the Cullens. And maybe even distract people from the fact that they are ageless, pale super beings.

Emmett was the first to snort and grin. "I forget the girth of Bella's intelligence behind the klutzy exterior." He gave a large belly laugh.

"Thanks, Emmett." I rolled my eyes.

Alice gave a sigh of relief. "The future is clear now."

"Good," Carlisle nodded and gave a small smile and then checked his watch. "I'm glad we got this settled. I have to go do rounds. I'll see you guys at home." He moved past us in a blur to the door of his office.

"I guess we should get back to class." Alice said and also checked her watch. "I'm sorry to admit to you though," She grinned at me. "That meeting did _not_ take fifteen minutes. It took twelve."

We slid into our second period classes before the bell rang. Most didn't even notice we were gone. There was a buzz of excitement as they discussed what they did over winter break and their Christmas presents. I wasn't the only person gifted with an iPhone, it seems. That was okay. I was a little afraid it was going to be too fancy and I was going to have to leave it at home when I was at school.

But, when Jessica asked me what I had gotten for Christmas at lunch and I pulled it out, I jumped at the sound of Tyler's sudden gasp.

"That's the iPhone 5S with the fingerprint sensor." He breathed from across the lunch table. "Those aren't even out yet."

I blushed and glared at Edward. His gaze was affixed to a strand of my hair he was lazily winding around his finger. The corners of his lips went up with a smile. He _knew._ I tore my eyes from him and back to the blue top of the table. I couldn't be too mad at him for anything anymore, now. Another cancer perk, I guessed.

I put my hand over the little black square to hide it. "I didn't even know there was a fingerprint sensor." I said sheepishly.

Mike spluttered into the conversation at that point, his blue eyes wide on his round face. "That's the main upgrade. Well, and the camera. That camera must be so nice!"

Edward snorted gently and I glared at him again.

Jessica's hand came down next to her lunch tray with a slap, eager to move the attention to herself, which was perfectly fine with me. "Okay, you guys. It's our last semester. _What_ are we going to do for our senior prank? Last year, they 'forked' the football field, but I think we can do better."

Edward and Alice both suppressed laughter, as Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett were apart of that prank. 'Forking' the football field included taking thousands of plastic forks and stabbing them into the ground in tight, neat rows. Apparently, the senior class only did their graduating year, but Jasper, Emmett and Rose went out after they left and 'forked' the rest of football field with inhuman speeds. It was the biggest 'forking' in Forks High School history. I just remembered when the wind blew and I kept finding plastic cutlery in my truck bed.

It was hilarious, because we lived in Forks, but overdone. It was a prank that was recycled every couple of years.

"I know," Mike said and popped his collar. "Slip n' slide."

"Where are we going to put a slip n' slide?" Jessica shot him a look. "We're surrounded by _trees."_

" _In the school_." Mike said like it should've been obvious.

"How about a slip n' slide on the football field?" Alice chimed in with her light voice.

"No slip n' slides!" Jessica said.

I looked up at Edward, who was slowly moving his fingertips down my shoulder. I shuddered just slightly when his cold touched the heat of my arm. His eyes were a honey gold and I lost all motivation to form coherent thoughts when I looked into them. They went tight when his hand shook just a little. He moved it back, but I laid mine top to keep him from going anywhere.

"Hey, Bella?" Angela asked gently from the other side of Edward. Angela was the only other human that I knew besides myself that didn't go out of their way to avoid Edward. Jessica did because she felt jilted by him. Mike and Tyler did because he was jealous, apparently. Edward said that Angela had the sweetest mind he ever had the pleasure to invade. I considered her my closest friend, just second to Alice.

I sorrowfully tore my eyes away from Edward's and leaned forward on my elbows. "What's up, Angela?"

"Did you happen to finish _Mrs. Dalloway_ for that paper?" She looked sheepish. "I'm struggling."

"No," I said. "I was going to finish it tonight."

"Would you want to set up a study date sometime this week?" Angela suggested. "I could really use your help."

"Sure," I smiled at her, knowing that Charlie would like that I was going to see other friends besides the Cullens.

She smiled back and then looked at Edward. "You're welcome, too, even though you've probably already read it and Alice. We can make a thing out of it."

"I know!" Alice shrieked suddenly, making us all jump. "We move the furniture from the classrooms on top of the roof of the school and set it up just like a classroom!"

"Yes," Mike's eyes danced as the gears whirled in his head. "We can put Principal Price's desk and his computer and his little basketball hoop on top of the admin building."

"And all of the cafeteria tables and chairs on top of the cafeteria." Alice added.

"The sports equipment on top of the gym." Angela's eyes were wide too.

"The band equipment on top of the auditorium!" Tyler chimed in.

"This is so diabolical." Jessica smiled. "I like it. We'd have to pull an all-nighter, but I think it can be done if we get all the seniors involved."

I shot Edward a look and he just slowly rolled his eyes to the ceiling. It could be done in fifteen minutes if Edward and Alice were allowed to display the scopes of their speed and strengths.

"And then I'll have a party at my house afterwards to celebrate." Alice said and crossed her arms with a satisfied look on her face.

Everyone stopped and stared at her, including Edward and myself.

"A party? At the Cullen house?" Jessica breathed with awe. "I've never seen the inside of the Cullen house before."

"What?" Alice looked confused at the astonished faces around her. "I can't have people over?"

"Do you think that's the best idea?" I asked under my breath. "After the _last_ party?" I hated to remind them both of the last party they threw at their place. Edward's eyes tightened harder with pain at the memory. I responded by rubbing his hand that was still on my shoulder.

"It's going to great." Alice said unphased, a mischievous smile sliding onto her face. "I can already tell."


	9. 8: The Place

_"_ _What is the meaning of life?"_ I read aloud from _Mrs. Dalloway_ around the last of the sandwich I had made for myself. _"That was all – a simple question; one that tended to close in on one with years. The great revelation had never come. The great revelation perhaps never did come. Instead there were little daily miracles, illuminations, matches struck unexpectedly in the dark; here was one."_

Edward made a noise that interrupted my reading.

We were in our meadow, the perfectly circular clearing in the middle of the dense Olympic forest. I was bundled up in a couple of sweaters, since it was still pretty cold and wet, but the sun was shining over head and the blanket we sat on was warm. And I was okay anywhere if Edward was with me.

We had wasted time arguing in the truck when we got here, so we weren't going to spend as much time outside as I would've hoped. He wanted to run to the clearing and I was insisting that he should walk and not overexert himself.

"I am _fine_." He had insisted from behind the driver's seat, his hands tight around the steering wheel. His eyes were focused on it like he was determined not to break it into a million pieces. "Everyone needs to _stop_ worrying about me."

"But, the doctor-,"

Edward audibly smashed his teeth together. "If we walk, it'll be nightfall before we even get there."

I pursed my lips. He had a point. A good one too. But, at the same time, I didn't want to do anything that would make the pain enter his eyes. It ached in my core to even think about it. "Are you sure you can handle it?"

He shot me an exasperated look. "One day isn't going to completely incapacitate me."

"I know," I said. "I just don't want to hurt you." _Because it hurts me too._ I wanted to add on the end, but didn't. I didn't want make Edward feel worse than he already did. It was one of those multiple moments where I was thankful that I was a mental mute to Edward's telepathy.

"I'm not fragile." He popped open the door. "I'm still a _vampire."_

I finally conceded and climbed on his back. _One moment at a time._

Now as I stared into his topaz eye and watched his dark red hair flow in the breeze, I had forgotten why we had even been arguing in the first place. He was sitting next to me, his legs stretched out in front of him and his ankles crossed. One hand supported his weight behind him and the other was tracing his finger over the edge of my figure.

I reflexively arced my back when he found my ticklish spot on my ribs. I grabbed his hand to freeze it where it was. "Are you not a fan of Virginia Woolf?"

"I find her – and that whole era, really – a little inflated." He said as I let his hand coast around my back to trace my spine.

"Well," I flipped my book closed and scooted so I was sitting on Edward's lap. His skin sparkled in the late afternoon sunlight – a marker for vampires that kept the myth that they burned alive and well. It was like he was made out of opal or had tiny gemstones embedded in his skin. It effervesced with his movements, reflecting the sunlight off of him and casting it around the meadow like a disco ball. "I don't think its meant to be inflated."

"As a commentary on the bourgeois effect on and the sexual and economic repression of working women written by someone who's never actually worked a day in her life." Edward removed the book from my hand. "Yes, its inflated."

"Maybe," I said, feeling my brows furrow. "But, I think it's also a commentary on time. Clarissa Dalloway reminds me a lot of you."

He snorted lightly. "Why? Because I'll go buy the flowers myself?"

I took my book back and smack his shoulder with it. "Listen to me," I laughed and he responded by laughing back – a beautiful sound that I wanted to hang on to forever. "You're caught in the middle of these two opposing ideas: the world has meaning and the world doesn't have meaning, the same as Clarissa and you do good-"

He moved to trace his lips on my neck under my ear and I lost my train of thought. "My world…" He started.

"…do good for the…" I tried to keep it together.

"…has meaning," His lips migrating up to the side of my mouth. I shivered under his breath. His sweet scent filling my head. "Now that you're in it."

I pressed my lips to his, the book abandoned on the blanket next to me along with whatever point I was trying to make. I greedily pushed against him, my body pressing as close as I could. One hand found his face and the other found his neck. I raked my fingers down his chest, feeling him shudder under me.

We went down. Edward fell onto his back and I fell on top of him, our lips still connected. I melted against, him feeling every curve of his granite form underneath me. My fingers wound into his hair, ran down his chest, feeling as much of him as I could. His hands tracked down my sides, cupping my face - politely avoiding the places I wanted him to touch me most. Places where I _ached_ for him to touch me. Places where I've dreamt about him touching me. Without thinking about it, grabbed one of his hands that were on my back and shoved it down past my shirt to my jeans.

"Bella," He gasped and moved his hand back up. "I can't."

"You can." I murmured back, almost begging.

He wrapped his arms around me and rolled me over, so he was on top of me. I looked into his eyes, a mixture of sadness and mischief and lust pulling me in. Except now there was a new emotion. A tightness around his eyes. Pain. I gulped, my stomach twisted into knots. "I really can't." He smiled at me and sat back up.

I stayed on my back, staring at the sky. The light blue was turning into a mix of pink and oranges as the daytime turned into dusk. I watched the puffy clouds lazily make their way to wherever they were going. I closed my eyes. _One moment at a time._

"Maybe we should head back." I suggested.

"I'm sorry," He started. "I really-," He gasped – a horrible sound like he had suddenly been punched in the gut. I shot up to see him on his side, cringing against the blanket. His eyes were shut and his face was contorted with pain.

"Edward," I said, moving to him, dread making my limbs feel heavy. "Edward, what's wrong?"

"It _hurts._ " He curled inward on himself, his knees migrating towards his chest in a fetal position. His fingers were spastic and he tried to ball them into fists.

"Can you stand?"

He grounded his teeth together in response.

What do I do? _What do I do?_ I knew he shouldn't have run. Or maybe it was the excitement from the kiss. A combination of them? I didn't know. I turned back from him and foraged around the blanket. I found my book and threw it to the side. The trees around us were casting long shadows now and making it difficult to see. Finally, my hand curled around my phone and the little screen blinded me as I clicked it on.

"Don't." Edward said between his teeth. "Please don't call them."

"I can't get you out of here myself." I argued.

"It'll pass." He said. "Just give me a moment." But he inhaled a sharp breath again and I impulsively hit the call button on the first name I saw.

"Hello?" Alice chirped on the other line.

" _Edward,_ " I managed to strangle out.

"Where are you?"

"The meadow." I pressed my hand to my forehead. _Did they know where that is?_ I panicked. I didn't even really know where it was, and I had spent months with Jacob tracking it on a map.

"We'll be there in five minutes. Don't _move_." She hung up.

I crawled back to where Edward laid and ran my hand over his shoulder. His mouth had mashed into a hard line like he was afraid to open it. A mixture of guilt and panic swirled in me violently like a hurricane. Guilt for letting him run. Guilt for upsetting him. Panic for being out here in the middle of a dark forest. Panic for not knowing what to do to make the hurting stop. I breathed in long breaths to keep myself from flipping out.

"Bella," He said, his hand finding mine. "It's okay."

"It obviously isn't." I said, my voice cracking with tears. _Why was he comforting_ me?

"It'll pass." He said. "It always does." But another gasp between his teeth contradicted his words. His shoulders shook like he was cold.

I continued to rub my hand on his shoulder, watching the sunset fade into nighttime. It was getting icy now that the sun was gone and I started to shake as bad as Edward did. The pitch darkness started to move in. Like it was a living creature threatening to consume us. A noise from the forest caused me to turned around suddenly.

Adrenaline rushed in my veins as I looked around the forest for any sign of threat. _Protect Edward._ Was my only thoughts. _Protect him._ My heart pounded blood in my head and all my senses felt heightened. I stopped shaking and forgot about the tears on my face as I protectively moved in front of Edward's curled form. A million different scenarios flashed through my brain at once. Wild animals. Other vampires. Even the werewolves. _Protect Edward._ I scanned the line of trees for anything out of the ordinary, waiting.

There was a rustle in the trees and I jumped to my feet, rushing in-between this danger and the man I loved. Relief flooded my chest when I saw that it was just Alice, Carlisle, and Jasper.

"We're here." Alice breathed as she grabbed my arms in an embrace.

"That was the longest five minutes of my life." I managed against her shoulder, the shakes coming back as the adrenaline wore off now that I knew we were both safe.

They all moved to Edward's huddled form.

"Where does it hurt, son?" Carlisle dropped to one knee next to him.

" _Every_ where." Edward answered in a ragged breath.

"Help me get him up."

I watched as him and Jasper scooped him up - bridal style – into Carlisle's arms. They were indistinguishable in the shadowy meadow. I squinted as I made out their silhouettes in the blackness.

"Look how dark his eyes are." Alice said. "We should get him an animal or something."

"How's he going to hunt in this condition?" Jasper asked.

"We can catch one for him and bleed it out." Alice said. "Why don't you go do that, Jazz? There should be deer or something around here."

Jasper nodded and disappeared with his orders back into the tree line like a ghost.

Alice turned to me. "I'll take you back to your car, Bella."

"No!" I almost screamed between chattering teeth. "I want to go with you. Please." I almost begged, the cold shaking me to my bones. I couldn't leave him. The hurricane churned wildly and I fought the urge to vomit.

"Okay," She nodded in the dark. "Let's get you on my back."

Alice's thin body cut bruises into my inner thighs and arms as I held onto her, my face dug into the hollow of her neck. She zoomed through the forest at such high speeds, that I could hear the breeze whistle in my ears. I didn't even think about my book or my blanket I left behind at the meadow. I only thought about Edward. I _needed_ to get to him.

She didn't stop until we were inside and up the stairs of their house. At which point she tapped my hand that was clenched tight around her throat and I slid off of her frame like it was a fireman's pole.

Edward sat up on the bed that I had occupied only days before, all the pillows jammed under his back in a heap. One knee was curled to his chest and his shoulders were stiff and dark circles now rimmed his eyes, but he looked improved. At least, he didn't look like he was in agony anymore; his expression replaced by a hard glower.

Carlisle examined Edward's left arm, rotating it to reveal a new blue lightning bolt that appeared from his shoulder and looped around his bicep.

"You look better." Alice commented.

"I'm fine." He spat and glared the hardest at Carlisle. "I told you it would pass."

"Well," Carlisle started gently. "I think Bella did the right thing by calling us. You would be in worse shape if you ran with Bella's weight on your back."

Edward winced and yanked his arm away from Carlisle's grip, holding it protectively against his chest. "You guys need to _leave me alone."_ He said with acidic tone that I've never heard him take with his family before.

Alice crossed her arms defiantly, a smug look crossing her features. Edward met her eyes and narrowed them at her. Another secret fight. But, then Edward's face twisted with something that looked like horror and then pain. He gasped again and let out a noise that sounded like a wounded animal. His shoulders contracting in odd directions.

"What did you say?" I asked in a high voice as I gripped the footboard of the bed. A jolt of panic socking me right in the chest and making it hard to breathe.

Alice's expression had melted into white shock. "I told him that if he waited then something could've happened to you." She said. "Oh, Edward. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset."

"Just _go."_ He spat and rolled on his side. "Everyone _get out."_

"Edward," I begged. I didn't want to be separated from him. I _needed_ to be with him.

A pillow zoomed across the room at impossible speeds and hit the wall behind us with a soft thud, ending the conversation. We complied with his request. Carlisle first and the Alice, who looked at her feet remorsefully. I was the last one. I waited until the tears blurred my view of him before I shuffled out myself, closing the door behind me.

There was an audience that had gathered around the guest room door. Rose, Emmett, and Esme all stood with concerned looks on their stony features.

"He wants to be left alone." Carlisle said sadly before turning and walking into his office. Esme followed him.

"Good going, sister dear." Rosalie snorted.

"Shut up."

They glared daggers at each other.

"Guys, he can still _hear you."_ Emmett pointed out.

"Good," Rosalie said, turning towards the closed door. "Maybe he can hear how _ridiculous_ he's sounding."

"We just want to help him." Alice added sadly, so low I almost didn't catch it.

"What's going on?" Jasper said as he bounded up the stairs with a milk jug that had its contents replaced by thick red blood hanging from his finger. My stomach flipped and I moved as far as I could out of his way. A push of ease replaced the nausea, panic, and sadness I had been feeling as Jasper fixed the emotional climate.

"Jazz," Alice motioned with her head at the door, her eyes going intense and her mouth mashing into a hard line.

"Say no more," Jasper said with his slight Southern accent. He let himself into the guest room. The door reclosed with a soft click.

"The place?" Rosalie suggested, her arms crossing.

"Please." Alice nodded and turned to me. "You come too, Bella. We can use your help."

I had to ride her back again like Yoda on Luke. To wherever and whatever the 'place' was. We ran northward through the dark forest, the cold wind raising goose pimples on my skin and my teeth chatter in my head. We finally stopped after about ten minutes and I opened my eyes to a little white barn in the middle of a clearing.

"What is this?" I asked as I climbed off of Alice's back, thankful to be on solid ground.

"The place." Rosalie said. "The 'No Edward' zone."

"What?" I asked, dumbstruck as I followed it in. The inside was set up like a game room. A pool table sat to one side and a large television with a couch took the other. A card table was covered in what looked to be an abandoned poker game. My eyes trailed up the bare walls to a loft with a bed.

"It's far enough away from the house that Edward can't read our thoughts." Alice explained. "So we can talk," She looked up at the bed. "Or do _other_ things without Edward's intrusion."

Emmett snickered behind me.

"Does he know this is here?" Shock ringing high in my voice. I wasn't completely aware of the scope of Edward's abilities. He had described it for me one time like sitting in a crowded place, the voices blending around him until he focused on just one. I knew he could hear his family clearer and farther than anyone else. Miles away. But, I had assumed that Edward's gift was something they just _lived_ with. I never assumed they had a private area to get away from him.

"Of course." Rosalie answered as she flopped down on the couch. "He's the one who suggested it."

"Probably got tired of the sex." Emmett said bluntly and took a place next to Rose. "Spending roughly fifty years being the seventh wheel who can read minds has to be slightly irritating." He shrugged.

"It makes it easy to plan birthday parties." Alice perched herself cross-legged on the back of the couch and clapped her tiny hands together.

"Why'd we come here now?" I asked and sat down too.

There was an exchange of wary looks.

"Well, as you know, Edward has a teensy issue with self-hatred." Alice said and held up her thumb and forefinger to show how small it was. "And we're afraid that this, um… _diagnosis_ is spiraling him into a depression. And that depression is why he's…declining assistance." Alice's features fell glumly.

"Depression?" I repeated. "You think Edward is depressed?"

Rosalie snorted. "He's always depressed. Christ. I hate what I am too, but at least I'm not such a _pussy_ about it."

I was shocked, not only at Rosalie's candidness and her vulgar language, but with this absurd notion. Depression was something I went through went Edward left. The feeling of being an empty shell of a person, the hole in my chest, the weight of the world around me. I shook my head. "He's not depressed."

"Bella…"

"I think he's _afraid_." I twined my fingers together. _Afraid to be weak._

"We're all afraid." Alice said gently, her face still pained. "But, Edward's…always had an issue with depression. This is not a sudden thing brought on with the strikes."

I felt like I had been slapped at this revelation. The sting of this new information smarting right on top of my cheeks. "What?"

"He wouldn't _tell_ you, but he had an existential crisis in the early fifties." Rosalie said. "Went completely catatonic for about a year. Wouldn't move or eat or do anything. He just laid on the floor like a corpse."

"Why?" I asked, my brows furrowing. I was trying to understand this side of Edward. I knew he had an issue with being self-critical, but _depression?_

"A multitude of reasons." Alice said. "Being the fifth wheel to Esme and Carlisle and Rose and Emmett."

"The no soul thing." Emmett added, his brows coming together.

"And being the only one of the family with a 'gift.'" Rosalie made quotation marks in the air with her long, slender fingers.

"Then Jazz and Alice showed up." Emmett said. "It helped him a lot knowing that there were others out there that had special powers. Regular, _good_ vampires with powers. But, he was still _down._ You know, like, not _happy_."

"That's why we were so ecstatic he found you." Alice moved down to sit next to me. She laced her cold fingers with mine. "Because we had never seen him so _joyful_ before."

I looked at Alice's hands that were clasped with mine. The hurricane of emotions inside of me was now a category five, uprooting palm trees and the shingles of my mental roof. With my promise to myself, I had vowed to be Edward's cheerleader because I thought that he was afraid that he was weak. But, now I knew it was more than that. It was multidimensional with a long history. I didn't know if I could handle it. "What should I do?" I said between tears.

"We want him to go to Japan." Rose said. "Without kidnapping him and forcing him there."

"I voted for kidnapping, personally." Emmett said.

"You're not going to make him do anything he doesn't want to do." I pointed out.

The door to the barn slid open on its tracks and we all turned to see Jasper enter – thankfully sans a jug of blood this time. A breeze blew in behind him, cooling the barn down and making me shiver. He jumped from the doorway and landed on the couch. "What did I miss?" He asked as he looped an arm around Alice.

"We're filling Bella in on what happened to Edward in the fifties." Alice said.

"Ah, yes." Jasper nodded. "The great freeze of fifty-two."

"We're also strategizing about how to get Edward to Kyoto."

"Has kidnapping been suggested yet?"

"If we force him, he's going to resent us." Alice said. "It's going to make it worse, _not_ better. But, Japan is the best option he has." Her voice was small at the end. "Bella, we have to _save_ him."

"We can't let him get to the end." Rose shook her head.

"Poor kid." Emmett looked at his large paw-like hands.

I could hear the desperation in their voices and I knew it well. It was the same desperation I felt. The grasping at straws. The car wreck happening right in front of your eyes, and being powerless to stop it. "How though? He doesn't want help. He doesn't want to seem weak."

"We're not sure." Alice admitted. "We're trying to figure that out ourselves."

We lapsed into silence and the others stopped moving, embracing the cold stillness of their kind. Their eyes were faraway as they strategized. I bit my lip, trying to keep in the tears that threatened to spill.

 _One moment at a time._

"We don't help him." I said suddenly, the words painful to get out, like I finally coughed up something I was choking on. I winced at my sudden idea.

"What?" Rose asked.

"If we don't help him…maybe he'll get there on his own?" I pressed my hands against my face. "And just take each day one moment at a time?" _One moment at a time._

"So…" Alice started. "Like he can't know his limits unless he tests them…type thing?"

I nodded. "Something like that."

"That's…" Emmett started.

"Ridiculous?" Rosalie scoffed. "What are we going to do if he's out in the middle of the woods and the strikes get him? We just going to leave him out there? _Victoria_ is still out there somewhere."

Everyone exchanged looks at the name of the elusive redheaded vampire with the obsessive vendetta.

"No," I said quickly. "Obviously we'll help him if he's in trouble. I mean," I looked down at my hands. "The strikes are only going to get worse," I pushed the panic attack that was starting to make my palms sweat and my breathing hitch. "But, instead of fretting over him, we just deal with stuff as it comes up and support him in _whatever_ decision he decides to make."

"That's not going to get him to Kyoto. That's-," Rosalie argued.

"No, wait." Alice held up her hand to stop her, her eyes going faraway. She traced around the room, even though the room wasn't what she was seeing anymore.

"I thought you couldn't see Edward now." Jasper said.

"I can't see Edward, but I see…us." She breathed. "I see…Japan. We're in Japan." She nodded. "It's blurry and hazy, but I see it."

"Do you see a cure?" Jasper asked her as she rubbed her back.

She shook her head and I felt something wilt inside of me a little. "But, that doesn't mean it's not going to happen. Dr. Funai just hasn't made a decision to get it there yet."

"Okay," Rosalie nodded. "We'll go with Bella's plan."

"We should get back." Emmett got to his feet and stretched his fingers up, almost brushing the ceiling. Everyone else stood up too.

When we got back to the house, Alice tapped my hand before we made it up to the house and I looked up to see Edward sitting on the back porch steps waiting for us. I slid off of her back and walked up with them. He stood up – a slow, pained movement – with the help of the railing. "I was hoping I could talk to everyone inside." He said quietly.

Everyone filed into the house except for me. I walked up the steps to stand in front of Edward. He towered over me, but his hunched shoulders put him at my level. He put his hand in mine and we walked up the stairs and into the house together.

I stopped at his piano and watched him walk to the middle of the living room in front of his audience. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry to you all." His hand went to his forehead and then up to tousle his red hair. "My behavior the last couple of days has been unacceptable."

"Edward…" Esme started and then clamped her jaw shut.

"None of us are mad at you." Alice said quietly.

"No," He shook his head. "I've been…ungraceful with the fact that I am sick and I've been taking it out on all of you."

"Edward," I said. "You're allowed to take your time to process this. None of us blame you for that."

"Even so. I've realized that I need you guys." He said and looked at me, his liquid-golden eyes intense. "More now than ever before."

* * *

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	10. 9: Rumors

Alice was right. By Friday, everyone knew.

The news traveled menacingly quick. I knew small towns were notorious for gossip and rumors when I got here, but I never thought that it would go as fast as it did. It was like a viral infection. From one person to the next it spread. Starting with one person that knew that turned into two people that multiplied into four. Tuesday started with patient zero: Jessica Stanley, who had learned it from her mom and made spreading the rumor about _Edward Cullen_ being _sick_ with _cancer_ a new pastime of her.

By Wednesday, the stares started. By Thursday, the whispers. By Friday, the story had taken a million different directions. It was a twisted, distorted game of telephone.

It was like my first day of school, but worse. At least that attention came and went quickly. I was just a passing novelty, like a miserable zoo animal. Once the freshness had worn off I was just another student in the Forks High student body.

This attention was accompanied by pity. Maybe even fear of the unknown. Intrigue as they tried to figure out what kind of cancer Edward had. Perplexity as to why he didn't _look_ sick from the outside. It was like being socked in the gut over and over and over. I was forced to relive same initial emotions that I had when I found out. The sympathy in their eyes made me feel defensive of Edward. Who were _they_ to stare at _him?_ They didn't know _anything._

It irritated the hell out of me.

That irritation bubbled over when I got to Spanish – one of my only classes without Edward, the other being gym – when I heard Mike Newton talk it over with Oliver Sandusky and Kellin Patel behind me.

"Did you hear about Cullen?" Mike whispered. He was a loud whisperer, and he was easily excitable, which just raised the volume on his voice.

My fingers clenched into a fist on my desk as I opened my Spanish textbook.

"Cancer, right?" Kellin asked. He was better at being discreet, but the classroom wasn't full yet and I was close enough to hear everything.

"Yeah," Mike said. "I heard that Mrs. Cullen told Polly Isaac's mom that's it's _inoperable_." He said it like it was a taboo word. Like an expletive.

"What does that mean?"

I turned around in my seat. "It means it can't be operated on." I snapped at them, feeling the fire in my face and eyes. The other students in the class looked at me like had suddenly grown a second head.

All three boys' eyes widened at the same time at my sudden outburst. I met their gaze, feeling the challenge in it. I hoped another rumor started. Bella Swan was _not_ going to tolerate any high school nonsense regarding this. Or in other words, _don't mess with her._

"Sorry, Bella." Oliver was the first to drop his gaze to his desk.

"Yeah, sorry." Kellin mumbled.

Mike boldly stood up and slid in the empty desk next to me. I looked at him like I was trying to make his head explode with my mind. I felt my lips purse out in annoyance. "What do you want Mike?" I said in an impolite tone.

"I wanted to see how you were doing?" Mike asked and touched his messy blond hair.

I snorted. "I would be better if people would stop spreading _rumors_ about things they know nothing about." I said it loud enough for the entire class to hear.

"Buenos dias," Mrs. Roberto said as she bustled into class. I watched the short, slightly pudgy teacher scan the classroom. She looked at Mike. "Is there something wrong with your seat, Mr. Newton?"

I watched heat cross his cheeks. He opened his mouth like he was going to say something but clamped it shut and moved back to his desk.

Edward was waiting for me outside of class, an amused expression on his face. A jolt of anxiety ran through me when I saw that his shoulders were tense and uneven. "If looks could kill." He chuckled.

"You heard that?" I asked as I took his hand. We started towards the cafeteria together.

"Unfortunately, Mike's mental voice is like a mosquito buzzing in your ear." His crooked smile flashed. "Annoying and hard to get rid of."

"You're taking the whole rumor thing awfully well." _Better than me at least._ I wanted to tack on at the end.

He shrugged – one shoulder at a time – and winced. "It's been interesting. Attention is not something I'm used to." He said. "I have, um, a distraction, though." He pulled the sleeve of his navy cardigan up, revealing a new blue lightning bolt on his forearm next to the existing one.

I yanked to a stop in the middle of the hallway. "Edward, if you are in pain-,"

"I'm okay." He interrupted. "I promise I'll let you know if anything changes."

That was part of _The Deal_ that was made Monday night. After Edward's apology, we – including the Cullens and I - apologized ourselves for being stressfully overbearing. A deal was struck: Edward would be honest and wouldn't minimize his symptoms. If he needed help, he would ask for it. And we all promised that we would lay off.

"Besides," He added as we moved through the doors of the cafeteria. "We've prepared for this."

All eyes snapped to us and the cafeteria fell quiet.

The initial nausea of stage fright flipped my stomach like double-dutch ropes. This feeling was replaced by itchiness of being the center of attention. Which quickly blazed into full-blown hatred for the entire senior class of Forks High School.

"Did we prepare for this?" I asked as I scowled.

Edward's face of mild shock quickly arranged itself back into a neutral expression. We found an empty table and sat down, not even bothering going through the lunch line for food. I wasn't even hungry anyway.

I caught the eye of one of the sophomore girls who were looking at Edward and glared angry lasers at her. She dropped her gaze to her friend next to her and whispered something to her. I fantasized taking the spaghetti lunch that they were serving as today's special and pushing her face into it with enough force to possibly break her nose. Another thankful moment Edward couldn't hear my thoughts.

A cold hand found mine on the table and squeezed. I looked up into two dark amber eyes and all the annoyance I felt blew out of me. I propped my face on fist. "I'm sorry." I mumbled.

"It's okay," He said. "It's been a rough day for everyone."

"Rough _week_." I amended.

"I brought pizza!" Alice sang as she slid a chair out and sat down on the other side of Edward. "Since you guys didn't get any food."

"I don't know if I'm hungry." I mumbled.

"Is it okay if we join you?"

I looked up and saw Angela and her boyfriend, Ben holding lunch trays in their hands. She looked sheepish, but she didn't have the same look of pity or wonder that everyone else had. "Yeah, Angela." I said and moved my bag from the chair next to me. "Of course."

"Do you guys have anything fun planned for the weekend?" Angela asked and sat down, flipping her corn silk blond hair over one shoulder.

"I think its going to thunderstorm tomorrow." Alice said, her eyes flashing.

"We should play baseball." Edward said quietly, his eyes going to the ceiling, probably planning his revenge against Emmett for beating him the last time.

We lapsed into easy conversation. I even picked up a piece of pizza from Alice's tray and munched on it between. We talked about papers and homework. Basketball tryouts. Angela was thinking about trying out for the girls' team. The 'c word' never came up. It was like Angela knew. I silently thanked her for it. It was like a breath of fresh air.

"You did pretty well last year." I pointed out. "You played point guard, right?" I was vaguely aware of basketball game rules. I knew most positions and the semantics of it, at least.

She nodded. "Yeah," She looked solemn. "But, I'm barely skating by with Cs in two of my classes. Basketball would be too much on my plate, I think."

"And I wouldn't see you as much." Ben pointed out.

"Speaking of which, are you still available to go over _Mrs. Dalloway_ with me?" Angela blushed at her tray, her eyebrows coming together. "I'm not getting it at all. She's basically just planning a party, right? What's so deep about that?"

"Thank you," Edward breathed in agreement.

"Sure," I smiled, which quickly faded when I remembered that I left my book in the meadow. "Oh, wait. I lost my book. Do you think the library has a copy I could borrow?"

"I'm not sure."

"This book?" Edward held out my battered copy of _Mrs. Dalloway._ I looked up at him with questioning eyes as he slid it across the table. His crooked smile split across his face. "Bella, you really shouldn't leave your stuff in the woods. It's really not good for the environment."

I was going to say something snarky in response, but we were interrupted by Jessica Stanley, Tyler Crowley and Mike Newton.

"Can we join you guys?" Jessica's eyes fell on Edward and flicked to me.

The irritation at her twisted through me. It was Jessica who heard it first and then spread the news around like a plague. She couldn't keep _anything_ to herself. I opened my mouth to tell her where she _could_ go, but Edward motioned for them to take a seat.

He turned to me and gently moved my hair behind my ear and got close, like he was going to give me a kiss on the cheek.

"She doesn't know that we know that she was the first to know." He said quickly and at a volume that no one could hear but me. "Be nice." He pecked me on the hollow of my neck under my ear and then turned back to his conversation with Alice.

I buried the irritation and turned to Mike. "I think Angela should try out for the basketball team. But, she's not sure. What do you think, Mike?"

Mike's eyes lit up. "Oh, I think you should do it Angela."

We lapsed back into conversation and I kept catalyzing it by changing subjects, but my eyes were Edward the whole time. I watched as his shoulders migrate in different directions and his arm curled inward, his other hand moving to hold it against his chest. I watched the skin around his eyes tighten with pain. The irritation I felt before was replaced with worry.

I wanted to ask if he was okay, but that wasn't apart of _The Deal_. If he needed help, he would ask for it.

Hopefully.

* * *

 _"_ _What_ is the dance committee going to do without me when I graduate?" Alice ruminated as we made our way out of school. Her tiny arms were full of textbooks, but a swatch book of different colored organza laid on top of the pile, and she flipped through the colors as she walked. "They wanted to do an under the sea theme for the girl's choice dance. _Under the sea?_ Are they nuts?" She said to us.

"Naturally," Edward responded with a small smile as he held my hand. His shoulders were still held like they hurt, but he didn't say a peep about them the whole day, so I didn't either. It made me want to explode with concern.

"No, no." She said. "We have to do Mardi Gras. I've already seen it and it's going to be great."

I internally cringed at the thought of going to a school dance. Especially the girls' choice. After last year's fiasco involving all the boys who wanted to ask out the new girl. I was dodging requests left and right. And it was _girl's choice_ dance. Horrible.

"You're not going." Alice sniffed at Edward. "I forbid it. If you go, it'll become a hole in my vision. I won't allow it."

"I'm not so sure if I'd be up for dancing, anyway." His eyes turned back to the school, like he was scanning for something. "Though, you can ask someone else, Bella." An easy smile sliding onto his face. "I don't want to ruin the fun for you."

"Well it's a good thing that school dances are about as fun as root canals." I grumbled, offended he would even suggest that I would substitute him for someone else.

Edward laughed at my joke.

"Speaking of _fun."_ Alice said. "The sun's going to be shining on Monday here in Forks. We should hit Gobblers Knob for some early morning hunting."

"The sun's going to be out on Monday?" I asked glumly. When the sun was out, the Cullens were not.

"We'll go while you're in school." Alice comforted.

Edward chuckled. "Angela's coming. She wants to go to Pop's for the study date."

Pop's Diner was an elderly hole-in-the-wall restaurant that had questionable customer service and the best waffles in the Northwest region of the United States.

"Hey guys!" Angela said brightly as she walked up to us. "I was thinking study food for Mrs. Dalloway? How about Pop's?"

"I don't think we'll be joining you." Edward said in reference to Alice and him. He gently untwined his fingers from mine and I resisted the urge to snatch his hand back.

I looked up at him, concern making my heartbeat fast. "You're not?"

"No, we have a camping trip to prepare for." He said and pressed a kiss on my forehead. The pain in his eyes sharpened and my stomach flipped. "I'll call you later."

"Bye Bella!" Alice squeezed my shoulders and I watched them both get into Edward's car and pull out of the parking lot.

I masked the anxiety that ate at me as I rode in Angela's green Toyota to Pop's. I didn't go out of my way to make conversation on the way to the polished silver diner, instead I watched the dark trees that lined Forks' streets as we rode together in the car. Angela didn't mind as she hummed along with a pop song on the radio. I didn't have to make an effort to talk with her like I had to with Jessica. She was comfortable with silence.

A familiar VW Rabbit was parked in one of the front parking spaces, its back tires sitting on the line like whoever drove it was in a rush to park. I started craning my neck around to find him. I almost didn't even hear the bell of the door above us or Angela ask the hostess for a booth.

Finally, I found him. Jacob sat at a table across from Billy, an empty milkshake glass next to his elbow and a half-full one in his fist. We met eyes and the same kaleidoscope of emotions that I saw on Christmas crossed his face.

"One moment, Dad." He held up a finger and bounded up to us as we took a seat.

"Hey, Jacob." I said.

"Bella!" He smiled and slid into the sparkly red booth next to me.

"Jacob this is Angela. Angela, this is Jacob." I introduced to Angela, who looked at Jacob with shock in her big, blue eyes.

"Nice to meet you." Jake said. "Is Edward here?" He craned around for him, his smile twisting into a frown.

I felt my smile fade a little. "No, he's getting ready for a camping trip _."_

"Ah," Jacob nodded. "Camping trip."

"Hey, Bella. I'm gonna hit the restroom." Angela casted a knowing look at Jacob and I. I shot her silent _thank you_ back in my head. We both watched as she walked behind the double doors that led to the restrooms.

"Wow, she's tall." Jacob said and turned to me.

"Yeah," I agreed. "She's a great basketball player."

"I bet."

"Thanks for getting my truck back to the house the other night." I said. "I haven't had a chance to talk to you since then."

"Yeah, the pack was pissed another Cullen crossed the line. Paul phased right there. It took all night to calm them down." He shrugged and flipped one of the menus open. "What was that about, anyway?"

I felt my face twist and I dropped my eyes from Jacob's russet face and bright white teeth to the table in front of me. I tried not to let myself go back to that night. We were moving forward, one moment at a time. But, it was still hard _knowing_. I picked at a scratch on the table. "Edward's sick."

"I heard something like that." His eyebrows pulled together. "Cancer? Do they even get cancer?"

"It's not cancer." I said, hearing the sadness in my own voice. "That's just the cover story. It's a disease only _they_ could get."

"Oh," He said and grabbed my hand that was playing with table mark. "Is there anything that can be done?"

I shook my head no. I was afraid to open my mouth at that point, afraid of what might come out. Afraid that if I got started, I wouldn't stop. I breathed in a long breath, hearing my nose stuff up with threat of sobs.

"Aw, Bells." He said and wrapped me in his large, hot arms. "I'm sorry."

Angela was walking back at that point and I quickly wiped away the tears that had managed to squeeze out onto my eyelashes and pressed my hands to my reddened face. There was no point losing it in front of Angela. She wouldn't understand.

"I'll leave you guys alone." Jacob uncoiled his arms that were around me and scooted out from the seat. "I'll see you around, Bells."

"Thanks Jacob." I looked up into face, into the concern shining his dark eyes.

I waited until I heard the _ding, ding_ of the entrance door before looking up at Angela. "Sorry 'bout that." I mumbled and pulled _Mrs. Dalloway_ out of my bag.

She shook her head and pulled out her own book. "He's nice. You guys seem close?"

I nodded, tears filling my eyes again, but for a different reason this time around. "Yeah. We're really close. Our dads are best friends." _Or at least, we used to be close._

"Hey, Bella." A hand found mine of the table. "If you need to talk about anything. I'm here. I don't like to gossip, but I've heard…others talk about Edward. Is that all true?"

"The cancer is." I said. "The inoperable part is. I'm not sure what else is being said."

"That sucks. I'm sorry."

"You have no idea." I wiped my face with the back of my sleeve. "But, I'm not really in a place where I can talk about it."

"Okay, well, the offer always stands."

"Thanks, Angela." I said and looked at her. I wished I could talk about it with her. Someone from the outside. It would be nice to get it all off my chest. But, I couldn't. She'd think I'm crazy and it would expose the Cullens. "I'll be okay, though."

"Alright." Angela nodded and slid her hand away. "Can we talk about Septimus first? What a loon, am I right?"

I laughed. "Yeah, Septimus has a hard go of it."

We talked about _Mrs. Dalloway_ and only _Mrs. Dalloway._ We joked about Clarissa and the stuffiness of English society at the time. We read the book aloud in funny voices. I pointed out quotes she could use. Angela did get some good notes for her paper, so the study date wasn't entirely in vain. And I got to escape for a couple of moments into a world where I could just be a normal human teenager for a second. No vampires, no werewolves, no weird sicknesses.

It was nice of Angela. If it was Jessica, she'd probably try to push the subject to squeeze out juicy details that she could share. Or just flip the whole conversation onto herself.

It was when our fries had gone icy and our milkshakes had gone lukewarm that we decided that it was best if we headed home. I picked up the check as a thank you to Angela for being a genuine person and we let ourselves out into the chilly January air.

"Hey, Bella." Jacob said and bounded up to us in the Pop's Diner parking lot. "Can I drive you home?"

"Jacob?" I looked at my watch. "Have you been waiting the whole time?"

"Of course not." He grinned. "I had to take my dad back to La Push."

"I'll catch you later, then?" Angela said, her thumbs looped into the straps of her backpack.

"Yeah, thanks Angela." I said honestly. "It was fun. We should do it more often."

I walked with Jacob and slid into the passenger seat of his car. His old Rabbit he built himself from scratch with scavenged parts roared to life, but he didn't move to back out. I listen to the radio click on to the eighties' station and a Journey song played low over the radio.

"There's something I needed to talk to you about." Jacob's voice grew suddenly serious and a million alarms went off in my head.

"Is something the matter?"

He sighed and played with his broken sun visor. "There _might_ be?"

"What's going on?"

"The redhead's back." He said. "We've been keeping an eye on her movements – and she's not hunting in this area - but it seems like she's zoning in on Forks."

"What?" I almost shrieked. "Victoria's back? I thought you guys chased her out?"

"Well, bloodsuckers are obsessive creatures." His smile flashed. "Look at Edward."

"Edward's not obsessive." I retorted.

"Well, he did leave and come back."

"I went and _got him."_

Jacob just shrugged as his response.

"What are we going to do?" I moaned and pressed my hand to my forehead. I was still a human and my protector was fighting his own battles now. And I was putting his family at risk by even being near them. And I was endangering the werewolves too.

"At this point, not much. We've been running patrols and she's maintaining her distance," He said and started to pull out of the parking spot. "But, I would let the Cullens know. I know they got a lot on their plate at the moment. But, they should be aware in case she wanders onto their turf."

"All this trouble over me." I muttered.

"You are a lot of trouble." Jacob teased. "But, you're worth it."

" _I_ don't think so."

We lapsed into silence as Jacob drove into my neighborhood. I watched the light posts pass and traced the power lines, trying to keep myself together enough to make it into the house and past Charlie. At which point I could have my overdue panic attack in peace.

"So, Edward…"

"I don't want to talk about it." I snapped, knowing exactly where this conversation was heading.

"Fine, fine." Jacob held up his hands. "I told the pack, though – you know – and they've agreed to overlook the bloodsuckers treading on our side this time around."

"Well, that's really nice of you." I said in a gentler tone.

"Don't mention it." He smiled and parked in front of my house. Charlie's cruiser was in the driveway and "And I just want to let you know, if you need anyone to talk to…"

"…that you're here?" I finished for him. "I just got this spiel from Angela."

He grinned. "I was thinking more, that if you need to talk, you should ride instead. I still have your bike. Always makes me feel better."

"That sounds like fun. We should get together soon." I said and unbuckled my seatbelt. "Thanks for driving me home."

"Sure," Jacob said. "I have to get out of here, though." He wrinkled his nose. "Otherwise the vampire smell will permeate the upholstery. I won't ever be able to get that out."

"You're ridiculous." I laughed and got out. "Goodnight, Jacob."

"Goodnight, Bella."

I walked through the house to see Charlie in his usual position, a bottle of Stella Artois in his hand, the light from the television making his face ghostly. "Evening, Bella." He said.

"Hey, Dad." I answered back as I took off my jacket and unlaced my boots.

"Did you enjoy your evening?"

"Yeah, I went to Pop's with Angela to help her with an assignment."

Charlie looked surprised. "Where was Edward?"

"He's going camping this weekend with his family."

"Oh, that's nice."

"Well, goodnight." I said and started up the stairs, planning to call Edward as soon I got the door closed. Or maybe not Edward. I didn't want to worry him. Maybe I should call Carlisle?

"Oh my God, Edward." I jumped when I snapped the lights on in my room and saw that he was sitting on my bed, still as stone. I pressed my hand to my heart to make sure that it was still beating in my chest.

"I'm sorry," He said and moved to his feet. "Did I startle you?" Before the strikes, I would take stock of him to make sure that I wasn't actually hallucinating this beautiful angel in front of me. Now I took stock for a completely different reason. My mouth flattened when I saw that his shoulders hadn't resumed their normal positions and his arm was still tight at his side. It grew even flatter when I thought of him running here and jumping through my window in that condition.

"I thought you were going to call first?" I pulled my shiny black cell phone from my back pocket and clicked it on. I had four missed phone calls. All of them were from Edward.

"I got worried." He explained sheepishly. "With good reason. I thought you were hanging out with Angela?"

I shrugged. "Jacob happened to be at Pop's too."

He sighed and sat down on the edge of my bed. "That explains why you suddenly disappeared. Alice's vision is becoming so holey; you could serve it on rye with corned beef."

I sat down next to him - on his right - so I could twine my fingers with his arm that was cinched at his side. "He told me something…concerning."

"What's that?"

"Victoria's back in the area?"

"Oh," He said. "We knew that already."

"You _did_?" I sputtered. "And you didn't think to tell me?"

"I didn't want to worry you."

"Isn't it kind of important that the target knows that she is being targeted?" I squeaked, feeling panic twist my insides around.

"We have it under control. We've been following her movements."

I jumped back to my feet. "You're not tracking her, are you? Like, you personally?"

He shrugged – one shoulder at a time – and winced.

"Edward." I groaned. "You have to take care of yourself."

"I am." He said, grabbing my hand again. "I promise. Along with the promise that I'm not going to let anything hurt you."

A lightbulb went off in my head. "You could change me." I suggested. "Then you wouldn't have to worry about me. You could just focus on yourself. I would be able to be strong enough to stand up to Victoria."

"Have you lost your mind?" He hissed. "I'm not going to change you. Then we would have _two_ rabid vampires to fight off. At least Victoria shows restraint around humans. A newborn would not." He crossed his arms. "Besides, you know my conditions."

"You still want to marry me?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"I mean…you smell like a dog right now. But, yes, I would gladly marry you." He said. "We could do it right now, if you want."

"No," I shook my head. "I mean, even with TS?"

"Well, I would hate to make you a bride and a widow in the same year. But, if you would have me, of course I would marry you. Honestly, my preference would be to marry you while I can still carry you through a threshold."

"Edward," I breathed, sitting down hard on my bed and pressing my face into his chest. I couldn't finish my sentence. I didn't want to finish _this_ sentence. The sentence of our lives, the full stop being when one of us stopped breathing. _It was supposed to be me._

"Why are you upset?" His arms looped around me. "Marriages are generally happy occasions, although one in three end up in divorce nowadays."

"I don't – can't - think about you _dying_." I wheezed into his shirt.

"Oh, that." He said flatly.

 _"_ _Oh, that."_ I mimicked. "Yes, that. Edward," I cried against him, letting all the emotions I've been suppressing for the last week out. Like a floodgate had been torn open. "You have to go to Japan."

He stiffened. "I don't want to go to Japan."

"But, there is a shot at a cure." I argued between sobs.

"But that's all that it is." He said. "A shot. A crapshoot. A gun blast in the dark. I would go and waste my time in a foreign place so I could be turned into a twisted science experiment." He pushed me away and looked hard in my eyes. "If these are my last months on earth, I rather spend them here where I can be comfortable and you can be safe."

I pressed my hand against my face and sniffed hard. _One moment at a time._ "Okay."

He looked surprised. "Really? I thought you were going to argue some more."

I shook my head. "That's not apart of The Deal."

"That's true." He pressed me against him again. I could feel his shoulder tremble. "No more talk about this then, okay? It makes me upset seeing you upset and me being upset makes me-," He gasped and tensed suddenly. "-hurt."

"I'm sorry." I said grabbed his shirt tight.

"Can I ask a favor? Cash in on another cancer perk, if you will?" He said between teeth.

"Sure," I managed, keeping myself as close to him as possible. "But you only get three, and you just used one with Charlie." I joked cynically.

"I'll keep that in mind." He smiled against my hair. "Will you do your best to stay out of danger?"

"The danger tends to find me." I pointed out.

"I know," He said. "Just don't do anything _reckless._ You know, something that makes my blood boil, so to speak."

"You heard Jacob and I talk about motorcycles, didn't you?"

He made another noise that sounded like a choked whimper, his arms tensing tight around me. "Yes."

"Okay. I promise I won't do anything reckless."

We lapsed into silence for a moment, the only noise our breathing. Edward's breaths were long and slow, like he was trying to calm himself down. Or breathe through the discomfort. I focused on mine to match.

"Maybe for my Make-a-Wish, I'll ask you to _not_ to become a vampire." He snorted at his own joke.

"Edward!" I almost cried, hoping that Charlie didn't hear me downstairs.

"What? I'm still seventeen, so technically, I am a minor and I have a terminal illness. I think those are the only two conditions."

"You can't ask for something normal? Like Disneyland? Trip to Paris? Go meet Brad Pitt in person?"

Edward only chuckled lowly in response, his twitchy fingers winding in my hair as he pressed his mouth to mine. I kiss him back, knowing full well that if he would ask me to follow him through hell, I would take his hand and ask him to lead the way. Knowing full well that if he asked me to stay human – something I was sure that I wanted almost as much as him – I would say okay.

* * *

 **Heyoo thanks for reading this dumpster fire. Will Bella keep to her word and not do reckless shit? Probably not, but we'll see. Also, I'm pretty sure my husband thinks I'm writing porn, since I won't let him see this fic. Hahaahahaha.**

 **spockdatabones or whatever tf your name is (spankdatbone haha kinky) I actually have three separate endings for this POS that I've conceptualized. They are all varying degrees of tragic and I will probably post all three, because I'm a sadist.**

 **Drop your reviews below and I will read them with my eyeballorinos. I might even answer them if they are in question form.**


	11. 10: Stranger

"Be safe."

"Bella," Alice said as she flitted down the Cullen's porch stairs dressed like a hiker model on one of the catalogs that Newton's had at the Outfitter's. She wore a tank top with a plaid shirt over it and hiking leggings with boots that stopped halfway up her calves. "We're just going to Rainier. Gobblers Knob is very safe."

I was not as dressed up as her, garbed in my ratty Grand Canyon hoodie I've had since I was thirteen and a pair of jeans, a cup of coffee in my fist. I wanted to see them off for their hunting trip on Monday morning. But - since they were vampires - that meant dragging myself out of bed at two in the morning to get to their house before they left at three.

"It's not you I'm worried about." I grumbled and turned to Edward, who was loading camping gear – all of it props – into the back of Emmett's yellow Jeep. He looked less like a hiking model and more like an angel who happened to be wearing flannel and dark denim. His dark red hair shined in the porch light.

Edward closed the truck door and ghosted over the driveway to me. I used my free hand to play with the necklace I gave him for Christmas – a poor attempt at procrastination. I didn't want him to go, but I knew that elk got boring and he wouldn't be able to go to school today, anyway with the sun shining. I watched the crude quartz sparkle against his chest as I flipped it back and forth with my finger. "Be safe." I repeated just above a whisper.

"I could say the same for you." He said, his cheeks sliding up into a smile.

"We'll be perfectly safe." Emmett said and clapped Edward on the shoulder. I watched his flinch at the hard touch and I moved closer to rub the side of his arm. "We're driving, not running, for one."

This fact made Edward's smile disappear. "We'll be back before sundown." He squinted down the long, windy road that connected the driveway to the street. "It'll go very quick."

"We should go." Alice said as she approached us. "I see family of mountain goats with your name on it."

Edward pulled me into his chest and then crushed his mouth against mine. I responded in kind by weaving my fingers through his red hair and breathing as much of him as I could. My heart spluttered in my chest and I gasped for air as I took him all in.

"I love you." He said, his trembling hands cupping my face. "If my heart could beat, it would beat only for you."

"I love you too." I said.

I waited until the bright yellow Jeep had made it down their winding driveway and turning onto the main road before turning and heading for my own vehicle.

I was about halfway home when I pulled my truck over to the side of the 101. I could go home and try to sleep until school, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to do that. I could stay up, but that would just make a zombie all day long.

Then my thoughts jumped to school and my stomach plunging towards my feet and a wave of nausea passing over me. I didn't want to go to school. Not without Edward. I couldn't deal with everyone there. The whispers and the incessant gossiping. I knew I would snap at someone and it wasn't going to be nice. And then I would be Edward's bitchy girlfriend until the school year ended.

 _Lovely._

I racked my brain between my decision: go to school or ditch.

Then somehow Jacob's beautiful copper-colored skin and goofy smile popped in my head. I knew what I wanted to do at that point. It was as clear as the stars in the early morning sky.

I pulled an illegal U-turn and stomped on the gas as far as it would go, the engine whining in protest. I was being slightly ridiculous, but I knew that Alice would tell Edward my decision and I would be getting a call soon. If I just hurried, I could make it over into werewolf territory, where Edward couldn't stop me.

My cell phone vibrated in my back pocket and I leaned over to one side and pulled it out. Edward's name flashed across the screen.

"Hello?" I held the smartphone to my ear as I drove with one hand.

"Bella," He growled. "We _just_ left Forks and your whole future went black. Are you _trying_ to kill me?" I heard Emmett's roaring laughter in the back.

"Don't even joke about that!" I scolded. "I'm not doing anything. I'm just going to Jake's." I pressed the gas pedal further down.

"At three in the morning?"

"He's awake!" I lied.

I could hear Edward breathe large, deep breaths over the phone. Calming himself down? Or breathing through the pain? Both? It reminded me of those breathing exercises that doulas give to pregnant women to get them through contractions.

"It's nothing to get upset about." I said quickly. "I'm just going to visit and then I'll go to school."

"Okay," He said after a moment, between breaths. "Okay."

"I'll be fine. I won't do anything dumb. I _promise."_

"Okay," He repeated.

"Say something other than 'okay.'" I ordered.

"I love you." He said.

"I love you too." I hung up the phone and wound through the dark forest. I watched the stars above me travel with me. They grew brighter and brighter the further away I got out of Forks. It was like they were cheering me on in my decision to meet up with Jacob.

I parked in front of Billy's house, killing the engine as soon as the wheels stopped moving to cut the noise. Edward did have a point. It was three in the morning. Jacob was probably sleeping. Ah well, I guessed I could wait.

I pulled out my new cellphone and tried to set up the fingerprint scanner. When I navigated to the settings, I saw that there was already a fingerprint set up. I went to test it and saw that it was my own. I pursed my lips. Edward must've done it when I was asleep. I always wondered what he did in my room when I was asleep. He must've been bored to tears to go and do this, though.

"Hey, Bella." Jacob was at my window.

I jumped so high that I hit my head on the roof the truck, with a sharp "Oof!" And then watched Jacob laugh at me. He continued to laugh as he ran around the front of my truck and hopped into the passenger seat.

"First Pop's and now my house? Are you _stalking_ me, Bella Swan?" He accused as he laughed.

"No," I said. "I was at the Cullens' and I decided that I didn't want to go home and its too early for school…" I looked him up and down. He was wearing a pair of khaki cargo shorts and nothing else. He seemed to grow bigger every time I saw him, his muscles hard and defined. Veins popped out of his skin, making him look menacing.

"You were at the Cullens'?" His eyebrows pulled together. "At three-am? I know they don't like the sun, but I didn't think they would subject you to that lifestyle."

"They were leaving for their hunting trip and I wanted to see them off." I defended. "But, I could say the same thing about you." I sniffed. "You're up pretty early."

"It was my shift for patrol." He nodded. "With the redhead around, Sam's got us running in pairs all over Washington."

"Oh." I said. I didn't have a retort to that.

"So, is this a social visit?"

My eyebrows pulled together. Now that I thought about it, coming here at O-dark-thirty was starting to sound sillier and sillier. "Sort of." I answered and reached to twist my car key. "I can go if you need to sleep."

Jacob's hand shot out and stopped me, his skin feverishly hot against mine. "No, we can socialize." His brilliant smile reflected off the light of my dashboard. "Come with me."

I got out of the car, the chilly air biting the tip of my nose and the tops of my cheeks. I followed him around his house, through the side-fence into his backyard and towards the back to where his shanty garage sat.

"You want some coffee? Or a soda?" Jacob asked as he reached up and tugged the light switch on. The single bulb illuminated the space. It looked exactly the same as I remembered when I used to come here to hang out with Jake those many months ago. Jake's Rabbit took up most of the space. I saw Jake's red motorcycle parked in the corner. Parts and trash and other car bobbles littered most horizontal surfaces.

"I'm alright." I opened the back of Jake's car and sat down, my feet hanging over the edge.

Jacob sat down on the cart that lets you slip under cars. "So, you never told me what you've been up to these past months. You disappeared to Italy, came back, and then threatened to join the army of the undead."

I blinked hard. New Year's seemed like so long ago, even though I knew it had only been a little over a week. Time - now that it was a finite resource – felt like it was slipping away. "We just kind of…went back into our same routine, I guess."

"I still honestly can't believe you forgave that bloodsucker."

I felt the heat of anger flame my chest…and my face. "He didn't leave just to _leave,_ Jacob. He left to protect me. He thought if he left, I could have a normal life."

Jacob pursed his lips. "He should've stayed _left_ , in my humble opinion."

"Okay," I snapped and stood up. "This was a mistake. I'm going home."

"No, don't leave." His voice was pained. "I'm sorry. Tell you what – this is a judgment-free zone. No more judging from me." He made a zipping moment across his lips.

I sat back down. "Okay." I nodded. "Judgment free zone. I can get behind that." I looked around his garage. "How's school going?"

"Judgment _free_ zone." He reminded, his eyebrows going up.

I laughed in response. "That great, eh?"

"It hasn't been bad, actually." He said. "There's a body shop in Port Angeles that I've been talking to. They want to take me on as an apprentice."

"Body shop – as in for cars?"

"Yeah," He said. "My dad is friends with the shop owner and his own son doesn't have any interest in cars. He's looking to retire soon and wants someone who can take over the business."

I smiled at him, but felt my eyebrows pull together at the same time. All this future talk made Jacob seem so _old._ Where was that goofy kid from last year? The one who laughed about tribal legends on the beach with the puppy-dog gleam in his eye. When did he grow up? "You're going to own your own shop? That's super cool."

"Hopefully," He said brightly. "I want to start as soon as possible, but the redhead leech is delaying things." He picked up a random part and flipped it over in his hands, making them dirty with grease. "I keep having to push it off. The owner thinks I'm studying for my GED."

"I'm sorry about that." _I'm sorry for being so much trouble._ I amended in my head.

"'s okay." Jacob shrugged. "I have a loyalty to the pack, you know. I can't let anything happen to them. What about you? You get accepted into Harvard, yet?" He teased.

I felt heat rise into my face. "Well, no. With Edward now…" I let my sentence fall off. I had this whole speech planned for how I was going to explain to Jacob that I was going to turn into a vampire after graduation and how I still loved him and that I hoped he could forgive me and that we could still be friends.

Now, the only future I could see was the next second and _maybe_ the one after that.

"Yeah," Jacob's eyebrows pulled together. "I remember when my mom got diagnosed with cancer."

I felt my eyebrows knit together. "You didn't tell me your mom had cancer."

"I didn't?" He put the random part down and rubbed his greasy hands over his cargo shorts, leaving dark smears.

I shook my head no.

"Oh, well." He shrugged. "Yeah, she got breast cancer. The really bad kind. They didn't catch it until it had spread to a bunch of different parts of her body. I didn't really understand at the time, what was going on, since I was so little. But, watching her kind of waste away…it was rough. She was always full of life and then one day…" His eyebrows pulled together. "…she wasn't."

"I'm sorry, Jake." I said and looked down at my hands, feeling my eyes well with tears. "I didn't even know."

He got to his feet, the little cart rolling away. "I get how stops time, yah know? You can't understand that the sun keeps rising in the east and setting in the west when your world is so flipped upside-down." He grabbed my hand in his large hot one. "I get it."

I looked up at him. "You may be to the _only_ one who gets it."

"Can I show you what I've been working on? It'll make you feel better, I promise." A smile spread over his face.

Even through the tears, I felt myself smiling back. "Of course."

I got up and followed him into the dark. He clicked on the mag-light he grabbed before we exited the garage and the LED flooded his backyard with bright white light.

"I didn't want my dad to see and tell Charlie," He explained as he led me around the garage. "And I'm sorry it's a little late. I meant it to be a Christmas present."

I turned the corner and saw my motorcycle, except it didn't look like my motorcycle anymore. It looked so much better. Jacob put the light on it. The body was now a sleek, sparkly purple and the tires looked like they got bigger. _'Bella'_ was painted into the pin-stripe design on the body and the seats looked shiny and new.

"Jacob, what is this?" I breathed in shocked.

"It's your new and improved motorcycle." He enthusiastically presented. "I redid the engine. I won't bore you with the details, but its faster, more reliable, and way sexier." He danced from foot to foot in excitement. "It's worthy of you now. Do you like it?"

"I love it." I breathed, covering my gaping mouth. "But, its too much. You shouldn't have done all of this."

He waved me off. "It was nothing. Just a little elbow grease and some scavenged parts."

I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his hard, heated body. I pressed my face into his bare chest, crushing my nose against his sternum. He had a different smell. Earthy, like fresh grass or the ground after a hard rain. "Thank you." I said. "This is wonderful."

He wrapped his arms around me and pressed his face into my head. "Of course. Anything for you, Bella."

We sat like that for a moment. I breathed him in – long, deep breaths. It was like I could finally fill the entirety of my lungs for the first time in a long time. Like, I had been holding my breath since Christmas and this was the first taste of oxygen. He held onto me tight. It was like I was wrapped up in a security blanket. It was comfortable and wonderful.

"You want to ride it?" Jacob pulled back.

I thought about my promise to Edward and dropped my eyes to Jacobs large, hobbit-y feet. "I promised Edward I wouldn't do anything dumb."

"Riding a motorcycle isn't dumb." His brow furrowed.

"Not the way I do it, apparently."

Jacob grinned. "You _do_ have a hard time keeping in upright."

I punched him in the arm. "Well, maybe one ride won't hurt."

Jacob only grinned in reply.

Soon we were coasting north down Ocean Front Drive. I gripped the body of my new motorcycle with my legs, and the clench of my abs and the handles with my fists. This bike was a lot peppier than what I was used to. But, I liked feeling the velocity against my face, like I was fighting the wind in front of me. It was pushing me back, and I was fighting forward.

My mind was freed and tied up at the same time. All my hands and feet were moving: my left hand working the clutch, my right working the handle brake, my right foot was working the rear brake, and my left foot popping the gears up and up and up. This focus on keeping the bike in motion and upright was just enough to keep it from wandering to darker places. Instead, I cleared it, letting the motorcycle talk to me and me responding back, egging it on, keeping it moving.

Adrenaline pumped in my ears and my heartbeat the only sound that could compete with roar of the wind. One thing that always got me about riding a motorcycle in particular, was how well I could smell everything: grass, the brine of the ocean, the rain, the evergreen trees. I breathed it in, exhilarated with how much air I could take in at once.

I watched the water on my left. The sun was starting to come up to my right, and I watched the ocean turn from a dark purple into an indigo into a light gray.

Jacob sped in front of me, skillfully weaving back and forth between the the pavement markings in the middle of the road. I followed him, moving my front tire between the hash marks and leaning with each – something that I shouldn't probably be doing. I was thankful that Alice couldn't see me when I was with Jacob. If she told Edward what I was doing, it'd probably give him an ulcer.

But, I wasn't thinking about Edward. I wasn't thinking about anything except for the road in front of me and the bike underneath me and the sky above me.

"See this isn't dumb!" He yelled over the roar of his engine.

"Smartest decision ever!" I agreed.

I watched him pull into a rocky parking lot and I followed, down-shifting as I decelerated, finally rolling to a stop next to him. I popped my kickstand and killed the engine. The silence in comparison with the roaring, was almost deafening.

"This bike is great!" I said and hopped off. "It's so freeing."

"I told you." Jacob danced around. "Here, I wanna show you something." He held out his hand and I took it, following him.

We walked down a decline - a small foot-beaten trail that was made out of white, smooth gravel. We suddenly turned left, and the gravel turned into gray sand. My boots squished into the soft earth and the forest around us started to clear.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see." Jacob said.

There was a steep incline and Jacob helped push me up as I hiked the hill.

I gasped when I reached the top.

The beach was beautiful. The sun coming up behind us reflected off the Pacific, making the greens and deep blues swirl together. Steep rocks broke the surface of the water, their gray fingers reaching towards the purple and red early morning sky. It was breathtaking.

Jacob led me down to a piece of bleached driftwood and sat down. I took a seat next to him.

"This is...gorgeous." I breathed.

Jacob stretched his legs out in front of him. He had changed from his cargo shorts into a pair of jeans and an old t-shirt. His motorcycle books were old and worn. I made a mental note to get his shoe size and surprise him with a new pair.

"It's pretty scenic." He said and then pointed a long, dark arm to my right. I followed his finger to a steep cliff. "That's where you decided to test gravity." He laughed.

"It's prettier from the ground." I conceded.

Jacob laughed at my joke. "I'm glad you gave up cliff diving."

"Yeah, me too." I laughed with him.

"You're a pain to save."

I knew it was a just a joke, but it still stabbed me right under the ribs. I felt my easy smile fade and I broke his gaze to look at my hands. "You wouldn't have to save me if I was indestructible." I glanced back up at him.

Jacob's smile faded and I felt a knot twist in my stomach. "Are you _really_ going to become a vampire?"

I felt my mouth go dry. "I thought this was a no judgment zone?" I asked weakly.

"I'm not judging." He defended. "I'm just asking."

I kicked a smooth rock, watching the gray sand displace at my movement. "I don't know." I said honestly. "I don't know anything anymore. Everything's so…"

"Messed up?"

I nodded, keeping my eyes on the ground. "Edward doesn't want to me to and I don't know what I want." Words started to pour out of my mouth unchecked. "And I want to keep you because you're my best friend and I love you Jake. I _do._ But, I wanted eternity with Edward and with the Volturi coming to check to see and-,"

"Wait," Jacob cut me off.

"Jacob Black," I groaned. "You're not even listening to me."

He jumped to his feet and started undoing the fly of his jeans and pulled off his shirt in one quick motion. The abandoned articles of clothing were thrown on my lap.

"What are you doing?" I hissed, pulling Jake's hot t-shirt off my shoulder.

"Stay _right_ here." He ordered and pulled off his boots. "Don't _move."_

Panic jolted me to my seat. I watched him duck behind a boulder - his form vibrating - and with a small flash, he phased into a dark brown wolf. Except he was ten times bigger than a regular wolf. I watched him take off in a dead sprint down the beach, weaving between boulders like he wove between the road lines on his bike.

He disappeared for my view and I started counting in my head, restarting over when I got to sixty to keep myself from having a panic attack on the driftwood I sat on.

I jumped eight feet into the air when Jacob's wolf form jumped down to my left and landed in front of me. With another flash, he phased back into his human form and as quick as he undressed, he redressed – hopping around as he jammed his feet into his boots.

"We have to go."

"What's going on?" I said and stood up.

"There was a vampire here." He said and paced around. "The trail's old, but its not one of the Cullens and its not the redhead either."

I felt my eyes bug. "Who is it then?" There was _another_ vampire? One of the Volturi? Someone friendly? Or was this a new threat?

"I don't know." Jacob dragged his fingers through his hair. "I need to find Sam."

I followed him back up the trail, tripping about halfway up, my knee skidding on the gravel, and biting through my jeans into the skin underneath. I cursed and straightened, quickening my pace to catch up with Jacob.

I stuck my key into my motorcycle and started it. I shifted into first and followed Jacob down the road. The adrenaline in my head from riding the bike cleared my head again, postponing the inevitable panic. But, the extra adrenaline kept the blood pumping in my head. I fought the urge to faint as I followed him back into La Push.

We pulled up to a small, faded house. Jacob pushed his kickstand down with his foot as he rolled to a stop in the middle of the front yard. He didn't even bother to kill the engine. I was quickly behind him.

"What's up, guys?" Emily answered the door, she smiled despite the scars on her face twisting her mouth into a permanent scowl. Her silky dark hair was piled high in a bun on the top of her head.

"Where's Sam?"

"Sam!" Emily called. "Come on in, guys. Please."

We stepped into their house. It was small and cozy and radiated warmth. Sam bounded down the stairs two at a time, his eyes hard as he took in Jacob first and then flicked to me.

"We have bogey." Jacob said, his chest puffing out slightly. "Someone new down at Rialto beach."

"Fresh?" Sam asked.

"Three or four days." Jacob answered.

"Not a friendly?" Sam's eyes flicked to me again.

Jacob shook his head.

"I'll call the pack. You get Embry and Quil, they should be finishing up their shift." Sam said and then looked at me. "Bella, you should get back to the line."

Jacob nodded at the alpha of his pack. "Will do."

"No," I protested. "Jake, don't put yourself in danger for me."

Jacob turned to me, his dark eyes intense. His arms grabbed my shoulders so hard that I almost cried out in pain. "You need to go to the Cullens'." He ripped off his shirt. "Take this back to them and see if they can recognize the scent. Then call Emily."

"Do you have a cell phone?" Emily said. "I can put my number in your contacts."

I handed my phone off and then Emily handed it back a couple of moments later.

Jacob suddenly pulled me to his body, crushing me against his bare chest. "Be safe, Bella." He said, pressing his cheek onto the top of my head. "We'll find this mosquito, don't you worry."

"Be safe, too."

I rode my bike back into Forks, driving as quick as I'd allow, the wind blowing my hair back and roaring in my ears. It was faster than my truck and it saved me the trip of having to go back to Jacob's house. I prayed that the vampire was someone friendly. Someone the Cullens' knew, but were naïve enough to step onto wolf territory. Someone that could be reasoned with.

Someone that didn't want to hurt Edward. Or Jacob.

Stomping up the porch stairs of the Cullen house, Esme was already twisting the door open. "Bella, what's wrong?" She asked, her hand coming out to touch my cheek. "You looked like you've seen a ghost."

I breathed in a hard breath. "There's a strange vampire in La Push." I said in a big gust. "Jacob wants me to see if you can recognize the scent." I held out his t-shirt to Esme like it was a gift.

The others ghosted from wherever they were in the house, joining Esme at me in the foyer of their grand home.

She took it and straightened it out and then pressed it to her face. "I don't recognize it." She said. "Carlisle?"

Carlisle took Jake's old t-shirt and sniffed and then shook his head. "I don't recognize it either." Carlisle said.

He handed it off to Rosalie who pinched it with two fingers like it was unsanitary and that she was afraid to get it on her. "I don't smell anything but _dog._ Ugh." She handed it to Jasper.

"Nobody I know." Jasper said and threw the shirt back to me.

I felt something crumple in me – I was so hopeful that it could be something easy. But, it couldn't ever be easy with me. Fate wouldn't allow it. I nodded. "Okay, I need to call them and let them know it's a stranger."

"What about the others?" Esme said, her hand flying to her necklace with concern. "Do you think they're safe?"

"I don't want to worry Edward unnecessarily." Carlisle's eyebrows pulled together and his eyes flashed. "Stressors can cause him to have an attack."

"What about Alice?" Jasper said. "She's going to see something."

"Maybe you should call her." Rosalie said to Jasper, her crossed arms dropping. "Let her know what's going on?"

"Edward will read her mind." Esme argued.

"I'll call him." I volunteered, already pulling out my cell phone. "I'll let him know I'm here with you guys and that I'm safe." _Right after I call the wolves._

I stepped outside onto the porch and dialed Emily's number. She answered on the second ring. "Hello?"

"The Cullens don't recognize the scent." I said quickly, raking my fingers through my messy, windblown hair.

"I'll let them know." Emily said solemnly. "Thanks for calling."

I hung up and clicked the name above Emily's.

"Bella?" Edward answered, surprise in his voice. I was supposed to be in first period right now.

"Edward," I said, my nerves causing me to sigh his name in a gust. "Please don't freak out - but there's a strange vampire on La Push land and nobody recognizes the scent. But, I'm okay, okay? I'm at your house with Esme, Carlisle, Rose and Jazz and the wolves are looking for it, okay?" I said in one big rush. "Please don't freak out." I begged. _I can't hurt you. Please don't let me hurt you._

"What?" He choked. There was a noise on the phone and I heard an exchange between him and Alice. "Bella." His voice was strangled. "Don't go _anywhere_ until I get there."

"Okay," I agreed. "I won't move."

"We're on our way back." He said.

"Please hurry." I whispered.

* * *

 **Sorry Rose is such a bitch. I love her with my whole heart.**

 **BlackSoulReadingNerd84: so tbh I was never on board with the 'bella is a vampire' thing. I feel like SM turned her into a whiney Mary Sue in _Breaking Dawn._ But, I have a lot of hostile feelings against BD in general lol starting with the thin plotline and ending somewhere with the lack of metaphors for Edward's sparkly dick.**

 **But, we'll see. Maybe I'll will pull an M. Night Shyamalan "Bruce Willis was dead the whole time" type twist. You'll just have to keep reading to find out. And review. I like reviews.**


	12. 11: Breathe

I sat on the front porch with my hands jammed under my butt to keep them from shaking. Vigilantly, I watched for any sign of a yellow Jeep. I didn't want this threat to get out of hand. My thoughts went to Jacob as I imagined him in his wolf-form, running around with his pack. Little _Seth_ getting hurt. I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Honey, we will take care you."

I jumped. Esme had ninja-ed herself next to me on the porch steps in complete silence – the way only vampires can. I recovered my momentary shock. "I didn't see you there." I mumbled dumbly.

"Sorry," She added, a guilty look crossing her face. "But, we _will_ take care of you."

"It's not _me_ I'm worried about." I said. It was Jacob and Edward and you and everyone else I loved that was putting themselves in danger because of _me_ – frail, insignificant human Bella.

Esme put her arm around my shoulder and pressed me against her, patting my hair. "It'll be alright."

I squeezed my eyes shut and prayed that her words were true. For Jacob. His pack – his _family_ – was at risk. And for Edward. I couldn't let him get more hurt. I closed my eyes and let Esme's cool touch calm me down.

"Bella?"

My head spun so fast against Esme's hard arm, I was pretty sure I gave myself a concussion. My fingers went to rub the bruise as I watched Edward appear from the eastern tree line, with Alice and Emmett following behind. "Edward?" I squeaked and stood up, throwing myself at him. "Where is the Jeep?"

"We left it at Rainier." He said and embraced me, his arms encircling around my shoulders.

"You _ran_ here?" I shouted.

"If we drove, it would've been three hours until we got here." He explained curtly, his eyes scanning around the surroundings, listening for mental voices.

"I don't see anything." Alice said as she bounded up next to us. "But, that could just mean they're sticking close to the werewolves."

"We arced down from the northwest and there's no strangers up there." Emmett said.

"Emmett, Rosalie go west until you hit the treaty line and then go south." Edward said to his family that had gathered on the porch. "Carlisle and Alice can go north and Jasper and I will go south-southeast. Esme can stay here with Bella. Call if you find anything."

"No," I said, grabbing his hand to stop him. "You need to take it easy."

"I'm fine." He said, his eyes flashing angrily.

"But, Edward-," I started to protest.

"Don't get in the way." He snapped and yanked his arm out of my grip.

With that they were off – streaks of white going in their respective directions. I sighed and took a seat back on the porch steps, pressing my fingers on the sore spot where I bumped my head against Esme's arm and flipped my cellphone against my lap.

I felt useless. It was an empty, desolate feeling. It was like my dream, where I tried to grab for Edward on the cliff, but he didn't want to give me his hand I always thought it was him being stubborn and tenacious. But, maybe it was me. Maybe he didn't want to give me his hand because he knew I wouldn't be able to pull him up.

If I were a vampire, though. Then I would be able to do it. I could handle myself and this stranger and Victoria and be able to protect Edward as his conditioned worsened. But if he were to…No. It was too much. I couldn't think about Edward _dying_. I couldn't imagine a life without him in it. A world, an eternity without him wasn't a life at all. It was a living hell.

I didn't want an eternity without Edward.

I pressed my hands to my head and rocked back and forth from my seat on the porch steps.

"Bella, you should come inside." Esme said.

"No," I said quickly. "I want to be here when they get back."

I waited for what seemed like hours, watching the tree line for them to appear and say it was a friend. The anxiety felt like a million daggers in my stomach. _It's nobody to worry about._ I tried to tell myself. _They're probably just nomads walking through._

I wasn't entirely convinced that I was panicking about the strange vampire anymore, though. Edward _ran_ from Mt Rainier. That was over two hundred miles. On foot. My very sick boyfriend just _ran_ over two hundred miles at high speeds to get to me. And now he was running again. The same one who couldn't pick himself up after running approximately five miles to our meadow. I imagined the agony in his eyes. The tortured pain.

I didn't realize I was hysterically losing it until Esme looped her arms around me again. I felt her gentle shushing against my head, but I couldn't hear it. I felt like I was sitting in a vacuum, all sound around me sucked into a void. I panted hard breaths and rocked back and forth and willed my heartbeat to go down.

"We didn't find anything on the treaty line." I heard Emmett say, but it was distant and far away, like he was shouting down a tunnel.

"What's wrong with her?" Rose asked.

Someone's phone rang.

My head snapped up and I watched Emmett pull his phone out. "No, we didn't find anything…yeah? Okay…cool...we'll be there." He hung up. "We're going to go southwest and meet up with Jasper." Emmett told Rosalie. "Edward's not feeling well."

The daggers twisted, making me physically nauseous.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Blockhead."

They ran in the opposite direction of where they came from. About thirty minutes later, Edward walked from the forest he disappeared into holding his arm, his back hunched like his stomach hurt.

I pulled myself together and jumped to my feet to meet him. "Are you okay?"

"What is that?" Edward's eyes widened as he stopped on the Cullens' driveway to take in my new motorcycle, his face going green. I kicked myself for not hiding it while he was away.

"It was a Christmas present from Jacob." I said weakly. "He worked on it himself."

"Bella," The fingers that was holding his hurting arm rose to pinch the bridge of his nose. "I thought you promised that you weren't going do anything reckless?" He said between teeth.

"Motorcycles aren't reckless if you are a careful." I defended in a small voice. "And I'm actually pretty good."

"Then why your knee is bleeding?"

I looked down at my pants. In the worry of the moment, I had totally forgotten about the raspberry I got at the beach. The abrasion wasn't bad – an inch long maybe. I definitely had worse. And It wasn't bleeding anymore, the line of blood drying black into my ripped jeans. _Dang it._ "No, I tripped on a beach trail."

"So you fell at the beach? I thought you were visiting Jacob?"

"I was." I explained. "We rode our motorcycles to the beach. That's where Jacob caught the scent of the other vampire."

There was a heavy moment of silence that twisted my stomach into knots. I felt another panic attack come on, but I held it together. Edward's face twisted and his shoulders twitched. "I have to go sit down." He said in a dazed tone.

"Are you alright?" I ran after him up the porch steps, panic twisting my insides.

"I'll be fine." He said quietly and moved quickly up the stairs – too quick for me to keep up. "I just need a moment."

"Edward," I breathed as the door to his room shut in my face. The only answer I got was the beginning of an electronic song that shook the walls of his room with heavy bass. I knocked hard and fast on the door. "Please don't be upset. We didn't go very far and we weren't going very fast. I was very safe."

Nothing. I tapped my forehead against the wood surface, a methodical _clunk, clunk_ replacing the knocking. I shouldn't have ridden my motorcycle. I shouldn't have gone to La Push. I shouldn't have I should have just gone to school. Then none of this wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't have had Edward's family and Jake's pack running around the Olympic peninsula looking for this person. I wouldn't have hurt Edward. "I'm sorry." I whispered.

"It's open." He said above the music.

It was open.

Edward's room had changed. The bed from the guestroom – a large, fluffy white one you get in four-star hotels - had been moved in and now dominated the west wall where his stereo had been. The stereo sat against the window wall now. Edward laid on the bed, his back towards me.

I went and sat on the other side of the bed and took off my shoes. Carefully – so I wouldn't get dried blood on the sheets - I curled my knees to my chest. He didn't roll over or acknowledge me. His stereo was turned so loud that the window that made up the south wall vibrated. The bed's head and footboard vibrated. My teeth in my head vibrated.

"I'm sorry." I said again, just above a whisper. If he didn't have super sonic vampire ears, he probably wouldn't have heard me. I wanted to reach over and touch him, but I stopped myself. I felt the tears coming on at that point and I sniffed hard and squeezed my knees tighter to keep them from spilling over. I pressed my face against them.

"Bella."

I looked up to Edward's concerned, pained, charcoal-colored eyes. He had rolled over and was supporting himself on one elbow. One shaky hand came up and ran down the side of my face.

"Are you okay?" I asked, my fingers tracing the dark circles underneath his eyes.

"I could be better." He breathed. He pushed himself into a sitting position and opened his arms. I crawled into them and buried my face into his chest. His face went into my hair and he breathed deep breaths. His muscles tensed and relaxed underneath me in waves – starting at his shoulders and shuddered down through his body. He would inhale in a hard breath with each wave, like he had just been electrocuted or sucker punched or was drowning.

Like he had just been struck by lightning.

"Do you need anything?"

"Just you." He said, his arms tightening around me.

"What does it feel like?" I mumbled my thoughts out loud, feeling the familiar desolation of uselessness.

"Like being set on fire." He said and gasped. "Over and over and over."

I shivered and pulled away so I could see his face. He had his eyes squeezed shut and he curled inward. I couldn't hear it over the music, but it looked like he was whimpering. I pushed the panic feeling away. _You can grab my hand. I promise I can hold you._

I gently pressed my hand against his cheek and used the other to push his hair off of his forehead. I moved so I was straddling his lap. "Edward, look at me." I ordered.

His eyes – now black as midnight – opened. The torture in them made my skin crawl and the daggers in my stomach twist hard. I pushed that away. I was here in the moment. Like I was on my motorcycle. "Deep breath." I ordered and sucked in a deep breath, counting to five as I inhaled.

Edward's eyes squeezed back shut. "It doesn't work. I tried."

"It _will."_ I insisted. "Don't focus on the pain. Focus on me."

His eyes opened again and his gaze, distressed and intense focused on me. His body convulsed and he fought the urge to cringed against the pillows.

"Breathe." I said and inhaled slowly again through my nose, watching him do the same. We repeated that a couple of times – inhaling and exhaling, my hands on his face, our eyes intense on each other. The only sound coming from the heavy electronic music emanating from the stereo and our own breathing.

Finally, after a couple of long moments doing breathing exercises, he closed his eyes and relaxed against the pillows. "Thank you." He sighed.

I crawled off of his lap and moved to the stereo across the room, turning the music down from concert levels to normal-background-music. "Do you feel better?" I asked once the volume was down.

I took a quick stock of him from a distance. He hadn't changed out of his hiking clothes, but his plaid shirt had been thrown over his footboard, so he was just in his undershirt and jeans. He adjusted himself so he was sitting up against the pillows. He didn't look at _anguished._ That was an improvement. I crawled back into the bed next to him.

"Yeah, that helped a little." His trembling hand came up and ran down my face, the pain in his eyes softening into sadness. "I'm sorry I snapped at you." He said quietly.

I pressed his cool hand against my face. "I'm sorry I rode my motorcycle. I didn't mean to upset you."

"Bella," He said. "You don't have to apologize for that. I trust that Jacob taught you well."

I shot him a look. "Really?"

"Okay, I worry a little." A hint of a smile crossed his lips. "This though," He motioned to himself. "Was all me. I shouldn't have ran. It was…" He winced. "…foolish. None of it was you. Please don't blame yourself."

I leaned in and pressed my lips to his. His kissed back, the hand on my face moving to cup it. I fought the urge to throw myself at him, and instead ran my fingers gently against his collar bone.

"How is the baby brother?" Emmett knocked on the door.

Edward disconnected from me at turned to his family that were filing into his bedroom. Alice moved around to his other side and perched herself on the edge of the bed. Rosalie stuck next to the doorway and Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper all hung out at the foot. "Not as bad as I was before." He laced his fingers with mine. "Did you find anything?"

Jasper shook his head. "There was a small trail, but it disappeared around Hamma Hamma.

"Probably into the water." Carlisle nodded.

Edward rubbed a small circle into his left hip and grimaced. "And nobody recognizes the scent?"

Everyone shook their heads no.

"I don't think its anything to worry about." Carlisle said. "We ran through the town and there wasn't anything there. Whoever it was, they didn't want to be found."

"Probably a nomad just passing through." Alice said.

I breathed a short sigh of relief, the worry whooshing out of me. _Just a nomad._ I gave a silent thanks that the Fates decided to be nice today.

Edward's hand unlaced with mine to moved to play with the ends of my hair. "Okay," He nodded. I could see the relief on his face too. "We'll just keep our eyes open for any changes. You should tell the wolves to do the same." He said to me.

"Sam's already got them running around most of Washington." I said.

"At the very least," Carlisle agreed. "We should let them know that this person is innocent until proven otherwise, so they don't decide to attack on sight."

Jasper, Edward, Emmett and Alice all took on a slightly disgusted look at that thought. Carlisle looked concerned. I just scowled. Yeah, they were young wolves, but they weren't _insane_. _Stupid prejudices._ I wanted to kick something.

"Your eyes are black, Edward." Alice said after a silent moment.

I looked up into his beautiful face. His eyes were a shiny onyx now, and deep bruises circled under his eyes, crossed the bridge of his nose, and fanned up his forehead, like he was healing from a broken nose.

"I'm not really in any shape to hunt," His eyebrows pulled together and the pain in his eyes sharpened. "I'm pretty sure I'll collapse like a house of cards if I tried to stand up." His shaky hand that was looping through my hair thumped onto his chest in defeat.

Emmett smacked Jasper's chest with the back of his hand. "Race to get an elk for Edward?"

"You're so on."

They streaked out of his room in a flash, Emmett crashing into the wall with a large thud as he rounded the corner of the stairs.

"And Bella," Alice sighed. "What are you _wearing?"_

I looked down in confusion. I was wearing my outfit from this morning: my red hoodie with _Grand Canyon_ emblazoned over the front and a pair of jeans. But, since riding my motorcycle at high speeds and tripping on the trail, I was kind of a mess now. I didn't even, like, brush my hair this morning. I saw her point.

"I guess I should get home." I said. "And get this cleaned up." I looked at my knee. I could see bits of white rock in it. I was going to have to open it back up to clean it out. Best do that as downwind from the vampires as possible.

Edward looked pained, a flash of new agony crossing his face. I grabbed his hand in concern.

"I can stay here, if you want." I said.

He shook his head. "No, Bella. You should get some sleep."

"But-,"

"I have to feed."

The jug of blood from the other night flashed through my mind and my skin crawled. I wanted to be as _far_ away as possible from that.

"Do you-," He gasped a hard breath, his hand going to his side. "-have to ride your motorcycle, though?"

"Oh," I said. My truck was still in La Push. My motorcycle was my only means of transportation until I got back to Jacob's.

"I'll take her." Alice volunteered and stood up, a knowing smile crossing her lips. "We can take the Porsche."

I turned to Edward, my hand going to his necklace – procrastinating saying goodbye again. "Please rest." I said. "And don't worry about me."

"Both of those don't come very naturally to me, you know." He smiled, despite the pain in his eyes.

"Can you at least try?" I said. "For _me."_

He leaned over and pressed a kiss to my forehead. "Of course."

"I promise that the motorcycle will disappear." I said. "And you'll never hear of it again."

He rolled his eyes. "Until you wreck."

"I'm a good driver." I sniffed. "I managed to get here okay."

"I won!" Emmett cried from downstairs.

My eyes bugged out. "Okay, I'm leaving." Edward laughed at me as I pressed one last kiss to his lips and jumped off the bed as quick as gravity could take me. I hopped around his room while I jammed my feet into my boots. "I'll call you later." I promised Edward as I almost tripped over the threshold. "I love you!"

"Love you too."

Thankfully, I managed to get downstairs and into the Cullens' garage before Emmett could get upstairs. Alice was perched cross-legged on her new yellow Porsche: a sleek, zippy-looking thing. The same one we stole in Italy when we went to save Edward. I saw my motorcycle had been moved in and parked next to Rosalie's BMW. I made a mental note to come and move that when Edward was away.

"Are you ready?" Alice asked and jumped off the car.

"Yeah," I said and moved to the passenger side. "Thanks for waiting."

"No problem." She said and got in the drivers' side. The car turned on with a button instead of a key. "I wanted to talk to you about something anyway." Her mouth mashed down in a hard line and she looked intense. I realized now that she was trying hard not to think about what she wanted to talk about. "Away from Professor X up there."

"Okay…?" I felt my eyebrows pull together in concern.

I couldn't let my imagination run wild with it, though. We rode through Forks so fast that I vice-gripped the handle of the door to keep myself from flying around cab. It was horrifying. I thought I liked Alice's driving, but I decided in that moment that I preferred Edward's. At least he made a show of paying attention to the rode. Alice was busy singing along to what sounded like Korean rap music.

"Goddamnit." Alice said pulled over to the side of the road before we got to Charlie's street.

"What's going on?"

"Your immediate future went blank, so I'm assuming there's a dog at your house."

"Jacob."

"Probably." She crossed her thin arms. "I guess this is fine, though."

"What do you mean?"

"Bella," She said and gripped her steering wheel. "I saw Edward."

The first thing I felt was confusion and then slowly - like weights into the ocean – the gravity of each word plunged into me. Alice can't see Edward's future now that he had the strikes. So if she saw him… "What did you see?" I demanded.

"It was just a flash." She said. "And it was hazy. I wasn't sure where it came from. You know how fickle the future is. It might've been the Japanese doctor working on something or Carlisle. I know that's been doing his own research. But, I'm really hoping that it was Edward coming to the decision that he should go."

"But, what did you see?" I almost cried.

"It was Edward. He had his eyes closed. He was in a stone room, like a castle." She shook her head. "It came to me when we were looking for the strange vampire. Just

"Castle?" My eyebrows pulled together, trying to make sense of this.

"I don't know." She shook her head. "I don't want to tell anyone because it'll all be in their heads and if Edward hears us thinking about Kyoto, then it'll make him mad. It's part of The Deal."

"Castle." I repeated, trying to wrack my brain for where I saw a castle. And then it came to me, like a slap across the face. It stung just the same. "The Volturi?"

"What?"

"They have a castle."

Alice's face went ghostly for a moment. "But why would they have Edward?"

"I don't know." I pressed my hand to my forehead and Alice pressed hers against her temples.

"I hate not being able to _see."_ She whined.

"It might not have been them." I tried convincing myself more than Alice.

"Well," Alice restarted her car. "It was just a flash anyway." She sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than me.

We pulled slowly around the corner of my street and I saw my house come into view. Parked in in the driveway was my truck. Jacob sat on the lowered bed, his bare feet dangling off the edge, my key swinging on his pointer finger.

"This is where we part." Alice said.

"Okay," I said. "I'll try and come by later and see how Edward's doing."

Alice smiled at me, her tiny hand coming up to pat my shoulder. "You are the best medicine for him. Without you, he would be in way worse shape."

I gulped, wishing that to be true and stepped out of Alice's low car. I watched her peel out of my driveway and down the road, doing 0 to 60 in no time at all.

"Where's the motorcycle?" Jacob asked.

"It's at the Cullens'." I turned to him and smiled. "Edward was the most excited about it." I said sarcastically.

Jacob beamed. Anything to get at Edward was fine by him. "That's great."

"You didn't have to drop my truck off." I said. "I was going to get it later."

Jacob stopped swinging my key. "Well, it meant that I could see you." He shrugged casually. "And besides, the trail was a dead end. Disappeared right into the ocean."

"The Cullens didn't find anything either." I shook my head, suddenly exhausted. However, my head was swimming with Alice's new revelation. So I had a feeling I would lay down to go to sleep and then stare at the ceiling, flipping the conversation we just had over and over until Charlie got home.

"You want to come inside?" I asked and motioned to the house. "I have to get cleaned up, but since I'm a complete delinquent now –between ditching and riding a motorcycle - there's no point trying to go back to sleep."

"Live fast, die hard." Jacob said with a laugh as he jumped off the bed of the truck.

He swung an arm around me as we walked towards the house and I shrugged. "Who knows, maybe I'll try cocaine next for funsies."

"I'm glad you're embracing the rock n' roll lifestyle."

We both laughed as we disappeared into the house together.

* * *

 **Ironically enough, the song Edward was listening to was Kyoto by Skrillex**


	13. 12: For Now

**tw: some non-consensual groping**

* * *

The next month passed in the same routine: Edward. With brief, commercial-like pauses where I went to see Jacob.

Charlie lifted the Edward-ban from the house and my strict curfew, never citing Edward's sickness – the 'cancer' – as the reason why, but I could tell that's what it was. I think he was slightly afraid that I was going to slip back into my zombie-like depression that I went through when Edward left those months ago. And when he looked at him now, I think he was reminded of my grandmother, as a sad look would come into his eyes.

It was a great set-up, in my opinion. I capitalized on the time I had with Edward. We kept to safe, G-rated activities - going to the movie theater, working on homework, watching television. It was a little monotonous, but my grades had never looked better and I had never been so caught up with pop culture in all of my life.

This pleased Edward, because he could keep a safe eye on me in light of this new vampire threat and the _old_ vampire threat and the apparent threat of self-destruction by my own hand. And I wasn't going to go out of my way to upset my easily-distressed sick boyfriend. I was the cheerleader. I went along with anything he said to make him happy, because his happiness was vital to his health. And the days where he was the happiest, my recurring nightmares of him dangling off the cliff side were the least scary.

It was almost perfect. The only issue – a nagging, annoying gnat of reservation that itched in the back of my mind - with this routine was the fact that we were wasting time. Every moment clocked was a moment that was closer to stage four and away from Japan, away from a cure, away from Alice's vision. We didn't have time to waste. Every second was precious.

But, I couldn't say anything. That wasn't apart of The Deal.

When that gnat grew and turned into an evil monster that I could see even when I closed my eyes, that made my whole head ache with doubt, that made it hard to breathe – I escaped to Jake's, where I could be a little freer, a little more immature, and where recklessness wasn't _completely_ off the table.

It let me push the monster back, crush it back into a gnat-sized creature.

Edward's _condition_ stabilized for the most part. At least, it didn't look like it was getting worse. Or if it was, Edward was getting better at hiding it. That helped me keep the gnat away too. If I couldn't see him physically get worse, then I could shove that part of it into a different part of my brain. And it worked, for the most part.

Until the Friday morning when Edward came limping to my door.

I bit my tongue hard enough to draw blood to keep myself from asking what was wrong. But, my expression I couldn't control. And I watched Edward register my shock with a slight tightening around his eyes.

He sighed. "It's my joints. They're really stiff today. It's nothing to worry about."

"Your joints?" I choked.

Instead of explaining, he held out both of his hands in front of him palm down. My first instinct was to look for blue lightning bolts, but his white perfect hands seemed fine. But, that's not what he meant. And on closer inspection, I saw it. Each joint in the fingers of his left hand were swollen, the skin around his knuckles tinged pink and tight with inflammation. His wrist had the same look, like it was afflicted with rheumatism or something.

"And the venom is doing this?"

"Vampire arthritis." He chuckled sardonically and dropped both of his hands. "You ready for school?"

"Yeah," I said, keeping my as light as possible and took his hand – the right one that didn't hurt - and we walked to his car together.

"Ugh," Alice said into her cellphone from the back seat. "I need _teal_ chair covers. _Teal…not_ green. And purple table runners. Are you guys colorblind?"

Edward just laughed as we drove through Forks. "Lay off of them, Alice." He said and glanced at her in the rearview mirror. "They're doing their best."

She groaned and hung up the phone, her arms crossing over her chest. "Imbeciles. All of them."

"You sound like Rosalie." He teased.

"You take that back right now!" She screeched. "Or I will play the whole Christmas party from nineteen-eighty-two in my head over and over all day long."

He snorted. "Do it. I won't look."

"Then I'll spoil your birthday presents. All of them."

"That's not fair." He groaned.

"What happened in nineteen-eighty-two?" I looked at Edward and then turned around to face Alice, who was laughing so hard she would've had tears in her eyes if she could produce them.

"Yeah, big brother, tell her what happened in nineteen eighty-two." She said between gasps as she laughed.

Edward fake-coughed as we rolled into a parking space, his crooked smile on his lips. "Oh, look. Forks High School." His humorous expression twisted into annoyance and he sighed against his seat. "And we have a visitor."

"Damn mutts." Alice said and popped out of the car. "I'll see you guys at lunch."

I looked for him around as I got out of the car. It didn't take long – he wasn't hard to spot. Jacob was sitting against his red Rabbit that was parked illegally in a handicap space at the front of the school. He was fully-clothed, thank goodness, in a tight t-shirt and a pair of worn jeans. He seemed to grow bigger everyday and his expansive chest and biceps protested against the edges of his shirt. The students around him casted him an odd glance as they passed. He definitely didn't look like a normal seventeen-year-old Quileute kid from the Rez.

We both walked – well, Edward limped – up to him. Edward's hand grabbed mine in his and his scowled deepened with every step we took towards Jacob.

"Hey, Bella!" Jacob greeted, his cheesy grin spreading over his face.

"What are you doing here, Jacob?" I asked.

But, his eyes weren't on me anymore, they were on Edward and his smile diminished a little. "I'm sorry," He said, an unkind glint flashed in his dark eyes. "Am I in your parking spot?" He motioned to the blue sign with the stickman in a wheelchair.

"Stop it, Jacob." I scolded, not wanting his snide comments to upset Edward.

However, Edward just relaxed his scowl into a neutral expression. Though, he couldn't quite get the skin around his eyes to untighten. "No, but you are parked illegally." He said in his velvety voice.

Jacob reached behind him into the open window of his car and produced a handicap tag that hung from rearview mirrors. "You know my dad's in a wheelchair, right?"

"Jake," I groaned. "You should go to school. Your _own_ school."

"I am. I wanted to return this, first." He pulled out my sweater from his car. "You left it at my house."

"Oh. Okay." I said and walked forward to retrieve the article. I had taken it off when I was sitting side-by-side next to Jacob while we played video games on the couch. He was always so warm, that I would have to shed my layers to keep from overheating.

"I wanted to give you this too." Jacob's grin widened and he opened his arms and grabbed me around my waist like he was going in for a hug. Quicker than lightning, he hoisted me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"Jacob!" I shrieked, feeling the heat in my face. I banged on his back with my ineffective fists. "Put me down right now!"

"As you wish." He laughed and set me back down on my feet.

"Why are you being so ridiculous?" I growled at him.

His eyes flicked to Edward and I suddenly understood _exactly_ why he was being so ridiculous. He was taunting Edward.

"It's time for you to leave." I said and pointed to his car with one hand, and running my fingers through my now-messy hair with the other.

"Okay," He held up his hands and started walking around his car to the driver's side. "I'm sorry." His eyes went to Edward and there was a silent exchange that brought Edward's scowl back and made his hands ball into fists.

"Jacob." I said in a warning tone.

"Goodbye, Bella." His grin never faded and I watched him laugh all the way out the parking lot, gunning his engine so hard, his tire squealed as he went around the corner.

"I'm sorry." I said as I walked up to Edward, jamming my sweater into my bag. "I didn't know he was going to do that."

"I did."

"You did? Why didn't you stop him?"

He shrugged his slightly uneven shoulders. "I didn't want to pick a fight."

"What was he thinking just now?"

"Running." His eyes went to his shoes and his voice went flat. "He was imagining himself running through the woods." Edward moved towards the door of the, the hitch in his knee making his walk a slow hobble.

I watched him - feeling myself wilt inside a little with every step he took.

* * *

"Who's ready for the dance this Saturday?" Alice sang as he sat herself down next to Edward and I at our lunch table.

"I am," Jessica said, flipping her hair over her shoulder and leaning forward on the lunch table, propping her chin on her hands. "What are you guys wearing?"

"The better question is _who_ am I wearing?" Alice said and smiled back, mimicking Jessica's pose. "And that answer is two lovely Italians: Versace and Giorgio. What about you?"

"I'm going white," Jessica picked up her cell phone and navigated to a photo of the dress. She turned her phone around to show us. It was an A-line cocktail dress. Pretty, but I'd bet whatever Alice had by 'Versace and Giorgio' topped it.

"That's lovely." Alice smiled.

Edward snorted as he pushed the enchiladas around on his lunch plate in a poor attempt to look like he was eating. Alice shot him a disapproving look and threw an elbow into his ribs. He winced just slightly at her hit.

If Jessica noticed this exchange, she didn't let on. Instead she turned to me. "Bella?" She asked matter-of-factly. "What are you wearing?"

"I'm not – _we're_ not," I amended. "Going to the dance."

"The cutest couple in Forks High School is not going to the dance?" She said, shocked. "Why not?"

Edward snorted again and it was my turn to throw an elbow. Although, I was a lot gentler than Alice was.

"Just…not feeling up to it." _And forbidden by Alice. And the worst possible activity in the history of possible activities._ I tacked on in my head.

"What are you guys going to _do_?"

"I think finishing the sixth season of _Friends_?" I looked up at Edward's face. He didn't look back, his eyes trained on his lunch tray in front of him. We had been going through the Cullens' extensive DVD collection, moving through the years of shows. It was a safe extracurricular activity that allowed for a lot of cuddling.

"That's so boring." She almost whined.

"Jessica," Mike said next to her, his eyes flicking to Edward. "It's fine."

"It's okay," Angela said from my other side. "I'm not going either since Ben is in Colorado."

"You guys are as exciting as springtime bathroom air fresheners." Jessica shook her head, pushing herself from the table. "I'm going to Lauren's table."

"Jessica, wait." Mike said and chased after her.

"Oh, shoot. I forgot I needed to return my book." Angela said and hurriedly dumped her half-eaten lunch in the trash and hurried out of the cafeteria.

Soon, it was just the three of us at our usual lunch table. Edward dropped the façade of eating human food and pushed his lunch tray away in front of him and shifted himself so he was facing me.

"You can go to the dance, you know." Edward said blandly as he started tracing patterns on my arm with his fingertip. He had been down all day; the light mood he was in from this morning zapped out of him and replaced by a painful sullenness. It was infuriating. My mission of Edward's happiness ruined by a single thought from Jacob.

"You can come with Jasper and I." Alice said, her hand landing on my other arm. "I even have a dress for you!"

The idea of being away from Edward was almost painful, like my skin had suddenly been lit on fire. "Why would I even do that?"

He shrugged. "You should have fun."

"It wouldn't be fun without _you,_ though." I said. "Besides, we haven't seen the episode where Rachel makes the trifle for thanksgiving yet and I really want to."

"You should go out." He said, his fingers coming to my face. "I feel like you aren't getting enough vitamin D. You're as pale as me."

"I'm getting plenty of vitamin D." I pulled his hand off of my face and held it on the table. I could see the blue lightning bolts peak from underneath his watch and his fingers clench and relax. "Besides, the dance is at night."

Edward's eyes dropped and his mouth twisted into a pout. He was so gorgeous and seeing him hurt - it ached at my core.

"What's wrong?" I asked, pushing his bronze hair off of his forehead.

"It's nothing." He shook his head.

"Well, that's obviously a lie."

He sighed. "I feel like I am robbing you of your last semester of being a high schooler. You only get to do it once. You should be going to dances and pep rallies and doing club activities, not taking care of me."

"Edward," I groaned. "When have I _ever_ gone to a pep rally?"

His crooked smile ghosted over his lips as he considered that. "That's fair."

I kissed his hand that I was holding. "You're not robbing me of _anything."_ I assured. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." _You are the missing piece to my being._ I added in my head. _Without you, I am incomplete and nonfunctional._

"I'm not returning the dress." Alice sniffed.

After lunch, Edward and I both had trigonometry, which must've been as exciting as watching fingernails grow to Edward. He always zoned out in class, like he was napping with his eyes open. The only way I knew he wasn't sleeping was the fact that I knew he _couldn't_ sleep and his small sighs that he timed for every quarter hour.

Trig did not come as easy to me. It was the only class I wasn't getting an A in, even though I took meticulous notes of Mr. Thomas' lecture. I guess it wasn't the greatest method, though because each test that landed in front of me looked like it could've been written in ancient Mesopotamian. I felt like the teacher did it on purpose. Like, he got some sick satisfaction in watching high schoolers squirm. I was in the middle of one of those ridiculous tests when I jumped at Edward's voice. "Hey."

I looked up in shock to Edward, my mind immediately going to the worst. "What's up?" I said in a half-strangled tone.

He put his test on my desk and then a piece of paper with the answers written on it next to it. "Will you put the answers down on my sheet?" He held up his right hand to show that it was contracting into a hard claw.

"You're handwriting isn't _that_ bad." I said as I inspected his worksheet. His handwriting normally was an elegant script. Even with the strikes, his handwriting was ten times better than mine.

"I know, but my fingers aren't bending now on my left hand." He held that one up to show his sore-looking knuckles.

"There isn't any talking during tests." Mr. Thomas – a man that could've been Big Bird's long lost brother - bustled up to us. He eyeballed the sheet that had Edward's name at the top that was sitting on my desk. "What is this?" He asked, his pitch rising with accusation. "Cheating?"

"Bella was just helping me write down my answers." Edward said in his velvety voice at a normal volume.

The papers were yanked from my desk. "Cheating will not be tolerated." Mr. Thomas said. "Both of you see me after class, please."

The class erupted into a low murmur as everyone started whispering about us. I glared everyone that dared made eye contact with me and looked Edward, who just sighed and slumped in his seat, covering his right hand with his left under his desk.

"No talking during tests!" Mr. Thomas said, which shut everyone up. The class fell silent again.

I put my chin on my hand and watched the clock. I narrowed my eyes at it, every _tick, tick, tick_ an annoying reminder of the wasted time. I pushed the buzzing in my head away. I banished the monster that tried to claw to the surface and the panic that accompanied it back down to its depths.

Instead I thought about Jacob. I was still upset that he came here just to gall Edward. I knew that's what it was. So maddening. Why couldn't they just get along? Why did it have to be them versus us? Us versus them? He _knew._ He knew what I was going through and he came to pick fights anyway. It was so immature.

The bell rang about twenty minutes later. I was thoroughly cross at Jacob after stewing about him, now. Edward and I both gathered our stuff and got to our feet – Edward rising stiffly like the Tin Man – and we approached Mr. Thomas' desk.

"I would like to hear your explanations as to why Ms. Swan had your test on your desk, Mr. Cullen and why I don't send you both the principal's office right now."

Edward shifted from one foot to the other. "As you probably know, I was diagnosed with brain cancer about a month ago."

Mr. Thomas peered over the edge of his glasses at Edward. "Mhmm."

"And one of the symptoms is impaired fine motor function." He tried picking up a pen from Mr. Thomas' desk to demonstrate, but his fingers just spazzed around it. "I was asking Bella to write down my answers for me, since I was having trouble holding my pen."

Mr. Thomas' eyes went to me. "That's hard to believe, since Ms. Swan's answers were only half-completed." He said, relishing in his small amount of power he was holding over us. I would've bet my meager college fund that he was getting off on this. I fantasized for a moment Edward throwing him across the room. Not hard enough to kill him, just hard enough to break every bone in his body.

I made a frustrated noise. "Mr. Thomas," I said in an impolite tone. "You're being ridiculous. When have we _cheated_ in your class? Or any class? Edward has perfect grades and a spotless record and my grades are good too. This third degree is bullshit and you know it. You're just a sad man with a god-complex that's getting worked up over a kid with cancer." I spat. " _Cancer_."

Edward and Mr. Thomas both looked at me with shock. Mr. Thomas quickly rearranged it into exasperation. "Ms. Swan," He pulled out a yellow write-up sheet from inside his desk. "I'm not going to tolerate that level of disrespect." He scrawled some notes on the sheet and handed it to me. "I'm sending you to the principal's office."

"Good." I said and yanked it out of his hand. "Math sucks anyway." I added and walked out of his class. I continued walking – or well, storming – out of math and science building into the chilly mist of February weather.

"Bella, slow down." Edward said as he jogged to catch up with me. I stopped in my tracks and let him arc around so he was standing in front of me. "What was that?" He asked, his eyes still wide with shock.

I crossed my arms over my chest, the yellow paper balling in my fist. "Bullshit." I cursed again. I wasn't one to use expletives. I was taught by my mother that they diminished one's appearance of intelligence. But it was the only word that was coming to mind that expressed my views on this whole afternoon.

"Okay," Edward said, his crooked smile crossing his lips. "I got that."

I looked up at my boyfriend. While I couldn't get used to the dull pain in his eyes, this last month had at least increased my tolerance of it. It no longer sent me into a panic, at least. I focused instead on their color, a dark ancient gold, that marked the in-between to satiated and thirsty. And I focused on his beautiful smile, my favorite smile. I laced my fingers with his right hand. "Did I get you in trouble too?" I marked the presence of a yellow slip in his hand.

He shrugged. "I'm in trouble that I didn't go to him first."

"I'm sorry."

"Bella," He said, his fingers unlacing with mine to run down my face. "What's wrong?"

"I'm angry at Jacob." I said. "For ruining your day."

"Bella," He pulled me close to his body. "Even my worst day _with you_ is ten times better than one without you."

"It's still wrong of him." I said as I encircled my arms around his waist.

"Well," Edward pressed his cheek to my head. "I wouldn't get too upset. He was definitely having the worse day."

I pulled back, suddenly concerned over Jacob. "What do you mean?"

I watched his eyebrows pulled together thoughtfully. "I don't think 'green-eyed monster' is really the correct term for it. What's bigger than a monster? A Titan? Cthulhu?"

I groaned. "Is the jealousy that bad?"

"To the point of pain." Edward said cheerfully. "Frankly, I surprised he didn't do more to get to me."

"Come on," Edward said. "We have the principal's office to go to."

* * *

I checked my phone as I brushed me teeth for bed. Edward had stopped visiting me at night. We never really discussed it, but I knew that running to my house and hopping through my window was starting to strain him. I missed him though. I missed his presence next to me in bed. I missed being able to wrap myself around his cool body. I missed his steady breathing next to me and his fingers in my hair.

I missed being able to kiss him as hard I wanted.

At promptly eleven every night, Edward sent me a goodnight text. It popped up as I was mid-gargle. I spat and picked up my phone, heading onto my bed. I texted a goodnight text back.

I wasn't tired though. I tried picking up a book to read. I had James Joyce to read next for English, but I didn't really feel like starting on _Ulysses_ tonight. I tried one of my own favorites, but I couldn't get into the headspace to read Shakespeare or Marlow or Austen.

I sighed and picked up my phone again. I knew I could call Edward, but I didn't want to bother him. I scrolled my contacts, my finger landing on Jacob's name.

I knew he was jealous. And I knew I was selfish for putting him through that. He loved me. And I had been using him. I had been using him since I had met him. He was a cold faucet after a burn. Unrelenting and forever loyal, he poured over every hurt feeling and broken piece. He stitched me back together. He took away the sting of everything that happened to me. And I gave him nothing in return. Nothing.

And it wasn't like I didn't love him too. I just, didn't – couldn't – love him in the same way that I loved Edward. Jacob was precious to me, but like he was family.

I got up and stomped around my room, now thoroughly worked up over Jacob. I thought about going to visit him, but it was eleven at night now. I could visit Edward. While he would be slightly bothered that I was up so late on a school night, I knew he wouldn't mind if I snuck out for him. Jacob? Edward? No one?

I got dressed instead in jeans and a t-shirt, jamming my feet into my Keds and quietly slipping pass a sleeping Charlie. Without thinking about it, I got in my truck and turned on the engine, praying that Charlie couldn't hear it over his own snoring.

I drove circles around my neighborhood. In Phoenix, eleven would still be pretty early. There would still be lights on in houses and life on the streets. If you went to Tempe, even in the middle of the week, college students from the university would be crawling up and down Mill Avenue, hitting bars and hanging out with friends.

In Forks, things seemed to close down for the night promptly at nine. The streets were silent and cold and dark. It was like a ghost town – creepiness included.

I still couldn't decide what I wanted to do. I was even more awake, sitting in my barely warmed up car, the cold numbing my fingers and nose. Did I want to go see Jacob? See Edward? I thought about holding Edward on his bed, breathing in his scent as he caressed my cheek with his hand. I liked that idea.

But, I had things to say to Jacob.

I somehow ended up driving through Forks into the biggest parking lot on my side of town: Forks High School.

I scowled. I didn't want to be at school. After this afternoon's lecture on 'showing respect to teachers.' How did I end up here? No, this wasn't right.

I stepped out my car, feeling pent up like a caged animal and started pacing next to the driver's side, my truck dinging to let me know I left the keys in the ignition. _What am I doing?_ I groaned aloud. _I should go back home._

"What do we have here?" A voice purred velvet.

I froze with fear, all of my muscles locking into place as a vampire came around my car and into my line of vision. He was large and stocky – not quite as large as Emmett, but almost. His pale skin reflected off the moonlight and contrasted against his crimson eyes. He had pale yellow hair – like straw and he was younger. Mid-thirties when he was transformed, probably. Not much older than Carlisle at least. His smile was warm and inviting, but his eyes were cold and calculating.

My heart stopped for a second and the took off like a jackhammer at the sight of him. A million visions flashed through my head. _Escape. Fight. Edward. Jacob. Die. Charlie. Die. You're going to die. Here. Now._ I took a cautious step back as he stepped forward – deliberately slow – towards me.

"There's nothing to be afraid of." He said, inflecting hard on his O's. I noticed an accent for the first time. Eastern European. Maybe Russian? Ukrainian?

He stepped forward again and I stepped backwards, my back finding the cold metal of my truck. I didn't have anywhere to go now. I was sandwiched between this vampire and my truck in an empty parking lot in the middle of the night. Terror fixed me into stillness. I couldn't shake. I couldn't scream. I just was watched this vampire come closer and closer to me.

He stepped so that he was an arm's length away from me. His hand came up and stroked the side of my face, his skin the same temperature as the cold outside. I watched him breathe deeply, his eyes closing like he was enjoying a glass of wine. "So…luscious." He said. "What is your name?"

"W-what's yours?" I stammered, trying to stall, trying to think. My phone was sitting on the seat of my car. _Alice._ My breathing hitched. _Alice, please see me._ I begged.

"That's not how this works." His brows furrowed slightly, but he smiled wider. "Although, I applaud your boldness."

"I know what you are." I said quickly, feeling my breathing hitch with panic.

"Is that so?" His hand traced down my neck, stroking my jugular that was pulsing at the speed of light under my skin. "Interesting. Then you know what I'm going to do to you."

"I'll scream." I whispered as a last ditch effort, feeling my eyes swim with tears.

He moved into me. A streak of white and black and red. I thought this was it, that I was dead, but then I stopped. The view had changed. I now faced the empty parking lot. He was behind me, holding me close to his body, one arm locked around my waist and the other roaming over my sternum.

"I like it when they scream." He whispered in my ear, his sickly sweet breath blowing over my face. The hand that wasn't wrapped around my waist plunged down my shirt and under my sports bra and cruelly grabbed one my boobs in his hard, cold hand. I yelped in pain and tears stung hot on my cheeks.

"Sergey." Another voice said, an invisible voice.

He groaned behind me, his arm constricting tighter around me and the other, thankfully, came out of my shirt. His voice became hard and he barked something in what I was assuming was Russian.

Suddenly, another vampire appeared in front of me. I knew vampires were quick – but this one didn't run in. She phased in front of me, like she literally materialized out of thin air. She was a tall, delicate woman with the same light blond hair as the vampire that held me. The only difference was that was cut bluntly right at her chin. She regarded me with her cold, red eyes.

She flicked her eyes to the vampire behind me – Sergey, she said his name was – and said something back in Russian.

"I'm just playing with my dinner, Dasha." Sergey said in a pleading tone, his fingers around my waist moving to skim the hemline in my jeans and his other hand moving over my chest. My blood pounded so hard in my head, that I thought I was going to pass out for a moment. "I prefer it when they're soft and warm…" He sucked in a breath. "…and bloody."

She said something in a nasty tone in whatever language they were speaking and the vampire behind me froze, his exploring fingers stopping their trek up the bottom of my shirt.

 _"_ _Niet."_ He answered her. 'No' in Russian. The only word I knew from watching movies.

He launched into something. They argued back and forth for a couple of minutes. Then Sergey's hands started roaming over my body again, desperately pinching at different parts of me. "But, sister." He pleased. "She's so soft and warm."

"Do you want to start a war?" She asked in an exasperated tone, her blonde hair shaking around her chin. "She belongs to the coven in the east. The _unnaturals_. I _know_ you can smell them all over her truck."

 _Edward. They know about Edward._

Adrenaline pumped hard through me. _Save Edward._ My thoughts became clinical and one-minded, like an animal. _Save him._ I wrenched myself against this vampire's iron grip. I must've took him by surprise, because his hands flew up. I moved as quick as I could out his way, my hand grabbing for any weapon I could find. I clutched the first thing my fingers could wrap around – a tire iron from the bed of my truck – and held it in front of me like a weapon.

Both the strange vampires chuckled at me like they had witnessed something comedic. The female stepped to me – a flash of white and grabbed my cheeks in her hand. "She's a fighter and she smells delicious." She laughed. Her cold, red eyes appraised me. "But she's theirs."

In a desperate attempt of self-preservation, I swung the tire iron up to hit her. The female smacked it easily out of my hand and it flew across the parking lot fifty meters away.

"For now." She added with a wicked chuckle.

* * *

 **Christmas of 1982: Edward, too distracted by MTV's airing of _Thriller_ for the twelfth time that day to listen for mental voices, accidentally walked in on Alice and Jasper having sex in their garage. Jasper was in nothing but a cowboy hat and Alice was yelling "git along little dogie!" (At Jasper's complete request, of course). Edward couldn't look either of them in the eye for at least a year after that.**

 **Sorry about the rape-iness. I totally didn't intend to take that direction, but I think it adds a level of antagonism. What's scarier than a gigantic, grope-y Russian guy? I've always been kind of disappointed with the 'evil guys' in the Twilight books. Like Jane is fuckin' awesome. Victoria's cool until the end of Eclipse. Everyone else is ehhhhhhh...**

 **Reviews butter my croissant. Thanks cinfalt226 for your nice words. I'm glad to create content for your eyes to digest.**


	14. 13: Bait

The blond female let go of my face and walked to her brother, who looped his arm around her shoulders, a knowing grin spreading over his face. They disappeared – vaporizing into thin air like a mirage. If I had blinked, I wouldn't have believed they were there at all.

The air around me became menacingly quiet – the only sound was my own pulse in my head pounding in my ears. It was a couple of long seconds as I scanned the school grounds and the parking lot looking for any threats, any sign that this was a trick and they were going to be back.

I sucked in a hard, ragged breath when I realized that they weren't returning. It wasn't exactly relief. They knew about the Cullens. Of course they knew about the Cullens. They were the biggest coven in the area.

I scrambled into my truck, which was still beeping to let me know that I had forgotten my keys and picked up my cell phone. I was shaking so bad that I hit the first name I came across in my contacts, not even bothering to check who it was.

"'ello?" Jacob said when he picked up the phone.

"Jacob," I breathed, thanking the fates that he wasn't on patrol. Actually, it sounded like he was sleeping and I had just woken him up.

"Bella?" He asked. "What's going on?"

"There are vampires." I sputtered. "At Forks High School…he, _they_ trapped me against my car, but then they disappeared and, and…"

"I'll be there in ten minutes. _Don't move_."

The phone went dead. I gripped my steering wheel so hard my knuckles turned white and focused on reminding myself to breathe. My eyes danced over the dark and empty school, looking for any sign of threat. Any sign of movement at all. My heart sped up into hyper drive in my chest and I could feel my breathing go shallow.

I could feel the male all over my skin. His cold fingers greedily grabbing parts of me that were not _meant_ for him. I raked my fingers hard over my chest and stomach to get the sensation of him off of me. My right breast was smarting with bruises from his hard fingers. _I'm just playing with my dinner, Dasha._ That's what he said. Tears hit hot against my face as I realized I just wasn't going to be a meal. No, he was going to rape me too. I scratched so hard at my skin that I smelled the iron of blood.

There was a large thump in the bed of my truck – a heaviness that caused my whole vehicle to shudder under its weight. I screamed, anticipating Sergey coming back to take the rest of me and I twisted to see that it was Jacob in his wolf-form. He made eye-contact with me – trying to determine if I was okay, I guessed - and then hopped gracefully over the front of my truck.

I watched him trace around the parking lot like a sniffing dog. It looked like he caught a scent, though. He tore off towards the English building, his gigantic paws making muffled _thump, thumps_ against the asphalt as he ran. As soon as he was gone, he reappeared on the other side of the group of buildings that made up Forks High School.

I stepped out of my vehicle, all the blood rushing to my head in the process. He ran up to me at full speed and phased mid-trot, swinging his legs into his shorts that he kept tied to his leg.

"Bella," He breathed, the chilly air steaming off of his skin as he crossed the last couple of feet to get to me. "Are you okay?" He wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm fine." I said and pressed my forehead to his hot chest. "I think. Did you find anything?" I pulled away.

"I smelled them in front of your truck and there's a trail in front of the cafeteria. But they disappeared." His eyes scanned around him. "Just like the scent from the beach last month."

"One of them had powers." I said. "Like she can make herself invisible or something."

He rolled his eyes and groaned. "Great."

"Oh, Jacob." I felt the tears again. "I thought I was a goner."

"I'm right here." He said and squeezed his arms tighter around me. "I wouldn't have let anything get to you."

"They know about the Cullens." _Edward. Protect Edward._ "I have to get to them." My voice rose in pitch with panic. "I have to make sure they're okay."

Jacob smiled at me and I felt a tiny inkling of confusion under the panic as to why he was _smiling_ about what I said. Like it was funny. "They're a family of vampires, Bella." He rubbed my shoulders. "Nothing is going to happen to them."

"I have to make sure Edward is okay." I amended, feeling the panicked tears on my face. I imagined him fighting. _Fighting_ Sergey in his condition. Sergey, who was as big as Emmett and ten times deadlier. I broke out into a cold sweat and I could feel myself vibrating in Jacob's hold.

"Bella, you're hyperventilating." Jacob's face twisted with concern.

"I need to see Edward." I repeated. I twisted around in his arms and started to crawl into my truck. I made it the two feet back into the driver's seat, but I couldn't see clear enough to find the key in the ignition. I felt like I was running down a tunnel. My fingers gripped the steering wheel for support and I fought the urge to pass out again.

"Okay, okay." Jacob said, grabbing my hand. "I'll take you to the Edward. Please calm down. You're freaking out. You're freaking _me_ out."

I sucked in a deep breath and held it, trying to will my heart to go down. Jacob watched me do this a couple of times and once he was satisfied that I wasn't going to pass out or try and make a break for it or something, he ran around the other side of my truck and phased back into a wolf.

Soon I was flying on his back, my fingers clutched into the russet fur, the cold air stinging my eyes and the tops of my cheeks. We ran as the crow flies – through the dense forest that surrounded and shrouded the Cullens' mansion. I kept my face down against his body, inhaling the earthy smell of him and focused on the rolling of his muscles backwards and forwards as he ran.

Right before we hit the clearing, Jacob let out a howl. It wasn't terribly loud, but it would definitely announce his arrival.

And it worked, because they were all on the porch when we got there, the light of the house piercing the forest darkness around us and turning the figures into silhouettes.

I slipped off Jacob's back and stumbled, catching myself in the grass on my knees. I maneuvered to push myself back up, but Edward was already at my elbow, pulling me to my feet.

"You're safe." I breathed when I got upright, launching myself into his chest. I pressed my face against his collarbone. The adrenaline supply in me was running on fumes, and I felt myself give in harder to horror of what happened. I started to cry ugly hysterics.

I heard Jacob whine and pace next to us, his paws making soft thuds in the grass.

"What's going on?" Carlisle asked.

"There are strange vampires at the school. One of them threatened Bella." Edward's arms tightened around me. "Bella called Jacob. There were two of them."

"We should split up in pairs." Jasper said. "Fan Forks to make sure they aren't hunting here."

"Bella," Edward said gently in my hair as he pried my fingers off of his t-shirt. "You have to let go."

"No," I said fiercely, looking up into his eyes. " _Please_ stay here. _Please._ "

Edward's face washed with indecision. "But, Bella, someone needs to interpret for Jacob."

"No," I repeated, crying harder, my fingers finding his shirt again.

"I'll go with Jacob." Carlisle volunteered. "Jasper and Alice can go to the north. Emmett and Esme can go west. We'll meet back here in fifteen minutes."

"Okay, let's get you inside." Edward gently lifted me up and I could feel the labor in his gait as he walked up the porch steps. I kept my face buried in his neck, sniffling through tears.

"What happened to your chest?" I felt his cool fingers run over my collarbone and on reflex, I smacked his hand away. I felt him sit down and I detached myself from Edward's chest to see that we were sitting on the couch in the living room.

I turned and looked into his face. Anxiety had replaced the indecision. Well, and the pain that was always there nowadays. His eyebrows were pulled. I opened my mouth to speak, but all that made it past my lips was garbled nonsense.

"Bella, please." Edward begged, the ache in his eyes sharpening. "Please tell me what's going on?"

"Edward," I heard Rosalie say.

There was a couple of seconds of silence and then Edward let out a gasp – a pained, sharp gasp. "No." His arms constricted tighter around me.

"Look at the bruises on her chest. They're finger-sized." Rosalie said aloud again.

"No, no, no." Edward's head twisted from side-to-side. In a flash, I was sitting alone on the couch and Edward was out the door – a streak of red hair and white skin.

"No, Edward." I cried. _He can't fight them._ I wanted to say. _Don't let him get hurt._

Rosalie sat down next to me, her arm looping around my shoulder and her other hand gripping mine. I froze with shock. Rosalie and I were satellites that rotated on completely different pathways. I went one way and she went the other. She always made it very apparent that she thought of me as more of a nuisance and a danger to her family than anything else.

So, it was odd that she was treating me so nice now. It made me wonder what happened to Rosalie. _Were you a victim in your past life?_

"It's okay," She murmured, pressing her lips against my forehead like a mother would to her child. "Nothing's going to hurt you anymore."

"I'm not the one I'm worried about." I managed and sniffed hard as I looked at Rosalie and her unearthly beauty. I raked my face of tears.

"Edward will be fine." She said intensely, like she was trying to convince herself more than me. "Just focus on yourself for now, okay? Do you want anything? Water?"

I shook my head. "I'm okay."

Rosalie detached anyway. "I'm going to get you a wash cloth for your chest and a new shirt." She disappeared up the stairs faster than I could comprehend.

I looked down at myself. had scratched long, pink welts into my chest. The one I had made bloody were now dried, but it had ruined the t-shirt I was wearing. A bloom of purple bruises was forming in an odd lace pattern over my right breast. I could see the imprint of a thumb. I gently laid down my own over it, noting how _big_ it was compared to mine. A new mushroom cloud of panic exploded in me and I fought the urge to run outside after Edward.

"Here you go." Rosalie said gently, handing me a warm washcloth and a new shirt.

"Thanks, Rose."

I used the excuse of cleaning myself up in the powder room to get away from Rosalie to call Edward. I paced around the small bathroom with my cellphone to my ear, trying not to let myself hyperventilate again. I hung up when I reached his voicemail.

I gripped the sides of the sink and sucked in large breaths. _It's okay._ I said. _He's with Jacob and the rest of his family. He'll be alright._ I changed into the shirt Rosalie gave me. It was too big to be Rosalie's and smelled like Edward, so it must've been Edward's. It was calming, being in one of his shirts.

I went back into the living room. Jasper, Alice and Carlisle were already there, standing around, their arms crossed over their chests. Rosalie and Esme was on the couch. "Where's Edward?" I asked as I looked around for him.

"He met up with Jacob." Jasper said as he leaned against the back of the couch. "They're doing one more round before they head back."

"How are you feeling, Bella?" Carlisle asked before I could ask anything more about Edward, his eyebrows pulling together in concern.

"Better." I looked at Rosalie with thanks.

"Can you describe them?" Jasper asked. "Did they say anything as to why they are here?"

I shook my head. "They were Eastern European. They spoke Russian – at least I think it was Russian – mostly. It was a brother and a sister." I sucked in a breath. "The male's name was Sergey and the female's name was Dasha."

"I didn't see them at all." Alice shook her head. "I didn't even see you at the high school. Why were you there, anyway?"

I looked at my feet. "I couldn't sleep. I was deciding on whether I wanted to see Jacob or Edward. I ended up driving to the high school, not even realizing where I was going."

There was a crash at the front door and Emmett barreled in. His black, curly hair shone with moisture. "I caught a scent near the Calawah River, but I lost it on the other side. These guys know how to make themselves scarce."

"The female had a power that made her invisible." I said quickly. "Like she disappeared and reappeared right in front of me."

Carlisle's hand went to his chin. "Invisibility wouldn't skew scent though."

"Teleportation?" Jasper suggested.

"I've never heard of that being a gift that vampires could have." Carlisle said. "Although, I guess anything is possible."

Emmett thumped his fist on his chest like a gorilla. "Fighting against a teleporter? Sounds fun to me!"

"No," I almost whimpered. "Don't get hurt over me."

"He sexually threatened you." Rosalie said as she flipped through channels on the television. "I'll tear his head off myself."

"Hopefully, it won't have to come to that." Carlisle said hurriedly.

"Hey guys!" Jacob shouted from the outside. "We could use a little help out here!"

Everyone's heads snapped around to the front of the house. In wave, all the Cullens' moved outside to see what was wrong. The panic that I had momentarily placated came rushing back, like a dam broken. My heart leaped into my chest as the chilly outside air bit at my bare arms.

Edward's arm was wrapped around Jacob's shoulder and Jacob looked to be supporting most of Edward's weight at his waist. I rushed down the porch steps to meet them. "What happened?"

"He tripped when we were running back." Jacob said. "Snapped a tree at the base."

"You ran into a tree?" I asked, horrified.

"I'm okay." Edward said between teeth. It was too dark outside to let me see his eyes. "I just have to sit for a moment."

"I got him." Carlisle was at Edward's side at once, looping his other arm around his shoulder. I could hear Edward hiss in the dark. "Please come in, Jacob."

"I don't know…" Jacob said as he got out from underneath Edward's grip, his face twisting into a grimace.

"We should probably strategize in case these vampires cross lines." Carlisle said. "And to keep Bella safe."

That convinced him. He followed me up the porch steps, taking care to wipe his dirty, bare feet on the welcome mat. He looked around with a surprised look as he crossed the threshold, like something was missing.

"The coffins are upstairs." Edward joked at Jacob between ragged breaths as he was sat down on the couch. Esme moved an ottoman under his feet and jammed a pillow under left knee. "Along with the bannister we hang upside down from."

"I wouldn't expect anything less." A smile crossed Jacob's lips, but he still looked uncomfortable being in the Cullen homestead, perching himself on the edge of the couch.

I was confused at this exchange as I sat down next to Edward. Jacob and Edward regarded each other so spitefully. But, I pushed the confusion away when I watched Edward's face twist. The constant companion of pain in his dark eyes had sharpened to anguish.

"Where does it hurt?" Carlisle asked.

"My leg and my hip mostly." He said and then looked at me. "We couldn't find them," The pain twisting into disappointment. "I'm sorry."

My stomach flipped. I opened my mouth to protest, but Jasper cut me off. "We were just discussing that actually." He said.

"One of them has a power." Carlisle said as he pushed up Edward's pant leg up to the knee. "We're thinking some sort of invisibility or teleportation. It's hiding their scent."

Edward's knee was swollen and red, like his knuckles from early this morning. Blue lightning bolts made their way up and down his granite-white leg, splintering off at his calf. Carlisle removed Edward's sneaker and his ankle looked swollen too.

Edward looked up at Alice. "Anything?"

Alice shook her head looking back and forth between him and Jacob.

"It shouldn't hide their mental voices, though." Edward said. "I should still be able to hear them."

Carlisle lifted Edward's leg and began manipulating it back and forth like he was pedaling a bicycle. "What is their motive in being in Forks?" He said as he did this range-of-motion exercise.

"They knew about you guys." I said in a quiet voice as I wrapped my fingers into Edward's.

"Carlisle," Edward snapped in a harsh tone, a growl in his chest – the harshest tone he's ever taken with his adoptive father. I instinctively recoiled away from him. " _Stop it_."

Carlisle gently lowered Edward's leg back on the ottoman and stepped away. If his expression was angry or hurt, he didn't show it. He took a seat next to Esme.

"Most know about us." Esme said. "We're the biggest coven next to the Volturi."

"If they don't, they learn pretty quick when they get here." Emmett nodded.

"Then, they must have a reason of staying here." Jacob leaned forward. "It's the same smell from the beach. Which means they've been here for a month."

 _For now._ That's what Dasha said. "They knew about me, though." I said. "They said that I was yours." I looked up at Edward's face. _I am yours._ They were at least telling the truth about that.

There was a connection of dots as everyone thought about it.

"Do you think they're with the redhead?" Jacob asked, his eyes suddenly intense.

"Wait." Alice said.

Everyone turned to her, except for Edward – who couldn't turn around with his legs on the ottoman. I watched his eyes go distant, though as he watched the same thing Alice was. His eyes moving back and forth in the same motion hers were.

They both gasped at the same time.

"He made a decision. The male." Alice said. "I saw him."

"They're going to be at the dance tomorrow." Edward added. "He's going to back for you." His hands untwined with mine and looped around my waist protectively.

"We gotta get Bella out of here, then." Jacob got to his feet.

"I agree." Edward said. "We should send you to your mom's in Jacksonville or something."

"No," I said, panic twisting through me. "I'm not leaving you."

"Bella, be practical." Edward said.

I shot him a look. " _You're_ going to lecture _me_ on practicality?" I looked at his swollen knee.

He sighed through his nose. "This is different and you know it."

The panic was immediately replaced by annoyance. No. I could handle it. I could lift him up. "No," I shook my head defiantly. "We'll set a trap. And I'll be the bait."

Edward's pained expression twisted into horror. "No, I won't allow it."

"Agreed." Jacob said intensely, his body vibrating.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because it'll put you in danger? Because his goal is to…defile you and then kill you? Bella-," Edward made a sickening gasp, his hands flying to his leg. "-be serious about this."

"I am being serious." I retorted. "We can see why they're hanging around here. You know, get some answers."

"No, what we can do is rip his head from his shoulders." Rosalie said, her eyes on the television. "And his tiny vampire and the bat twins from between his legs." She looked at me and her voice went soft. "I like this plan, Bella. It's gutsy."

"Of course you would." Edward snarled at her.

"It might actually work." Jasper nodded from behind the couch. "Alice and I are already going to be at the dance. Carlisle and Esme too as chaperones. We could have some of the wolves in the woods around the school. Rose and Emmett can be there too, in case they run."

"We can corner him." Emmett said, rubbing his hands together.

"What about his teleporting sister?" Jacob asked. "You're not going to know where she is?"

"She's not going to be too far from her brother." I said. "She was right there in the parking lot."

"You underestimate the maliciousness of the bloodsuckers." Jacob crossed his arms, his gaze intense as he focused on not exploding into a wolf. "She'll ditch as soon as they have the angle on him."

"Then you can get her." I looked up at Jacob.

"He's not going to do anything at a crowded dance." I shook my head. "Not in front of witnesses. He'll try to get me alone – probably in the parking lot or something – and then at that point you can grab him. His sister will be there, but if we have him, then she'll cave."

It was wild, but it was a good plan. It kept him safe. And that's all that I was concerned about. Keeping him safe.

"I'm not going to let you _bait_ Bella." His eyes were terror-stricken and full of anguish as his shoulders convulsed and his leg twitched.

"Okay, then. What are you going to do-," I started, tasting the poison in my mouth as I spoke. "-to stop us?" My eyes traced up and down his unwell body and I felt sick. Sick to my stomach. _Protect Edward._ But also, _support Edward_. And this wasn't supportive.

A million emotions flicked across his face, and he landed on defiance and a low growl started in his chest. "You guys wouldn't do that to me."

"Edward," Alice said in an exasperated tone. She arced around the couch and their gazes met. There was a silent conversation between them and Edward's eyes went distant as possible futures were revealed to him.

"The future is unpredictable." Edward said under his breath, his eyes dropping.

"Not this one."

"Fine," He said, his face twisting in defeat. "But, I'm going to be there."

"No," Alice and I both said at the same time for completely different reasons.

"No _arguments."_ He looked at me and then Alice. "From either of you."

Jacob crossed his arms. "So it's settled then? We're going to _purposefully_ put Bella in danger?" He shook his head and moved towards the door. "Unbelievable."

"Jacob," I got up and chased after him. "Jacob, wait up."

We made it down the stairs of the portico before Jacob twisted towards me. "What is going on with you?" He hissed.

I jumped back. "What are you talking about?"

"You. You're being _crazy."_ He said. "More than usual, too. Like lunatic on bath salts crazy."

"I'm not being crazy." I defended. "It's a good plan and you know it."

"But at what cost?" He said and grunted. "Why do you always have to play the martyr?"

"I'll be safe." I said. "Nobody's going to lay a hand on me."

There was silence. Jacob didn't have a retort because he knew it was true.

"What made Edward so mad?" Jacob asked finally. "He found me and he looked like _he_ was going to explode into a wolf."

My fingers went to my chest and massaged the welts. I could still feel Sergey's fingers on my body. "The vampire didn't just want to _eat_ me, Jacob. He had other…intentions in mind."

His expression went blank for a second and then he started vibrating, his form going blurry. And then he stopped. "Okay," He nodded. "We'll get him. I don't know how many of the pack I can convince to come tomorrow night, but _I'll_ be here." He grabbed my hand. "Don't worry."

"I won't." I lied.

"And I'm sorry, Bells." Jacob sighed as he looked down the Cullens' dark drive.

My face twisted with confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"For earlier today." His eyes dropped to his feet. "At the school…when I went to drop off your sweater."

That felt like a million years ago, now. "Oh." I managed.

"I feel guilty." He kicked a rock. "If had known...how bad…" He let his sentence fall off. I knew exactly what he meant though. _If he had known how bad Edward's condition was._

"What happened?" I asked. "In the woods?"

"We were both running. "Edward's fast… _so_ fast." He said with a slight note of awe. "I was having a hard time keeping up. But then, something happened. He started slowing down and then he just tripped. It was like something hit him or…I don't know…"

"Like he was struck by lightning?"

"Yeah," He nodded. "He slammed hard into a cedar tree. I had to phase into a human to make sure he was okay." A grin stretched over his face and he started laughing. "He tried walking it off - 'I'm fine, I'm fine,'" He mocked in Edward's turn-of-the-century accent. "Made it ten feet before he fell again. The dude's got cajones, that's for sure."

I felt like I got blue-pilled into the Matrix. Jacob's opinion on Edward ranked him lower than probably Hitler, Stalin and Bin Laden combined. His conversations were peppered with every bad word that he could think of to describe vampires. _Bloodsuckers. Leeches._ To hear him talk like Edward and him were _friends_ now _-_ or at least talk about him like they were acquaintances. It shocked and confused and delighted me at the same time. Maybe there was a hope that it could be something more than _us_ versus _them._

"I'm gonna run." Jacob said and hugged me. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Thanks Jacob." I said and squeezed his hot body tight. "For everything. I mean it."

"Anything for you." He said in my hair. The cold faucet over the burn. Forever loyal. Forever pouring himself out for me. Forever taking away the sting and expecting nothing in return. When was the sink going to overflow, though? When will the water supply run out?

He phased, his little dance of pulling off his shorts and tying them to his ankle making him look like he was doing a flip. And then he disappeared and the sting came back, right on top of my face and deep in my heart.

* * *

 **onemillilives (I'm trying to think of a way to bastardize your name, don't worry it'll come to me) I don't like to think it is OOC for Bella to lash out. I like to think of it of character development. HAhahaha maybe it's a little OOC, but Bella's gotta grip life by the balls a little bit yah, know**

 ** _Eclipse_ update: I am halfway and I want to rip my figurative dick off and throw it in the ocean. One chapter of Rosalie's origin story and then two chapters later it was Jasper's origin story. There's more origin stories then the Marvel Cinematic Universe lol**

 **Enjoy and review pls!**


	15. 14: Support

I got back inside. Emmett was playing with Rosalie's hair on the couch while she flipped through channels. Jasper and Alice were exchanging quiet words by Edward's piano. Carlisle and Esme were no longer in the room.

I walked around the couch, so I could get into Edward's line of sight. He had his arms crossed over his chest, his dark eyes brooding as he stared out the window. He was still – or as still as he could be with his shuddering body. He didn't acknowledge me when I took a seat next to him. "I should probably go home." I traced a blue lightning bolt on his arm.

"No," He said quietly, his hand moving to cover mine. "I mean, you can if you want." His eyes turned to me – they were black as ebony and shone with affection and pain. "But, I'd really prefer it if you stayed."

"You're not…mad at me?"

His eyes dropped. "I still don't like the plan. But, you are right, it's smart." His eyes flashed back to the window. "I'm just more upset with myself."

"Why?" I felt my eyebrows furrow with confusion.

He picked up both of our hands and watched them shake. "I can't protect you." His voice was pained. "If it came down to a fight…"

I put my hand on his face. "It's not going to come to that."

"But if it _did_." He insisted. "I don't know if I would be able to…"

"Edward." I cut him off. "It's going to be okay."

A gigantic yawn split my face. After the panic and awfulness and craziness of the night, I was exhausted. Beyond exhausted. I could drop dead on command, probably.

My favorite smile - Edward's smile slowly found its place on his face at my yawn. "You need to sleep. Alice will be very cross with me if you have bags under your eyes for the dance tomorrow."

I groaned. "I can't believe I'm going to that stupid dance." My head slumped on the back of the couch.

Edward shrugged. "I don't like the idea anymore than you do."

"Why can't vampires can't decide to eat me at a bookstore or a coffee shop – somewhere I actually want to be?" I chuckled cynically at my own joke.

"Only you would complain about _where_ you're being eaten." He shook his head disapprovingly. "Not that fact that you're _being_ eaten."

I put my head on my arms and watched my boyfriend's smile. His lovely smile. "You know, it's girls' choice." I said and yawned again. "And I haven't actually asked anyone."

"Oh?" His eyebrows shot up. "Have you narrowed down your list of candidates?"

"I don't know." I teased. "There's Jacob, but I'm not sure if he owns a suit anymore."

Edward's eyes flashed, but his smile widened. "Watching Jacob try and maneuver a dance floor would be pretty funny." He conceded. "It would probably make his whole year if you asked him too."

"Mike Newton?"

Edward's face twisted. "I'd rather you go with Jacob Black."

"And then there's Edward Cullen."

"He sounds horrible. Worst of the bunch, in my humble opinion."

"He's actually pretty great." I scooted closer to him and placed my head on his chest. "He's hurting right now. But, he's sweet and caring and I'm pretty sure he loves me a lot."

"He loves you more than you will ever know." He said, his fingers twisting into my hair and his lips finding my forehead.

"Edward Cullen," I pulled back to look into his eyes. "Will you go to the Forks High School girls' choice dance with me?"

"Well, I wouldn't be very good at dancing."

"That makes two of us." I joked, snuggling closer against his cool chest – my favorite place in the whole world. The safest place in the whole world.

My dreams changed that night.

 _Sergey - I knew it was him because his hay-colored hair and his large build – was standing with his back towards me in the middle of the dense forest. The trees cut the sunshine into pillars of lights around us._

 _My instincts told me to run. Run away as far as I could. Every cell screaming at me to run at the top of their lungs. I was on fire with it. Ached with it._

 _But, I started running_ towards _him. As fast as my feet could take me, I ran through those slants of light, through the trees. There was a voice in my head telling me that something was wrong. Very wrong._

 _"_ _Hey!" I yelled as a ran._

 _Sergey turned at my voice. In his arms was Edward. One arm was wrapped around his throat and the other was on top of his head. The pain in Edward's eyes was palpable. Sergey started to twist his arms, his red eyes glinting evilly. I pushed forward harder to get in-between them, my hand coming out._

 _"_ _No!"_

I woke up with a start, the 'no' still round in my mouth as I sat up. I looked around for the forest, for Sergey and for Edward. But, I was in Edward's room on the white bed, the gold and black décor glinting in the morning sunlight.

"Bella," Edward said. I jumped at his voice, not even realizing he was there. I looked at him. He sat on the other side of the bed on top of the comforter, his ankles crossed. His eyes were golden again and he had changed clothes. I watched him pause his iPod and pull out an earbud. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I breathed, my eyes tracing to the window. "Just a bad dream. What time is it?"

"Around noon."

"Noon?" I asked, throwing the covers back and jumping to my feet. "Oh, no! Charlie's going to be so mad!" I said, noting that I had been changed into pajamas. I looked around for my clothes, trying to come up with a good excuse as to why I snuck out all night. Something Charlie would believe. Knowing him, he would have the whole entirety of FPD looking for me by now.

"Carlisle called Charlie." Edward smiled at me from the bed. "He fabricated a story. You're pretty much good to stay the whole weekend if you want to."

"What did he say?" I froze to watch Edward.

"He said that I had a bad seizure last night and Alice called you and that's why you snuck out." Edward tapped his head. "Cancer perk."

"Manipulating Charlie isn't a _perk_." I groaned, reliving the conversation I had a month ago.

Edward patted the space next to him and I took the invitation. I crawled back onto the white, fluffy bed and melted against Edward's form. His arms encircled around my shoulders.

"What are you listening to?" I picked up the earbud that sat on his chest.

"Duran Duran." He answered.

"Like, 'Hungry Like the Wolf'?" I stuck the earbud in my ear. Simon Le Bon's vocals and the usual beat I tended to associate with British nineties' bands filled my head.

"No, _Rio_ was their worst album." He said. "I'm listening to _The Wedding Album_."

I pulled the earbud out and shook my head. "I think I was a glimmer in my mother's eye when that came out."

He laughed. "I was in college for the fourth time when this album came out." He pressed a kiss to my head, his nose running through my hair and down my temple. "Are you hungry?" He whispered, his sweet breath crossing over my face.

I was hungry, but I wasn't entirely ready to disconnect from Edward's side. "What is in a vampire's kitchen?" My fingers went to his quartz crystal necklace.

"We keep it pretty stocked." He shrugged. "Keeping up appearances. It'd be odd if Esme never went to the grocery store."

I moved to kiss Edward, but a loud growl from my stomach interrupted us. I groaned and rolled until I was back on my feet and moved around the bed to Edward's side. "You want some assistance?" I offered my hand.

"I'm okay." He said and tired up his headphones around his iPod. But, he didn't move. His eyes dropped to his lap.

"Do you want me to get someone else?" I offered.

"No," He said and scowled. "It's embarrassing enough with you."

"This isn't part of The Deal." I said and offered my hand again.

I watched him roll his eyes and grab my hand. He swung his legs around into a sitting position. Grabbing him by the arm, he slowly rose to his feet. He leaned heavily on me, but we were upright, at least. That was something.

His legs gave out. Before I could collapse under his weight, Carlisle was suddenly there on his other side, gripping Edward around the waist. "I got you." He said quietly and guided Edward back down on the bed.

I watched a silent exchange happen, their eyes meeting. Carlisle's expression softened, like he was regretful about something. Edward just glowered at him.

"I don't want to use them." Edward said, his scowl deepening.

"I don't think you have a choice, son." Carlisle said aloud. "If you want to stay mobile at least."

Edward's thumbnail went in-between his teeth. "I can't believe this is happening." He shook his head. "I laughed at Alice when she showed me." He wasn't talking to me anymore. He was talking to himself. "I'm such an imbecile."

Carlisle shot me a look before zipping out of Edward's room in a streak.

"I don't get it." I said. "What's going on?"

Edward's eyes just glanced at me, the perpetual ache in his eyes sharpening. Carlisle walked back in with mobility devices: a walker in one hand and a pair of metal crutches with the loops at the top in the other.

My mouth popped opened at the sight of them. I was completely shocked into silence. I didn't know what to think. My incredible, super-powered boyfriend who could run at high speeds through the woods with me on his back, who could jump to my second story bedroom window, read minds and punch vans out of the way was just reduced to a walker.

The monster that was time clawed its way back to the surface of my mind, tearing its way through my chest and stomach at the same time. I felt dizzy and nauseated. The _tick, tick, tick_ of the clock zapping me right through my temples all the way to my soles of my feet. We were wasting time. Every second was a second _too late_ against this damnable disease. Every second was a step away from Alice's vision.

"One," Edward said, one of his arms coming up to rub his shoulder. "I only need one."

I plunged back to earth at his voice, quickly shoving the monster into the back of my mind and tried to rearrange my expression into something that wasn't white hot astonishment. _One moment at a time._ Except, each moment was another brick in the grave.

Carlisle and I both watched with hands ready to catch him as he slowly rose to his feet. He slipped his right forearm into the cuff of the crutch, and gripped the handle that jutted out of the front. His shoulders hesitantly straightened and he used his free hand to finger-comb his hair off of his forehead. "How bad is it?" He asked.

"It's fine." I said, coming on his other side. "It'll _be_ fine."

"Thanks for the reassurance." He half-smiled down at me, but it didn't quite meet his eyes.

"What won't be fine is _you_ if you're not ready by five." Alice chirped. We all turned to see her leaning against the threshold, her dark hair in hot curlers tied tight to her head. "Don't worry, I have everything ready for you."

"Alice, that's five hours away." I argued. "I haven't even had lunch yet."

"I made you waffles. They're in my bathroom." She smiled.

"Waffles?" My stomach growled and I put my hand over it.

"Not _all_ vampires are complete morons in the kitchen."

"You're so annoying." Edward breathed and limped around through his door, brushing Alice's shoulder on his way out. Carlisle followed behind him.

"I will spoil _Breaking Bad_ for you, Edward Cullen." Alice warned, a grin stretching over her face.

"So _annoying_." He groaned.

"Come, come, Bella." Alice held out her hand. "We have a lot of work to do to get you ready for tonight."

"It's just a school dance, Alice." I moved around the room to the door.

"Yes, but you're the bait." She laced her fingers with mine. "We have to make sure you look good enough to eat." She snapped her razor sharp teeth inches from my nose, her eyes flashing playfully.

* * *

"Alice."

"Wait."

"Alice!" I groaned, my eye tearing up. I tried to blink away the feeling of of a heavy foreign object on my eyelid as Alice held a pair of tweezers dangerously close to my cornea.

"You're almost done." She said in a soothing voice. "Okay, there."

I look around her spacious, marble bathroom. I could see the false eyelashes I was wearing in my peripherals like a wooly mammoth was on his way to put his hands over my eyes.

I had been her Barbie doll for the last couple of hours. Facials. This weird green mud stuff was involved. Some charcoal thing that _hurt_ to pull off my cheeks. My eyebrows felt like they were waxed off my face. And then she spent two hours on my hair. It was torturous.

I complained the _whole_ time.

"But, Bella." Alice pouted as she smeared another jar of goo over me. "I never got to do this when I was human. I don't even _remember_ being human. I was thrown in a hole to rot."

That shut me up. I sat stewing on ideas on how to get back at her, knowing she would be able to see anything I tried to pull on her. Maybe I could have Jacob steal her car or something for an afternoon…

I got to break for a little bit while Alice went to steam our dresses and get ready herself. I took that opportunity to see how Edward was doing.

I wandered through their house that was a better fit for a cover of _Home & Garden_ than for a coven of vampires living in northwestern Washington. I slowly walked down the stairs, wearing Edward's t-shirt and a pair of pajama shorts and bare feet, my hair and makeup done up.

I found Edward sitting at his piano, his left hand playing the same line of music over and over, his right hand on his lap. He stared at a sheet of music in front of him, but I assumed that his thoughts were a million miles away, in a number of other heads. I tried not to look too hard at the crutch that leaned against the side of the piano.

"Hey," I said as I slipped next to him on the piano bench.

He looked up, his left hand ceasing the loop of music. "Alice let you out of the dungeon?"

I rolled my eyes, feeling the false eyelashes brush my brow bone. "Barely." I looked down at the music. I couldn't read music, but I was hoping I could recognize the title. "What are you playing?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. I'm just…" He shook his head as he let his sentence fall off.

"Is everything alright?" I asked, my hand moving to his back. I could see scapula through his t-shirt contract involuntarily. "Are you in pain?"

"Not more than usual." He said flatly, pressing a couple of keys with his index finger. I recognized it as the intro to 'Head over Heels' by Tears for Fears.

"What's wrong?" I rubbed his arm.

His hand hit the piano keys with a _ka-klunk._ "I'm just worried about tonight."

"Edward," I groaned his name. "It's going to be fine."

He slammed the piano cover down and the noise echoed through the living room. "But what if it's not, Bella? What if its not and something happens to you because I'm like…" He picked up the crutch next to him and threw it across the living room. It hit the hearth of the fireplace with a _bang!_ "Like _this_? I can't even play a damn piano, Bella." His voice cracked like he was going to cry.

I pressed my face into his arm. "I can't say it's going to be perfect." I said. "But, it's the best chance of getting _rid_ of this threat once and for all."

"I hate being useless." He said, his voice still heavy. "Maybe I _should_ go to Kyoto."

I sat upright. "What?"

"It's what everyone wants, right?" He shrugged. "It's what _you_ want, right?"

I sat in silence, watching him. I was convinced he was going to follow it up with a 'just kidding' or a 'sike' or something like that. He just ran his fingers through hair, his face upset.

I wanted him to go to Japan. I thought it would be his best chance at fighting this _thing_ and against the monster of time. It was our _only_ chance. It was practical. But, Edward didn't need practical in this moment. He needed loyalty. He needed devotion. He needed an ally on his side. He needed a cheerleader.

He needed _me._

"Edward," I said, my hand lacing with his and my lips finding his cool cheek. "I don't want you to go to Japan."

He looked at me confused. "What?"

"I _want_ whatever makes you comfortable and happy." I said. "And I will go with whatever you decide to do. I will follow you anywhere as long as I can be at your side. If that's Japan, that's fine. If it's not, then that's fine too."

He snorted gently and shook his head. "You never fail to surprise me, Bella Swan."

I wrapped my arm around his waist and leaned my head on his shoulder. Edward moved into to me too, but his eyes stared out the window. "Does that mean," He started quietly. "If I asked, would you stay human?"

I considered his words. A Bella a lifetime ago would've been demanding to become a vampire this instant. Coming up with a cover story to trick Charlie. Tearfully apologizing to Jacob. Maybe even skipping town to keep from breaking the treaty with the Quileute tribe. It would be the practical option. I would be strong enough to defend myself _and_ Edward.

But, I wasn't that Bella anymore.

This Bella, in the first moments of dawn - when the monster of time and the prospect of an empty eternity weighed on her chest to the point where she couldn't find oxygen anymore - would strategize a way to follow Edward into his next life. There were a hundred different options as a human: a handful of pills, Charlie's gun clicked at the temple, a jackknifed motorcycle accident on the I-5.

There was only one when you were a vampire.

"Bella," Alice sang as she came around the corner, dressed in an all-black cocktail dress that probably cost as much as a month or two of Charlie's salary. "I need you upstairs. And Edward needs to get ready too."

Edward unlaced his fingers with mine. "Can you…?" He looked at the crutch that he pitched to the other side of the room.

"Of course." I got to my feet and picked it up. It was denser and weightier than I expected. I had to use my fair share of crutches throughout the years, and this one wasn't made of normal aluminum. I brought it back to Edward and grabbed his elbow as he rose to his feet.

Upstairs, a deep, royal blue cocktail dress was stretched over Alice's bed. "That's Edward's favorite color on me." I said.

"I thought we'd throw him a bone." Alice said. "You know, since he's not very happy about this plan, anyway."

"You think it's a good plan, right?" I asked as I started pulling off my shirt and shorts. Alice moved to helped so I wouldn't smear her hard work.

"Yes," She said, smiling at me. "I saw the future tonight – albeit there's some holes now since Edward's meddlesome butt is going to be there – but everything's going to be fine." She picked up the dress and I stepped into it.

"Have you seen anymore visions about…?"

She moved around me to zip me up and then moved back and crushed me against her chest in a hug. "No, I haven't." She whispered so lowly and quickly I almost missed it. "I still see Japan, but it's still hazy. Nothing is firming up yet." She pushed me away, her eyes moving up and down my body. "You look great!" She said at a normal volume. "Let's dance!"

Jasper and Edward were waiting at the bottom of the stairs for us.

Jasper was in a white button down shirt with a silver and turquois bolo tie. Edward was in a matching royal blue shirt and a bowtie. His normally tousled bronze hair was slicked back with hair wax. I watched his crooked grin stretch over his face when I descended the stairs.

"You look amazing." He breathed, his free hand coming up to trace my jawline.

"You look nice." I said and stretched up on my toes to kiss him. I vehemently refused Alice's offer of heels. Heels and I did not mix.

"Jessica Stanley," Alice smiled, her tiny arm wrapped around Jasper's torso. "Eat your heart out."

Jacob was waiting at the bottom of the stairs of the portico, dressed in just his cargo shorts. The moist, winter air steamed off of his skin. His arms were crossed and he looked like he was brooding about something.

"Hey, Bells." He greeted when he saw me. "You look nice." His eyes went to Edward and then Edward's crutch, his eyebrows pulling together. "Everything alright?"

Edward's fingers tightened around mine. "Fine."

Jacob nodded once, his tone going serious. "I've briefed the others. They're already in the woods around the school and they've already crossed paths with the big one and the blondie."

"Emmett and Rosalie." Edward corrected.

Jacob shrugged. "Sure."

"Make sure you keep your distance." Edward said. "We don't want a bear scare to ruin the dance."

A smile broke out over Jacob's face. "If they can even see us with how fast we're going."

"It was my recollection that you were having some trouble keeping up last night." A smile ghosted over Edward's lips. "Before that darn tree got in the way." Edward dropped my hand so he could grip the railing of the stairs. "I'm going to get the car started."

"You're driving when my heart starts again!" Alice said as she chased after him, dragging Jasper with her by the hand.

"What are you going to do?" Edward teased as he hobbled away. "Wrestle my keys from me?"

"You don't know what I'm capable of."

Jacob and I watched them turn around the corner towards the garage. I stepped down and stopped in front of Jacob, leaning on the bannister of the portico steps.

"You doing okay?" He asked. "After last night?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I think so."

Jacob crossed his arms over his bare chest. "I got most of the pack to come out. Well, except Leah." He laughed. "They're all very excited to attack a vampire they're allowed to kill."

It was the first time that day where I felt genuine worry over the plan. A bunch of different scenarios ran through my mind – all of them ending with either Jacob or his pack injured. My mind went back to my dream. To Sergey and his evil glint. I was so worried about Edward's safety, that I didn't consider Jacob's. My heart took off and grabbed Jacob's hand, dread making me desperate to hold on to him.

"Be careful." I squeaked, watching Edward's Volvo pull around the driveway.

"We're going to be just _fine_." He laughed and disconnected his hand from mine. "Just worry about keeping yourself out of trouble."

"I'll try." I smiled weakly.

He turned and took off, his two human steps turned into four paws that faded as he galloped away into the dense forest.

The fear increased with every mile we took towards Forks. I kept my eyes on the forest, looking for the wolves, but it had turned dark - the blue sky matching my dress. I couldn't see much past the first line of trees. I imagined Sergey in that forest as well and his sister, tall and graceful, as she appeared and disappeared from place to place without even moving. My heart jackhammered in my chest

The panic vaporized as Jasper manipulated my emotions. I could tell he was manipulating Edward's too, as he was stoic next to me as we parked, the only movement coming from his thumb that rubbed small circled over mine.

Alice jumped out of the car as soon as the vehicle stopped, greeting Jessica Stanley and Mike Newton. Jasper casted us both a look from the passenger side before getting out as well. Edward didn't move to remove his seatbelt, so I didn't either.

"We don't have to do this if you're worried." Edward looked at me. "We could just have Jasper and Alice and Carlisle and Esme patrol. He'll leave once he realizes you're not there." He smiled at me. "We can go home and watch the episode of _Friends_ where Rachel makes the trifle."

I looked at Edward and then the crutch that laid over our feet. In a month, what would happen? Would Edward need two crutches? The walker? What about in two months? Four months? What about when he gets to stage two and loses most motor function? Would my nightmare come true at that point? _Protect Edward._ No. I couldn't let that happen. My heart took off in my chest, but not with panic this time. No, it took off with adrenaline, with _anticipation._

"No," I shook my head. "I'm doing this."

* * *

 **Ravioli raviloli, there's only one more chapter before we make a POV switcheroni**

 **onemillilives - your name is too pure and lovely for me to bastardize. I'm sorry I am a failure.**

 **cinfalt226 - While I can't promise that this story will be sunshine and rainbows at the end (its a story where the main character gets vampire cancer, I mean, come on) I do believe in justice. I guess you'll just have to keep reading to see the end to this ridiculous**

 **LaurelLeafSinger - your review is so large and thorough, it crashed my reviews for a bit. Good Lord. It's ridiculous, but I love it. Don't stop. 1) I always want to strangle Bella. Honestly, she could use a good throttling. Maybe put things into perspective tbh lol 2) in _Eclipse_ , I thoroughly disliked the 'Team Edward' vs 'Team Jacob' love triangle thing. That being said, I could see the reason she keeps him around is the whole Edward-leaves-in-New-Moon-and-Jacob-was-there type thing? Vampires vs. Werewolves thing? My story is going to handle it more gracefully than SM did, though, so just keep reading and reviewing!**


	16. 15: Lie

The dance was being held in the gymnasium, but you couldn't tell with the decorations. The lights had been turned down low and romantic. The walls were clad in green and purple and gold fabrics. Balloons covered the ceiling. Every square inch was covered in mardi gras beads.

Kids milled around in groups, cups of punch and soda cans in their hands. I looked the faces, looking for the glittering red eyes of Sergey. I found Carlisle and Esme near the food table, talking with other chaperones. I found Jasper against the opposite wall, away from the throng of students at a parade rest, with his hands behind his back. His eyes were analytical and calculating as he looked for any sign of threats. Alice was taking a selfie with Lauren Mallory, her posture casual and her smile brilliant under the spotlights of the dance floor.

Edward's eyes scanned around as he listened for mental voices. "I found him." He growled lowly. "He's in the band room."

Both Jasper and Alice locked eyes from across the room and then looked at Edward.

"The female isn't with them." He said at a low conversation level. "I don't hear her at all."

 _Where was she?_ I shivered and gripped Edward's hand tighter. I thought about Jacob running around in the dark, worry tying my stomach into knots. I hoped he was taking care out there.

My anxiety was interrupted by Mike Newton, who barreled up to me. "Bella!" three strings of beads hanging around his neck. His blond hair artfully gelled into a tousled mess on his head. "You guys made it!" He grinned.

"Yeah, we did." I said unenthusiastically.

"Hey, guys!" Jessica said and handed both of us a strand of mardi gras beads. "I'm so glad you all decided not to be soggy lampshades and actually came."

"Alice convinced us to." I said.

Jessica's eyes flicked to Edward's new crutch and there was a note of surprise in her eyes. Her mouth turned into a round 'o' and I could see the gears turning in her head. Probably figuring out how fast she could get this new information about Edward passed around the school.

"Jessica," He said gently, trying to distract her. "You're looking lovely this evening."

Mike linked arms with her, forcing her to look up at him. "I think it's time to start some music." He said.

"Yes," Jessica clapped her hands together. "Let's get that DJ going."

They both departed and soon after a generic club song started over the sound system, making the tile floor vibrate and the herd of students moved towards the dance floor.

I continued to look for Sergey in the faces of my classmates. My skin felt like it was on fire. I could feel his icy hands all over my body and it made me want to scratch at my skin again. I felt myself squeezing the hand that wasn't clasped with Edward's into a tight fist to keep it glued at my side.

"Are you okay?" Edward whispered into my ear.

"Yeah," I said. "I'm just having flashbacks of last night."

Edward's face twisted with concern. "It's not too late to back down."

"No," I said hurriedly, pushing the panic out of my chest. "I'm good. I want to do this."

Alice floated over to us. "I have punch and cookies waiting for you at that table over there." She pointed. "Unless you want to go dance?" She asked innocently.

"No," Edward and I both said at the same time, I with a ring of horror and him with annoyance.

I let Edward lead me to the table, my eyes still scanning for Sergey, his posture stiff and on guard. I rubbed the back of his hand with my thumb. I sat down at the table and played with the beads that were littered everywhere to keep my hands distracted. I picked up a string of green ones and put it on. I picked up another string and looped it over the handle of Edward's crutch.

Jasper sat down after saying hi to an old classmate. He looked around him before leaning forward. "We have to let Bella wander away." He whispered in his southern accent. "He's not going to do anything with us all over her like this. We have to let her get separated in the dark to bait the trap."

Edward squeezed my hand so tight, that my third and forth knuckles rolled underneath each other and I yelped out in pain. "Ouch!"

"I'm sorry." Edward said, his eyes flashing at me and his grip loosening. He quickly turned his attention back to Jasper. "I can't leave her."

"It's just the male." Jasper said, his eyes darting everywhere. "We can take him. It'll be okay." He turned to me. "Pretend to go to the bathroom and duck out the back door."

Edward twisted to me. "Bella, I'm not okay with this." He said. "Please, don't do this." The constant suffering in his eyes intensified.

I looked at them both. Jasper's eyes were analytical, strategic. I wasn't completely aware of his origins besides the fact that he showed up on the Cullens' doorstep with Alice one day out of the blue. But, he was 100% a fighter. I could tell. Edward, on the other hand, looked at me like I was sending myself out to be slaughtered, his expression twisted and pained.

I weighed it out in my head really quick. Sergey was waiting for me to be alone to get to me. I don't think he would go after me if Edward was tied to my side all night long. It'd be too much of a risk. I would have to be a dumb human for a two minutes for him to grab me. But, I don't think Jasper was completely correct, either. Letting me just wander would be too obvious. After all, I _was_ their human and they were crawling over the school. He would suspect something.

An idea occurred me. It was wicked and vindictive and made me sick to my stomach. It made me ground my fingernails into the palm of my hand until I almost drew blood. But, it would give the illusion that I was getting away from Edward.

I was pretty sure that Edward wouldn't go for it if I told him my plan. It still meant that I would be separated from him. He wouldn't go for anything that would put me in danger. Which meant he couldn't be in on this first part. I would have to make it look real and count on Jasper to fill him in later.

I forced myself to cry. Tears prickled my eyes and fell down my face, ruining Alice's makeup job. _I'm sorry, Edward. The next couple of minutes are going to be rough._ I thought and looked at Jasper. He could feel the lie in my emotions, but Edward couldn't. He got up from the table quickly and crossed the gym to Alice.

"Bella?" Edward's looked at me concerned. "What's wrong?"

"I can't do it anymore, Edward." I said quietly.

His face twisted with confusion. "Do you want to go home?"

"No! I can't do _this_ anymore." I cried -loud enough to turn heads around us – and jerked my hand away from his. I pushed back from my chair, and it scraped loudly against the floor. I made myself look even more dramatic by pushing it all the way down to the floor with a clatter.

"Bella, what are you talking about?"

"This! All of it! I can't do it anymore." I started towards the front door. I bumped my shoulder purposefully against Jessica Stanley's on the way out. Her expression was shock. The same shock one would have if they witnessed a murder or a horrible car accident or something.

"Bella," I heard him groan as he followed me. "Please wait."

I hurried out the gymnasium into the cold air. It stung the moisture on my cheeks, icing it to my face. I felt Edward's hand grip mine to try and stop me.

I wheeled around to him melodramatically just outside the entrance. Other student witnesses were there, watching our conversation. "I don't love you anymore, Edward." I said, feeling the heat in my cheeks and the sourness of the lie in my words.

He recoiled like he had been slapped in the face, confusion twisting the pain in his eyes. The pain was so palpable that I almost broke character. "What?" His voice was broken.

"I thought…" I pressed my hand to my head and made eye contact with the other students like they were intruding on our conversation. I grabbed Edward's hand and pulled him around the corner to the south side of the gym. I led him - feeling his steps roll with the crutch - until we were in the shadow of the gymnasium.

"I thought I could do it. I did. But the last month…" I cried real, monster tears. "It's been _too_ hard. I'm just a high schooler, Edward. I can't be taking care of my sick boyfriend. This isn't _A Walk to Remember_." I said and shook my head, wiping away tears. "I don't _love_ you anymore."

We locked eyes. It worked and I knew it worked because I got him where it hurt most. His weakness. And I hated myself for it. It was a blow below the belt, but he _had_ to believe me. At least for a second. The pain in his was like a dagger in my chest. _I so wish you could read my mind right now._ I thought. Of all nights to be a mental mute. _It's a lie. All of it._ I screamed at him in my head. He dropped his eyes to his feet, his mouth twisting like he was holding back tears.

"Don't try and follow me. I don't want to make this any harder than it is." I said sourly, bitterly.

I turned and started walking towards the back of the campus, grounding my nails harder in my hands with regret and sadness. I felt so guilty for causing Edward pain that I wanted to turn around and run back and tell him it was all a lie. But it was too late now. Everything had been set up. It was now or never.

Jasper and Alice should already be zoning in on the performing arts building now. Edward will pick up on what I was doing in Jasper and Alice's head, but by then it'll be too late. The bait will be laid. I picked up my pace when the shadows of the building grew longer, my shallow breaths causing a small puff of vapor every time I exhaled.

I wiped my face. It didn't matter if Sergey heard us in person or not. The entirety of the school was roaring with the sound of gossip at me making a scene. He would hear that. And he would hear me pull my phone out as I rounded the corner towards the performing arts building.

I dialed Jacob's number, but didn't hit call. "Jacob," I breathed into the receiver I looked at the tiny crescents I cut into my palm. A drop of blood pooled in the crease of my hand. Usually, I would get sick at the sight and smell of blood. In that moment, though, that little red crimson dot fascinated me. "I broke up with Edward and I need a ride home. Can you come and get me?"

"That won't be necessary." A Russian voice said behind me.

I wheeled around, my heart stopping in my chest. "Sergey." I breathed.

He stood in front of me, the same casual smile on his face from last night. His red eyes glittered and the moonlight washed his blond hair white. "Hello, _myshka."_

His hands came out like a snake strike and grabbed my shoulders. In a flash, one large hand clamped over my mouth and the other gripped my waist. I was dragged backwards off my feet, going at such high speeds that the wind whistled in my ears.

Suddenly he let me go in the middle of the band room. I dropped to my hands and knees on the carpeted floor. It looked like a tornado had come through. The usual straight rows of chairs and music stands that made up the different sections were strewn around and flipped over.

Adrenaline started to pump hard in my head. I sucked in a deep breath at my new heighted awareness and kept myself from letting it turn into hysterical terror. I noted the exits. Three of them. The door we came through. The door on the opposite end and the door on the north side that led to the football field.

"It's very convenient that you decided to end things with your vampire tonight." He said. "I'd hate to have a coven after me for killing their pet." He chuckled.

"I wasn't a pet." I spat.

He shrugged and cruelly gripped my shoulder, forcing up on my knees. "It doesn't really matter what you are now, does it, _myshka_?" He smiled casually and started to undo his belt.

The control I had faltered. I panicked and started to scramble backwards on all fours. He grabbed my ankle and pulled me back, my skin on my knees and hands burning against the friction of the carpet.

"Where are you going?" He laughed as he pulled me back. "I'm just getting started with you." He yanked hard, pulling my leg out from under me and forcing me to land on my stomach.

There was a crash that sounded like two boulders being thrown together. I rolled over to see Sergey laying supine on top of a pile of music stands. Edward was crouching in front of me, in an attack position a growl rumbling in his chest.

"No, Edward!" I cried. _It wasn't supposed to be you._

But, I couldn't even get the words out – everything moved so fast.

Sergey made back to his feet – a jump that sent him soaring in the air. He crashed against Edward, driving his fists into Edward's chest. The impact sent Edward flying into a wooden marimba that sat up against the wall, crushing it underneath his backside.

"Edward!" I cried, panic arcing through me like an electrical current.

Jasper jumped down from the vent in the ceiling and I saw the tiny form of Alice join the party from the football field entrance. In a couple of quick, methodical streaks, they had the Russian vampire on his knees with both of his arms stretched behind him in unnatural positions.

I got to my feet, my knees aching with the rug burn and ran over to Edward, my hands on his face. "Are you okay?" I breathed.

"Yeah," He nodded and righted himself on his feet. In a flash, he was back in front of Sergey. "Why are you here?" Edward asked.

Sergey barked something back in Russian, his face twisting defiantly and his red eyes glittering. Jasper and Alice twisted his arms back and I heard a sound that sounded like a redwood tree splintering at its base. Sergey's face twisted with pain.

Edward responded with a snarl, placing his hand on Sergey's blond head and wrenching it back. "I'm not going to ask again." Edward growled lowly as he looked into the predatory vampire's eyes.

Sergey spat at Edward. " _Poshyol na hui!_ I don't talk to _unnaturals_."

"Do it." Edward nodded to Jasper and Alice and they started to twist his arms, the loud splintering sound drowning out my pulse in my head.

Something cold grabbed my arm and I screamed, freezing the others. I was wrenched upright onto my feet and slammed against the hard form of another vampire. She gripped my throat with her cold, hard fingers and started to press on my windpipe, cutting off my air. I gasped and struggled against her grip, my fingers slipping against her granite skin.

"Now that I have your attention." Dasha said at my ear. "I would very much prefer it if you don't tear up my brother."

Edward's face was twisted with horror. "Drop him." He said quickly to Jasper and Alice.

Dasha pressed harder on my throat. My vision started to go blurry as I choked. A flash of light and all of a sudden I was standing right in front of Edward. So close I could reach out and touch him. I could see the pain and shock and horror on his face. Another flash and we were back at the other side of the room. It all happened in a second. Not enough for me to even process that it was Dasha teleporting us.

"You have your brother." Edward said. "Please let her go."

"I don't know about that." Dasha said and pressed her nose into my hair, her cold fingers squeezing tighter around my neck. I futilely scratched at her hands, spots interrupting my vision as I fought for air. "She smells good enough to eat."

I blacked out at that point.

"Bella," Esme's voice said and I felt her cool hand on my forehead and her arm under my shoulders. "We got you. You're safe."

My eyes opened and I found myself staring at the ceiling, gulping in air like I had been under water for an hour. The last five minutes flooded back to me in a heated panic and I scrambled up into Esme's arms. She quickly gathered me up and cuddled me against her chest protectively.

I saw Edward and Dasha…dancing? It looks like that's what they were doing. Dasha would teleport and Edward – in a streak of red hair and white skin – would be there, readying a swing. It took me a couple of seconds to realize what was going on. But, he couldn't get a swing on her. She would teleport away, forcing Edward to move again. It was a bizarre dance that kept both of them moving all over the band room in random zig-zag patterns.

Jasper, Carlisle and Alice were placating Sergey. His movements were not as fluid as Edward's. He was more of a lumbering brute like Emmett. Jasper, however, was obviously the more skilled fighter. He waited patiently while Sergey readied an attack and then struck like a cobra in an unguarded spot.

Sergey wheeled back and brought his fist down on top of Jasper, who took the blow in his chest. I cringed against Esme's shoulder, but watched as Jasper quickly righted himself and attacked, catching Sergey off guard. Alice nimbly jumped on the big Russian's shoulder and twisted his head until his neck started to crack. Carlisle kicked his feet out from under him and he landed on his knees.

Edward cried out and I saw that his arm had been jerked behind him in a wristlock by Dasha. "This has been fun." She said. "But, I think I'm getting a little bored." She continued to twist Edward's arm forcing him onto his knees.

Carlisle appeared Dasha's other side in a flash. "There is no need for senseless violence." He said in an even tone with his hands up. "We are just requesting you respect our boundaries."

Dasha's cold eyes flicked to me. "Boundaries." She laughed and twisted Edward's arm harder. I screamed at her to stop hurting him, my own voice piercing in my ears.

"We tried to be civil." Carlisle's hand struck out in a flash to grab her.

She evaded his grip, dragging Edward with her. Edward's eyes locked with mine and I could see the horror and pain in them. I tried jumping out of Esme's grip to get to him, but she held me firmly. "She's hurting him!" I yelled and struggled.

 _Protect Edward._

My fingernails dug into my palm again, reopening the scabs I had put there earlier. A tiny bit of blood wet the underparts of my fingernails.

It was enough to distract Dasha. Her eyes snapped to me – cold and predatory as she inhaled the scent of my blood. I vaguely heard Esme clamp her hand over her face. I was too focus on Edward. He used the momentary distraction to go on the offensive. He flipped around and grabbed her by the waist and drove her downward into a suplex with a noise that sounded like marble be drilled.

Her eyes widened when Edward went to give a final blow. She disappeared and reappeared in front of Sergey. With a hand on his shoulder, she teleported them both to the north entrance. "We don't respect boundaries." She laughed and they both disappeared again.

And that was it; it was over.

I wrench myself from Esme's grip, desperate to get to Edward, feeling my skin bruise against her strong hold. Scrambling to my feet, I ran across the messy band room right into Edward's arms. "Oh, Edward." I cried as I pressed my face into his shoulder, relief flooding through me, overfilling me. I cried my makeup into his shirt, clutching as much of him as I could. "I'm so glad you're okay."

"I'm okay." He breathed in my hair, his body shuddering hard under my hands. "I'm okay."

I pulled away, clutching his face. "You know what I said was all a lie, right?" I asked. "About not loving you?" Tears made his figure blurry. "And about not wanting to take care of you?"

"Yes," He said, pressing his hands over mine, a small smile finding its place on his face. "Jasper told me everything. Although you did have me for a couple of moments."

"I feel so horrible." I cried harder. "It was the only thing I could think of that let me get away long enough to bait the trap."

"It's okay." He said and pulled me back into his chest. He pressed his face into my hair. "Are you hurt?" He asked. "I smelled the blood."

"No," I said, although the rug burn on my knees were screaming. "I'm okay."

"I'm sorry I doubted your plan." He said in my hair. "I love you."

"I love you too." I gasped against him.

"I got a lot of information when I was figh-," He started but then gasped in air like he had been punched. A cry escaped his lips. It was a tortured, wounded cry of an animal. It was a sound that would haunt my dreams. A sound that stabbed me at my core. His form jolted in my grip and he wrapped his arm over his stomach like he had been shot. He fell backwards onto the ground, his body seizing with pain.

"Edward!" I screamed and landed on my already messed up knees. "Edward, what's wrong?"

Carlisle was over him in a flash. He untied his bowtie and ripped open his shirt, revealing a new crack of sapphire lightning starting right over his heart and splintering into three separate branches over his chest and stomach.

"The female." Edward panted at Carlisle and gripped his collar with the hand I wasn't holding. "She has to see where she's going. She has to visualize the place she's going to teleport. It has to be a place she can see."

"That limits her powers." Jasper said and looked at Alice. "She could still be in the woods."

"I'll call Emmett." Alice said, her cell phone already in her hand. "Maybe they can intercept them."

"She's with Victoria, too." Edward choked out. "I don't know how they are connected, but they're together." He convulsed and squeezed his eyes shut. "They might be gone for now, but they'll be back," His eyes fell to me. The agony in them was like he was being burned alive. "For you."

"Okay, rest now, son." Carlisle said, clutching his other hand. His blond hair was disheveled and there was a line of worry in his forehead.

Esme dropped to her knees and placed Edward's head in her lap and ran her fingers through his bronze hair. "You've been so brave tonight." She said quietly. "We're going to get you home and get you fed."

I opened my mouth to speak, but, I was frozen at his words. It wasn't over. Of course it wasn't over. The threat hadn't even begun yet. It was right at our doorstep, right on the horizon. I panicked, my heart sputtering in my chest. There was more danger and Edward was getting worse right in front of our eyes. The monster of time reared its ugly head and I felt the normal panic that I associated with fretting over Edward's future.

 _One moment at a time._

But, then I felt something turn on inside of me. It turned off the panic and flipped on something else. It was like a light switch. And I understood, now, why I pressed towards the danger in my dreams instead of running away from it. I _was_ strong enough to pull him up from the edge of the cliff. I just needed to realize it, to _understand_. I opened my palm, looking at the row of half crescents I pressed there with my fingernails. I understood my purpose, right here, right now. I had been saying it all along, but not realizing what it meant.

 _Protect Edward._

* * *

"Is it okay if I come by tomorrow?" I asked Alice when she dropped me off at my house. I had insisted I go with them back to the Cullen household, but Edward insisted I go home and rest after the evening. It was a short argument, won by the fact that Edward was going to have to feed blood caught from him and he didn't want me to watch. I didn't fight too hard, either. He _did_ need to rest.

Afraid that I was going to go into shock and crash or something, Carlisle sent Alice with me. We took my truck that had been sitting in the parking lot since yesterday and rode in silence, the only sound was the rumble of my loud engine and my slow, even breaths.

But, I wasn't going to go into shock. I looked at the crescents on my hand again. Far from it. I felt _alive._

Alice looked at me. "Of course." She smiled, but her eyes were distant and detached as she searched the future for these new vampire threats. "Edward breaths a little easier when you're with him."

"The feeling is mutual." I said. "Thanks for letting wear your dress. I'll bring it by tomorrow."

"Oh, you can have it." She smiled. "I bought it for you."

"Alice." I groaned. I hated it when people bought me things. Especially _expensive_ things.

Alice leaned over and kissed my cheek. "You deserve it after tonight." With that she let herself out of my truck and disappeared like a comet into the forest next to Charlie's house.

"Hey, Bella." Charlie looked up at me from his favorite chair as I came in. I didn't know you were going to the dance." His dark eyes flashed with surprise.

"Yeah," I shrugged as I went into the kitchen. "It was my idea – just to go have some fun for a little bit."

"How's Edward doing?" He asked.

"He's okay now." I pulled a water bottle out of the fridge. "I'm glad Alice called me."

"You can wake me up for stuff like that." Charlie said, his eyes full of concern. "Or call and leave a voicemail. I understand that cancer sleeps for no one."

"I'll keep that in mind, Dad." I said as I started to ascend the stairs. "Thanks."

I made it up to my room and changed out of the blue dress and into pajamas. While I knew I wasn't going to go into shock, I was still pent up from the evening's excitement. I wasn't going to go to sleep anytime soon. I turned on my computer and as it wheezed to life I went and cleaned my skin of the heavy makeup and brushed my teeth.

While I was mid-brush, I looked at my palm. I pressed my pointer fingernail into one of the scabs and reopened it, the sharp pain causing me to inhale just a little. Blood oozed in a tiny straight line down my palm and down my wrist. The iron smell that usually made me nauseous hit me in the face. But it didn't, though. fact, it set my adrenaline off again, and I felt like my senses were heightened from it. Like, I could take anything on. I was unstoppable.

An idea occurred to me. It happened like my visions from months ago – playing like a movie right in front of my eyes. This vision was little humbler than us riding in gondolas in Venice, like I had originally imagined, but it was crystal clear.

I marched to the hallway that separated my room from Charlie's and pulled the string that hung from the ceiling. The door of the attic it was attached to popped open with a groan, the ladder sliding down to greet me. I scrambled up into it, being careful not to stab myself in the dark on an exposed nail.

I found my prize: an old U-Haul box with 'Bella's Toys' scrawled over the side with black Sharpie. On top of it was an old keyboard with its power cord wrapped neatly on top of it. It was a Christmas gift from Charlie when I was ten or eleven to encourage music. However, no lessons accompanied it to learn how to use it, so it ended up sitting in my closet mostly, collecting dust.

I carried it back to room and after plugging it in at my desk, I tested a couple of keys. It was electronic and didn't have the same beautiful pitch as Edward's baby grand, but it worked. _It'll do for now._ I thought.

With my computer now warmed up, I navigated to YouTube and searched for piano lessons. Finding one that looked basic enough, I clicked on it.

 _"_ _Hello, welcome to the lesson one of playing the piano. Today we are going to learn the C key…"_

* * *

 **THis is going to be a long A/N - skip to #6 for the assigned homework for the next chapter**

 **1) FUcK fanfiction dot net I would've had this chapter up for you last night but at 8 pm central, the website down. Sorry 'bout that.**

 **2) Scream at me about OOC Bella in the reviews; my body is ready to SUFFER. But, seriously. I want to know how mad you are that Bella did that to Edward? Even for the five-ish minutes it took for her to get to the back of the school LOL Hello children, my name is Bella With a Spine WELCOME TO HELL**

 **3) _Eclipse_ update: you know, if Edward and Bella just learned that mutual masturbation was a thing that could be done, about 150 pages of sexual angst could've been removed from the whole book. Jussayin' or maybe they could explore cuckolding? To weird?**

 **4) BlackSoulReadingNerd84 - Jacob imprinting on a baby is literally the cringiest thing on this planet earth. Actually,** _Breaking Dawn_ **is the cringiest thing. Like half of it is an abortion debate and then the other half is propaganda for the YFZ Ranch. That being said, I will have a bone to throw for Jacob (get it cause he's a dog lol) but y'all gotta WAIT**

 **5) Bella's POV is done! Y'all don't understand HOW FUCKING STOKED I am to be out of her head. Good Lord she is boring. I was running out of metaphors for 'my heart is beating really loudly in my chest bc I was worried over this thing' Although, I DID make it all 70K words without ever writing 'Holy Crow' so I'm proud of that.**

 **6) Homework time - Y'all pull up your music streaming service of choice and listen to _The Wedding Album_ by Duran Duran. And if you're like 'Ew, I hate Duran Duran and everything about British synthpop' then ****AT LEAST go listen to 'Come Undone' and 'Ordinary World' or be a fuckin' pleb idgaf you're the one reading this trash heap**

 **7) REVIEW thx**


	17. 16: Blow Me into Cry

Duran Duran was a band that should've been held in higher esteem than it was.

At least, in my humble opinion, _The Wedding Album_ should've been heralded as a work of art and I was not - by a long shot - a fan of early nineties music. However, _The Wedding Album_ was a shining jewel among the absolute filth that was gaudy patterns and grunge of that era.

The whole album was like a novel set to music. I could see the story as each song flowed into the next. From the beginning track of 'Too Much Information' to the introspective ballad of 'Ordinary World' to 'None of the Above' to 'Sin of the City.' It was a tale of a suffering, intelligent, desperate man.

And I loved it so much because I could relate.

When the album came out in the early nineties, I was a rebellious college student. Again. And I was not able to separate the beauty of the actual world from the darkness of my world. It was an unfortunate and angsty phase I found myself in about every twenty-ish years. I became resentful of myself. _What was the point of vampires?_

We didn't offer anything to the world. We were not honeybees who pollinated flowers or whales that kept the krill population in check or did anything else that was beneficial for the world in general. We were monsters put forth on this earth by the enemy of the Creator, I was convinced. Sent to cull the herd of humans who did a good enough job of _that_ on their own.

I found myself rewinding my tape of 'To Whom it May Concern' over and over in my Walkman between classes and I grumbled about my uselessness, wallowing in the depths of my existential misery.

Years later, once I resigned myself to this purgatory of a life – the reasoning behind my being obviously too cosmic for me to comprehend - I found myself reaching for 'Ordinary World.' My destiny was caught between the living and the dead. I wasn't alive, but I was not unknowing. I knew where I needed to be, I knew where I came from, but I had no place to go. I was frozen. Doomed to be frozen forever. I watched the ordinary world slowly turn around me, knowing that I could never be apart of it.

It was 'Come Undone' that I couldn't relate to. The only song on the album I skipped. It was too melodramatic to me. Love described always seemed so exaggerated in poetry and movies and even art. Shakespeare's overblown metaphors of flowers and skies and seas. Even the movie _Titantic_ made me groan with secondhand embarrassment. _Nobody could act that a fool when in love, right?_ I would think to myself. I didn't _get_ it because I never experienced it.

While still amazing, the _The Wedding Album_ seemed dampened with that shallow song. Another petty _love song._ I didn't understand why Duran Duran would put it on the album. It just seemed like it detracted from the whole story of the album. I _thoroughly_ didn't understand why it became one of the hits.

Until I met Bella.

And then the lyrics of the song started to speak to me. I _understood_ now. _Mine, immaculate dream made breath and skin, I've been waiting for you._ I played it over and over. Each word laced with new meaning with every play. Like layers and layers of color and emotion. With Bella, the world grew brighter. The poems made sense now. _Titantic_ became not too far off the mark. 'Come Undone' became my favorite song on the album.

At that point the whole album now was a complete story. Love and loss and rebellion and compromise. I could feel it in my bones. This album was about _me._ This was _my_ story. I played it over and over, as loud as I could. I memorized every recorded reverb, and downstroke on the guitar strings, and the breaths of the Steve Ferrone on 'Ordinary World.' I played it until Rosalie threatened to drag my record player behind the bumper of her M3. Soundproofing my room was the result of this album.

I listened to the album for the millionth time as laid supine, my hands crossed over my chest like the vampire I was. It was a little different than the perpetuated myths – I was in a king-sized sleigh bed instead of a coffin. The sun was shining brightly through the window and I welcomed its warmth instead of cowering away from it. And instead of dead silence, there was a swirl of voices in my head. The swirl coming from my family downstairs as I read their thoughts as they were created in real time.

 _Jasper, I swear to god if you take my rook…_ Rosalie was losing at chess and was very unhappy about it.

 _Haha, I'm so going to take her rook…_ Jasper thought, slightly egging on Rosalie's sour feelings with his own powers. He was hoping that she would challenge him to something physical outside if she lost and then he would get to placate his boredom with a fight.

Emmett was stewing about the _last_ fight he lost with Jasper.

Esme was playing with her computer in her office, blueprints strewn out over her desk in front of her. Although, when she thought no one was looking, she navigated to the incognito tab of the BabyGap website, her thoughts tinged with slight sadness and wistfulness as she looked at tiny socks and t-shirts for the baby she never got to have.

And then there were the other sounds. The electrical current of my sound system and the hum of the refrigerator and everyone's slow inhales as they breathed and the drippy faucet in the downstairs powder room and the heartbeats of the mule deer that wandered too close to the house.

I drowned it all out as I sang along gently with 'Ordinary World' that emanated from my sound system. The sounds of the world – both the natural and supernatural - was easy to ignore when you escaped into music.

"What has happened to it all? Crazy, some'd say. Where is the life that I recognize?" I breathed in a short breath. "Gone away."

The pain shooting down my spine into my left leg and arm was a little harder to ignore.

If I had to describe the worst pain I'd ever felt five years ago, it would've been - hands down - the pain of being transformed. A year ago, the pain of smelling Bella for the first time in science class. Six months ago, it was the pain of believing she had died.

Those felt like _butterfly kisses_ compared to what I had to endure now.

It burned first. It felt like someone jammed a red-hot cow prod down my veins. It felt like active volcano magma was being injected directly into my muscles. It moved quickly through my whole body in waves. Liquid fire moving through my body from the crown of my head to the tips of my toes over and over and over.

Then I constantly moved – my nerves firing sporadically and my muscles taking a life of their own. My shoulders shook like I was suffering from hypothermia, my fingers and hands twitched, my legs and arms spasmed like I was being controlled by a puppeteer who happened to also be an angry bull.

As a vampire, I had plenty of defensive and offensive mechanisms that were in place to protect myself. One of which was locking my muscles into rigidity. This would happen sometimes as a response to the pain, causing my arms and legs to lock into place at very inconvenient times. If only I could let my muscles know that it was _me_ that was the danger and not some outside force.

And then, as if that was not enough, when I got a moment of relief from the burning and the shaking, my joints swelled and ached like I had rheumatism. I had to force my fingers and my knees and elbows to bend sometimes, they were so stiff and sore.

It made me want to scream or thrash or curl up into a fetal position or do a combination of all three. I couldn't cry tears, but I could be seized with the sensation of wanting to cry – my body shuddering with tearless sobs. It would bring me to that sometimes – curled in a ball on my side, sobbing tearlessly. It would put me on my knees, worshiping to whatever god would be merciful enough to take it away. It would pull the life from me, turning me into a catatonic zombie, the corpse that I was.

I wanted to be thrust into an ice box to escape the burning. Or held down to escape the shaking. Truthfully, I wanted to shoot myself in the head. But, I couldn't do anything of those things. So, I did the only thing that seemed reasonable: I endured.

And I sang.

"And I don't cry for yesterday. There's an ordinary world, somehow I have to find." I murmured the lyrics to myself and rolled over onto my stomach, sucking in a hard gasp at the pain that rocketed through me like a bullet.

The fire would occasionally intensify into a lightning bolt that would shoot through my body and leave me gasping and seeing spots – earning the disease its ridiculous moniker. Usually, that part would happen after something that stressed me out physically or emotionally. Besides that, I liked to think that I had gotten used to the constant burning. Or at the very least, I was able to sort of compartmentalize it to a different part of my mind - like the pain of Bella's scent - so I was able to focus on other things.

The aching in my joints and the palsy was a little harder to manage, as I did have to _use_ my extremities. Being patient while my fingers and arms went the opposite direction from where I wanted them to go was a _very_ hard thing to accept. Especially for a vampire – a being with a heightened sense of control and awareness. So very, _very_ hard. I found my temper boiling over more often as I grew frustrated with myself. Which would trigger the strikes and leave me in a huddled ball of misery. It was a cruel cycle.

I picked up my remote to my sound system, trying not to let the irritation itch at me as I positioned my shaking finger over the next button and skipped to 'Come Undone.' I put my remote down on my white bedspread and reached under my pillow. I slid out a little pocket calendar I kept stashed there.

Since becoming a vampire, time management was a vague concept to me. I knew how to keep time, obviously. I kept it seasonally, as I watched the heat turn into cold and then death turn into growth year after year. I kept it academically, managing to sludge through my mundane high school or college years, only to move and have to repeat them. Freshman, sophomore, junior and senior years, split evenly into semesters. I never valued time because I assumed I had all of the time in the world.

Bella feared time. She feared the change it would bring. She feared that she would age and I would be stuck in the frozen, in-between dimension between death and life, unable to age with her. She ran from time. She hid from time.

I opened the calendar, finding May. I pulled the pen from its connected loop and shakily crossed off the day before. May twelfth. I looked at the wavy lines of each day that I had managed to survive this damned disease. I flipped the pages back and watched the lines get straighter and straighter until I was back at January. I had circled January first. That's when I was diagnosed by Dr. Funai. Five and a half months ago.

I was starting to understand Bella's fears. Time was a bastard.

I replaced the calendar to its spot and then worked on the task of getting myself upright. I rolled back over and then pushed myself into a sitting position, my bare feet hitting my carpet. I gripped the fibers with my toes while I looked outside my bedroom window to the mountains that broke the horizon, forcing myself to look away before I let myself get depressed and listless.

Depression was not a symptom of TS. That I knew of, at least. No, the depression was a symptom of the symptoms. Facing each day trudging through my miserable existence until one day I would find myself physically unable to was enough to put me in bed staring at my wall for days.

 _At least I had Bella, my ray of sunshine._ With that thought, a sigh, and the assistance of my crutch, I forced myself up onto my feet.

I clicked off my sound system at its source on my dresser and then hobbled like Tiny Tim down the stairs, one hand gripping my crutch and the other gripping the railing. I was thoroughly exasperated by the time I got to the first floor. Moving slowly in a public place was a necessity to keep the human charade up, but doing it in my own household against my will was torturous.

"You cheated." Rosalie said to Jasper from the dining room table. "That is not a check!"

"I reckon it is." Jasper picked up the rook he used to corner Rosalie's queen and demonstrated how he was going to get his checkmate.

My frustration increased as I moved closer to Jasper. He was really encouraging Rosalie's temper. "Jasper," I said gently, not wanting my sour mood to trigger anything.

 _Sorry._ He thought, but his expression was smug as he stared at Rosalie. The irritation was immediately replaced with calm. I felt immediately better, even though I knew it was artificial.

"Ugh," Rosalie groaned. "You were doing that on purpose."

"Wanna go outside?" Jasper asked. "Rematch?"

I moved past them in the dining room to the unused kitchen. Bella was coming over to work on Spanish homework. And we were going to watch television afterwards. I started a package of microwave popcorn for her in case she came over hungry. I was leaning against the island listening to the kernels pop when Alice breezed in, the storm door to the kitchen slamming behind her.

 _Edward._ She thought, her eyes flashing. _It's going to thunderstorm later._ Her mind then filled with the cracks of metal bats against baseballs.

"Have fun." I said flatly and pulled the bag of popcorn from the microwave. The fake butter smell wafted through the kitchen. I could identify at least three different ingredients in the smell alone that were also used in commercial-grade plastics. But Bella liked microwaved popcorn, so I kept asking Esme to pick up boxes for her.

Alice pouted. _You should come out._

"Bella is coming over." I argued and poured the popcorn bag into a bowl. "She hasn't seen _Full Metal Jacket_ yet."

 _You both can come out._ She thought. "Please," She vocalized. Only when someone really wanted something, they would actually voice it with me. "You've been cooped up all weekend."

I made a face at her. "And do what out there? Watch?"

"You can be the umpire." Alice pouted again and then smiled. _Vumpire._

"I'll ask Bella." I said noncommittally.

Alice's eyes went distant and the afternoon plans swirled in her head – two options played out. Bella and I on the couch watching Private Pyle getting chewed out on our flat screen or Bella and I on the field. Bella hadn't actually been presented the choice, so the future was unclear. I rolled my eyes at Alice and turned when I heard the sputtering of Bella's ancient truck turn off the highway.

"Hey!" Bella greeted me with a kiss, her bookbag hanging from her shoulder. Her dark hair was pulled into a loose bun on top of her head and her chocolate brown eyes shone with affection for me.

Her smell – a mixture of freesia and lilac and sunshine prompted my fundamental vampire responses: my throat ached with thirst and my mouth started producing venom and my muscles tensed a tiny bit. But, that response came and went quickly – milliseconds maybe. It was overshadowed with the adoration I felt for her. The depression and gloom and irritation vaporizing instantly as soon as she wrapped her soft, warm arms around me.

She was the best medicine.

She moved to the dining room, chattering about school as she laid things out on the table. I gravitated towards her, like a planet encircling the sun. I watched her ski-tip nose wrinkle and her long eyelashes tangle together with her blinks and her long, delicate fingers swiftly organize things around her textbook. "How've you been feeling today?"

I met her expectant gaze, almost missing her question. "I'm okay." I said and took a seat at the table, leaning my crutch next to me. "Fine."

She accepted that answer, her hands pulling more things out of her bag. "What are we watching later?"

" _Full Metal Jacket,"_ I said. "Although, Alice wants to know if we want to go out and play baseball."

Alice thoughts upstairs suddenly focused on us as she listened to Bella's answer.

Bella shrugged. "We can, if you want. I just have to be in La Push at six."

I felt my mouth pitch into a pout. "Why?"

She looked at me surprised. "Billy's birthday party? I told you about it at school last week?"

I quickly ran through all the conversations I had with Bella in the last seven days. She _did_ tell me about it on Wednesday during lunch, but I was too distracted by the ache that had settled in the thoracic region of my back that I didn't commit it to memory.

Still, I felt my mouth roll into a pout. I guessed if my plans were _completely_ ruined, we could join my family to play baseball.

"We should hurry then!" Alice zipped down the stairs carrying my Nikes and my jacket in my tiny arms. "The rain's going to start soon."

"What about studying for Spanish?" Bella asked as she opened her textbook.

" _Podemos estudiar en el camino."_ Alice beamed.

"Baseball?" Emmett clapped his hands together in the living room. "And Edward's going?" _Alright, kid!_ He thought.

I could hear Jasper tell Rosalie about our plans outside and they both came in, running up the stairs to change. I could hear Esme already switching her shoes to her trainers and putting on her jacket.

"What about Carlisle?" Emmett asked. "We're going to need him to make the teams even."

I didn't bother going into Carlisle's head, although I could vaguely hear him work over a chemistry equation in his office. When he wasn't at the hospital, he locked himself up in his office, trying to assist Dr. Funai with finding a cure. He obsessively working over her research, looking for flaws or anything that would lead them in the right direction. It was a futile effort and he was wasting his time. I didn't say anything, though. At least he had time to waste.

"He's coming." Alice responded. "Esme just convinced him."

Emmett clapped me on the shoulders – a little too rough – and I shuddered under his touch. "Take me out to the ballgame!"

* * *

I cocked my head listening as the ball flew through the air, going so fast it snapped the branches it hit. I could see it in Jasper's thoughts as he chased it, his hand out as he ran. He picked up his feet, getting faster than the ball flew. Darting up a tree, Jasper caught it with a solid thud right in the middle of his palm.

"Out!" I called.

"Amazing." Bella shook her head next to me, her hand squeezing mine.

The thunder clapped above us, and an arc of lightning streaked through the sky, illuminating the forest in a yellow glow. I traced the pattern with my eyes, noting that it kind of matched the scaration on my left calf.

"Dammit!" Emmett groaned as he ran back to first base for the tag up. _I'm going to get that hick Texan._ He thought. _He thinks he's_ so _cool._

Rosalie sat on third base. _Moron._

Bella's phone rang the happy iPhone marimba ringtone. I heard her pull it out of her pocket. "Hello? Dad?" She asked. "Yeah, I'm out playing baseball with the Cullens. What's up?" She paused, listening to Charlie. "Yeah, I know. I'll be careful. Okay, see you at Billy's."

"Everything alright?" I asked as I watched Esme go up to bat.

"There was another murder today." She frowned. "In Beaver. Another teenage girl. Charlie was making sure I was okay."

I frowned too. There had been a succession of murders in the communities around Forks the last couple of months. It started around Tacoma and they slowly grew westward and methodically came closer to Forks. The victims were all the same - teenaged girls between fifteen and nineteen with brown hair. And they were disposed of the same way too - in the woods, naked and ravaged and drained of their blood. The news was speculating a Green River Killer copycat.

We knew who it was, though. It was the Russians and Victoria. They were sending us a message. They were zeroing in on their target. Each girl taken before her just a practice shot in preparation for their actual prize: Bella.

We had gone looking for them. Well, the _others_ had gone looking for them, but with the Russian female's power of teleportation, catching any sort of trail was almost impossible. And my condition – much to my chagrin – took priority in my family's minds. The search was abandoned once it was determined that they weren't an immediate threat.

But, Beaver was _way_ too close now at only ten miles. If my palms could sweat, they would be clammy. I started inhaling through my nose and out of my mouth to keep myself from getting riled up.

"Hey, kid! We playing or what?" Emmett called from two hundred yards away.

"Hold on." I said and turned to Bella. "Do you _have_ to go to La Push tonight?"

Her brow furrowed. "Well, it's Billy's birthday. Charlie and Jacob will be expecting me."

I squeezed my fists together in annoyance. I didn't care about the old indigenous man's birthday. The strikes retorted to my emotions by sending a convulsion through me, the fire roaring from my temple to my left calf. I winced with it.

"Edward," Bella said as she registered my face of worry. I looked down at her. Her usual liquid brown eyes had gone steely and her fist had gone tight. "Nothing's going to happen to me."

"Would it be okay if I drove you?" I asked suddenly. "It would make me feel better if you weren't by yourself." _Much better._

"You're not allowed over the treaty line." She pointed out.

Dammit. She was right.

"Why don't I have Jacob pick me up from my place?" She suggested lightly.

I sighed. Jacob and I were on better terms now that he was pretty sure I wasn't going to bite Bella and turn her into a vampire anytime soon. And after Bella's first interaction with the Russians, I think there was a new level of mutual respect between us. I was still weary of him, though. He was desperately in love with Bella to the point of fixation and he was still a young, uncontrollable werewolf. "Okay," I said firmly. "But, I'm driving you back to your place."

"How will you get back?" She asked, confusion furrowing her delicate brows.

Before TS, I would've just run. But, _now_? I looked at my feet. Sometimes I'd picture the depression I felt as an imaginary gas cloud – black and dense – that would roll in and settle around my head, choking me out and weighing on me like the world on Atlas' shoulders. "Alice can follow us." I managed.

"That seems like a lot of trouble." Bella said.

 _Well, I'm a lot of trouble now._ I thought back. I bristled at her words for just a moment, but then sighed.

"Why don't you just hang out at my place?" She asked, her fingers lacing with mine. "Like old times?"

I felt the smile on my face despite myself. Watching Bella sleep was one of the small pleasures that I had to give up recently since I couldn't really run to and jump up into Bella's second story room anymore. I jumped at the chance to be able to do that again. "Okay."

 _Hey, Dickheadward!_ Rosalie screamed at me in her head. _Get a room or call the foul!_

"Foul." I said at conversational level, my eyes never tearing away from Bella's.

* * *

Bella called Jacob on the way back to the house. Of course, he was happy to oblige picking her up. She laughed at him when he asked whether she would prefer the motorcycle or his Rabbit. I gripped the car handle I was holding at the thought of Bella on a motorcycle, feeling the soft plastic give under my fingers. _Dammit. Sorry, Emmett._ I thought.

"Bella," Alice twisted her tiny body around in the passenger seat once Bella was off the phone. "I need to take you shopping before the party."

"Party?" She asked, a note of alarm in her voice. Not panic, so much. More disgust.

"The graduation party?" Alice said impatiently. "Remember?"

"Alice," Bella said. "Do you think that's the best idea?"

"Yes, yes." Alice groaned and waved her off. "You guys are such worry warts, I swear." Her thoughts were filled with how she was going to transform the living room into an exclusive night club. But, that disappeared as an idea came to her. _Edward._ She called out my name in her thoughts.

"Yes, Alice?" I asked as I watched the trees fly by the window, trying to shake the cloud of gloom that pressed on me. I wished Jasper volunteered to drive instead of Emmett.

 _Will you be the DJ?_

I tore my eyes away from the passing treeline to look at my sister. She had her hands clasped together under her chin and she widened her eyes in an effort to look endearing. That didn't work on me. I've seen her take down a testy polar bear by herself. She was _far_ from endearing.

 _You are the best DJ in Washington._

"Ahem."

 _Okay, fine. America._

"Try harder."

 _Western hemisphere?_

I sighed. Stroking my ego _was_ pretty effective. "Okay. _If_ I'm feeling up to it."

"Splendid!" She clapped her hands together, her thoughts going back to decoration ideas.

We traded cars once we got back to the house: Emmett's Jeep for Bella's truck. I could tell she was unhappy being chaperoned, her brown eyes never softening from their hardness they took on on the baseball field. It made them look like petrified wood more than wells of soft brown.

I turned on a Puerto Rican pop singer on my iPod as we drove to her house, since we didn't actually do much Spanish homework today and sang quietly with the music. " _Te pone una trampa, primero se deja querer, te eleva hasta el cielo y luego te deja caer…"_

I watched Bella, a line had formed in her forehead like she was deep in thought and her fist hadn't unclenched. A note of frustration sang through me. She was so enigmatic. If I could only read her mind.

I reached over and uncurled her fingers. "I know they are worth far more – but penny for your thoughts?"

"I'm just thinking about the victims."

 _Victims?_ "What do you mean?"

"The other ones they're killing," She looked at her lap. "Because of me."

"Bella," I started and sighed. "They're, _we're_ ," I amended. "Monsters. They aren't the first victims and they won't be the last."

"You're not a monster." She argued.

I felt myself smile sardonically. "Tell that to the deer."

"These are people, though." Bella argued. "Young _girls_. With futures. And families."

 _I could make the same argument for you, you know._ I thought. But, the Bella's soul fight was not one I was up to having tonight. She didn't bring it up as much nowadays, as she knew how much it upset me. But, for her, it was always an option, though and I knew she was thinking about it now.

I was interrupted by Jacob's _loud_ thoughts as we rounded the corner of Charlie's street before we could finish our conversation. _Finally, she's here. Ah, man. Maybe I should've brought the motorcycle. The look on the bloodsucker's face would be priceless. Would that be rude? Probably._ He giggled to himself. _Oh, well._ _He could lighten up a little bit. I mean, it's a joke not a dick. Don't take it so hard, amiright?_

We rounded the corner and saw him leaning against his Rabbit. He was fully dressed in a ratty Volkswagen t-shirt and greasy jeans. I sighed a little internally. What Bella even saw in him to keep him hanging around like she did was beyond my comprehension.

"Bella!" He said excitedly as we got out of the truck and Bella's mood shifted up drastically. She almost became giddy to see him. The transition was so abrupt that I was slightly taken aback.

"Jacob," She greeted brightly. They did a little secret handshake like schoolchildren that ended in a hug.

"Edward," Jacob greeted at me as he leaned casually against his car. "How's it going?" A reflection of me formed in his thoughts as he took in the damage. _Oh, God. He's getting worse everyday. Oh, wait. He can hear my thoughts. Sorry. I forgot._ He looked embarrassed.

"It's okay," I said aloud.

"I have to get Billy's birthday gift." Bella said. "I'll be out in a second."

"Sounds good." He smiled easily. "Billy will be happy to see you."

Bella's fingers laced with mine and we started towards the house. Thunder clapped again overhead and I watched another arc of lightning tear through the sky. This one looked like the one on my chest. The one that split right over my heart.

* * *

 **Okay, now you understand why I assigned the homework to you lol But, I'm pretty excited to be in Edboy's head now and be able to flex on my style of writing. Also plot device that lets me skip ahead in time lol But, one thing that always bugged the SHIT out of me is that Eddikin's was always set up as this gigantic audiophile in _Twilight_ and as someone who also likes an array of music I was like "FUCK YEAH HE LIKES MUSIC" and then she did FUCKING NOTHING with it for the other three books. Like he plays the piano. Super duper rad. So does my alcoholic uncle. THAT DOESN'T MEAN SHIT, SM I HATE YOU SO MUCH CHOKE ON A LEGOOOO**

 **ok review pls readers ilysm**


	18. 17: Is It Something Real

"I should only be a couple of hours." Bella assured as she quickly dropped her backpack and gathered up Billy's present from her dining room. "I'll be home before Charlie. He likes to stay after everyone leaves and share a couple of beers and stories with Billy." She rolled her eyes.

I took a seat on the worn, plaid couch in the living room, slipped my feet out of my tennis shoes, and propped my feet up on the equally as worn coffee table. "Don't rush." I said.

Balancing the wrapped garment box on her forearm, she leaned down and kissed me. I responded by opening my mouth a little and she pressed harder against me. Her pulse sped up and I could feel the heat in her face radiate onto mine. She fought her tongue deeper into my mouth and I fought to keep her from accidentally grazing my razor sharp teeth.

"Okay," I conceded as I pulled away from her. "You can rush a little."

She smiled, her eyes warm and inviting again and maybe even a little dazed. "I'll see you later."

I waited until I heard Jacob's rebuilt VW putter around the corner to turn on the television. I flipped through the channels like Rosalie did – long enough to register what was playing, but not long enough to get sucked into the program. I swore flipping through the channels for her was more entertaining than actually watching TV.

I was a bit disgusted with myself, honestly. I had spent more time watching television in the last couple of months than I had in my entire life. And I had been present for the _invention_ of the television. It was something distracting, though. Something that didn't take much effort. And I could stare at the screen and stew in my own wretchedness without people asking me if I was feeling okay every five minutes. _No. Of course not. Open your eyes and look at me._ Was always the answer in my head to that asinine question.

I flipped through Charlie's basic cable package of channels five times. I stopped on MTV, but they were just rerunning a _Beavis and Butt-head_ episode. I stopped at the Food Network for a second. But, tonight _Iron Chef_ was on and I couldn't get into a show where the premise is to get _stressed_ over your food. My food fights back and I don't even get stressed over it.

I killed the TV's power and picked up the coffee table book. I flipped through it – it was on Washington's native game and fish - but that didn't hold my interest either. I replaced it and forced myself to my feet with the help of my crutch, ignoring the ache in my knees.

I didn't really have anywhere to go. I guessed I could up to Bella's room and wait for her there. She had books, at least.

I wandered into the kitchen in an effort to procrastinate going up the stairs. Next to the bathrooms, the kitchen was the least used room in the Cullen household. The Swan's, on the other hand, was well-loved with chipping yellow paint on the kitchen cabinets and a stove that had seen better days and multiple used small appliances littering the U-shaped counter.

Charlie's CDs that sat next to an old boom box on the microwave cart caught my eye. I sifted through the collection. He was a Led Zeppelin fan, that was for sure. He owned their entire discography. The only other CD was a compilation disc of Kansas' greatest hits. I turned on the player and put that CD in. 'Dust in the Wind' was the first track. I twisted the knob until it was at max volume and let the song fill the first floor of the Swan household.

I turned around in their small kitchen and opened the pantry. I was just being nosy at this point, but I justified it with good intentions. I wanted to get some other snack ideas for Bella for when she came over to my place.

Sometimes, she would make food herself in our kitchen and I would sit and watch her with fascination. Not only because I was captivated by everything she did and her silent grace with how she did it, but because she would take the strangest ingredients and turn them into something edible and that kind of actually looked _good._ Cooking was a talent that she didn't like to admit that she had.

I pulled out a half-eaten package of Oreos, a bag of chips, granola bars. I found a package of candy that looked like tiny, fluorescent green tires that smelled like artificial apple. I opened a jar of yellow jelly and sniffed. Marmalade, I think it was called. I used to eat this when I was a child on toast for breakfast. I opened a jar of brown stuff that looked like human waste but smelled like chocolate and nuts.

All the items confused me. There was so much _variety._ It was overwhelming. Blood was simple. Blood was _easy._

The first bars of 'Carry on my Wayward Son' started with the next track and I started to sing along. I turned to an empty bit of counter and played the air piano with the introduction. "Though my eyes could see, I still was a blind man. Though my mind could think, I still was a mad man…" I picked up my crutch and pretend it was a microphone and the kitchen floor was my stage. Very quickly, I got lost in the music, letting it lead me around.

It was a silly image – a century-old vampire singing to an eighties' rock opera song on the top of his lungs in the middle of his girlfriend's kitchen. But, I was having fun. I turned my crutch on its side and played the air guitar during the solo on it. I slid and turned on the linoleum in my socks with the beat. "Carry on my wayward son. There'll be peace when you are done. Lay your weary head to rest. Don't you cry no more."

I was thoroughly entertained with myself by the end of the song. My mood was lifted from the gloominess and worry of this afternoon. I put my crutch back at its usual place by my right side and slid my forearm in the cuff. In the refrigerator, there was half of a six pack of beer. I recognized cheese. I pulled out that baking dish of something that looked like it was a day past when it was supposed to be tossed.

I removed it from fridge with the intention of washing it, however it never made it to the sink. Pain jolted through my arm, causing me to spasm. The glass dish flew up and I tried to catch it, but another pain in the back of my leg had me reaching for the edge of the counter to keep myself from falling on my face. I watched the dish land on the floor with a sharp crash and explode into a thousand pieces of glass.

"Dammit." I said aloud to myself. _Why, God?_ I groaned. But, God didn't answer the prayers of damned. I was on my own.

Very carefully, I lowered myself to my knees in front of the mess. I picked up the bigger pieces and chucked them into the trashcan. I managed to get most the leftover casserole or whatever food item that splattered on impact in the trash as well. I was just thankful Bella wasn't here. She would insist on cleaning it up and then would find a way to injure herself on the glass.

"What a mess." I breathed, scraping most of the small glass pieces into a pile on the floor with my palms. Once I was satisfied with whatever was left over I could mop, I started the task of getting back to my feet. I grunted as I forced myself standing, my knees shaky and threatening to give out from underneath me.

Cleaning up after ourselves was not a vampire instinct. That was a learned behavior reinforced by the Volturi's threat of annihilation if you were found out by humans. We were always very careful to cover our tracks and leave no trace. I let that muscle memory take over as cleaned the rest of the mess on the floor with a Swiffer I found in the laundry closet.

The last thing to do was take out the trash and rid the kitchen of the lingering chili pepper smell. I tied the trash bag up and let myself out through the back door onto the veranda. It wasn't raining yet, but it threatened to pour at any second – the clouds dark and low.

An eastern-moving breeze crossed my face and a familiar scent caused a growl deep in my chest and all my muscles automatically tensed. _The female Russian._ She was here! I could smell her. My eyes snapped up and I automatically scanned the tree line that bordered Charlie's backyard for any sign of movement. Dropping the trash bag, I followed the scent instinctually towards the forest, ire and fixation replacing any other higher intelligence. I picked my feet up when another gust blew the scent in my face.

I was almost at the forest's edge when a paroxysm of agony blasted through me like a gunshot from the crown of my head to my feet and I was involuntarily forced to my knees, green staining my jeans as I slid on the moist grass. I gasped with the fire as it stole the air from my lungs and tried to blink away the white spots from my vision. A curse word that would get my mouth washed out with soap when I was a child bubbled to my lips.

I couldn't let this go, though. I couldn't let the strikes _win_ , right now. She was literally _feet_ from Bella's bedroom. The threat was _too_ close now. It had to be taken care of once and for all.

 _I have to call Alice._

My phone rang in my jean pocket and twisted to retrieve it, another rocket of pain shooting through me as I shakily held the phone to my ear. "Alice." I answered.

"You rang?" She joked.

"The female was at Bella's." I breathed. "I can smell her."

"We're on our way." All pretenses of humor gone.

"Can you bring-," I looked down at my green knees. I was going to need a new change of clothes now for school tomorrow.

"Already packed."

"Thanks, Alice." I said sincerely.

I laid down in a fetal position. If I waited, it would subside. It always did. The torment would dull back to the usual glowing embers deep in my muscles. I just had to be patient and calm. I closed my eyes and hummed 'Dust in the Wind,' letting the melody slow my breathing down to comatose speeds.

After a couple of minutes - once I was sure that I wasn't going to be hit again, I slowly rose to my feet with a lot of help from my crutch.

Alice, Jasper, and Emmett appeared as I was still getting upright from the north forest. Jasper and Emmett's attentions were focused on the smells around them, their thoughts turning predatory – thinking with their senses instead of their brains. It was Alice who maintained a semblance of higher thought as she handed me the paper bag filled with some of my clothes. _Where did you smell her?_

I pointed west. "The breeze was moving southeastern." I said. "She's over there somewhere." Big drops of rain started to fall from the sky and I moved back underneath the veranda

They darted in the direction I pointed. I watched through their eyes as they fan out in the forest that surround Charlie's house, smells pulling them in different directions. Emmett caught it as it turned abruptly south, but then lost it suddenly. They continued to move out, quickly gaining miles. Pushing past Forks' edges, another trail was found by Jasper, but this one was even shorter than Emmett's.

 _Dammit. Dammit. Dammit._ I thought, punching the two-by-four pillar that supported the porch roof. It splintered under my fist. _Where was she?_

My siblings reappeared. Jasper and Emmett's choler diminished and they all looked apologetic as they approached me.

 _We couldn't find her._ Emmett was the most disappointed. He was looking forward to finally fighting her. _Sorry, kid._

"It's not your fault." I shook my head. "Between Victoria's oddly high sense of self-preservation and the Russian sister's teleportation, I'm surprised I even got a scent."

"Why do you think she's so close _now_?" Jasper asked. His thoughts were going a million miles an hour. He was a military strategist first, vampire second. He was drawing the borders of Forks, sectioning them off in flanks. Different scenarios ran through his head and a hundred different outcomes for each were formed at the same time.

"Do you think…" Emmett started. He was more instinctual than Jasper. A Point A to Point B kind of fighter. But an idea occurred to him that he didn't think of before. "Do you think they've been watching us?"

"We would've smell them if they were close to our house." Alice said. "We're all over the forests all the time."

"Sure," Emmett conceded. "But, we're not always at the house. What if they've been watching other places? The school? Bella's house?" He turned to me. _When's the last time you've actually spent any time here?_ He added in his head.

A chill of horror ran through me at the thought of these vampires anywhere near Bella. Being so close they could watch her. _Touch_ her. It would be completely possible too, for the female teleport into her bedroom and teleport out. Bella would be none the wiser.

I turned around suddenly and as quick as my ailing body allowed, I moved up the stairs and into Bella's bedroom. Inhaling deeply, I was assaulted first by Bella's sweet scent. And then all the other scents that accompanied humans: dust and deodorant and toothpaste and laundry detergent and whatnot. I looked around for anything out of the ordinary, but all I found was Bella's cluttered, but tidy bedroom.

My siblings followed. Splitting up, they haunted the other rooms like ghosts, looking for any trace of the female vampire. I watched their thoughts as they didn't find any strange scents either.

I let out a deep breath of relief when I didn't smell anything besides Bella. "She hasn't been here." I said mostly to myself as I sat down heavily on the edge of her bed.

"So, if they have been following us," Jasper started as he leaned on the doorway of Bella's bedroom. "What do you think they saw?" _What do you think they know?_ He added as he cataloged my powers, his powers, and Alice's powers.

All eyes fell on me and I saw myself – red hair, gold eyes, and a body that looked like a house of cards threatening to collapse – from three different point of views. _They've seen me get worse._ They didn't have to say it. I already knew. The cloud around my shoulders suddenly grew ten times heavier.

"Bella's schedule." Alice nodded. "When she's not with us."

"They know I can read minds." I added. "And they probably know about you, Alice."

"So, what? They're just biding their time until Edward bites the dust?" Emmett's chest puffed up in offense. "Because they think you're the real threat?" _Because I'll show them who the real threat is._

"Then what's the point of going after her in the first place?" Jasper asked. "If they know that Edward is…" _On his way out._ He didn't finish his sentence aloud, but I could hear the end in his head. "Victoria only cares about her because she's yours. But, if you're…" _gone._ "Then, what's the point of hanging around here?"

"It's just a game to them at this point." Alice said quietly, her thoughts fretting over Bella's safety.

I looked at my hands. My knuckles were starting to permanently warp with the inflammation. They looked more like hands a century-old being _should_ have rather than my frozen state of seventeen. "I have to get her out of here." It was the only logical thing I could do. She would argue and fight it, of course. But, I couldn't defend her here, not with the threat this close.

"That's probably best." Jasper said. "Where would you go?"

 _Anywhere._ I thought. _Just away from this danger._

"Japan?" Alice suggested lightly.

 _Just not there._ "No," I said harshly. "I don't want to go to Japan."

"Why not?" She challenged. I watched her thoughts swirl as she tried to look into my future. Blinks of light were all that she was awarded for her effort. She couldn't see me.

I grunted with frustration at her. "Because being someone's lab rat is at the _bottom_ of the list right now."

"But, the doctor said she was so close to a cure." Alice almost whined. "What if with you she finds her breakthrough?"

I jumped to my feet, ignoring the fire in the backs of my legs. "And I bet that she said to the other patients she's treated in the last _thousand_ years."

"I know our jobs are to make you happy, but you know what? Your nihilism is getting so tiring." She crossed her arms over her chest, her face twisting into a petulant scowl. "How about instead of thinking about yourself - _for once -_ you think about the pain you're causing to your family? To _Bella_?" She threw her hands up in frustration. "As you waste away like you're doing, knowing full well there's a doctor who can help you!"

Red hot anger blazed bright in my face and the pit of my stomach, blinding me for a second with it. I crossed the small space between my sister and I at vampire speeds. " _You_ want to talk about _pain?"_ I almost screamed in her face. "Then we can talk about pain! I'm the _goddamn_ expert at pain!"

The strikes punctuated my emotional outburst with a shooting sting that shuddered through my body and rolled my shoulders. My knees threatened to give, but Emmett was already at my side, holding me up by my elbow. _Calm down, kid._ Was all he thought.

Jasper went to task on calming us all down. The roaring anger in my chest was replaced with a calm serenity. I had come to thoroughly rely on him in the last months to keep my emotional climate in check. I really hoped he knew how grateful I was of him.

Alice crossed her arms, her visions swirling again. I saw the ocean, but it wasn't the Pacific. There weren't enough rock formations. The sky was dark and cloudy, like it was currently outside, though.

She flashed over to Bella's computer desk and then came back, handing me two pieces of paper. The plane ticket vouchers Esme and Carlisle gifted to her for her birthday. "Alright, Nietzsche." She smiled at her own joke. "If not to Japan, then go to Jacksonville. There's a tropical storm brewing in the Pacific, so it'll be cloudy all week." Her voice was gentler and her vision switched to Bella's mother hugging Bella around the neck in an airport. _Her mom would be happy to see her; she's worried about her._

I looked down at the tickets. "That's not a bad idea."

Alice shrieked and we all looked up at her suddenly. Her eyes were wide and shining. Suddenly a _very_ pregnant looking Renee popped into her head. "And Bella's going to be a _sister!_ "

* * *

The others left with the assignment to patrol the immediate area of Forks. I could hear Emmett grumble to himself in his thoughts as he ran. _I never get to see the fight. I just want to tear someone's head off…_

I pushed him from my mind and focused on my task of getting Bella's insanely old computer up and running. I vowed to myself that my next big surprise for her was going to be a nice, sleek MacBook Pro and home Wi-Fi. _Maybe as a graduation present?_

I had already called the airline and arranged for flights using the vouchers. The earliest I could get was Tuesday morning. Which not ideal – I wanted to get Bella out of Forks as soon as possible – it at least allowed us to go to school tomorrow to collect our last assignments. Finals weren't until next week, so we were missing anything important by skipping this week.

I drummed my fingers on her desk while the Windows 98 logo loaded, my eyes going to the clutter around her computer. Old homework, flyers from school, notes. I tidied up for her, stacking papers on top of another. I froze at one stapled stack, the logo catching my eye and I inspected it more closely.

The logo was of a three-pronged pitchfork. _Arizona State University._ It was a college application. 'Swan' was filled in the last name line, otherwise it was completely blank. I flipped that application over and found another one. University of North Dakota. And then another one. Wilmington University in Delaware. None of them were filled in.

I went back to the ASU one – the one she actually started to fill out. The only one of the bunch that was located in the southern United States.

She was putting her future on hold for me. Her beautiful, _human_ future. I was trapping her. Each prison bar a different representation of the monster I was: sunless, cold, soulless, ageless. She was so full of potential. She was going to have a beautiful career and possibly a family. A real family, not a house full of ice cold misfits.

I flipped the application over and looked out the window at the pouring rain. Everyone wanted me to go to Kyoto because I could possibly be saved. Carlisle spent every moment he had working towards a cure. But, nobody actually stopped and asked if I _should_ to be saved. Nobody stopped and thought that maybe TS was God's way of telling me that it was time to leave this plane of existence. And by wasting time being poked and prodded and experimented on was going against the natural course of the universe.

But, I didn't _want_ to die.

I put my head in my hands. If I thought there was the sliver of a chance that I could be cured of this disease, I would go for it. _Of course_ , I would go for it. Existence was torture. But, my life had already been gambled for once when I was dying of the Spanish Flu in 1918. And monsters don't get lucky twice.

The chime of the computer finally loading the desktop distracted me from the misery of my impending demise. I navigated to internet and opened the history. Bella had been watching a lot of YouTube lately. I shuddered at how bad those videos must buffer with her shameful internet speeds. _Definitely a new laptop and internet._ I thought to myself. _And a new baking pan._

I opened Bella's email and composed a new one to her mother, detailing our sudden itinerary plans, claiming that I was going to be starting a new, severe treatment soon after graduation that would leave me bedridden. If anything, at least my 'cancer' was expedient.

She responded back only a couple of minutes later. I read it over quickly. She was a little worried about the weather being bad, but she was happy to have us both.

I was closing out of Bella's computer when I heard Jacob's thoughts and then his car come through the neighborhood. After goodbyes and jokes and a lot of laughter, Bella let herself out of his car and into the house.

I moved to the rocking chair in the corner, propping my crutch against the wall. My baby picture sat propped up on Bella's nightstand. I picked it up and studied the sepia-toned photograph. _Such simpler times._

"Hey," She greeted me as she came into her bedroom. She walked over to me, her fingers combing through my hair as she leaned down to kiss me. "How was your evening?"

I didn't answer right away, I just watched her kick off her shoes and shed her jacket. Her beautiful, fragile collar bone sticking through her blouse and her pulse fluttering just underneath her skin.

"Everything alright?" Her eyes flashed with concern.

"Bella," I started, a smile ghosting over my lips. "How would you like to go to the beach?"

* * *

 **BlackSoulReadingNerd69 - according to Midnight Sun (which honestly is my favorite of all of SM works, even though its half of a rough draft LOL) sparklepires normally breathe on reflex to smell the area around them, but don't have to if need be. Although, I guess talking requires the person to inhale. I'm also thoroughly enjoying writing from Edshnook's perspective. He's got a proper level of cynicism that I can get behind.**

 **sujari6 - Jacob needs a good...everything. Slap included. Although, I could say the same for most of the main characters. It's okay, they'll get slapped plenty before the end of the book.**

 **as always, enjoy and review pls**


	19. 18: Hey, Child

What's so funny?" Bella asked next to me as the plane taxied into our gate. The signal that we could take off our seatbelts chimed and there was a flurry of activity around us as people started to get out of their seats. Neither Bella or I moved, however.

"Your mother is screaming in her head, she's so excited to see you." I laughed and looked down at Bella. She had parted her hair down the middle and braided each side into two French braids, although the one on the right was starting to come loose from its holder.

Bella rolled her auburn eyes and pressed her cheek on my shoulder. "She's an excitable person." She grumbled.

Like I assumed, Bella had fought coming out. I had convinced her to go on the fact that _if_ she was going to go ahead with her plan of becoming a vampire after graduation, that this would be the last time she would get to see her mother.

 _Both_ of us could hear Renee scream now as we exited the terminal into the baggage claim area. Bella groaned, her face flushing bright red with embarrassment. I suppressed laughter as I limped along next to her, my crutch my only carry-on item.

"Bella!" Renee yelled as she hopped next to Phil, using his shoulder as a prop so she could see over the heads that were streaming out of the terminal ahead of us. "I see her!" She slapped Phil on the shoulder. "I see her!" _Look at her! She's all grown up! My baby is all grown up!_

I watched Bella's trepidation over her mother making a spectacle of herself slowly transform into happiness as she got closer. A smile lit up of her pale face and she picked up her feet to run into Renee's arms, abandoning her suitcase she had been pulling behind her. "Hi, mom." She said and squeezed her mother's shoulders.

"Hi, baby." Renee said back.

Phil, a lean man in his early thirties with brown hair and striking blue eyes, leaned forward as the women embraced to shake my hand. "Edward," He greeted. "I'm glad to finally meet you."

A reflection of myself formed in his head. My eyes were the lightest color they could be, as I had spent the last evening gorging myself so I wouldn't have to hunt while I was here. But, like most humans, he didn't dwell too hard on my face - an instinctual recoil from the predators we were. The attention shifted to my crutch and heard the usual thoughts of pity. _Poor guy. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I couldn't play baseball._ And then back to my head. _At least he got to keep his hair._

"Likewise." I nodded, pitching my eyes to his shoes.

"Edward!" Renee detached from Bella to hug me. "How have you been?"

I bit my tongue to keep myself from saying something cynical. "Hanging in there." _In the loosest sense of those terms, at least._

"Bella's been keeping me afloat with what's going on through email." Renee said and pulled away from me, her brown eyes shining with maternal worry. "I'm so sorry."

"I prefer not to dwell on it too hard."

"Alrighty, then." Renee said and clapped her hands like a child. "That conversation is done, then. Elephant in the room addressed."

" _Mom_." Bella groaned.

"What?" Renee asked. "Might as well get it over with as soon as possible, right?" She turned back to me. "Bella didn't mention any dietary restrictions, so I just bought some usual stuff for food. Is that going to be alright?"

I snorted to myself. If she only knew how _specific_ my dietary restrictions were. "Absolutely. Thank you for being considerate." I said smoothly.

"No problem at all." Renee said and looped her arm around Bella's. "Now, let's get some lunch and then we can work on those pale complexions!" _I swear to God; you all look like corpses._ She added in her head.

I snorted again.

* * *

Alice was right, as usual.

Jacksonville was perfect. Tropical storm Baxton was surging up the eastern seaboard for most of the week, leaving northern Florida overcast and gloomy. This meant I actually got to venture into the outdoors during waking hours, which was surprisingly pleasant. Florida was not a state that I had ever thought I'd get to visit as a vampire. Although, I knew I was going to disappoint Emmett when I returned to Forks with the news that alligators did not just roam the streets looking to brawl, like he believed.

Phil still had to work, as he was now the current support baseball coach for the University of Northern Florida. This left Bella and I at the mercy of Renee during the day, who had the energy levels of a sugared-intoxicated child and the impression that she could convince Bella to move here for college.

Monday and Tuesday were spent on the beach – Neptune Beach to be exact. Even though it was cloudy, Renee wanted to show us how nice the beaches were. I kept to the shore under an umbrella and read novels on my tablet.

I had to keep as clothed as logically possible, due to the marks on my skin caused by nerve death. I could explain the few visible ones on my calves when I wore shorts as an unfortunate side effect of radiation therapy. Most took the "cancer treatment" excuse without much argument for most things. But, I knew they were starting to get extensive on my torso and that would be a little harder to explain. _Yes, this cerulean highway on my back is brain cancer._ That would take some suspense of belief, even for people didn't hold medical degrees.

On, Wednesday we drove the hour south to St. Augustine, the oldest city in the United States. We visited old museums and knick knack shops and an old fortress from when the Spanish first colonized Florida in the seventeenth century.

We had wandered into a tourist shop there while Renee went off by herself to get an iced coffee from coffeehouse across the street.

"I think you should get this shirt." Bella suggested, a grin splitting over her face as she held up a t-shirt that had a silhouetted mosquito on it. 'Florida State Bird' framed the bug in large letters.

"Very funny." I rolled my eyes and smiled. "You need to stop hanging out with Jacob. You're adopting his extensive vocabulary for us."

Her nose wrinkled at my teasing. "You can't deny the irony." She pointed out.

"Maybe I'll get one for everyone." I said.

I looked at Bella. Her mother bringing out a playful, humorous side in her that I'd never seen before. The happiness glowed on her skin, making her radiant. I found myself drawing closer to her like a satellite rotating a planet, basking in it. Savoring it. As if I couldn't love her _more._

While it put me over the moon that she was so happy, it saddened me at the same time. Every sparkle in her eye, every memory shared with her mother, and smile lighting up her face a reminder of how _selfish_ I was by exposing her to my world of demons and monsters. I was ruining her life, her _future._ My hypothesis that I was meant to die made more and more sense. I was too weak to leave her on my own freewill. But, if I was _taken,_ then Bella could have a life, knowing that I was permanently, eternally gone.

 _But, I don't want to die_. And I would go back and forth in the middle of the night on Renee's sleeper sofa, my fist jammed deep in my mouth to keep myself from audibly sobbing. _I don't want to die. God, please don't let me die._ I would pray to Him, guilt stabbing my core. It felt like a jagged piece of glass jammed right in my diaphragm, twisting and turning and making it hard to breathe in air. The strikes would respond in kind to my emotions, punctuating each beg with a thunderbolt of pain that left me in a huddled ball until the sun would rise.

Then, Bella would come out at the first light – before her mother got up – and wiggle her way into bed with me. Her presence next to me was soothing, numbing. I would run my fingers up and down her arm, tangle my fingers into her thick hair, thanking God for every precious second I had with her.

On Thursday, Renee hatched a plan to surprise Bella with a day at the spa. I feigned a headache so I could get out of it. Bella argued to stay with me, but I told her that her mom wanted to speak to her in private about something important and that convinced her to go.

Once I heard Renee's Honda turn out of the neighborhood, I moved to the lounge chair in the screened-in patio with my iPod, leaning my crutch against the back and pulling off my shirt. Before I started _The Wedding Album_ for the billionth time, I decided to call home to see how things were doing.

"Edward," Alice greeted when she answered her phone. "How's Florida?"

"Not bad," I said. "Very moist. Any updates?"

"Jasper finally won at _Twister_ against me, but I think he cheated."

"Alice," I said in a warning tone. She knew what I wanted to know. She knew _exactly_ what I wanted to know.

She sighed. "You are seriously no fun at all."

"Alice." I groaned again.

"No, there are no updates on Victoria or the Russians. But, another girl was found dead."

A thread of worry laced through me. "Where at this time?"

"Sappho."

Sappho was north of Beaver. Why were they moving away from Forks now? "That's uncharacteristic."

She groaned. "Tell me about it. They must be flying by the seat of their own pants though, because I don't see their decision until a minute or two before they make it. And then by that point, it's too late."

I made a displeased noise. "I wish we could just _get_ them."

"You and everyone else." Alice said. "The wolves included. I think they're getting antsy. We keep finding them toeing the line."

"Maybe we should team up with them." I looped my finger around my headphone cord. "And just start an aggressive witch hunt."

"Maybe," She said back. "But one request: wait until _after_ the party, please. I just put in the alcohol order and its non-refundable."

"Alice," I scolded. "It's going to be a party of highschoolers."

"And what's a high school party without a couple kegs?" She asked like it was obvious.

"You're ridiculous." I shook my head at my favorite sibling.

She gasped suddenly. "Renee is going to tell Bella she's pregnant!" She almost screeched. "I have to start shopping for baby clothes!"

"Bye, Alice." I chuckled.

I settled back on the lounge chair, crossing my ankles and starting my music. I traced lightning bolts on my chest and stomach with my fingers. They were warm, almost ninety-eight degrees – the same temperature as human flesh. I could feel them when they form – it was like having a hot knife being dragged through my skin and they buzzed like they were charged with electricity.

My mind jumped to the Russians. Why were they moving back out now? Did something scare them? I frowned hard. Their movements seem to be so random and unpredictable.

I pushed them out of my mind. For now, at least. And let my music fill up my head instead. There was no point getting riled up over them. Bella was safe here and that's all that mattered.

I looped through _The Wedding Album_ a couple of times, letting my mind wander to my favorite fantasy: My and Bella's wedding day. The details I wasn't one hundred percent on, as I wasn't a party planner like Alice was. I assumed that Bella would want something understated. Maybe a beach wedding? I imagined my family around us. Maybe a couple of friends. I imagined her in a simple dress as she walked down the aisle, her brown hair cascading around her oval face, a mixture of wildflowers and lilacs and freesia – the same flowers she smelled like – in her hands. I would hold her close as we would say our vows, her brown eyes filling with tears and her face blushed that beautiful rose color.

And then later, after the party was over and we were alone, that dress would hit the floor and I would be able to have her like a husband was _supposed_ to have his wife. No inhibitions, no worrying over whether I would crack her like an eggshell under my fingertips, and most importantly - no pain. But, we weren't both vampires. No, not at all. My fantasy made us both human. I traced the warm line on my chest, daydreaming. _I would be human._

But that's all it was – fantasy.

I heard Renee's thoughts before I heard the engine of car. _I hope Bella's okay._ I could see the reflection of Bella her mother's mind. She looked like she just witnessed a murder – the shock making her white and clammy.

I was alarmed at the image in Renee's head. Quickly, I got to my feet and replaced my shirt, grabbing my crutch as they walked through the door.

"I'm glad to see you up." Renee smiled at me as they came through the door. _So, glad. I would have no idea what to do if he had a medical emergency._

"How was the spa?" I looked at Bella, who still had the same shocked expression that I saw in Renee's head.

"It was good…" Renee said as she dropped her purse. _Until the end there._ "I'm going to start dinner."

"Edward," Bella breathed in a dazed tone. She snatched my hand and pulled me into the seafoam green guest bathroom, closing the door behind her. Shells and bottles of sand and white candles littered almost all flat surfaces. I went to lean on the counter, and accidentally crushed a dried starfish under my palm.

"What's wrong?" I asked. I leaned my crutch up against the vanity so I could cup her face in both of my hands. Bella's deep brown eyes were wide with mystified wonder. But, they were panicked too. Her mouth popped open in a round 'o.' She was frozen, catatonic.

My mind automatically starting cataloging those who I loved and the dangers around them. My mind jump first to Bella. _Was someone here for her? Did she get bad news? Did she see something? Someone? Were the Russians here?_ She looked physically healthy. A million different scenarios crossed my mind and I went to work trying to solve them at the same time. My hand twitched towards my phone in my back pocket. I wanted to call Alice to see if she'd seen anything.

They had to still be in Washington if another girl was murdered. So, I ruled out something wrong with Bella.

Then it jumped to my family's safety. _Did Renee know about us? Did she guess?_ I had kept a vigilant eye on their thoughts all week. Neither Renee or Phil suspected a thing. Even if they did notice something out of the ordinary, like when I didn't really eat, they chalked it up to the cancer.

"Bella," I groaned out of frustration at my one true, inscrutable, enigmatic love. Not being able to read her thoughts was almost painful sometimes. "Please tell me what's wrong. I'm going to burst."

"My mom's _pregnant_." She said in a detached, dazed tone.

Relief flooded me. I gripped the edge of the sink again to keep my weak knees from collapsing with it. I actually choked out laugh. "That's it?" I breathed. "I already knew that."

I offended her. She pitched her mouth into a hard frown and her eyes flashed angrily. "And you didn't tell _me_?" She jerked out of my grip.

"I didn't want to ruin the surprise." I smiled at her.

Bella's eyes widened again. "So, Alice saw her? Does she know what it's going to be?"

My brow furrowed, not comprehending her question. Well, _obviously_ it's going to be a human. "I don't understand." I admitted, trying to follow her haphazard train of thought.

Bella's hands flew up. "Is it a boy or a girl?"

"Oh," I said dumbly. "I didn't think to ask."

Bella turned to lean heavily against the bathroom counter, her hands going to her face. "My mom's too old to be a mother, Edward." She shook her head.

"Thirty-six isn't that old-," I started. Renee was physically healthy, besides a slight increase of chance for down syndrome, there wasn't very much that could stop her from having a healthy pregnancy

" _I'm_ too old to be a _sister_." She said and I understood that she was no longer talking to me, but just voicing her thoughts out loud. "I'm going to be thirty-five when they graduate-," A choked sound escaped her lips and her face went pale with horror and then twisted green.

"Bella," I said, my hands flying to cup her face again. "Bella, breathe."

She looked at me and sucked in a huge breath like she was about to take a plunge underwater. "I won't be able to be in their lives." She said in a gust.

My brows furrowed with confusion again. "Why not?"

"If…" She started. "If I become a vampire…then I can't be around them."

"Yes," I conceded. "You won't be able to be around them without…" I let the sentence drop.

"Without wanting to kill them." She added at the end, her shoulders sagging.

That hung in the air, heavy and smothering. I imagined tiny baby wrapped in the blue swaddling cloths that hospitals provide as she held her sibling for the first time. Her own flesh and blood. I imagined the love in Bella's eyes as she got to meet them. A tiny hand gripping her finger. I tried imagining the same scene, but with Bella impossibly pale with blood red eyes. She no longer looked at the child with love and adoration. No, there was only the fixation of blood. The shard of glass in my diaphragm twisted hard.

"Then don't." I breathed, or at least tried to. "Stay human. Be apart of your little brother or sister's life. Be there for their first steps and teach them how to ride a bicycle and watch them graduate."

"Edward…" She started in an argumentative tone, but let it drop. I could see – for the first time since she had gotten the idea in her head to become a vampire – her resolve on the decision wavering. But, then something happened. Her eyes went hard, like a rock of amber and I watched her hand ball into a tight fist. "If I don't, though, who is going to protect you?"

 _Me?_ "Bella, I don't need-,"

"No," She cut me off, her voice hard to the point of pain. "I'm not going to let you martyr yourself for me. I am _strong enough_ to handle them, Edward. Or I will be. You don't have to worry."

I opened my mouth to retort, to tell her how foolish she was being with this plan. The danger was not going to go away simply by becoming a vampire.

But, I smelled blood and I froze. It was a battering ram that socked me in the face. My instincts kicked in and my muscles tensed and my throat blazed like I had been dying of thirst. I shoved that part of my being aside with the help of every painful memory I associated with Bella's blood. "Bella, you're bleeding." I managed.

She opened her hand that she had been gripping, revealing a row of crescents cut into her skin by the force of her own fingernails.

 _Bella, my sweet love. What am I doing to you?_

The shard of glass twisted so violently inside of me, the guilt cutting me so hard into ribbons, I had to glance at my own reflection to make sure there was still part of me left.

* * *

I had to hunt as soon as I got home.

Normally, I could last two to three weeks between feeds. Two was generally normal. It was uncomfortable to be around humans, at that point, but not impossible. School would be the most awkward- with a multitude of young, healthy bodies crushed together in a small space. It would cause my throat to ache and put the sour taste of venom in our mouth. It was distracting and difficult.

Three was dangerously pushing it. At that point, we were fixated on it. _Blood. Blood. Blood._ Pulses under flesh became loud and way too tempting. The physical pain blazed in our throats and stomachs. Smells were heightened. Temptations ran wild. Our thoughts became less coherent, less human as our thirst made us give into to our baser instincts.

I had made the metaphor when I first expressed my feelings to Bella comparing vampire's need for blood to heroin addiction. But, addiction for vampires was too mild a word. It was our obsession, our preoccupation. Blood was our whole being. We would do _anything_ for it. Anything.

TS brought with it a whole new reason to keep well fed besides satiating thirst. If I went too long without blood, my symptoms would increase in frequency and severity. And I had to be fed more often, my eyes going dark after only four or five days without an attack, sooner with one.

However, TS made it very hard to hunt the old-fashioned way, especially being a vegetarian vampire. Everyone had their own styles for hunting, but the mechanics were the same: find your target and kill them. This usually included running, jumping and wrestling down an animal that was two or three times your size.

Something that I was not that great at anymore.

I insisted on going, though, instead of having someone hunt for me. At least, when I could. Being dependent on anyone besides myself just made dealing with everything that much harder, made the cloud in front of my face that much darker.

Esme quickly became my favorite hunting partner. She already hunted gentler and slower than the rest of the family – choosing to lure prey than to attack to keep the ordeal for the animal humane. And when I asked to join her, she would always be so happy to have me, treating the trip more like bonding time with her youngest son than babysitting sick and feeble Edward.

She looped her arm through mine. The afternoon sun was peaking behind the clouds as we walked our own trail we cut into the forests behind our house. _So, I want to hear all about Florida._ She thought.

"It was fun," I said. "The storm wasn't even that bad." _Everything under a category 3 hurricane is just a party._ Phil had said once during dinner. It was definitely a whole different culture down there.

 _So lucky you got to actually go to the beach._ Esme shook her head. _I'm glad you got to get away for awhile._

"It was nice." I conceded. "Did you hear about Renee?"

Esme's eyes widened. "Yes! She's pregnant! How wonderful is that?" She was so excited that she actually vocalized her thoughts.

"She took Bella on Friday to her sonogram appointment."

 _How sweet._ Esme's eyes softened and her arm that was looped through mine tightened. _How far along is she?_

"Twelve weeks. Twins, actually."

"Multiples?" Esme squeaked, her hand going to her chest and her thoughts fluttered with babies. Esme loved babies. "How did Bella take the news?"

"Bella is…" I thought back to the conversation in the bathroom. She seemed so _sure_ that becoming a vampire was what she wanted to do. But, then she came home from the sonogram appointment with the same dazed, mystified look in her eyes. "…unsure."

We stopped the conversation so I could maneuver a gulch, Esme helping with her hand under my elbow to keep me upright.

 _Unsure?_ Esme thought once we were moving again.

"She has a lot of choices to make now that there will be a child in her life."

Esme nodded, understanding what I meant. _Are you sad that she's now considering humanity?_

I shook my head. "I'm sad that she even has to make the decision to begin with."

Esme looked at me sympathetically. _We all will love her no matter what her choice is._

"I know."

My head whipped around at a scent, the fire igniting in my throat. Sitka deer. A family of them. Esme noticed them too I heard her thoughts zone in on them. _Wait here, my love._ She said and dashed off towards them in a flash. A couple of seconds later, she had two young bucks by the antlers. They brayed and bellowed and struggled against her iron grip.

"I have to ask you a favor." Esme said out loud after we were done. _Please forgive me for asking._

My eyebrows furrowed. "You can ask me anything, Mom."

Her golden eyes pitching to the forest floor. A picture of Carlisle popped in her head. His eyes were a dark black, the characteristic bruising that associated with extreme thirst covering the middle part of his face. His usual combed back hair was unkempt. He looked frantic, almost manic as he poured over the stack of textbooks in front of him.

I understood her question before she even asked it.

 _He feels so guilty, Edward._ Esme pleaded, her eyes going soft and her hands finding my forearms. _He blames himself for your pain. It hurts him to watch you struggle._

I had never once blamed Carlisle for the monster I was. Carlisle, out of all of us, deserved heaven. He was mild and caring and so very, very protective of humanity. I was blessed to have him as my creator and my father and my guide through life.

But now, I avoided him – the remorse in his eyes igniting flames of resentment in my chest. I thought, in the beginning, that I was angry with him for keeping the strikes a secret. We all moved through this world thinking we were imperishable, but we weren't. There was a very, very _real_ disease that could potentially affect us. I still think I was angry with him for that, but that was a very small part.

No, there was something bigger. I didn't want to admit that I was angry at him for making me, knowing that this could've been a possible future. But, I knew that's what it was. _Why didn't you just let me die with the flu instead of making me go through this painful half life?_

I tore my eyes away from my mother's. My hands balled into fists.

 _Please just talk to him._ Esme rubbed my arms. _For me._

"Okay," I agreed through my teeth. "For you."

* * *

 **BlackSoulReadingNerd420(blazeit) - LET ME KNOW HOW YOU LIKE IT I want a full page book report on my desk by noon monday mmkay**

 **As always enjoy and review pls!**

 **I FUCKING FIXED THE FLORIDA SCENE. First off, I forgot that it even existed. But, then while I was reading _Eclipse_ again, I had to read that part. AND LET ME TeLL YOU FRIEND As a northern Floridian, myself, SM's Florida non-scene is so painful it's like having a prickly pear cactus shoved up my asshole. Literally, Jane's power is just making you read THOSE TWO FUCKING PAGES over and over and over again. I found so many issues, I can't man.**

 **1) Bella complains about the humidity like 145 separate times - OK FUCK OFF IT'S HUMID SURE BUT NoRTH FL ISN'T EVEN THAT BAD ESPECIALLY IN MAY LORD**

 **2) Edward is confined to the house, which is super suspicious, first off. SM is like teenaged boy flies cross country to FL w/gf doesn't actually ever go outside is PERFECTLY FINE JUST DON'T THINK ABOUT IT. But, May is the beginning of the cloudy season and is literally weeks before hurricane season. You don't have to prop Edboy up in the broom closet just because he sparkles.**

 **3) Mention of palm trees. LORD JESUS HAVE MERCY ON MY SOULLLL it's like everyone NOT from FL thinks that all of FL looks like Miami. Jacksonville is full of PINE TREES and DOGWOODS HUNTY**

 **4) Renee's house LITERALLY SITS ON THE BEACH like ok where is all of this money coming from? because unless you rolling in it boo boo, there ain't no way you're living on the beach and at tHAT POINT YOU AREN'T IN JACKSONVILLE YOU ARE IN *clap emoji*Jacksonville** ***clap emoji*** **BEACH** ***clap emoji***

 **5) Claude teases Bella for not being convinced to go to UF - OK BUT UF IS NOT EVEN IN JACKSONVILLE SO THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY FUCKIN SENSE IT'S IN GAINESVILLE WHICH IS LIKE 2 HOURS AWAY**

 **It's like SM slapped the keyboard in the googles search engine dot com and was like 'BiG CItY in FlOrIDa fOR mY TEen ANGSt VAMPIRE bOOK FUCK' and Jacksonville came up and was like she was like FUCKING PERFECT COPY AND PASTE WHEW DONE IM GONNA TAKE A NAP**


	20. 19: Who do You Need?

We got back to the house from hunting with a couple hours of daylight left. Esme kissed my cheek before flitting to the kitchen to gather up last week's groceries for donation to the food bank. _Please don't forget to talk to your father._

I rolled my eyes. Vampires don't forget _anything._

I wandered into the living room. Rosalie was sitting in an impossible position on the couch in the living room – one foot was sitting against the headrest, the other on the coffee table, her head hung off the edge, a bored scowl on her face as she flipped so fast through channels, that the volume didn't even load. _Is feeding on deer caught for you considered take-out or table service?_ She thought, her mouth twitched up at her own joke.

I scoffed and moved to the stairs. "Can you just go back to thinking about yourself?"

 _Don't be mad._ She said. _You know I'm only joking._

I didn't respond to her, instead turning towards the stairs. I thoroughly kicked myself for choosing the third floor to live on when we moved in. We always chose rooms on seniority: Carlisle and Esme got the master, of course. And then I got my choice, and then Emmett and Rose and then Jasper and Alice. I chose the third floor because it was private and it was easier to ignore the three perfectly matched couples during the more intimate moments of their relationship when I was geographically as far away from them as possible.

 _"_ _I don't know."_ Carlisle said in Japanese on the phone.

I froze as I was passing his office, right outside his door.

 _"_ _All the patients are different: different ages, different ethnicities, different genders."_ He said. _"The only linking commonality is the fact that all patients were dying of a human disease at the time of their transformation."_

I continued on to my bedroom. I glanced briefly at my backpack of homework I still had to do before school tomorrow. I reckoned it would take me only a couple of minutes and I had all night.

Instead I threw my crutch on the bed and then my body next to it, letting my weight sink into the duvet. I crushed the pillow under my face and pulled out my pocket calendar. I had a whole week to mark off now.

 _God,_ Carlisle started to pray, his antique rosary looped through his fingers. _Lord Jesus Christ, Good Shepherd of the sheep, you gather the lambs in your arms and carry them in your bosom: We commend to your loving care this –_ my - _child._ He corrected. _Relieve his pain, guard him from all danger, restore to him your gifts of gladness and strength, and raise him up to a life of service to you. Hear us, we pray, for your dear Name's sake. Amen._

I rolled my eyes. All his effort was futile. God didn't answer the prayers of monsters.

I moved to my back once I was finished with my calendar. Carlisle was _wasting_ time and I was counting it down. I picked up the remote of my sound system and started whatever CD I had loaded in there last. _Californication_ by the Red Hot Chili Peppers started to play and I skipped ahead a couple of tracks to 'Otherside.'

 _Please Lord,_ He prayed. _I am at a loss for what to do. I need Your guidance…_

I pushed out of Carlisle's mind. He was wasting his breath and effort. All of it. Carlisle – the benevolent ascended demon - rejecting his true nature to be a good person. He should just go back to work at the hospital. Do good things for good people, like he was _meant_ to do. I turned the volume up of my sound system, trying to drown him out.

 _Lord Almighty._ Carlisle prayed hard and loud. _Please. I don't want to lose him…_

I started to sing the lyrics to myself. "How long, how long will I slide? Separate my side, I don't. I don't believe it's bad. Slit my throat it's all I ever had…"

 _Please let him see that we can_ help _him…_

I rolled to my feet and grabbed my crutch. "Fine, Esme." I grumbled to myself. _I'll go talk to him._ Hopefully just to put an end to the _praying._ It wasn't doing any good. Actually, it was doing the _opposite_ of good. It was starting to really irritate me.

I knocked on his door. His thoughts turned to me. "Come in, son."

I pushed the door open. I hadn't been in Carlisle's office in a while. His usual tidy space looked like it had been turned over and then flipped right side up. Books and papers and ancient texts were strewn around his office, sitting haphazardly in piles and stacks.

He had pushed a textbook sized space in front of him on his text and his Bible – his original Bible from the seventeenth century gifted to him by his father – sat open in front of him.

But, as much as his space was surprising, Carlisle himself was what rooted me where I stood. In my ninety-one years that I had known Carlisle, I had never seen him so _overwrought_ as he was now. Self-care had been thrown out of the window. His eyes were black like he hadn't fed in _months_ – beyond thirsty, it was reaching levels of torture – his face was masked in deep purple bruises. His blonde hair was a stack on his head and his clothes – a button down and a tie, like he came home from work one day and just threw himself into his research – were wrinkled on his body.

"Am I interrupting anything?" I asked gently from the doorway.

 _Of course not._ He quickly got up and cleared off one of the chairs that sat in front of his desk of books and debris. _Please sit down._ He motioned to the chair.

I moved forward, watching his eyes tighten with every labored step I took. I watched my reflection form to take stock of me, his eyes moving up and down, cataloging how much worse I've gotten since the last time he's seen me. I really wished everyone knew how much I hated it when they did that. I already knew how bad I looked without them having to shove it back in my face. I sat down in the seat, keeping my eyes on the Bible in front of him.

 _How was Florida?_ He thought as he took his seat behind his desk.

I shrugged my tight shoulders. "Fine."

 _I take it this isn't a social visit?_ His thoughts were tinged with sadness at our deteriorated relationship. His thought wistfully to the times where I could go to him for anything, even just to talk about our days.

"I heard you talking with the Japanese doctor."

 _I was keeping her up-to-date on the progression of the encephalopathy._ His eyebrows pulled together.

"Find out anything?"

He looked at the papers on his desk, his hands grabbing at different stacks. _Unfortunately, without you being present, we are limited on how far we can go with the research._ He dropped the items. _Have you given any consideration to her offer of treatment in Japan?_

I shook my head and tore my eyes away from him, letting them float over his shoulder to the mountains behind him. Those beautiful Olympic mountains. They seemed to glow with the sunset in the west, the contrasting oranges and reds turning them a bright emerald green. I wanted so desperately to _run_ to them – uninhibited and unadulterated.

The ember of irritation ignited in me. "There's no point."

 _Of course, there's a point._ He thought, his eyebrows pulling together. _We're trying to save you._

"She's spent _how long_ on trying to find a cure?" I rolled my eyes.

 _She's only seen so many cases…_

"Has she – or you - ever thought to think that maybe she hasn't found one because you're not _meant_ to?"

 _Edward, what are you sayi-_

"For a religious lot," I spat. "You're very dense, Dad."

 _Are you assuming that you're meant to die?_ Carlisle asked. _Is that why you are declining treatment? You think God has turned His back on you?_

"Of course He has!" I almost shouted. "And you're wasting your time in here stewing in your own guilt."

 _Guilt?_

I sighed. The conversation was turning tedious. "Your guilt for creating me." I said, my hand coming down on the desk. "That's why you're doing this, right? If you think you can cure me, then you'll be absolved of your mistake in turning me into a vampire?"

He looked at me, a shocked, hurt expression in his face. "Is that what you think, Edward?" He said, his voice cracking. "That I _regret_ creating you?"

"Why else would you lock yourself up in here?" I motioned to the mess. "Remorse."

"I'm doing this because I love you, son." He shook his head and rose from his seat. His hands found my shoulders. I avoided looking into his black eyes. "You are…" He sucked in a hard breath like he was fighting tears. "When I found you, I was given the best gift: love, my son. It pains me to see you hurt like you do. I only wish I could do more." He sucked in another hard breath. "Are you angry at me for transforming you?" His voice was soft, gentle.

"Yes," I said coldly, my eyes going to back to the mountains. "It would've saved so many people so much _grief_." _Bella, Esme, you._

"Son. Edward," His gripped tightened on my shoulders. "Listen to me. I _love_ you. If I could trade places with you, I would do it in a heartbeat. I would _die_ for you if it meant I could take this affliction away from you."

I looked into his black eyes. I felt the pain behind them, knowing I was the one causing it. "I _am_ the affliction." I growled as the glass shard of guilt twisted in my abdomen.

I needed to get out of this office, out of this house. Away from the minds of my family. I had never experienced a panic attack before, but I knew the symptoms from the DSM-5: trembling, shortness of breath, feeling of being choked, dizziness, fear of dying, fear of going crazy. I got up as quick as I could manage and ran down the stairs.

 _Son, wait._ Carlisle said. He started to follow me. "Edward, please wait."

I passed Alice who was reading a book while perched cross-legged on the bannister. She registered my chartreuse face. _Are you okay?_ I didn't acknowledge her.

I passed Rosalie, who was still starfished on the couch and let myself onto our back porch. I scanned our backyard, my eyes breezing over the clearing and the river that cut through it, the tree line, and then beyond that the snowy tips of the Olympic mountains. I set my sights on that horizon as I slipped my arm out of my crutch and leaned it against the railing.

"Edward," Alice said my name out loud. "This isn't a good idea."

I didn't answer her though. I couldn't. I didn't even enter her thoughts. Instead I listened to the own breaths in my ears, keeping my attention focused on the mountain range in front of me. With a short leap, I was over the railing of the back porch and in the soft grass of our yard.

I took off.

Running was a freeing release for me. It always had been. Even when I was a human, I enjoyed running. I had so much to focus on when I ran. Each foot falling one over another. The tiny push to keeping myself going fast and faster. The wind whistling past my ears. The smells of the forest floor and the creatures above me in the trees and the rain threatening in the clouds. The green blur past my peripherals, the hyper focus of light right in front of my nose.

Or I could not concentrate on anything. I could clear my head and just focus on inhaling air into my lungs and exhaling air back into the world. I could forget about what was behind me or in front of me. I could just be present in the second, in the millisecond.

I liked to imagine I became sort of cosmic when I ran. Instead of a monster, I became a ghost. And if I pushed myself to go faster and faster, the more I phased from my in-between world into the next, wherever that may be.

I did that and I listened to my footfalls speed up incrementally as I played my game with myself. I imagined that heaven would look something like the Olympic Mountain ranges, but with more sun and less thirst.

I could see the mountains grow larger and larger as I approached them. When I was well, I would've gotten over them by now, but I didn't think about that. I didn't think about the ragged shard of glass stabbing me underneath the sternum. I didn't think about the remorse in my father's eyes or the deep sadness in Bella's. I didn't think about the broken reflection of myself that was constructed every time someone looked at me. I definitely did _not_ think about how my knees were starting shake under the exertion. No. That was behind me and I was moving forward.

I came to a base of a steep cliff that was about two hundred feet tall and without stopping, I was climbing up it, pausing just long enough to push my hair out of my face with one hand. My fingers deftly found each handhold and my toes scaled the face of gray rock. I reached the top, hoisted myself over and continued my run.

I ran to the other side – jumping right over the edge – rotating so that I was falling backwards, so I could watch the red and lavender sky move away from me and feel the whistle of the wind through my fingers and in my ears. Twisting like cat before I hit the bottom, I dexterously landed on the balls of my feet, my fingertips gripping the grass underneath me for a second before I tore off again.

I kept my feet moving one over the other and wondered if I was starting to look more like a phantom than man. I felt like it. I was finally free, just another invisible figment in the wind. I reached out with my hand to feel the gale through my fingertips.

My freedom abruptly stopped with an unwelcomed reality check.

It was a lightning strike of agony that scintillated through my body that finally stopped me. A ripple of fire that tore through me - from the base of my neck to both of my ankles - blinding the green forest around me a sickly white and violently sucking the air out of my lungs.

I lost my footing and stumbled forward, my side smacking blindly into an oak tree. The force of the impact caused it to snap at the trunk and just above the buzzing of my own skin in my ears I heard it crash to the forest floor next to me.

I wheezed through the fire, tasting my own bile in the back of my throat. _Damn it._ Anger overshadowed the pain momentarily and I punched the soft earth. This action just caused another surge of pain through my arm into my shoulder. I gasped again as I tried to save myself from sinking into it, my eyes blinking hard to clear the blue dots that clouded my vision.

I laid as still as I could for sixty beats and breathed deep, methodical breaths, letting the fire die into hot coals under my skin. I pushed myself up once I was satisfied that the strikes weren't going to beat me down again. _I should get back._ I thought. My adventure was over. I knew I pushed myself too hard and was going to dearly pay for it later.

I coughed like I had a sprinter's side stitch and rubbed my arm, trying to get my bearings. I wasn't paying attention too hard to the direction I was going in, but I knew I was in the thick of the Olympic National Park.

A gust of breeze blew past my face, lifting my bangs off of my forehead and I caught a scent. Like the pain, a color twisted in front of my eyes, blinding everything around me. But, instead of white, this color was crimson red. The color of rage. The color of craze.

 _Victoria._

Without even giving it any sort of higher thought, I pursued it. I could almost see the scent in the air as it weaved through the trees of the forest. It was like a ribbon to chase. A ribbon of retribution and anger.

I went as fast I could. In that moment, I became the ghost I wanted to be. But more than that - I became the predator I was _meant_ to be. The killer I was. My feet didn't even hit the forest floor as I flew, chasing the source of my wrath. Chasing my prize.

I skidded into a clearing as the scent swirled around me. It was thicker here. She was close. The red tinge of my anger turned the forest ablaze. I was hyperaware of everything around me. I could hear everything, from the inner-tunnels of the ant hill thirty yards to my left to the heartbeats of the family driving on the road twenty-five miles away.

I breathed in a hard breath, letting Victoria's scent run through me like a sieve, my eyes vigilantly searching for her in the trees. It was a soft step behind me that caused me to whip around. A growl rippled out of my chest and I watched Victoria stepped out of the tree line into the small clearing. I got low so I could get into position to pounce her.

Her ratty hikers' clothes hung on her thin frame and her crimson hair flowed around her face. She gave a little smile as she sized me up with her red eyes. "My, my," She said. "I was looking for dinner, but I found something better. A _toy."_

The predator in me snarled in response. But there was something wrong. I could see my reflection in her mind. It was me, but a different version of myself. This monster had stripes of blue on his arms, held his shoulders at different angles, like he was afraid to straighten them, and his fingers wouldn't quite ball into fists. It was the wrong version of me.

It was the sick version of me, the version everyone saw now.

She was drawing the comparison as well, comparing this version of me to the one she saw on the baseball field over a year ago. "I didn't believe Dasha when she said you had the strikes." She shook her head, smiling slightly. "What a shame."

The red in my vision started it dissipate. "It's a _shame_ we hadn't had this fight sooner."

Victoria took a step forward and I crouched lower. "I'm not going to fight you."

"Why not?"

"Because natural selection will do that for me." She flipped her hair over her shoulder. "Your human pet on the other hand - Bella? That's her name right? There's a fight I've been looking forward to."

The snarl that ripped through me was so loud, my ears rang. "Don't you dare talk about her." I said. "Don't you dare say her name."

I watched her gears turn in her mind. She quickly cataloged the rest of my family, ranking them by level of threat. A million possible scenarios ran through her head. The geography of Forks and then northwest part of Washington mapped out in front of her as she analyzed different directions she could take. The wolves popped in her head and then were immediately pushed aside.

And then the fantasy changed. She was surrounded by fire, and the other two vampires. And she had Bella in her arms. She was cold and _dead_. And Victoria's eyes were blood red.

That's when I lunged.

And when fire sliced through me.

The worst its ever been. It was no longer a bullet. It was a nuclear bomb and I was its target. It was like having a million hot knifes being shoved into every square inch of my skin at once. Like I had fallen to the bottom of a volcano. Hell would feel like a skip through a meadow compared to the pain I felt.

I dropped to the forest floor. My lungs couldn't get air, even though I didn't need it. I gasped anyway. I was drowning under it. It was an undertow I couldn't escape from. It robbed me of my senses, but instead of being hot white like before, I was plunged into darkness, blackness. My ears rang like I was standing inside of church bell. It was too much. _Too much._

 _God, save me._

My survival instincts took over, reflexes in place to keep myself safe in the face of danger. I wish I could tell my body that it was myself that was the enemy, that it didn't need to react like this. My muscles locked so hard that I couldn't move them. I was paralyzed at the feet of a revengeful vampire.

I could still hear Victoria's thoughts as I sank further into pain, even though I couldn't physically hear her voice over the buzzing in my own ears. _How pitiful._ She debated whether to hold me hostage, but something spooked her and she fled.

I continued to sink farther and farther. My sea was lightless and I couldn't find which way was the surface to escape. I had nothing to cling to, except the fire in my muscles and the feeling of suffocation that was heavy on my chest. Wave after wave pulled me deeper and deeper.

I wondered if this was it, that the doctor had been wrong, somehow and I was at the end. Maybe I had some sort of mutation that made me skip over stages two and three.

 _God, I don't want to die._

If I was voicing my disparity with this thought, I couldn't hear myself. I wanted to moan, but when I opened my mouth, I felt like I was being suffocated with cotton balls. I breathed harder and faster, wondering where all the air went.

 _Lord, don't let this be the end._

Everyone says you watch your life flash before your eyes when you are on the brink of death, but I didn't see that. I saw _Bella's_ life flash before my eyes.

I saw her walk across the Forks High School stage to get her diploma. I saw her sitting on the grass in the sun outside of a college building, a textbook in her lap. I saw her in a wedding dress. She was so beautiful, so _lovely._ I saw her in a pencil skirt and a blazer, her mahogany hair pulled into a bun behind her head. I saw her on the soccer field cheering on her kids from the sidelines. I saw her holding an elderly Charlie, a smile on her face. I saw two little boys next to her with piercing blue eyes and her smile. Her little brothers. I watched her age in my mind, the soft curve of her hip growing more womanly and her face grow lines from joy and laughter.

I did not see me.

That's all I wanted for her. I wanted for her to be happy. I wanted her to be safe from _my_ world of monsters. I wanted her to be free to do what she wants. I wanted her to continue on living in the ordinary world, the world she belonged in. The world I couldn't find.

How selfish of me not to free her of that. I was greedy, I knew it from the start. I wanted her for myself and I had dragged her down with me. And now she had _scars,_ scars that'll never heal. She was forever changed, forever altered, because of me.

I saw my family. I saw them standing around a tombstone nestled deep in the Washington mountains, knowing full well my name was the one that was etched into the stone. I could see the pain on their faces. Esme would cry. My father would pray to bring me back. The pain they felt was because of me.

All because of me.

 _He's over here!_ I heard Carlisle's thoughts as he approached. I couldn't move or speak, but I finally had something to grasp in the darkness. There was a pinprick of light in my ocean of misery. Death was not going to be the answer today, apparently.

Emmett's thoughts came next. I could see myself through his eyes. I was curled into a fetal position on the forest floor, my chest expanding and contracting with hyperventilation, my eyes wide and tortured. I was vocalizing, choked whimpers escaping my lips. _Oh, kid._ Was his only reaction.

Alice was behind them. _Victoria went east._ Her visions swirled as she watched Victoria's movement in the future, but then stopped when she got to me. _Oh no, Edward. Edward!_

Everybody's thoughts were panicked as I watched from three different viewpoints roll me over onto my back and then help me up into Emmett's arms.

 _"_ _We have to get him back to the house."_ Alice said to the others. " _As soon as we can."_

* * *

 **Poooooorrrr Carlizzle. So, Carlizzle is my favorite sparklepire, probably next to Rosalie. I love his ancient ass. Sorry Edward's being really emo, too. He's got a lot of things to work through being a dying moody teenaged vampire. Do you think vampire cancer could get him a green card? He could really use a blunt right about now lol**

 **Enjoy and review, pls!**


	21. 20: Falling Apart at the Seams

"Oh my God." Rosalie said to Emmett. "Not like that. What are you trying to do? Drown him? Give that to me."

I snapped my jaw in frustration as Emmett held the bottle inches from my lips.

I was an unfortunate involuntary audience for their conversation. Emmett was arguing with Rosalie about taking the Jeep tomorrow even though she was in the middle of upgrading its shocks, which set them both in the bad mood. Jasper then asked Emmett to feed me and Rosalie followed him so that they could argue with each other some more. Their fights were always petty, always unnecessary, and reparations that followed were always loud and physical.

I hadn't actually completely come too yet. I never lost consciousness, but I was locked in some sort catalepsy, my muscles unable to unfreeze, the pain seizing me into stillness. The darkness I was plunged into was my body responding and protecting me from the excruciation, like going into shock was for humans. I was slowly pulling myself back towards the light, every second the darkness fading. I was clawing my way back to the surface.

Slowly. Achingly so.

I watched in Rosalie's head as they exchanged hands. The milk jug full of blood. I could smell the contents of it, my mouth automatically filling with venom and the fire in my throat igniting. I was in pain, so, so much pain. But, I was more than that.

I was _thirsty._

"How could you do this any better?" Emmett asked and crossed his thick arms, his playful expression twisting into a scowl.

"You just don't shove it in." Rosalie said. "You have to be careful or you'll get it everywhere."

Emmett snorted. "Getting a little messy is apart of the fun."

I squeezed my fingers into fists as I fought the stinging in the back of my throat. _If you guys would shut up, then I could show you how it's done._

"Esme would be _pissed_ if you got blood on her guest bed."

"It wouldn't be the worst thing that's gotten on this bed. You remember Halloween of oh-four." Emmett's head went to explicit places and I groaned in protest.

 _Please stop._ I begged in my head, trying desperately to move. My fingers squeezed into fists over and over. I wanted nothing more than to jump out the window and escape this wretched and vulgar conversation with that sweet container of blood in Rosalie's fist.

"Emmett!" Rosalie scolded. "Edward is _right here_!"

 _It's cooling._ I looked at the jug desolately.

Emmett bellowed out a laugh in response.

"Alright, brother." Rosalie turned and picked up my shoulders and tipped the jug at my mouth. I tasted the first drops of blood. Sweet, sweet blood.

I might've been a sick vampire, but in that moment, my body decided that thirst was the more powerful force. I managed to break the surface. My muscles relaxed the rigor and I gained control over my extremities. My joints protested and the fire sang, but I didn't care. I had gotten there. _Finally._ I greedily grabbed the container from Rosalie's hands and tipped it back, sucking it down, feeling it dribble down my chin. Thankfully, it had only infinitesimally cooled, and it still tasted pretty fresh.

"Oh my God." Rosalie said again and stepped back.

Emmett just bellowed again. _I was right to go with the mountain lion._

"How long has it been?" I asked after I was finished gulping down every drop. I tried to piece through my blurry memories, blinking in the light coming through the window. My eyes adjusted automatically, but I was concerned that it was already light outside.

"About fourteen hours." Rosalie said. "It's six in the morning."

I took next moment to take stock of myself. I wiggled my fingers and looked at my bare arms, tracing the new lightning bolts. I ran my hands over them, feeling how warm they were compared to the rest of my skin.

That wasn't the only change. I wasn't wearing the same clothes. I had been changed into a dark blue Forks High t-shirt and a pair of loose gray sweatpants. One pant leg had been pushed up and my knee was wrapped in a black, hinged brace used by knee replacement patients.

I leaned forward, my back muscles protesting with stiffness as I hooked a finger under one of the Velcro tabs of the brace and pulled on it.

 _Smack!_

My hand reflexively shot back and I looked in horror at Rosalie. "You slapped me!"

 _What are you doing?_

"I'm getting up." I said slowly like I was speaking to a child.

 _You can't take that off._ She pointed at the brace.

"Well, I'm not leaving it on."

"You sure as hell are." Her shoulders squared and I could see that she thought about smacking me across the face.

"Why?" I challenged.

She scoffed. " _Why?_ Well, because on your quest to complete self-annihilation - which you achieved by doing the complete opposite of what everyone tells you too – you've managed to degrade most of your knee joint." She threw up her arms.

I glared at her and then looked at my leg. "This is ridiculous." I said to no one in particular.

"By all means, then, Edtard. Take it off. I don't give a _fuck_." She scoffed and moved towards the door. _See you downstairs, baby brother._

I rolled my eyes. Rosalie used to be so sophisticated, but years being a bitter hag has turned her into a bitch. Now free of her, I leaned forward and started ripping the Velcro open. I pushed the brace off my knee and swung my legs over, my feet now on solid ground. Fighting the fire that blazed under my skin, I pushed myself up.

And then crashed down onto my thick carpeting with a thump that sounded like boulder being thrown, my knee unable to hold my weight. I sucked in a hard, frustrated breath. I fantasized punching through the floor straight into the living room, but I assumed Alice and Jasper wouldn't be too happy with me punching through my bedroom floor into their bedroom. I counted my breaths and laid prone for a second as I fought the urge to scream.

Emmett giggled like this whole ordeal was hilarious and bent over so he could catch my eye. _Need a hand?_

I sighed as I laid on my chest, feeling my face twist into a grimace. "Yes, please."

 _I won't tell Rosalie._ Emmett thought and chuckled to himself as he bent over, stuck his hands under my armpits and pulled me back up to sit on the bed. _But…I'm pretty sure everyone heard that._

I sighed again. "Ostensibly."

 _And fair warning,_ Emmett looked sheepish. _Rosalie's not the only one who is mad at you._

"Great." I groaned.

I got the brace back on and with Emmett's help, I got downstairs to the living room. Alice was already there, perched cross-legged on my neglected piano, looking cross. _I really hope your happy with yourself._ Alice thought as she spun around so she didn't have to look at me.

Rosalie just scoffed from the other side of the sectional as Emmett lowered me to the couch and put the ottoman under my feet. _Idiot._

I started a witty retort. "Don't you-,"

 _Smack!_

I recoiled in surprise, my face smarting with the slap. My hand went to cover my cheek and I looked at the initiator – Esme, who's eyes flashed with anger and a low growl forming in her chest.

 _Haha._ Rosalie thought. _Serves you right._

"Have you gone mad?" Esme spat, grabbing my shoulders. I winced under her hard grip. "Do you know how _worried_ we were?" The anger in her eyes softened into raw concern.

"I'm sorry, Mom." I – the one-hundred-eight-year-old vampire – mumbled like a guilty child who was caught stealing cookies from the cookie jar.

She sat down next to me and hugged me tight, her lips pressing against my temple and her memories flickering through the hysterics she was in earlier when they couldn't find me. _Don't ever do that to me again._ She ordered.

"I won't." My arms shakily circled around her.

I looked around at the crowd that had formed around me. Jasper found a place next to the piano and Carlisle took a seat on the armrest of the couch. Emmett took a seat next to Rosalie and looped his arm around her shoulders. "I'm sorry, everyone." I said quietly, my arms and legs were trembling so hard that I vibrated the couch under me. "That was foolish and reckless."

There was a hard, awkward silence for a split second as everyone registered my words. And then, even no one spoke _aloud_ , I was being yelled at by my entire family at full volume in their heads.

 _Why would you even go out…?_

 _I think he's losing it. TS is melting his brain…_

 _…you're such a moron…_

I sunk down into the couch, wishing that I could fade into the white of the cushion under all of their harsh gazes.

"We're just glad you're okay." Carlisle finally spoke, which ceased everyone's loud thoughts.

"Tell us about Victoria." Jasper said resolutely. "Did you find her?"

"I found her." I said, my eyes going to my shaking hands in my lap. "And then the strikes found me."

"What happened?"

I replayed my short conversation I had with the redheaded vampire in my head, my fists tightening. The tension caused my muscles to spasm. "Ouch." I hissed and rubbed my forearm. "She didn't realize I had the strikes." I started. "But, now that she knows, I don't think she considers me a threat anymore."

"We need to end this." Alice twisted so she was facing everyone again. "Once and for all and then you are going to Japan." _I don't care if I have to stuff you in my carry-on._

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What?"

Esme smoothed my hair down, her eyes sympathetic. _I'm sorry, my love._

"We talked about it, Edward." Carlisle said hesitantly. "And we've decided that it's in your best interests to seek treatment from Dr. Funai."

"Nobody is going to ask what I want?" I asked angrily. My body convulsed in response to my emotions and I hissed with strike of agony.

"We gave you what you wanted, Blockheadward." Rosalie said. "And we're tired of watching you slowly destroy yourself over your gigantic, pulsing ego."

"This isn't apart of The Deal." I argued.

"It doesn't have to be," Rosalie smirked. "You've been overruled in this democracy."

I jerked on the couch, a growl forming in my chest. "I'm not going to be some sort of lab rat for a random vampire mad scientist. If I'm meant to die, just let me _die_."

 _Edward._ Alice said in her head. I ignore her to glare at Rosalie.

"Edward, buddy." Emmett said. "Look at yourself…"

A snarl tore through my chest. "I _am_ looking-,"

"Edward," Alice said. _Listen to me._

My eyes snapped to hers. I watched with her as her visions flickered and colors shift. I saw a Japanese vampire girl about seventeen or eighteen dressed in a yellow kimono. She had long dark hair and was taking care of a row of human patients in a rundown-looking hospital. I watched as she approached one boy was rolling around with stomach pains, his face pinched as he grimaced hard. She grabbed his hand and the boy relaxed, his face going peaceful and serene.

"Who is that?" I asked in a stunned voice.

"That's Keiko. She works for Dr. Funai." Alice said. "I don't understand her powers completely, but she takes away pain. I watched her do it a bunch of times. She can help you."

 _She can take away the pain?_ I looked down at my aching joints and my trembling arms, trying to a remember a time when they didn't hurt. Everyday the blaze grew brighter and brighter, threatening to overtake me. Learning there was someone who could _help_ control the inferno. I twitched involuntarily at the thought.

Alice's visions swirled and changed. All of a sudden, I was there laying on a metal table. My eyes were closed. There were flashes of light next to me. The vision itself was hazy, like I was trying to watching television through a fog. The ones that were _set_ to come true always came through crystal clear, which meant this one hadn't totally solidified. But, if Alice could see me now it meant two things: there was a cure that was found.

Or I was dead.

"Oh," Was all I could manage.

"See, Edward?" Alice said. "There's a cure out there. Dr. Funai isn't just some quack looking to turn you into a lab rat. She actually _wants_ to help you."

"And we'll all be there." Esme said gently, her hand finding mine. "It's not like you're going to be there alone."

"Yeah, buddy. We'll fight this together." Emmett said.

I sighed as I looked at the faces of my family. Alice always argued that we put too much stock into her visions and that the future was fickle. I could very well be cured or I could be dead. But, the thought of a vampire out there that could help take the fire in my bones away…

"Okay," I agreed. "I'll go to Japan on one condition."

"What's that?" Alice asked.

"We wait until _after_ graduation." I said. "And Bella comes with." I looked up into Carlisle's eyes. "No matter if she's human or otherwise."

Alice clapped her hands together. "Perfect!" Her eyes lit up. "I can still have my party."

* * *

 _Damn math building has to be so far away_. I complained to myself in my head as I walked gingerly next to Bella from the lunchroom to the math and science building. The warning bell sounded and I picked up my feet infinitesimally, but the brace around my left knee and the shuddering of my arm was making my quest to trigonometry class arduous.

I didn't tell Bella about Victoria. Or my run last night. Or my decision to go to Kyoto. I didn't want to worry her during finals week. However, I couldn't hide the obvious and severe decline in my condition from yesterday to today. Her eyes registered me this morning with unmistakable concern, her mouth mashing into a line and a groove going between her eyebrows.

"I hunted too hard last night." I said quickly, before she could get ideas in her head and jump headfirst into conclusions.

She forced a smile on her face, but it didn't reach her eyes. "It'll pass, right?"

"It always does." I finished my little catchphrase with a smile of my own, but gulped as I watched her fingers ball tightly into a fist.

We finally made it to class. Mr. Thomas regarded us both as we slipped into our seats. I watched the reflection of Bella and then myself form in his head. _I'm so glad I only have a week left._ He thought to himself. _This whole town is depressing._

"Welcome class," He said as he started handing out test papers and scantron sheets. "We're going to start the first part of the final test today. Remember - no cell phones, no talking, no cheating." _Damn Cullen kid make me use scantrons._ He grumbled in his thoughts. _He better be able to fill in a damn bubble with a pencil…_

I rolled my eyes and imagined Mr. Thomas skull crunching under the force of my fist. Maybe not enough to kill him, just enough to make it _hurt._ A lot.

Trigonometry was easy enough. I started on the equations, working them out in my head, so I didn't have to go through the frustration of working them out on paper. Once I found the answer, I concentrated hard to keep my pencil lead in the bubble to mark my answer.

 _Edward._ I instinctively looked up at my name. When my name was popular in the early twentieth century and then resurged in popularity in the seventies, hearing my name called out in everyone's head was so annoying. I'm glad my name is now considered 'old-fashioned.'

 _Edward, something's wrong._ It was Alice from her English class. Her visions swirled and there was Charlie in the woods, but then it swirled again. The future wasn't clear.

I looked at Mr. Thomas to see if he was paying attention to the class, however his mind was on a beach somewhere. He was imagining a daiquiri in his hand and a tanned pool boy named Julio serving it to him.

I discreetly pulled my phone out of my jacket pocket and shakily composed a text message to Alice.

 **Do you think something is going to happen to Charlie?**

 _I don't know._ She thought a moment later after she read my text message. _I just have a bad feeling._

 **Russians?** Was all I texted back.

 _No._ She thought. _I've been monitoring them. I don't think they are where Charlie is._

I looked at Bella. Her dark hair was draped over one shoulder and her brows were creased as she concentrated on working out her math problems.

 _Bang!_ Alice's vision swirled. There was a flash and what sounded like a gunshot. It was abrupt and startled me, as I wasn't expecting a gun. I jerked, and my cell phone flew out of my hand and hit the floor.

 _Charlie! No!_ Alice screamed in her head. _He was shot!_

"I said no cell phones!" Mr. Thomas screeched like the bird he looked like.

I wasn't paying attention to him anymore. Alice was already moving to the car, her thoughts tinged with worry for her only other human friend. And I was right behind her.

"We have to go." I pulled Bella's test from her desk, making her look up at me with confusion in her eyes. "I'll explain on the way." I said as I grabbed my crutch, and my cell phone that was picked up by Brittany Evans.

Bella grabbed her things and followed me as we hurried out of the classroom.

"Where do you think you're going?" Mr. Thomas asked, his toned offended.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Thomas." I said as I flicked the papers to him. "Family emergency."

"What's going on?" Bella asked. "Did something happen?"

I wasn't paying attention to her, though. I scanned the immediate area for mental voices that were looking at me, my built-in radar detector scanning the whole school for anyone who might be a witness for what I was planning to do.

"Edward." Bella groaned, her hand finding mine.

I turned to her and shoved my crutch into her hands. "I'll explain in the car." I said.

I turned to Bella and placed one hand behind her shoulders and the other behind her knees. I hoisted her up bridal-style and cinched her tight against my chest, ignoring the protesting pain in my muscles and the shake in my arms and the deep aching in my knees.

Her eyes widened in horror. "What are you doing?"

I ran out of the math and science building at vampire speeds – _Edward_ speeds – twisting to hit the push bar of the door with my backside. I kept a vigilant eye on minds around me as we moved from the back of the schoolyard to the parking lot, but everyone was in class working on the first round of finals. And even if they had been looking, they would've seen nothing but a streak. I would've been as detectable as an apparition.

 _Edward._ Alice groaned in her head from the driver's seat of the Volvo as we approached. _You're going to hurt yourself._

I pushed Bella into the backseat of the Volvo and then slid into the passenger's seat myself. "Shut up and drive." I ordered her.

"What is going on?" Bella demanded as she slid to the middle of her seat so she could see our faces in the rearview mirror, panic ringing her voice high. I could hear her heartbeat thrum wildly under her sternum.

I pulled out my cell phone which now had a nice deep crack in the screen and shakily dialed Carlisle's personal number, trying to postpone the TS attack I could feel coming on.

"Charlie was shot." Alice explained to Bella. "I already called 9-1-1 as an anonymous person. I don't know what happened."

" _What?"_ Bella screeched. "Is he _okay_?"

Alice's eyebrows pulled together. "We don't know yet."

Carlisle answered on the third ring. "Edward?"

"Charlie Swan has been shot." I said matter-of-factly. "Can you come to the hospital?"

"Absolutely," Carlisle said. "I'm on my way."

Alice rounded the corner of the emergency room parking lot, drifting the Volvo in a parking space with the dexterity and skill of a decorated street racer. Seconds later, an ambulance pulled through the parking lot, the lights twirling on top and the siren blaring. I turned my attention to the EMTs on the inside.

 _…We're at ninety-eight over seventy and dropping…_

 _There's too much blood…_

I couldn't hear Charlie. He must've been unconscious.

An abrupt lightning bolt arced through me and I hissed, my shoulders jerking me sideways. My forehead hit the window and I watched as a crack splintered where my face impacted the glass.

"Edward!" Bella screamed from the backseat, her heart beating wildly.

"Go," I said to Alice as I cringed, my arms going tight to my chest. "I'll catch up."

She nodded at me once with wide eyes and then jumped out of the car. _Kyoto can't come soon enough._ She thought. "Let's go find Charlie." She said and hoisted Bella out of the car by her upper-arms.

Bella casted me a worried glance over her before turning and running into ER with Alice, her brown hair streaming behind her as she fought to keep up with my sister.

Another missile shot through my body and I recoiled, trying to fold myself in the car seat to keep the fire from spreading. The heat oscillated in my torso, constricting each muscle in my abdomen in a hard succession and punching me hard under the ribs.

I compulsive coughed with the hit, my hand flew over my mouth and hitting something wet on my face. I pulled my hand away. _Blood._ I quickly folded down the visor mirror and inspected my reflection. A line of blood was oozing its way out of my left nostril.

I coughed again, the fire finding a new home in my lungs. I felt like I was choking them up, the pain deep in my chest grating my diaphragm and making it hard to inhale. I hacked up what tasted like blood, the coughing fit forcing it out of my mouth and into my hand.

I opened the car door, unable to contain it any longer. I leaned over to keep myself from getting it on the upholstery and watched myself vomit up blood, the red mixing with the dark puddles of the asphalt.

 _What was going on?_ Was my own venom targeting my organ systems now? I imagined my insides liquefying like a limb after a snake bite.

In a small moment of respite from the coughing, I inhaled deep breaths, trying to calm the fire in me. I felt dizzy and the world around me started to spin. I closed my eyes tight to keep myself from vomiting again and listened to the methodical bonging of the car telling me the door was open.

 _Breathe._ I thought to myself and inhaled. _Breathe, Edward._

After a couple of moments, the world around me slowed down and stopped spinning. I opened my eyes hesitantly, not wanting to trigger anything again. Once I was sure that attack had passed, I shakily inspected myself. I had blood on my shirt now. _Gross._ I zipped up my jacket to cover that up and wiped the drying blood on my face with my sleeve.

Once I was presentable, I started the task of getting out of the car with the assistance of my crutch. Vertigo hit me again and I hung on the side rearview mirror as I watched the parking lot whirl around me like I was suddenly on a merry-go-round going way too fast.

 _Please make it stop._ I prayed and squeezed my eyes shut.

I fought the unsteadiness, laboriously crossing the parking lot to the automatic doors. If I could sweat, I would've been drenched in it by the time I crossed through the threshold of the small hospital.

I scanned the bowels of emergency room first. I found Carlisle's mind immediately and could see him working over Charlie, his mind preoccupied with getting the bleeding in Charlie's leg to stop and his heart rate to stabilize.

Then I turned to occupants of the waiting room.

Bella and Alice were the only ones sitting in the lobby of the ER – a plain, sterile room with a coffee table littered with old magazines corralled by plain gray chairs. Bella was rubbing the tears away on her face as they were made and Alice expression was disconcerted as she absently rubbed her back.

"How is he?" I asked Bella as I sunk down next to her in one of the uniform gray chairs.

She shook her head, her face puffy and her eyes red from crying. "The bullet nicked his femoral artery. He's lost a lot of blood and his blood pressure won't stabilize." She started sobbing into my shoulder. "I can't lose _Charlie_ , Edward." She shook her head. "I can't."

I looked at Alice, who just rubbed Bella's back harder and shook her head. _I can't see._ She said simply, her face twisting like she wanted to cry. _It's fifty-fifty at this point._

I looped my trembling arms around Bella's warm frame and stroked her hair. "I'm so sorry, love." I whispered against her head, watching as the room started to spin around me again.

* * *

 **Yep. I did it. I shot Claude. Scream at me in the reviews, I am ready for your verbal abuse. But, no. I like Claude, I do. I definitely ship him and beer together. OTP name is Cheer. Pabst Blue Charlie is also an acceptable OTP name.**

 **And I finally got Eddikins to agree to Japan, so THAT'S a thing now. Fuck, FINALLY, right? Bro can't take a hint. Also, very excited about my OC, Keiko. You guys are going to LOVE her. She's a taurus and loves Kyary Pamyu Pamyu.**

 **Review and stuff. You know the drill.**


	22. 21: Might Take a Little Crime

"Jacob," Bella breathed as she detached from me.

I had been so focused on keeping myself upright that I didn't even notice Jacob's thoughts or that he had entered. I had one hand had moved from around Bella to grip the seat behind her as the room continued to revolve at impossible speeds. I was woozy to the point of faintness, if _that_ was even possible.

Bella had stopped crying, her eyes going distant and faraway as she pressed her face against my chest. I couldn't tell if my shaking arms were soothing to her - like a massage chair – or if she was just tolerating the constant motion now.

Alice was so focused on the outcome of Charlie that she didn't even notice me, her attention focused on Carlisle and the other staff as they were still racing against Charlie's fluctuating blood pressure.

I glanced up to see Jacob pushing Billy Black in his wheelchair through the automatic doors of the hospital. Jacob's eyes scanned the room and he lit up from the inside when he found Bella. She ran into Jacob's chest, and encircled her arms around his waist.

"Bella, I'm _so_ sorry." Jacob said. "We got here as soon as we could. How is he?"

"We don't know yet." She shook her head. "They're still working on him."

"I'm sure he'll be okay." Jacob said as he pulled her close. He relished every moment he touched her. _She's so beautiful._ He thought. I twitched involuntarily at his thoughts, feeling a piece of the chair I was gripping snap in my fingers.

"Who called you?" She pulled away, her face twisting with confusion.

"I'm still listed as Charlie's emergency contact at the precinct." Billy answered. "How surprised I was when I answered the phone." _Oh, Charlie._ The old man thought. _He shouldn't have gone out there alone. It's too dangerous._

"Did they say what happened?" Bella's attention was suddenly on Billy. She leaned over and gripped the handlebar of his wheelchair.

 _No, come back._ Jacob thought desolately to Bella. "He was investigating one of the murders," Jacob's attention turned to us. _One of the murders caused by the bloodsuckers._ "And the girl's boyfriend came out with a gun, mistook Charlie as the guy…"

"Damn it." Alice growled – her vision swirling as the future changed. We all looked at her. She pressed her fingers to her temples and put her elbows on her knees.

"I'm glad you're here." Bella turned back to Jacob, her eyebrows were pulled.

 _Why? Is your leech boyfriend not being supportive enough?_ He thought. _Typical._

I snapped another piece of the chair, a low growl forming in my chest. Alice looked at me for the briefest seconds. _Be nice for Charlie_ was her only thought before she went back to reading the future.

Bella returned to her seat next to me and I put my arm around her protectively. Jacob pushed Billy to the end of the row, as far as physically possible from us and then sat down on the other side of Bella so he and I were sandwiched around her.

"How are you feeling, Edward?" Jacob asked. _'Cause you looked like death warmed over._ He added in his head.

"Fine." I managed between clenched teeth.

Jacob's attention turned back to Bella. "You haven't been by the reservation in a little bit."

"I don't think this is an entirely appropriate conversation to have given the circumstances." I interjected.

"It's okay." Bella said and looked up at me before turning back to Jacob. "I like the distraction."

 _Yeah, Bloodsucker. Take a hike. Oh, wait…_ He pressed his lips together to keep himself from chuckling at his own joke. I rolled my eyes so far backwards, I thought I caught a glimpse of my degrading frontal lobe.

"We went to Florida last week." Bella explained quietly, her fist balling. "To see my mom."

Jacob nodded. "How is Renee?"

"She's good." Her gaze dropped to her lap. "She's…pregnant."

Jacob's eyes lit up. _Another point for team humanity!_ "That's great! You're going to be a big sister!"

"Oh," Alice straightened up and turned to grip my forearm. "They got the bleeding to stop and he's stabilizing." She beamed. "He's going to be okay."

"He is?" Bella leaned forward to look at Alice.

"I'm seventy-five percent sure!"

"You sound like C-3PO." Jacob rolled his eyes. "'The chances are survival are seven hundred-twenty-five to one.'" He quoted in a bad British accent.

Alice shook her head. "He's going to be okay!"

"That's so great!" Bella launched to her feet. "We have to go see him!"

"We should probably wait until someone gets us." I argued as I scanned the voices, a wave of pain hitting me square in the chest. "They're just moving him now from the operating room into recovery."

Bella sat back down heavily and we all lapsed into silence. Alice went into stillness and so did I, sort of. Jacob's face went back and forth between Bella's and Alice's, his thoughts wandering all over the place.

 _Ugh, gross. I hate it when vampires freeze like that. It's so creepy. How does Bella stand it? They're like statues or mannequins or taxidermy'd squirrels…_

I quickly reached behind Bella and pulled the top of Jacob's chair up and tipped it forward. Jacob had to leap to his feet to keep himself from falling to the floor. He turned, his eyes flashing angrily at me.

"Guys," Bella groaned, her arms crossing over her chest. "Be nice to each other. For once. Please."

I listened to the thoughts of the staff of the emergency room. Charlie was going to be okay. He lost a lot of blood, but not enough to send him into Vfib. They transfused some blood into him to make up for what he had lost. They were still a little worried about his blood pressure, since he had issues with hypertension, but otherwise he should be good to be discharged in a couple of days. I quietly relayed this all to Bella.

"It's just good that you called 9-1-1 when you did." I said to Alice.

"I knew he would be okay." Jacob said.

Bella shook her head. "Charlie wouldn't go down without a fight."

"Ms. Swan?"

We all looked up to Pat, one of the scrub nurses. Carlisle had gone to her twenty-five-year anniversary with the hospital a couple of months ago. He had to take a bite of cake and then cough it up in the backyard that night.

"He's ready for you now, dear." She smiled at Bella. _Poor thing. Must've been so scary for her._

"Are you coming?" Bella asked me as she stood up.

"You go ahead," I smiled weakly. "I don't want to slow you down."

"I'll go in after you guys." Billy said as well. "It'll be crowded with me in there."

She casted me a concerned look before she jumped to her feet and started trailing after Jacob and Alice, leaving me alone in the waiting room with Billy Black.

I dropped the façade of health as soon as they disappeared through the double doors, letting the tension in my back loose. I leaned forward and gripped my knees like they tell you to do during airplane emergencies and forced air into my lungs, fire blasting through me with each inhale. I tried _not_ breathing, but that didn't help either. It just made me want to cough again.

 _Drip._

I stared hard at the drop of blood that fell between my shoes. My hand flew to my face and I felt the moisture leaking from my nose. I got to my feet, freezing for a moment to get my bearings and then hurried towards the men's room. "Excuse me." I said as I hobbled past Billy, who regarded me with a blank mind.

I crashed into the public restroom and somehow made it into a stall - almost ripping the door off of its hinges in the process – before I started to heave blood again into the toilet. I watched the red hit the clear water and diffuse slowly like paint dropped in a brush jar. The strikes hit me so bad in the chest that I audibly groaned. I pressed my cheek to the side of the toilet and rode out the wave, squeezing my eyes shut to keep myself from losing my lunch again, so to speak. And breathing. Inhale. Exhale. Over and over.

 _You're dying._ The old, native man thought from behind me.

I turned and looked at him as my fingers gripped the edge of the toilet. "Something like that." I managed as I watched the world spinning around me slow down.

He rolled himself backwards, pushing with his feet and grabbed some paper towels from the dispenser behind him. He wetted them down in the sink and then rolled forward to hand them to me. _How bad is it?_ He asked.

I coughed and took the paper towels from him, using them to rub the blood off of my face. "Pretty bad."

 _How long do you have?_

"I don't know." I said honestly. "Not much longer."

He nodded. _I'm sorry about that. I can empathize._

"I appreciate your condolences." I said as I turned to spit in the toilet, trying to rid my mouth of the wretched half-digested blood taste. "But, I really doubt that you know what I'm going through."

 _Fair. But, I know a thing or two about dying myself._ His thoughts shifted to a memory of a tall and lean native woman with long, straight hair and sparkling eyes. I could see Jacob in her smile and her high cheekbones. The memory shifted to the same woman – except it wasn't the same woman. This woman was emaciated, her face sunken in like a corpse. She didn't have any hair.

I didn't say anything more. I didn't have to. I understood. I pulled the handle to the toilet and watched the red swirl away with the flush.

 _Feel better?_ He thought.

I nodded.

He twisted around and backed into the stall. I gripped the handle and hoisted myself to my feet, grimacing with pain. Using his wheelchair as a makeshift walker, we both moved back to the waiting room. I sat down heavily in my chair, wiping away the blood from the floor with the paper towels.

I found Alice and Carlisle's minds once I got settled. Charlie hadn't completely come to yet, his thoughts flitting with lights and sounds only. Bella sat down on the edge of Charlie's bed, being careful not to disturb the machines and IVs he was hooked up to.

 _"_ _Daddy,"_ She said in a small voice. That was the first time I've ever heard her call him that. _"Daddy, I'm right here."_ She gripped his hand in hers.

 _"_ _Hey, Bells."_ He breathed. _"I'm sorry for scaring you."_

 _"_ _I'm just glad you're okay."_ Bella said, tears running down her face.

I stopped watching. It felt like I was intruding in an intimate moment. I instead inspected my arthritic hands, watching them shake like I was cold. I tried squeezing my fingers into fists – tight fists like Bella did, but I couldn't get them to completely tighten.

I straightened up in my chair when I heard Bella push her way past the double doors and march up to me, her steps loud.

"Can I talk to you?" Bella asked me, her eyes steely and hard. She glanced at Billy. "Alone?"

"Of course," I said, my eyebrows pulling together and maneuvered myself to my feet. I followed her down a hallway towards the medical-surgical wing of the hospital. She paused in front of the floor directory that hung next to the elevators.

"What happened?" She turned to me, her eyes solid like petrified wood. "Last night?"

I sighed, my gaze drifting above her head. "I went hunting." Which wasn't a lie.

"And?" She asked, her eyes flashing angrily.

"And…running."

Her hand came up and struck me against the chest. "Edward, dammit." She put her hands on the side of her face and started pacing around. "Why would you hurt yourself like that?" She breathed.

"I wasn't thinking." I shook my head. "I'm sorry."

She paused on the other side of the hallway, her hands balling into fists. "You _have to_ go to Japan." She started. "I know I said I would go with whatever you wanted, but I almost lost my father today. That was the worst feeling of my life." She shook her head, tears welling in her brown eyes. "I can't lose you, Edward." She crossed the space between us and wrapped her arms around my torso. "I just _can't."_

I enveloped my arms around her and pressed my face into the top of her head, closing my eyes and inhaling her sweet scent. "I know."

She pulled back, surprise in her eyes. "What?"

"This morning," I explained. "I agreed to go to Japan on the condition that we wait until after graduation."

"Oh," Bella said and flattened herself against me again. "That settles that then."

"I wanted you to come with me." I said. _Selfishly, as usual._ I wanted to add, but didn't. "But with Charlie now…It's probably best if you stay-," It hurt me to say those words. I feared dying. But more than that. I feared dying _alone_. But, I couldn't force Bella to come with me. Her father was gravely injured. That wouldn't be fair.

"No," She said firmly, coldly. It made me pulled back to look into her eyes. "I'm coming with and I swear to God, Edward Cullen, if you try to argue with me…."

"Okay," I held up my hands in surrender. "Okay."

I wrapped my arms back around her and we held each other in silence for a moment. I ignored the pain in my back and my knees and my chest, and instead focused on my Bella, my sweet, warm love against me. I inhaled her intoxicating scent and pressed my lips against her brow bone. My calendar that sat under my pillow at home popped into my mind, along with something else that had been bothering me. "Can I ask a favor?" I started gently, my fingers rubbing up and down her arms.

"Anything." She said almost automatically.

"I know the plan was to have Carlisle change you right after graduation. But, can you hold off on becoming a vampire until after Japan?" I asked.

She froze against me. I prepared my argument in my head for why I wanted her to stay human at the same time she was preparing why she should be changed right at this very moment.

"Unless you reconsidered my offer of marriage." I said smiling against her head, trying to keep the mood light.

"I can wait until after Japan." Her arms tightened around me.

I pushed her back to look into her face. Something flashed in her eyes behind the hardness. Misery? _Desolation?_ I froze with my fingers around her arms, a weave of alarm looping through me. Had _that_ always been there? Have I been so wrapped up in myself that I hadn't noticed what this was doing to her?

My mind ran wild at that point. _She's being oddly agreeable. Uncharacteristically agreeable._ And then it struck me like a battering ram, a nuclear bomb. A blazing neon sign that I completely missed before. _Contingency plans._ That's what I had called them all those months ago on her birthday. My game plan for when Bella moved on from this world to the next – whenever that may be - to follow her as quickly as I could, because I knew I didn't want to live in a world without her in it.

It was so plainly obvious, now. She was making contingency plans on her own. _It's not as easy for me as it is for a human._ My own voice said in my ears, loud and painful. Stupid. How stupid I was to not _see_ it before. She _wasn't_ planning on turning into a vampire anymore. She was going to stay human, so she could kill herself after I died.

The jagged blade of guilt stabbed hard, so hard in my diaphragm and I had to fight to keep from doubling over. I coughed involuntarily at the sensation.

"Edward, what's-,"

I grabbed her arms and kissed her hard, my mouth crushing against hers. This wasn't usually like me. I usually was hyperaware of how I handled Bella to keep myself from injuring her. But, I guess I wasn't really myself nowadays. I always thought of myself as hollow – neither living or dead. But now? Now? I was like a bubble – so fragile that one wrong, tiny move would make me disappear forever. I breathed in her sweet scent and the taste of her mouth. I listened to her heartbeat thrash around in her chest. Each _tha-thump_ a hard reminder of the future I was _stealing_ from her.

 _Please don't let it end this way._ I begged silently in my head to whatever higher power might be kind of enough to glance my way. _Please._

I felt Bella struggle under my grip and I let her go. She pulled back, her eyes wide with shock and worry. "Why do you taste like blood?" She breathed.

 _Edward._ My head snapped around to my name in Alice's head. She was in the waiting room. _We need to go home._ She replayed the conversation she had with Jacob over Charlie's unconscious body. They agreed to meet at the house to try and game plan the vampire problem, so we could nip it in the bud once and for all. _Carlisle will stay here with Bella and Charlie._

"Stay here with Charlie." I ordered her, my shaky hand cupping her face. "I'll be right back." I pressed my lips against hers again before I started back towards the waiting room.

"Edward-," She called down the hallway, but I didn't turn. I couldn't.

* * *

"You smell like blood." Alice said she drove home, her eyes darting to me and her nose wrinkling. "But not fresh blood. It's…sour?"

"It's nothing." I groaned and watched the tree line speed by, my thoughts fixated on Bella. _What are you going to do?_ I wondered and shook my head. Better yet, _Why didn't I see it before?_ "Hey, Alice?" I started.

 _What?_ She asked.

"Will you keep an eye on Bella?"

 _I already am._ Her brow furrowed. _And the wolves and the family and the Russians and the Volturi._ She rolled her eyes. _And the stock market. What don't I have my eye on?_

"No, that's…not what I mean." I looked down at my gnarled hands. "Like, if Japan isn't successful-,"

 _Edward._ She thought, her eyes intense on me. _Stop it. You saw my vision. They're going to_ help _you._

"I know." I said. "Just in case though. Please?" I looked at her, pain in my chest where my heart should've been.

Her mouth turned down in a frown but she nodded once. "Of course. I love her, too, you know."

I smiled a little at that, eyes turning back to the window. "I know."

The werewolves were there when we got there. Most of them at least from what I could hear. They stood in the woods, just outside our property line. Of course, Jacob's thoughts were the loudest amongst the pack as they all talked amongst themselves using their pack telepathy.

 _What do you think they're going to propose?_ One of them asked.

 _I don't know, but it better be good._

 _Alice said that it was important._ Jacob thought. _I'm surprised that they haven't come to us sooner._

"Guys," Alice called towards the house as she got out of the car. "We have company."

My family came out of the house. Esme looked worried, while Emmett and Jasper looked intense. Rosalie just looked bored. _This is really cutting into my TV time._ She rolled her eyes.

"We need to talk to the wolves." I said and turned towards the wood, hobbling my way slowly across the grass. The others followed, Rose grumbling behind me about her missed episode of _The Bachelor._

 _Ah, jeez. He looks bad._ One of them thought as we approached the forest's edge where they were gathered.

 _I told you._ Jacob thought back.

 _I didn't even know vampires_ got _sick._ Another one said.

The wolves were pacing back and forth amongst the trees. Well, all the wolves but Jacob – who was laying on his stomach, his chin on his crossed paws – and a light sandy colored wolf, who was sitting on his haunches, panting.

 _Hey, guys!_ The sandy colored one greeted. He had a childlike mind. Very young. _I'm Seth!_

 _Ugh,_ The lean, gray one said. Female. _Seth, stop. These are the_ bad _guys._

 _They are not._ Seth argued. _The bad ones are the ones doing the murders._

The biggest one of the bunch with dark, black fur stepped forward. _I am Sam, the alpha of the pack._ He introduced. _Jacob said that you wanted to speak with us regarding the murders that were occurring and the vampires that appeared in January._

I adjusted my crutch I was leaning on and opened my mouth to speak, but Alice beat me to the punch. "We need to renegotiate the treaty." She started, looking at each wolf. "At least temporarily."

There was a murmur amongst the wolves. _What do you mean?_ Sam asked.

"A temporary agreement that will allow us both to cross lines." I said. "So we can hunt these vampires. They've struck too close to home now, with Charlie Swan's injury. We want to start an aggressive hunt."

 _There's something else, too._ Jacob's head popped up and his eyes narrowed. _Bella told me about Japan._

I nodded my eyes dropping to their large paws. "There is someone who can help me with my condition, but they are located in Kyoto. We will be going so I can seek treatment after we graduate high school."

 _For what? The millionth time in a row?_ Jacob rolled his eyes.

 _All of you will be going?_ Sam looked at Jasper and Emmett particularly. _What about Bella?_

Jacob suddenly rose to his feet, a growl in his chest and his large teeth flashing. It didn't occur to him that Bella would be going as well. His thoughts started running a million miles a second and were peppered expletives and all the different terms he could come up with for vampires: leeches, mosquitoes, bloodsuckers, corpses.

"Since that's who they're hunting," I said. "Taking Bella with would be the safest option for her. They wouldn't be able to find her there."

 _Nuh-uh._ He shook his large, dark brown head. _You're going to take her over there and turn her into a bloodsucker and with the treaty on pause, you'll be able to do it. I don't like it._

 _Is that true?_ A gray wolf with black markings asked.

"We won't ask to amend that part of the treaty." I said. "Besides, Bella is reconsidering becoming a vampire. At least, while her father is still injured." _And while I'm still dying._ I added in my head, twitching at the pain in my middle.

 _They're going to make us do the dirty work._ The female scoff. _How typical._

"Emmett and Jasper can stay here in Forks to help with the hunt." I said.

"Edward," Alice groaned, not wanting to be separated from Jasper. "They're going to want to be there for you."

"They'll be better use here." I said to her.

"Hell yeah we will!" Emmett called. "I call dibs on Victoria."

 _He can have the redhead._ Jacob thought. _The Russian guy is mine._ His mind replayed a conversation he had with Bella. ' _He had…other intentions in mind.'_ Bella had said. I jerked involuntary at the memory, anger igniting in my chest.

I watched Sam mull it over as he looked at the extent of my condition. _Okay._ He said finally and nodded. _We will temporarily ignore the line until this threat is neutralized._

"I'm glad we can be agreeable on this." I said back.

"Are we good?" Emmett asked behind me. _Can I kick some Russian ass?_

"Yeah," I said aloud, my eyes going back to their large paws. "They agree."

Alice clapped her hands together and smiled. "Now I can invite you all to our graduation party on Friday!"

 _Oh, no!_ Rosalie groaned. _Now we're going to have to burn the house down to get rid of the dog smell!_

* * *

 **So, I love reviews. You guys don't realize how motivating they are. Like, the more reviews I get, the more I want to get chapters up. But, more than that - I love reading your theories in the reviews and sipping a glass of $11 wine while laughing about how WRONG you guys are in those theories. Keep tickling my fancy with reviews and I will continue to keep tickling your eyeballs with this shitshow, fair? *laughs in eleven layers of sadism, foreshadowing, and irony***

 **clairebear69 - thanks for the love; you come from the half-decent grammar stay for the fate of cancer-ridden Edward Cullen**

 **BlackSoulReadingNerd666 (hail the dark lord) - I love my Rosalie. LURVE her. She is basically me, without the f-bombs (bc this fic is still rated T) Also, how was midnight sun?**


	23. 22: Stay Wilder Than the Wind

"Edward," Alice sang my name as she skipped into my bedroom and perched herself on the edge of my bed. _Are you coming to the school for the prank?_

I paused my sound system. I was playing 'Monster' by Lady Gaga in preparation for the party tonight. It seemed fitting for a party thrown by a coven of vampires for a high school senior class.

"Uh," I rolled my eyes to her. I was sitting on my bed with with my laptop open in front of me as I played with my DJ software. While the prank sounded fun, I would not be much help in either the ladder climbing or the ladder holding department. "No, thanks."

She pouted. "What about Bella?"

Bella was at home, taking care of Charlie. He was discharged the next day, his leg wrapped in a cast with strict orders to rest. She threw herself into being his caretaker, at his mortification. Charlie did not like being the center of attention – a trait Bella inherited from him, apparently – and insisted on doing things himself and making light of the situation when he could. He even joked that he and I must be in Bella's lives if we were _both_ on crutches.

But, I could see it was taking a toll on Bella. She was like a Jenga puzzle – each brick removed from her making her wobblier and wobblier. She put on a brave face. _Of course_ , she would put on a brave face. But, I could see – now that I was actually looking – what I was doing to her. What everything was doing to her.

I didn't want to, but I was going to suggest again that she stay here in Washington with her dad while I went to Japan. That would allow her to stay by Charlie's side while he healed. I know she probably thought she was abandoning him by coming with me.

"I don't think she was interested in the prank." I answered as I moved songs around.

 _Well, as long as she comes to the party. Which she is going to._ Alice clapped her hands.

We both lapsed into silence, but I watched myself reflect in Alice's mind. My shoulders were hunched forward as I worked over my computer, trying not to think about the fact that I might have to go to Japan without Bella. _I don't want to die alone._ My reflection in her mind changed as my face twisted with pain.

"I'll stay here." She said suddenly, her visions swirling. Something firmed up at that point. Bella was in a Japanese airport, anime characters decorated the wall she leaned against. It came through clear as glass – a sure thing now. "Ah, there it is."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'll stay here in Forks." Alice said. _With Charlie. So, Bella can go with you to Japan._

My shoulders slumped. "Alice," I started. "I know you wanted to go."

She shrugged. "Jazz wants me to stay and you have to admit it makes sense." _I am Charlie's favorite Cullen._ She added in her head.

"You're going to leave me alone with Rosalie?" I joked in mock horror.

"You'll have Esme and Carlisle." She pointed out with a smile, but then her eyes drop. _This means you_ have _to come back, okay? I'll be very put out if you die and I'm not there._

I smiled at her. "I'll do my best."

Jasper appeared in the doorway. _Your DJ booth is set up, sir._

I moved downstairs with my computer, inspecting the place as I moved into the living room. Alice outdid herself, as usual. The whole downstairs had been transformed into a what could be a posh night club with organza lining our walls and mood lighting everywhere. My piano had been replaced by a sophisticated DJ booth with a professional speaker system.

"Very nice." I nodded at Jasper.

 _It's the same set up Skrillex uses._ Jasper thought.

I rose my eyebrows. "That's impressive."

"The Cullens are nothing if not thorough." He grinned.

I rolled my eyes. _That's for sure._ I eyeballed the large table in the corner with twenty different types of liquors and drinks. There was a cooler and a couple of kegs as well. It was enough alcohol to properly intoxicate a wedding of 200, let alone a senior high class of 83 children. "Alice," I groaned, knowing full well she could hear me wherever she was in the house. "Are you trying to give everyone alcohol poisoning?"

She danced in into the living room, her eyes flashing playfully. "Perhaps."

"Where are Carlisle and Esme going to be?" I rose an eyebrow to her.

"Hunting," Alice answered. "They'll be close if anything happens. But, I don't foresee us having anything but a good time." She sniffed. _We've forgotten how to have fun._

"Fun," I snorted.

Her eyes went distant for a second. "Bella's coming!" She clapped suddenly.

A couple of minutes later, I heard Bella's truck putter down our driveway. I moved to the door and let her in as soon as she got up the steps.

"Hey," She greeted and reached up on her toes to give me a quick kiss. She looked around me at the house. "Wow, the place looks great."

"Alice knows how to throw them." I smiled at her. "How's Charlie?"

Bella smiled slightly. "Cantankerous. He forced me out of the house when I said that you guys were having a party tonight."

"Shots!" Alice chirped with a shot glass full of clear liquor in her hand, the bottle of whatever it was in her other hand.

Bella recoiled. "What?"

"Is that not the word for it anymore?" Alice asked innocently, her eyes widening as she looked from Bella's face to mine.

"Alice, I'm _eighteen."_

My sister brightened. "Oh, Bella." She laughed. "Underage the _best_ drinking age."

Her face twisted like she was going to argue, but then it switched into a sudden smirk. "You first."

"Okay!" Alice sang and tipped the small glass back. _I'm going to be coughing up a lot of booze later_. She thought. "Okay, now your turn." She filled the shot glass again with liquor.

Bella's face blanched white and she took the tiny glass, inspecting the contents with a sniff. She frowned and held the glass out at arm's length. "What is this? _Lighter fluid_?"

"No, silly. It's Jose Cuervo."

"Alice," I interjected, my eyes rolling. "Don't make Bella do anything she doesn't want to."

"No," Bella's eyes flashed with challenge. "I can do it." She tipped the shot glass back and grimaced. "Ugh, that's disgusting."

"Yay!" Alice clapped her hands. "Now it's a party!"

* * *

It was a party.

The entirety of the Forks High School 2009 senior class turned up to our house. Kids milled around, alcohol in their fists. Some took to the dance floor. Others were busy nosily poking around the Cullen household. Luckily, Alice hid all the antiques from wandering eyes and hands.

I performed my duties as DJ, spinning generic pop and dance songs. I wished I could educate them on a little on what good music actually was, but nobody was intellectually prepared for _that._ I sighed a little to myself as I tried to keep my fingers steady on the mouse pad of my laptop.

Bella hung out with me behind the DJ booth, swinging to the music as she nursed a red Solo cup of what Alice called 'jungle juice' which seemed like a mixture of fruit punch and about three clear liquors. I had never seen Bella drink alcohol before, but I liked the lovely rose flush it brought out in her cheeks and her collarbone. I also liked that she seemed to relax after drinking a little – something she deserved after the week she's had.

"Your house is incredible!" Jessica shouted at me as she walked up to us wearing a dress that seemed too short for her long, thin legs. _It's so perfect. Like an IKEA catalog cover or something. Do they actually live here? Or is this like their stage home?_

"Thanks." I said politely.

Jessica's attention turned to Bella. "You should come dance with me." _You'll make me look really good._ She added in her head.

"Oh," Bella shook her head. "I'm not really a dancer."

Jessica pouted. _Wet blanket._ I glared at her briefly, protectiveness over Bella flashing hot in my chest. I opened my mouth to say something rude, but Mike beat me to the punch. "Come on, Jessica." He grabbed her hand and started dragging her to the floor. "I'll dance with you."

 _Jacob alert._ Jasper said in his head as he hung out in the corner with his arms crossed over his chest, positivity radiating out of him in waves.

I heard Jacob's thoughts above the roar of the others as he came through the door. _Is this the same house?_ He scanned the area for Bella, brightening considerably when he found her.

"Bella!" Jacob greeted as he moved into the main room. He was wearing an old, black shirt and a pair of dirty jeans. A cheesy grin split his face as he approached the DJ booth.

Bella ran around the speakers and gave him a hug, sloshing him a little with her drink in the process. "Jacob! I'm so glad you came! Where is everyone else?"

"They're running drills around Forks." Jacob rolled his eyes. _I'm the only one who can tolerate the smell, anyway._

"Let's get you a drink!" Bella said with a smile and took his hand, dragging him towards the drink table. I eavesdropped on their conversation, but they were laughing about Jacob's ruined shirt. Bella moved back to my side after topping off her own beverage.

"What are you doing?" Jacob groaned at her and rolled his eyes. "Let's go dance."

Bella's eyebrows rose. "Do you honestly want to see me dance?"

"Of course I do!" Jacob said. "I won't let you fall. I promise."

I could see her considering it. She trusted Jacob a lot more than Jessica to keep her upright. "Do you mind?" Bella asked, her brown eyes shining up at me.

"Not at all. Go have fun." I smiled at her, but something wilted in me at the same time. _It should be me dancing with her._ I adverted my eyes to my laptop to keep from giving away my sour thoughts.

She reached up on her toes and planted a kiss on my cheek "Thanks, Edward." and moved to the dance floor with Jacob, laughing at nothing as they started to dance with the others.

"Anything for you." I whispered just under my breath, my brows pulling together and the cloud around my shoulders and face darkening.

* * *

As everyone got drunker, everyone got louder, more audacious, and wilder.

I kept my eye on Bella from my spot behind the DJ booth. Jacob hung on her all night long, his thoughts loud and obnoxious as he obsessed over everything she did and kept her glass full of alcohol and stole touches while they danced or hung out and talked.

I tried _really hard_ to not let it get to me. But, every small sigh and comment in his head and tease and touch and laugh he shared with her was like nails on my mental chalkboard. I imagined as I spun songs a thousand different ways I could lure him away and smash the top of his skull into his shoulders.

But, Bella was having a good time with him – her laughter like wind chimes at his goofiness. Her face was thoroughly flushed and her eyes swam, but a smile was on her face the whole evening and she looked like she was having genuine, carefree _fun._

So, I kept my bitterness to myself.

"You okay?" Jasper asked as he moved behind my table.

"Yeah," I said tersely. "Fine."

"You sure?" Jasper asked, pushing out calm. "You've played 'No Scrubs' by TLC twice in the last hour." He pointed out.

I sighed and rearranged the music in my playlist, the list unintentionally taking an angry breakup theme to it. "Jacob's just infuriating me." I explained.

"I can go rough him up a bit." Jasper offered as he pushed his dirty blond hair off of his face, imagining taking Jacob and holding him by his ankles over the edge of the third floor balcony.

"No," I said. "I don't want to ruin Bella's evening."

"Where is Bella?" Jasper asked. "I haven't seen her around."

My eyes snapped up and scanned the immediate area. She was _just_ dancing with Jacob. But, she wasn't there anymore. Worry flamed in me and I started scanning minds for her.

I found Emmett first. He was holding Colin Xavier upside down above one of the kegs, the tap in the African-American boy's mouth. The group chanted "Chug, chug, chug!" as they watched him suck down beer and spray foam from his nose.

I found Rosalie next. She was in her garage, enjoying being desperately, unabashedly ogled by Will Booker and Oliver Sandusky as she talked about her BMW, the hood up in of her car as she pointed out the upgrades she did. _"I think this air cooler isn't that great. One of these days I'll probably get a better one and squeeze out a couple of more horses…"_ She chattered and flipped her hair over her shoulder. _Oh, god. I think one of them is_ actually _drooling. That's a new one._ She snorted to herself.

 _Oh my god, I think I just came a little._ Oliver thought.

 _God, if this is what heaven is like, I'll be an alter boy for the rest of my life._ Will prayed.

I sighed heavily and rolled my eyes at my sister. If anything, Rosalie knew what she liked and that was to be worshipped by every single male around her. Exactly why we didn't get along.

Alice was playing spin the bottle in the empty dining room with a group of people. Her visions swirled as she anticipated where it was going to land. She saw it stop on Mike and with quick, indiscernible movement with her hand, she tipped it to Jessica.

 _I've never kissed a girl before._ Jessica thought apprehensively as she looked at Alice, but moved forward anyway. _Ah, well. I'm drunk anyway. What the hell, right?_

There was a lot of squealing as Alice and Jessica kissed. Mike's eyes widened as he watched. _This is super fucking hot._

I rolled my eyes again.

I found Jacob and through him, I found Bella. _"Beer before liquor, never sicker, Bells."_ Jacob laughed as he held Bella's hair back with one hand and a bottle of tequila in the other as she threw up in the toilet in the upstairs bathroom.

 _"_ _Shut the hell up."_ She managed before vomiting again.

Jacob just laughed. _She's so feisty when she's drunk. Why haven't we done this before?_

Concern ran through me and I moved around my booth to the stairs, laboriously getting myself up them to the second floor. "Bella?" I knocked on the door. "Everything alright?"

Bella stood up, wobbled and then caught herself on the edge of the vanity. "Great!" She straightened wiped her face with the back of her hand. I watched her pull the bottle of tequila from Jacob's fist and take a drink. "Never better." She said through the grimace as she swallowed the alcohol.

"How much have you had?"

 _Here we go_. Jacob rolled his eyes.

Bella held up the fifth of tequila that was down to the last couple of inches. "Jacob helped, though." She grinned, her eyes swimming around.

"Have you had any water?" I stepped inside the bathroom, angling myself between Jacob and her. I started to reach for the bottle of booze, but she held it against her chest protectively.

She frowned and rolled her eyes. "Edward, I'm _fine._ Go back to DJ'ing."

"Bella, you'll be hungover tomorrow if you party too hard." I warned.

"Well, you can't stop me." She pushed past me into the hallway. "I'm going dancing."

 _Bella grew some balls._ Jacob thought and chuckled to himself.

I whipped around to face Jacob. "You need to stop encouraging her."

"Why not?" Jacob shrugged, his black eyes flashing with challenge. "She's _enjoying_ herself. She's had a rough week. Let her have some fun."

"You're such a _child."_ I spat back, letting the irritation from earlier bubble over a little.

"And you're old enough to be my great-grandfather. Anything else, Captain Obvious?" Jacob snorted and pushed past me to the hallway. "Bella?"

I followed him as he looked for her. Bella had wandered into Alice's and Jasper's room and had fallen face-first onto their bed, the bottle of tequila tucked into her arm like a football and one of her sandals on the floor below her.

"Bella," Jacob giggled as he shook her shoulder. "I thought you were going to dance."

"I'm just gonna take a nap first." She mumbled, her face scrunching. "I'll be down in a second."

"Ah, come on." Jacob lifted one of her pale arms and watched it fall back limply on the bed. "Bella? Bells?"

My exasperation with Jacob was reaching dangerous levels. "Leave her alone." I snapped, and pulled him back by his shoulder.

"Don't touch me, leech." Jacob spun, his eyes flashing angrily.

"Don't touch _her_." I argued back. "You're the one that got her blackout drunk. Now, leave her alone."

He snorted at me. _If you think_ I'm _the reason she got so drunk, you must not be as intelligent as you think._ He thought and moved past me, his shoulder hitting mine on the way out. _But, that's typical. Piece after piece she gives of herself to you and never expects anything in return. And then_ you're _surprised when she wants to do something for herself._ He shook his head. _Typical parasite._

I froze, caught off-guard at Jacob's comment. I looked at Bella who had curled into a ball in the middle of Alice's bed, completely zonked. _I just want the best for her because I love her._

"Love," Jacob leaned casually against the stair rail. "Is _that_ what you call it?"

I looked at him confused, but it quickly arranged into irritation as I realized that I voiced that thought out loud. "I do." I defended. "And she loves me more than she'll _ever_ love you." I spat at him, acid in my voice.

 _You fucking-._ He twitched and vibrated, but talked himself down from losing his temper. Instead he pulled up a memory of Bella. She was thin-looking and had dark circles around her eyes and hugged herself around her middle like she afraid she was going to split apart at her bellybutton. _Is that love?_ He asked. _Because, that doesn't look like love to me._

I recoiled like I had been slapped. I dropped my eyes to Jacob's kneecaps. "I didn't mean to hurt her."

"You didn't mean to hurt her." He snorted, and leaned down to get in my face. "Is that why you left her in the woods?"

I opened my mouth to respond, but closed it again. He spoke the truth that I tried so desperately to keep buried. It clawed its way to the surface, filling my lungs with icy needles.

 _Now she has live through losing you a second time._ He put his two hot hands on my chest and pushed me away. _Parasite._

Something snapped in me. My self-control. My inadequately contained detestation for Jacob. The anxiety of my impending demise. The desolate guilt I felt over loving Bella. Maybe all of them, I wasn't entirely sure. And in the moment, I didn't care. I wound my fist back and punched Jacob square in the jaw.

He recoiled, shock in his eyes, his jaw obviously broken from the impact. He regained his balance before he toppled, and I watched in horror as he forced his jaw back into place. It healed right before my eyes and the shock on his face was quickly replaced with red hot anger. _Okay, fine. Let's do this._

He lunged into me, grabbing me by my shirt and threw me against the south wall that was made up of only glass. The impact shattered it and I listened to the wind whistle in my ears as I fell backwards, landing with an hard 'oof!' on the ground.

I rolled out of the way and got to my feet as he came down on top of me, his eyes blazing with hatred. His launched again in my direction and I stumbled back. _You ruined her._ He growled in his head. Ignoring the fire that blasted through me with every move, I threw myself towards the east wood.

Jacob pursued me, but I could see what he was planning – my fighting style built around anticipation of my opponent's next move. I wheeled around at the last moment and punched both arms into his torso, feeling bone crunch under my fists.

"Motherfucker!" Jacob cursed as he was thrown back against a tree.

I bought myself a couple of minutes and used them to escape further into the trees. I zig-zagged around them, trying to confuse my scent. I found a hearty-looking oak and scrambled up it. Vertigo suddenly hit me like a brick to the face and I hung on to a branch above my head to keep myself from falling out of the tree.

Through the spinning, I saw another oak and launched myself at it, deftly flying over his head. I almost fell off the branch, grabbing on it with one leg and flipping over like a bat at the last second to keep myself from dropping thirty feet to the ground below. A lightning bolt of agony flamed through me, blinding me momentarily with the pain.

"Where are you?" He asked aloud as he chased my scent around the trees.

"Why don't you turn into a wolf?" I goaded above him and straightened myself out on the branch, trying to blink away the dots that clouded my vision.

He laughed and stopped suddenly, his feet skidding through the thick leaves and dirt. _I don't need to fight you physically to hurt you._ Memories clicked through his head like a slideshow and he landed on one: the day I left Bella. Her wide, horrified, desolate eyes as Sam carried her from the woods. Her sobs. _Edward. Edward._ She said my name over and over.

I closed my eyes and dug my fingers into the side of the tree, feeling the bark give under my fingertips and whimpered softly as the strikes hit me in the chest.

Something happened. I had never, _ever_ experienced unconsciousness before as a vampire, but, that's exactly what happened. I fell unconscious, blackness taking me. I must've fallen out of the tree.

"…you are." I came to right as Jacob was winding his fist for a punch. I tried to struggle last minute to get away, but I was too late. I took the full impact of his fist in the chin, my head snapping upwards and sideways with the impact. I fell over, unable to catch my breath or feel my legs through the pain. It was like I was being quartered and drawn – each limb being dragged in a different direction.

"Stop," I managed, my voice feeling hollow and loud in my ears as I cowered against the forest floor. "Please."

"I wish I could, buddy." Jacob grabbed me and threw me against a tree and I heard the wood splinter underneath me. "But, this has been a long time coming."

"Jacob," I said again. It was like I was travelling down a tunnel, my vision was going in and out. Or maybe I was going in and out of consciousness. "Please." I begged.

He grabbed my shirt and slid me up against the tree, forcing me to stand at his height. My eyes rolled around and I watched his mouth move with words, but I only caught part of what he said. "You…no good…Bella."

The strikes hit me – a white hot missile of pain tearing right through my middle – the worst, the _worst_ it's ever been - and I cried out with it. The desperate, sharp cry of a burning man. My head felt like it had blown up three sizes. I couldn't see or breathe or think through it.

I vomited blood.

"Gross!" Jacob recoiled as the blood hit him, his face twisted with horror. "Ouch! It burns!" He dropped me to pick up the edge of his t-shirt to wipe his face. I fell heavily to the ground, more blood bubbling to my lips.

 _Oh, God._ He thought as he looked at me. "Edward!" He called, but I couldn't hear him. I was floating away. The bubble of my person finally popped. I plunged into deep darkness. _This was it._ I was sure of it. _This is the end._

Things happened quickly at that point. Flickers of light were all I could see through the darkness and pieces of voices were all I could hear over the loud ringing in my head. The only way I knew I was still on earth was the fact that I was still reading minds.

 _I'm sorry, Edward._ His thoughts tinged with panic. _Oh, please be okay. Please be okay. I'm sorry._

 _"_ _What happened?"_ I suddenly heard Alice's voice growl at Jacob.

 _"_ _We got into a fight,"_ Jacob's voice broke with tears. _"But, then he starting coughing up blood and screaming. I don't know what happened."_

I heaved up more blood, the sourness burning the inside of my nostrils and the back of my throat and convulsed, lightning bolt after lightning bolt shocking me, electrocuting me. I felt fingers on my face, twisting my head to the side, I guessed so I wouldn't asphyxiate on the hot liquid.

 _"_ _Is he unconscious?"_

 _"_ _Rosalie,"_ I heard Carlisle. _"Call Dr. Funai."_

I blinked in and out of cognizance, the strange flashes of light disorienting me. I panicked and twitched, flashes of searing pain arcing through my body. I could hear my own cries of pain in my family's mind. Screams like I was being tortured. It definitely felt like it.

 _"…_ _need's human blood."_ Rosalie said. _"His body is rejecting animal blood."_

I lost consciousness again, blackness taking me and I only woke up to cough up more blood, feeling the hot spray hit my arms, legs. I cried with wave after wave of pain. _"Make it stop."_ The only words I could find as I begged and whimpered. _"Please."_

 _"_ _My baby,"_ Esme said, her voice breaking with tears. I felt arms tighten around me and fingers in my hair. _"My poor baby."_

 _"_ _Get him to the morgue. Be quiet."_ Carlisle ordered. " _Alice, come with me to the blood bank. I'll need the hands."_

I was laid down on a hard, smooth surface. Whoever was holding me, jostled me and I cried again at the fire – the damn fire – that threatened to overtake me. _"Please, just make it stop!"_

 _"_ _I can help."_ Alice suddenly said above my head.

 _"_ _No, Alice, get Jasper out of her."_ Carlisle said. _"Esme can help."_

 _"_ _Edward,"_ Carlisle said. _"Can you hear me?"_

I only sobbed in response, trying to pull all of my limbs in to protect myself from the inferno, but it was like they had a mind of their own – shaking and twitching like I was being controlled by a cruel puppetmaster.

 _"_ _We're going to get you fed, okay? You_ have _to drink."_ Carlisle said, his arm looping around my shoulder. _"Esme, hold the end to Edward's lips."_

Something round and plastic hit my mouth. And then I tasted it. _Blood._ And it was _human_ – sweet, lovely human blood. I instinctively recoiled.

 _"_ _No, baby. You have to drink. It's okay, it's donated blood from the hospital."_ Fingers found my hair again, ran down my face. _"It's going to help."_

I did as I was told and drank. And drank. And drank. Carlisle sent for more as I drained bag after bag, each drop diviner than the last. Slowly but surely, the darkness that clouded my vision dissipated. I blinked away the spots from my eyes. I looked around at my surroundings as I sucked down another bag, listening to the buzz in my head. The pain dulled slowly, _so_ slowly. It was no longer torture, just fire. _I can deal with fire._ I negotiated with no one. _I can handle fire._

Carlisle and Esme were on either side of me, helping keep the bag at my face so I could drink. Alice and Rosalie were at the other end of the room, staying downwind of the scent. Each of them held the same expression: stark panic.

When I was done drinking, I fell back onto the table, my rock-hard body crashing against the metal with a loud bang. _Exhausted._ I was so exhausted. My eyelids felt like they weighed a million pounds and that I was trying to think through a heavy fog. I rolled into a fetal position on my side and fought the unconsciousness that threatened to overtake me.

"Edward?" Carlisle said and I looked up into his concerned face. His hand smoothed down my hair. "How is the pain? Scale of one to ten?"

I squinted as I imagined those pain charts that were on the walls of doctors' offices. Zero was a happy face 'no pain' while ten was 'worst pain imaginable, unable to move.' "Seven." I managed just above a whisper, holding my shaking arms close to my body.

"You guys are set to go tomorrow at nine through Seattle. You'll arrive at Itema on the twenty-eighth at nine-thirty." Alice said. "I'm sorry, it was the earliest I could get."

"That's fine." Carlisle said and turned. "Thank you, Alice."

"Wa-wait." I managed, my hand darting out to grab Carlisle's. I grunted as I tried to find the words for my question. I knew eleven different languages and I was struggling to piece together a sentence in any of them. "B-bella." The most important word bubbled to my lips.

"She's at home, sleeping." Esme said behind me. "She's safe."

"She's coming?" I asked, suddenly panicked that she wouldn't be there when I woke up. It was an absurd notion, but I wasn't thinking straight. I wasn't thinking at all. I twitched hard at the blaze under my skin and cried out.

"Yes, of course." Carlisle said and patted the back of my hand. "She'll be right there."

"Ja-jacob." I said squeezing his fingers, still trying to think through the thick soup that engulfed my mind. "Don't be mad at him. It was my fault."

"Shhh." Esme said and started to hum my song I composed for her. _Just rest now._

I finally closed my eyes and with a sigh, I fell asleep for the first time in ninety-one years.

* * *

 **So sorry this took so long to get up, it was a long chapter and I had some writer's block, so I started working on the sequel to this fic LOL Drunk Bella is a thing now. I thought about making her one of those sobbing drunks, but this fic is already angsty enough as it is**

 **I always wanted an Edward/Jacob fist fight. So I wrote it. I think though, if Edward was not dying of vampcer, that he would've won. BET.**

 **sujari6 - I enjoy reading your commentary. Their problems do seem to be multiplying, don't they? Gotta keep reading to see if they make it out this shitshow.**

 **DerryQueen44 - Okay, hol' THE FUCK UP that's the best name ever first of all. Second of all, you still have AT LEAST another 10-12 chapters, so rest easy you beautiful land mermaid. There's a whole other POV, a new OC to have some fun with and we still gotta figure out what the damn Russians are doing. They're not even in Japan yet. You've boarded this crazy train and you're not getting off soon okur hunty?**

 **enjoy and review pls**


	24. 23: Magic I'm Feeding Off Your Fingers

I was dreaming.

 _At least, I was hoping I was dreaming and not actually dead. I was staring at myself in the reflection of a foggy mirror, my eyebrows pulled together. I looked different. I had a bunch of little dots all over my cheeks. I had a birthmark on my neck. My eyes were green._

 _And I realized why I my reflection didn't look like me – the expression of Edward in the mirror morphed into shock. I was human._

 _"_ _Edward?" A voice called my name and I turned towards it._

 _"_ _Mother?" I gasped, unable to believe my eyes._

 _It was. It was her right there in front of my eyes. I took after my mother. She had dark, copper-red that was twisted and tied sturdily in an updo on her head. She was wearing a simple dress and her favorite blue apron. A small bit of rouge was rubbed over her cheeks and lips._

 _I automatically ran to her, almost knocking her off of her feet as we collided._

 _"_ _Edward," She said, surprised as I gripped onto her and breathed deeply. She even smelled the same – roses and baking bread. "What on earth are you doing?"_

 _"_ _I've missed you."_

 _She chuckled. "I was only downstairs for an hour."_

 _I pulled away, confusion and dread twisting through me. She shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be here. "Am I dead?" I breathed._

 _Her hand moved to cup my face. "What are you talking about, love? Of course you're not dead." Her green eyes went intense. "But, you have to wake up."_

"Edward," A voice whispered above me as I fell out of my dream world. Warm fingertips pushed the hair off of my forehead. "You have to wake up."

I opened my eyes slowly to Bella's face inches from mine. She leaned back, startled with a short gasp. I reached out towards her with one of my shaky hands. I coughed, hard and wet. My lungs stung like I had been breathing in acid. "What's wrong?" I asked hoarsely.

She straightened out and shook her head. "Your eyes." She said. "I wasn't expecting the color."

I closed them for a moment. I didn't have to see them to know that they were bright red now from human blood. "I must look gruesome."

"It just startled me." She said quickly.

I opened my eyes and inspected the surroundings. I was in the main room, laying on the sectional. I looked at Bella next. She was sitting on her knees on the floor in front of me, wearing new clothes, but her hair was in a messy bun on the top of her head and dark circles rimmed her eyes like she didn't get much sleep last night.

"Is he awake?" Carlisle asked from behind me and Bella nodded to him. He came into my line of vision and pressed his hand against my shoulder. "Hey, son. How are you feeling?"

I let my arm drop heavily on my chest and closed my eyes. "Like crap." I answered honestly.

"How's the pain? Scale of one to ten?"

I closed my eyes. The pain was _so bad,_ but I was too weak to do anything about it, so I just let it blaze like a furnace inside of me. I imagined the pain chart again, the varying levels starting from green going all the way to crimson. "Eight." I answered. Fire truck red.

Bella moved to her feet and out of the way so Carlisle could get in front of me. "I need you to drink, okay?" He said, massaging a bag of blood in his hands. WHOLE BLOOD was typed on the label in big, black letters. "It's not warm, but it's human."

"I can give it to him." Bella volunteered. "If you need to finish packing."

"Thank you, Bella." Carlisle nodded, breaking one of the corners off and handing it off.

I opened my mouth to protest – knowing how much Bella didn't like the smell – but I was interrupted with a foamy cough. Bella sat down on the edge of the couch next to me. Using a washcloth that was sitting on my shoulder, she wiped my face.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Why are you apologizing?" She said, confusing making her brows furrow.

"It shouldn't be like this." I said and lifted my arm to touch her face. I got about halfway before sharp pain forced it back down. _You shouldn't have to do this._ I amended in my head.

"Shush." She ordered as she tipped the bag for me. "Drink. Feel better. We have a long trip ahead of us."

I did what I was ordered and after I was done, she rubbed my face with the washcloth again and gently pressed a kiss to my lips.

"How's Jacob?" I asked. She was close enough that I could play with her hair. I winced as my arms jerked as I tried to use them.

She breathed out an exasperated sigh and I watched her throat flush with heat. "Who? I don't know anyone named Jacob anymore."

I opened my mouth to protest. After all, I was the one that threw the first punch, but I was interrupted by Carlisle. "We need to get going." He said, now dressed casually in a jacket and jeans. "Emmett, will you get Edward in the car?"

 _I promise I'll be gentle._ Emmett thought as he bent over to pick me, his usual playful expression replaced with apology and worry. I groaned, shocks of pain arcing through me as he lifted my body.

It was sprinkling outside, the mist making my hair wet. Emmett placed me in the back of Carlisle's Mercedes.

 _You have a safe trip, kid._ Emmett said as he buckled me in. _Punch a dragon or a shinigami or something in the face in Japan for me._

"Thanks, Emmett. I'll make sure I do that."

Alice was next. _You have to come back._ Alice warned with peck to my cheek, her face twisting like she was going to cry. _Otherwise, I'll find your spirit and Ouija board you all your most embarrassing moments over and over as punishment for leaving me._

I smiled. "I can't have _that_."

Jasper just placed his hand on my shoulder and I was filled with an overpowering sense of calm. _Be safe._ He pushed his hair off of his forehead.

"Thanks, Jazz."

Bella scooted into the middle of the backseat next to me and Esme got in next to her. Carlisle and Rosalie took the front seats.

I watched Carlisle's car drive down the driveway in the minds of my family that was staying behind and I prayed hard that these weren't my final goodbyes to them.

* * *

The plane rides from SeaTac airport to Honolulu were uneventful. I slept, mostly, on Bella's shoulder, a washcloth tucked under my face to catch red drool. Every once in awhile, I would feel Bella's fingers comb through my hair or feel her lips on my forehead. I let her heartbeat in her neck soothe me in and out of consciousness.

We had a couple hour layover in Honolulu. Since I was being pushed around in a wheelchair, they set me up in the corner of our next gate. I snoozed on my hand, trying to ignore the pain that was starting to increase in intensity in my chest and middle and the roar of voices that made up the other travelers and staff of the airport. I was almost completely asleep, when the arm that was propping up my head jerked with a slash of pain. I hissed.

"You okay?" Bella asked.

"Yeah. I'm awake now, though." I grumbled and opened my eyes, blinking around the contacts Esme poked into them before we departed the plane. Bella had a breakfast sandwich of some sort in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. I looked around at my surroundings, but everything was foggy and out of focus. "Where are the others?" I asked, not even bothering to scan for their mental voices.

"Rosalie's changing in the bathroom and Esme and Carlisle are looking at the flight board."

My legs bounced against the footrests of the wheelchair and I winced. "How much longer do we have until we board?"

"About half an hour." Her hand found mine. It was extra warm now from the coffee cup.

We did board eventually and the manhandling from the wheelchair into my seat left me breathless and seeing stars. Bella took the chair next to me, her eyes wide with concern as she dutifully dabbed my face of the beginnings of a nosebleed.

"Only ten more hours." She said. "And then we'll be in Japan."

"I don't know if I'm going to last that long." I answered through my teeth and inhaled needles into my lungs.

As we coasted over the Pacific, I had to focus hard to keep myself from The pain was getting more intense with my thirst. I tried escaping it with fitful naps, since I was also so exhausted. But as the pain increased, so did the spasms in my body. And it became hard to keep myself from doubling over with it.

The airplane had a screen on the back of the chair in front of me that let me watch television or movies provided in flight. There was a channel that Bella found that let me watch the pathway of the airplane, so you knew exactly where it was and how far into your journey you were. I watched the little cartoon plane slowly make its way across the big blue ocean and counted down the clock in the corner.

Bella squeezed my hand and rubbed my arm and shoulder and said quiet, positive things. It didn't help the pain, but it helped knowing she was here with me, by my side.

"Bella," I croaked suddenly, thoroughly irritated that the damn little airplane on the screen wouldn't go any faster. "Can I have my iPod?"

"Sure," She leaned forward and dug around in a bag, producing my music player. She untangled the headphones and put them in my ears. "What do you want to listen to?"

"Duran Duran." I answered. " _The Wedding Album_."

She hit play and I listened to my favorite album for the millionth, billionth time and switched my views back and forth between the half-opened window and the cartoon airplane.

I got really bad about two hours before we were set to land at Itema airport in Kyoto. It started with a coughing fit. Bella held up the washcloth to my face as I struggled to contain myself.

Carlisle leaned forward. "Are you okay?"

A strike hit me. _Oh, God._ I thought. _They're getting so bad now._ It sizzled through my body. And then another hit me and another and another. I pressed my mouth into a hard line and bit down on my tongue to keep myself from screaming.

"Son, we're almost there." Carlisle said, his eyebrows pulled together. "Just hold tight a little bit longer." _And then we can get you some blood._

 _What's going on?_ Rosalie thought from the row over.

I did as I was told. I challenged myself and the strikes and God. I can last five minutes. And then another five. And then another and another. And five turned into two minutes. And another two minutes and then it turned into one minute. And then it turned into seconds.

"Carlisle," Bella said next to me, her voice panicked. "We have to do _something_."

 _Why don't you just bite Bella?_ Rosalie suggested

I growled at the very _notion_ of _me_ biting _Bella._ It was interrupted by a hard attack, hitting me so bad, I convulsed and cried out, cutting my tongue on my own teeth in the process. "I can't. I can't." I begged, pleaded. "I can't wait."

 _Just a little bit longer, son._

I blacked out.

When I came to, I was in that protective darkness and unable to see. But, I was off the plane, being pushed quickly through the airport towards baggage claim. Bella jogged to keep up with Rosalie who was pushing my wheelchair.

I coughed and tasted blood. Something was pressed over my face and the pace increased.

 _We're in Kyoto._ Carlisle said, his hand finding mine. _Just a little bit longer, Edward._

 _"_ _Are you the Cullen party?"_ I heard a male voice ask in Japanese over my head.

 _"_ _We are."_ Carlisle answered back in his language. _"Are you the car sent by Dr. Funai?"_

 _"_ _I am,"_ He answered. _"Right this way."_

I whimpered and groaned, my eyes squeezed as tight as I held my arms to my body. I heard Bella say something indiscernible next to me, but I couldn't hear her over the bonging of pain in my head.

 _That's not a hospital._ Rosalie said in her head. _That's a castle._

I could see what she was talking about in her mind. It was Nijō castle, which I knew from the history books, with its roof that slanted up on the ends and its ornately decorated moldings and gates.

 _We're almost there, baby._ Esme thought, her hand on my shoulder.

There was some activity above my head. The car stopped, there was a beeping of the door opening and suddenly I was being lifted out of the van into humid air. I coughed up more blood, the sprays punctuated by my pathetic whimpers.

 _"_ _Let's get him into a bed,"_ Dr. Funai's voice said. _"Get him to sleep."_ She ordered somebody.

 _"_ _Yes, Funai-sensei."_ Another voice said.

A hand – a vampire hand, by the temperature of the skin – found mine and all of a sudden I started fading to sleep, the pain turning into a distant echo.

"Thank you." I breathed and let unconsciousness take me.

* * *

"Edward," Carlisle touched my shoulder and then again when I didn't immediately open my eyes. _I'm sorry son, but I need you to wake up for a moment._

I groaned petulantly and cracked my eyes open, my lids feeling like they weighed a metric ton each and looked around. My settings had changed. I was now in a what looked to be a hospital bed, with white sheets and roll guards. A television played a cartoon in Japanese on the wall. My eyes landed on Bella, who was sitting in a chair next to me, our hands tangled together.

Past my feet, Carlisle stood next to a vampire girl – the girl from Alice's vision she showed me last week. Keiko.

Carlisle looked apologetic as he made his way to my head. _We have to install a nasogastric tube._

My brow furrowed, the fog around my eyes making everything fuzzy and indiscernible. "What?"

"An NG tube will prevent the need to have to feed you conventionally." Keiko tittered with a thick Japanese accent as she opened up sterile medical package. "It won't hurt."

 _Everything_ hurt. And I knew what an NG tube was. I had a medical degree from Harvard. My question was _why_ I was getting one installed in the first place. "But, why?" I managed.

Carlisle inspected my face, gently pulling it this way and that and then shined a light in my nostrils. "You need a constant supply now, son." He answered with sad eyes. _Tip your chin up, please._

The tube was inserted and then bent to the side and taped to my cheek. I coughed around the foreign item in the back of my throat. My vampire instincts didn't like it either and my muscles kept locking in defense and my throat blazed with thirst.

Carlisle hooked the blood bag to a pole next to my head and connected the tube. Suddenly, the fire in my throat seized – my body's desire for blood placated - and I relaxed. He gathered the medical supplies and moved out of the room.

Keiko moved into where Carlisle had been at my head. "Cullen-sensei said that you know what my power is."

I looked up at her. She was young when she was turned – sixteen or seventeen – like me. Her face was still round with youth and she had golden eyes like we did – well, like Carlisle and Esme and Rose did.

I wanted to sleep. _Dammit_. But, this girl had me sifting through my memories. I grunted with exertion. I vaguely remembered Alice showing me a vision of her. I glanced at Bella, who was watching this exchange with wide eyes. "Sort…of…" I garbled out.

"May I have your hand, Edward-kun?"

I nodded, but didn't move my limbs. She bent over and picked up my hand, the sleeve of the kimono she was wearing flipped up and over her arm to keep it out of the way.

There was a pull, like gravity was suddenly moving through my arms and legs towards the spot where we touched. My skin tingled. And suddenly the pain, the bonfire inside me started to fade. I watched her face twist a little, pain sharpening in her eyes. _I forgot how much the strikes sting._ She thought to herself in Japanese. And then I felt my pain in her head, reflected at me two-fold. I gasped with that sensation and yanked our hands apart.

"I am hurting you." I breathed.

Her eyes widened in surprise at my sudden move and she looked at me and then at Bella's panicked expression. "I feel it a little, yes." _I'm sorry it's gotten so bad, Edward-kun._ She thought.

"What are you doing?" Bella asked, the words popping from her like gumballs.

"My power is sensation." She explained as she picked up my hand again and restarted her powers. "I fool the central nervous system and temporarily rework how the nerves talk to each other. I use it mostly for pain management. I'm kind of like vampire morphine." She giggled at her own joke, her fist coming up to her face and her eyes closing.

I inhaled deep breaths as the pain subsided. "But, you feel it, too?"

"Yes," She said, her eyes dropping. "I _see_ through the electrical impulses in your nervous system. So, I can technically feel _everything_ you feel."

She ran through my anatomy and I watched in her head as she identified my swollen joints, the tickle of the NG tube in my throat, my worry over Bella and my intense fatigue. It was like coasting down a racetrack in her head, flicks of light sputtering in front of her eyes as she watched my damaged nerves misfire.

"Oh my God." I breathed. The pain that had been crowding my mind suddenly cleared. The clutter cleaned out. My mind felt so gigantic without the pain. Like, I could scream and it would echo. "You're a miracle worker."

"That's very flattering, Edward-kun." She bowed a little, her thoughts tinged with humility. She was not someone who was used to receiving compliments. "But, I am not a miracle worker. There are limits. My power is illusion, _not_ healing. The pain _will_ come back in a couple of hours, but I will be near if you need me." She smiled a little and set my hand down. "Please rest." An order, not a request.

She turned and adjusted the channel on the television to something that wasn't a cartoon and floated out of the room. _Miracle worker._ She giggled to herself with embarrassment, her hand covering her mouth as she walked. _That's a new one._

"How are you feeling, now?" Bella squeezed my hand.

I breathed in a lungful of air and looked at her. "Better. It's like a three now." Light green on my mental pain chart. Almost a smile, even.

She lowered the roll bar and moved from the chair to the edge of my bed, taking a seat across from me. She looked haggard, like she hadn't slept in days. Her clothes were wrinkled on her body and her eyes were pained and tired.

"You should get some rest." I said.

Her eyes rolled up to the ceiling. "Edward Cullen, will you think about yourself for once?"

I had to smile at that. "You _know_ how hard that is for me."

Her fingers started to dance up at down me – my hair, my face, my shirt – unable to find a resting place. She was fidgeting, her mind preoccupied with something.

I grabbed her hand and held it against my chest to pacify it. I was still overwhelmingly fatigued and I still moved like I was afflicted with Parkinson's, but at least every movement didn't make me want to scream anymore. It was a small improvement.

"Will you marry me?" She asked suddenly, her liquid brown eyes wide.

My mouth opened up in surprise at her unexpected proposal. "Uh," I started dumbly. _Well, of course, my love._ I said in my head but all that managed to come out of my mouth was a hesitant and confused "Sure?"

"Like, tomorrow?" Her eyebrows were pulled together and I could hear heart thrashed wildly in her chest.

"Why the urgency?"

Her fingers gripped my shirt under my hand, her eyes flashed with a bunch of different emotions. "I just…want to be married to you."

"Bella," I sighed. "I don't want a deathbed wedding."

"It's not a deathbed wedding." She said intensely, her head shaking.

I looked down at myself. I had been changed out of the outfit I was wearing on the plane – probably ruined with venomous blood - and was put into a pair of plaid pajama pants and a white t-shirt. Not the outfit I expected to be in during my proposal. But, I also expected to be the one _proposing._ "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"It's just…" Her eyes, the windows into her soul flicked down. "I-I feel like being only your girlfriend isn't enough right now. I want to be _more_ for you. I want to be your _wife._ " Her hand balled into a fist.

I grabbed her hand. "Please don't do that anymore." I laboriously straightened out her fingers and inspected the scabs on her palms.

"Please, Edward." She whispered and pulled my hand to her face with the one I was looking at. Tears swam in her eyes and streamed down her face. "This might be our only chance."

I felt the stab of guilt. I was going to make her a bride and widow in the same month. It was cruel, so _cruel_ to her. She deserved so much more. A _real_ wedding with a real husband who would take care of her for the rest of her life. Not this shell of a person. This _corpse_.

At the same time, my favorite fantasy played out in my head: Bella with a bouquet of flowers. Our families around us. The bliss reflected in each other's eyes. I could be afforded that one last joy in life, right? _Right?_

My daydreaming was interrupted by a hard and wet cough. "Our wedding photos are going to be horrible." I finally said as I covered my mouth, letting a smile find its way on my face.

"Is that a yes?" She grabbed my arm, her expression intense on mine.

I looked into the eyes of the love of my life. "It's always only ever been a yes."

* * *

 **Thanks for your patience. I hit a writer's block so I started writing the sequel to this fic, lol. But, we are in Japan, yo! And Keiko is introduced, so that's cool. I love my li'l OC. She's basically Sumetal from BABYMETAL but in vampire form. Thanks for the kind words on drunk Bella. I would 10/10 party with her again. Also, you TOTES know Bella is only proposing to cash out on Eddikin's life insurance policy once he kicks the bucket. Golddigging, raggedy bitch.**

 **ThePsychoVamp - (your name tickles my giblets) Thanks for your review, bruh. I love fleshing out Edward. He always seemed so dull in the books or like as a feature that's fucking cool but only mentioned in passing and never explored (like the music thing. I am STILL thoroughly salted over that) and thanks for the compliments! I'm still pretty sure that this fic is raw sewage, but I'm glad y'all are liking it.**

 **BlackSoulReadingNerd90210 - I am hxc ExB stan, but I am not done with Jacob yet so you gotta hold on to your pantalones.**

 **Fair warning - the next chapter is going to be 100% uwu material. I thought I would give Edward a goddamn break, you know? He's such a trooper.**


	25. 24: I've Been Waiting For You

There was a ring of a phone in the next second. I didn't have to see the caller ID to know exactly what who it was. _Alice._ I sighed through my unblocked nostril.

Bella stood up to pull her cell phone out of her back pocket, the fingers of her other hand never leaving mine. "Hello?"

"What did he _say!?"_ Alice shrieked so loud, Bella had to hold the phone away from her face at arms length to prevent hearing loss.

"I'll talk to her." I volunteered. Bella handed me the phone, but I had a hard time getting it up to my face with my twitchy hands, so Bella ended up holding it for me. "Hello?"

" _Edward_ ," She shrieked again. "What did you say?"

"What do you think?"

"And I'm not _there_?" She whined. "I had visions for your guys' wedding. It was going to be _perfect._ I already _saw_ it."

"This is what Bella wants." I said, my fingers tightening around hers reflexively. "And It's what I want." I said softly, just above a whisper.

There was a pause. I thought for a moment that she had hung up. "I'm wretchedly disappointed, you know." She said finally. "It's going to take a million years to make it up to me."

"I know." I smiled. "I'll think of something."

"And a Porsche isn't going to cut it this time."

I coughed involuntarily - hard and wet. Bella stood up and grabbed a towel before I accidentally destroyed my shirt. The effect of Kotoko's power kept the pain at bay, but I wasn't without all the other party favors that came with this horrid disease.

"Okay, okay." She said. "Get some rest. You have a big day tomorrow."

"Thanks, Alice."

"I love you, little brother."

"I love you too."

Bella took her phone back, placed it on the bedside table, and then scooched close next to me, the towel still in her hand. Very carefully, I looped one of my arms around her and ran my shaky hand down her face.

"Alice isn't very happy?" She guessed, her fingers stroking my forearm.

"She's more disappointed that she's not planning the wedding." The corners of my mouth hitched up.

"Wedding?" Esme said as she came into my room. Her thoughts tinged with surprise. Rosalie heard it too, because I heard her thoughts barreling in from wherever she was, disbelieving thoughts cycling through her head.

Bella pressed her face into my shoulder, her brown eyes shining up into mine. "Tell them Edward."

"We are - as of fifteen minutes ago - getting married." I announced. And coughed.

Both of their jaw dropped. _Really?_ Esme clasped her hands together excitedly. _Oh, that's so amazing. I'm so happy for the both of you. I love both of you so much._

"Thanks, Mom." I whispered.

"When are you going to have this wedding?" Rosalie asked aloud.

"To…morrow." Bella answered, her hand tightening around mine.

"What are you going to _wear_?" Rosalie asked again. A picture of Bella's haggard state formed in her mind. Of course, Rosalie banished that thought quickly and turned back to herself. _What am I going to wear?_

"I have a dress." A voice with a Japanese accent said from the door. Everyone turned to Keiko, who had a bunch of folded white sheets clasped to her chest and was peeking into the room like she was afraid she was interrupting. A reflection of everyone in the room staring at her formed in her mind. She took a step back, uneasy to be the center of attention. "If you please, Bella-san." She made a short bow.

"That would be great, thanks Keiko." Bella smiled warmly at her.

 _She's so nice._ Keiko thought. _I wonder if she would let me do her hair, as well. She has such pretty hair. Would that be rude of me to ask?_

Exhaustion weighed on me all of a sudden, like I had to physically exert myself to read minds. I tried pressing out beyond the walls of my little hospital room. I found Carlisle and Dr. Funai in a large underground lab of some sorts.

"Um," Bella said and I opened them again. Her face was twisted with embarrassment, pink tinging both of her cheeks. "I know it's been _awhile,_ but Carlisle is still a pastor…right?"

My brows furrowed, enervation zapping the life out of me. "Why do you ask?" I garbled.

"Well, we need someone to officiate."

A hot trickle of blood made its way down my face from my nostril. Bella wiped it away with a towel before I ruined my shirt. I didn't hear Esme's answer to Bella's question – I was asleep before she even opened her mouth.

* * *

 _I was standing in the Bella and I's meadow. The sun was hot overhead and the trees swayed in the soft breeze. The wild flowers around my feet bloomed in a hundred different colors._

 _"_ _Dearest Edward." A voice behind me said._

 _I turned around to find my mother about fifteen feet away from me. She was wearing the same dress as before, the same apron over it, the same white flour handprints where she dusted her hands off. Her hands went to her dark red hair to keep the loose pieces out of her green eyes._

 _I didn't run to her this time. I felt like I was frozen, rooted like the large trees that surrounded us._

 _"_ _Mother," My brows furrowed. "Why are we here?"_

 _"_ _You're getting close to the end, my love." She said. "There isn't much time now."_

 _"_ _Why does it have to end, though?"_

 _She shook her head sadly. "All good things must come to an end."_

 _I felt tears mist over my eyes. "But, I finally found happiness. I finally found love." I groaned hard with the stab of sadness and desperation in-between my ribs. "Why does God do this? Why does He torture us like this?"_

 _She walked forward and placed her hand on the side of my face. "Don't lose hope, my love."_

 _Don't lose hope._

I opened my eyes to Keiko, who was changing the bag of blood that hung over my head, the fire blazing over me. I jerked with a lightning strike of agony and a despairing cry escaped my lips. _Nine, the pain was a nine now._

My own tortured expression filling her head as she watched me writhe around on the bed, the color of my eyes a bright, cherry red. I rolled to my side, huddling into a fetal position. _If I waited, it would pass_. That had been my mantra for the last seven months I had been battling TS. Not this time. Not anymore. It had me in a chokehold and was threatening to smother me under its power.

A hand found mine. _Oh, Edward-kun._ Keiko thought as she started to pull the pain from me with her powers. _I'm so, so sorry._

Her thoughts cut into my head like a serrated knife, sawing right into my brain. I cried out with it, my hands going to my temples. I watched her register that pain with her own powers and she shifted to take this new pain away.

"You read minds, but your powers are hurting you?" She asked aloud, her brows furrowing in concern.

"I guess so." I said as I pressed my eyes shut and rubbed the sides of my forehead.

"When did this start happening?"

"I don't know. Now, I guess."

"I will have to let Funai-sensei know." _Does it hurt now?_ She thought hesitantly.

It did, but it was more like an annoying bug sting than a knife. "I think I'm okay. Thank you." I breathed as the pain in my body faded into a distant echo. I stayed on my side, letting it wane completely before I tried to turn. "Hey, Keiko?" I started, my voice rough.

Her golden eyes were on me. " _Hai!_ I mean, yes, Edward-kun?"

"What time is it?"

"Around noon." She answered.

I turned around and sat up, my brows furrowing. "How long was I asleep?"

Keiko's lips pursed as she did the math.

"About seventeen hours, son." Carlisle said as he came into my room a pile of clothes in his hands. "How are you feeling? How's the pain?"

"After Keiko, it's about a four."

He nodded. _Do you want some assistance getting dressed for your big day?_

 _Sting._ I winced and looked down at my pajamas and smiled. "Yeah, I can't really get married in these, can I?"

"I'll go see if Funai-sensei needs assistance." Keiko bowed to the both of us before scurrying out of the room, her kimono sleeves flipped over her arms.

Carlisle lowered one of the roll bars and helped me get sat up on the edge of the bed. He quickly got a clean white button down over my white undershirt, taking care not to jostle the line that was affixed to my face.

I watched him, the line in his eyebrows that seemed to be permanently affixed there nowadays deepening as he worked on getting the shirt buttoned. I looked at his gold hair. I thought back to when I woke up after the transformation, confused and frightened and _thirsty._ His hand ran through my hair. _"It's okay, my son."_ He said gently, comfortingly. My _own_ father didn't even call me his son. _"You are safe now."_

"I'm sorry." I said quietly, the words bubbling to my lips.

His dark eyes flashed to me as he buttoned my shirt. _What are you apologizing for?_

I winced at the sting of the voice in my head. "Can you speak when you talk?" I pointed to my head. "My ESP is on the fritz." I tried to make light of this new manifestation of the disease. But, the cloud that weighed on me grew darker as we both realized the truth – this was just another way my own venom was breaking me down, another means to the end, another brick in the grave.

"Absolutely, son." His eyebrows furrowed in concern. "I still don't understand the apology, however."

"For everything." I whispered. "For being wretched to you. For blaming you for this." I shook my head.

I watched his eyes tighten, but he kept his thoughts cleared. "I'm going to stand you up, okay?" He put both of my hands on his shoulders and picked me to get my trousers on. I winced with my achy joints, raising stiffly like I needed to be oiled.

"You only ever give and expect nothing in return." I said, my voice breaking as I let everything pour out. "I'm so sorry. I know how much I've been hurting you these past months and all you're trying to do is help me. Please forgive me."

Both of his hands cupped my face. "There's nothing to forgive. I'm so _proud_ of you, Edward. You don't realize it, but I watch you. You have been _so_ strong, overcoming and fighting every single day. You're such a blessing." He pulled me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. "And I fight for you because I know that if our roles were reversed, you would do the same for me." He said.

"I love you, Dad." I closed my eyes. "I don't know how I got so lucky to have you as a father."

"I love you too, son. You're my first blessing. The one that made me realize that our kind was capable of love and compassion and hope."

I smiled as I thought of my dream. _Don't lose hope._

* * *

We decided to have the ceremony in one of the many hidden gardens that surrounded the palace, underneath a grove of cherry trees, their leaves bright green and swaying in the light breeze.

The sun was shining overhead and the cicadas buzzed their own version of the wedding march as we huddled together in the shade. I was propped up – at my insistence - on my feet with a walker, my IV pole of blood positioned behind me. Esme and Keiko on either side of me, ready to catch me if I tipped. Carlisle stood at the head next to me, his elderly Bible closed in his hand. Keiko had doubled her efforts of her powers on me to ensure I was pain free in all regards. Which I was, but the extreme pain relief also came with a sense of euphoria. Keiko was right – she was _actually_ vampire morphine.

 _We're right here, baby._ Esme thought, her face twisting like it was going to cry. _I'm so proud of you._

 _Dum. Dum-duh-dum._ Rosalie hummed Pachelbel's Canon in D in her head. _Here she comes the bride…_

I watched Bella float down the aisle. It wasn't my fantasy – we weren't on the beach. I only had half my family and none of hers, she wasn't carrying flowers – but she was beautiful anyway. Her dress was a white cotton sundress that cinched at the waist in the loveliest way. She was barefoot and had crown of flowers in her flowing mahogany hair.

As I watched her approach, I thought about our whole relationship. All I was taken back to biology class in Forks High School that first day I smelled her. The day I saved her from being run over by Tyler's van. I thought about the first night I watched her sleep. The night I figured out I was in love with her. The day I introduced her to my family. When I found her in that ballet studio, broken and so, so brave.

Her eyes locked with mine and I watched a smile spread over her face.

She deserved so much more than me. But it was me that she chose. And I realized in that moment as she reached out her hand to grab mine that maybe God didn't answer the prayers of monsters and maybe we didn't have souls, but we were allowed the small joy of falling in love.

Our own taste of heaven.

"Dearly beloved." Carlisle started, one hand on my shoulder and the other grabbing Bella's. "We come together today to celebrate one of life's greatest moments - marriage."

Carlisle went on to talk about how marriage was a promise between two people who love each other. And while I listened to Carlisle, I watched Bella's face. The curve of her smile and the deep wells of her eyes. The way the sun brought out golden speckles in them.

I coughed and my knee decided to give out. Three pairs of hands – including Bella's – were on me at once. But, I had a walker to hold myself up on. "I'm okay." I assured without taking my eyes off of Bella's. I was more than okay. The strikes could literally burn me at the stake, and I would be just fine. I had Bella.

 _I'm almost done, son._ Carlisle assured in his head. "No matter the challenges you both face; you will face them together." He picked up both of hands and put them on top of each other. "No matter how much you succeed, grow, and flourish, you will do it together. Because you are not two people now, you are one now in love and commitment." Carlisle paused and glanced at Bella. "You said you had something, Bella?"

I looked at Bella in questioning as she nodded and turned to as she was handed a slip of paper from Rosalie. _I'm not saying anything. This was all her._ Rosalie thought.

"Edward Cullen," She cleared her voice. "I hated you at first." Her mouth hitched up in a smile and tears formed in her eyes. "You were arrogant and pigheaded. You still can be that way sometimes." She snorted a laugh.

 _True_. Rosalie thought from behind Bella.

"But, you are sweet and loyal and so very, very protective of me, because you _love_ me." She choked up in tears and I moved my hand to her face to catch them. "And I wonder out loud to God how I, Isabella Swan, drew the lucky lottery of fate and found _you_ – the most perfect person out of everyone else who has ever lived on this planet in the last one hundred years." She shook her head. "And I realized that I didn't win a lotto. I was made for you and you were made for me. It just took a century and a transformation into a vampire a move to a tiny Washington town and a very lucky biology class to find each other." She looked up at me, her eyes shining with tears. "I promise I will love you forever, Edward Cullen. Whatever that forever means."

"Bella," I whispered, unable to speak. I felt dizzy. But, not from the strikes.

"Edward, would you like to say your vows?"

I nodded and gripped her hand. "I, Edward Cullen, take, you Isabella Swan, to be my wife. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward…" I took a breath. "As long as we both shall live."

"I, Isabella Swan, take, you Edward Cullen to be my husband. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness-," She winced, just slightly at that word. "-and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward. As long as we _both_ shall live."

"Edward, you may now kiss your bride." Carlisle said.

I cupped her face and we kissed. It wasn't the fervent kiss of desperation, the clock ticking down until it was too late. It was a new sunrise on the horizon. The first rays of light after the darkest part of the night. A reminder to breathe and to _hope._

It was just us, in love - husband and wife - like it always should've been.

* * *

There was a small celebration afterwards in one the many empty rooms of the castle. This one had marble floors and art on different pedestals set under recessed lighting.

 _I'm so happy for you, my love._ Esme said and kissed me on the cheek.

"Thanks, Mom."

 _Congratulations, Edward._ Rosalie hugged me. _You guys make a handsome couple._

"Edward-kun," Keiko bowed at me and Bella, her elaborate kimono shiny in the fluorescent lighting. "Thank you for letting me be apart of your happy moment."

Even Dr. Funai was there, briefly before returning to her lab. _Kekkon Omedatō. Congratulations._

Unfortunately, the time on my feet was starting to catch up to me. I grew dizzy and fatigued. Before I collapsed, was moved to a wheelchair, where I held onto Bella with one hand and dozed on the other. _Very romantic._ I thought briefly with chagrin. But, at least I was pain free, thanks to Keiko.

And very, _very_ happy. Over the moon happy.

"Hey, sleepyhead. Are you good to stay away for a little bit longer?" I grunted and opened my eyes to Bella, my _wife_ , bent down and kissed me. Long and slow, her warm lips lingered over mine. We were alone now, everyone moving to a distant part of the castle to give us our privacy. "I have a wedding present for you." She said against my lips.

I opened my mouth slightly, breathing in her scent. "Really?"

She nodded, her eyes flashing, and pulled away and moved behind me. My bag of blood found a place on my lap and the wheelchair I was in started to move through the old castle. I watched my setting pass as Bella pushed me. The walls were decorated ornately with landscapes. Baroque wood carvings made up the beams of the ceiling. It was a beautiful place. You wouldn't believe there was a vampire's laboratory and personal hospital tucked into the center of it.

We turned a corner and the castle interior changed. It took on a minimalist look, like the hallways of a hotel. The walls grew thicker and the artwork grew sparse. Fluorescent overhead lighting replaced the dim wall sconces. "Where are we going?" I felt my brows furrow in question.

"You'll see." She said. "It's apart of the surprise."

I lapsed back into silence. I was tired, the fog around my face threatening to overtake me. I felt like my actual age – having to take naps between activities. That was very age-appropriate for a 108-year-old man.

Bella laughed above my head. "You just gave me your hand in marriage." She said. "That's enough."

We turned another corner and came into a room that was completely empty except for a beautiful grand piano that sat in the center.

"What is this?" I breathed, trying to twist around to see Bella's face.

Bella came around the wheelchair into my view. Her hand came out like she was game show host showing off the prize. Her bare feet and white dress out of place. She should've been in a red cocktail gown and heels. "This is your wedding present."

"Bella, I already have a piano." I glanced down at my restless hands. _Not one I can play anymore either._

She rolled her beautiful eyes at me. "You're ridiculous." She planted a kiss on my forehead.

She turned around, her white dress fluttering with the twist, and moved behind the keys. I watched with curiosity as she pushed the piano bench to the side, its legs squealing against the tile floor. She bent over and moved it around until she was happy with where it sat. Then she pushed me so I was taking up the empty spot in front of the keys.

I was royally confused. "I don't understand."

"Shhh." She hushed and sat down next to me on the edge of the bench. She placed her foot over the sustaining pedal and then looked at me intensely. "You can't talk, okay? It'll break my concentration."

I opened my mouth to speak, but I froze in shock when Bella's hands positioned themselves over the keys and pressed down into a D minor. Very slowly, she started to play a simple, slow melody.

 _She learned the piano for me._

Vampire tears – the burn of crying without the moisture - sprung into my eyes and I felt my face twist. "Bella-," I started, my voice cracking. I gripped

"Edward," She groaned and paused. "No talking."

"Okay, sorry." I said just above a whisper, my shoulders scrunching up in apology.

She started again. I watched her face as she played, her head tipping with each beat count. I watched her brows pull in concentration. The tip of her tongue poked out between her teeth.

I didn't deserve her, but _she_ chose _me_ anyway. And now, we were bonded together in matrimony. It wasn't the way I imagined. It wasn't my fantasy. But, it was _real._ So, _real._

There was still something in the back of my mind that said that I was a thief. I was robbing her of a normal life. Scarring her with my world in the process.

I waited for the stab of guilt in my diaphragm, a reminder of how selfish I was, instead I gasped in awe when I watched her mouth open and she started to sing.

 _"_ _Mine, immaculate dream made breath and skin,"_ She sang her voice light and airy and sweet and perfect. _"I've been waiting for you."_

With my mouth gaping open like an idiot, I watched her sing her own, simple beautiful version of 'Come Undone.'

 _Don't lose hope._

All of a sudden, the piece of glass in my chest vanished as I watched her sing. All of a sudden there wasn't _my_ world or _her_ world anymore. I was not a vampire and she was not a human. I was not dying to live and she was not living to die. We were simply Edward and Bella – two people in love – watching our new dawn take place in our _own_ world.

* * *

I looked around the empty sentō I was pushed into. The room was large, the floor made out of large, gray stones and the walls decorated with a mosaic scene of Mount Fuji.

"Why are we in the bathhouse?" I asked and tried to twist around in the wheelchair to look up at Bella again. After the song, Bella said she had one last surprise for me. After the song, I was no longer fatigued. I was riding a euphoric high. I was dancing in the clouds. _Nothing_ could bring me down from this.

"I thought it would be nice." Bella said above my head, blush finding its way over her face. "If you were in the bath. Soothing, you know?"

She helped me undress, her hands swiftly undoing my tie and buttons of my shirt. She then helped me in, both arms wrapped around my blue-streaked waist as we carefully took the two steps of the tub.

It actually was nice. There was a bench that ran the edge of the pool, about two feet under the surface. The water was sweltering and soothing and the steam glued my hair to my forehead. It was like a giant, stone hot tub. With my limbs buoyant in the water, I was free to be weightless, which was very relaxing for my sore and twitchy body.

"How is it?" I heard Bella's voice behind me.

"Pleasant." I said and closed my eyes, sinking in the water so I could blow bubbles, being careful not to get the tape that kept my NG tube in place wet. I coughed once, which made me look up at the bag of blood that hung on a railing above my head.

"You're good." Bella said. I watched her white hand slowly coax the thick red towards the bottom the bag, like squeezing out the last bit of toothpaste from the tube.

I closed my eyes. "I just got married today. I'm wonderful." I corrected.

Suddenly two small, warm hands were sliding down the front of my chest. Her lips were on my temple, and her nose nestled in my hair. I heard her sigh. "I have to ask…"

"It's a six." I answered automatically. Yellow on my mental pain chart. I felt it, but it was manageable. And I was determined to _not_ let it affect my wedding day. "If you come in." I rubbed the backs of her hands with my fingers. "It might even go down to a five."

"Don't tempt me with a good time, Mr. Cullen." She joked, but stood back up. I watched her walk to the steps to grip the handle and keep herself from slipping on the stone. She removed her towel and dropped it on the top step. I fought the urge to reflexively avert my eyes out of politeness at her naked body and instead took all of her in.

She was so _beautiful._ All those fantasies of our wedding night where I would imagine how she would look under her wedding dress _blanched_ in comparison with the actual thing. My eyes unabashedly ran all over her body, every curve and line and valley and hill lovelier than what I could conjure up in my wildest dreams. I gasped, which made her freeze, her brown eyes wide on me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm perfect." I breathed. _More than perfect. I was blessed._

She lowered herself in the water and scooched over so she was sitting next to me. "This bath is warm." She sunk down, her eyes never moving from mine.

"It's nice." I said and gingerly moved closer to her until we were sitting side-by-side. I traced a shaky hand over her cheekbone, watching a drip of water I put on her face, trail down like a tear. Her fingers ran over my chest, collarbone, stomach under the water. "Very relaxing."

Her hand underwater moved south and I gasped again, jolting with the sudden touch. She froze again, her eyebrows pulling together. "Edward?"

"I'm okay." I smiled. "That was…unexpected."

Her face went so red she almost turned purple. "I want to do this for you." She said in a small voice. "But, I don't want to hurt you."

I picked up her hand that was underwater and pressed my lips to her fingertips. "The tables have sure turned, haven't they?" I glanced at the bag above my head.

Her hands found the sides of my face and I watched in stunned silence as she gently shifted so she was straddling me, each leg on either side of me, her knees holding up her weight. Her deep brown eyes were inches from mine. "I love you, Edward Cullen." She said gently, but intensely, her fingers running through my hair, her breasts pressed up against my chest.

"I love you too, Isabella Cullen." I whispered back.

"You'll let me know if you are in pain, right?"

I nodded and she kissed me and I let myself go. I didn't hold myself back. And I was in pain. I was _always_ in pain, nowadays. But, I had something better, too. I had the fireworks in my head as I made love to my wife in that empty sentō. The heaven that was our bodies as we connected in ways that only two people in love should. The blessing knowing that she was all mine, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse.

As long as we both shall live.

* * *

 **Soooooo sorry this took so long to get up. I haven't abandoned this story, I PROMISE. I just figured out that uwu chapters are way harder than the angsty/action ones. I also started really working on the sequel while I was procrastinating writing this one. I'm like 30K words into it now. I started the first scene as a character exercise and it evolved. Whoops.**

 **But, can we get a collective "d'awwwwwww" from the audience? Major uwu feels. Don't worry, your regularly scheduled dose of dark foreboding and depression will resume its regularly scheduled program in the next chapters. And I promise I'll get faster at posting. Probably. IDK.**


	26. 25: Come Undone Now

I slept on and off.

I woke up to Bella, mostly. She would be wiping my face or reading or playing with my hair. I woke up to Esme, sitting in the chair next to my bed, knitting needles and yarn in her hands. I woke up to Keiko as she held my hand and numbed me from the pain. Every once in awhile I woke up to Carlisle as he examined me.

I woke up to the pain, my constant companion. That was always the worst. What felt thousands of volts of electricity running through me, each strike more ruthless and ferocious than the last. I whimpered on my side with it. "Please make it stop." I would rock and beg, my shaky arms around my torso, trying to keep the fire from spreading. "Please."

It would stop - with Keiko's help. She would use her powers and the fire would fade into a dull ache deep in my bones.

A strike hit me like a wrecking ball, yanking me right out of unconsciousness and I groaned with the fire. Against my will, I opened my eyes to Rosalie in the chair next to my bed. She had the television remote in her hand, her feet crossed on my bed, and was flipping through channels as fast as she could. I watched as second of the picture would appear and then disappear. I watched her loop through the entirety of the cable package three times.

"Can you just find a channel?" I creaked, irritated and sore. I tasted blood in my mouth.

She flipped on a crazy game show and sighed. _Touchy. Touchy._ She thought and a shooting pain ripped through my head. I groaned and pressed my temples with my shaky hands.

"Sorry," She whispered. "I forgot."

"It's not your fault." I groaned again, coughing up blood in the process.

Rosalie moved to wipe my face, her eyes never leaving the television. _Florence Nightingale over here blessing me with her superior bedside manner._ I thought and rolled my eyes.

"How's the pain?" She asked, her dark eyes glancing at me.

I coughed up more blood. "Seven." Light orange on my pain chart. She replaced the towel with a metal emesis basin and rubbed my shoulder. "What day is it?"

"June fourth."

"We've been here for a week already?" I gripped the sheets in my fists. I was probably conscious for only about a third of it. "How long was I asleep?"

"About twelve hours."

I sighed and closed my eyes. I had so many days to mark off my little calendar now. "Where's Bella?"

Rosalie looked at me. "She's sleeping. It's like two in the morning."

"What about everyone else?"

"Carlisle and Dr. Funai are in the lab. Esme is helping Keiko do laundry."

Another small strike causing my arms to jerk, I accidentally hit the emesis basin Rosalie was holding for me. It flipped up into air, spun and then landed right on top of my chest with a _clang!_ Blood sprayed everywhere - hitting the sheets, my face, Rosalie.

"Edward," Rosalie groaned and stood up, her fingers going to her head. "I have barf blood in my hair now!"

"Sorry," I said and jerked again. "Sorry."

 _You should be thankful that I'm a forgiving person._ She thought sourly.

I groaned at the words jackhammering in my brain, my fingers flying to my temples. I looked up at her. "Can you just speak what's on your mind?" I begged, trying to blink away the headache.

"I promise you, you don't want me to do that."

I rolled my eyes. "Can you at least try? Or is this one selfless act-," I gasped suddenly.

She disappeared. _Everything disappeared._

I was plunged into darkness. TS did that sometimes when I was going through a really bad attack. But this was different. That darkness was like clicking the lights off. Murky, foggy, but I still could _perceive._ This was just _black._ It was a living creature. It smothered me under its weight, threatening to overtake me. I instantly felt claustrophobic, like someone was suffocating me with a pillow.

I could still hear the television and Rosalie's low breathing, though. I still felt the emesis basin on my chest. The blood running down my face.

"Rosalie?" I croaked, panic twisting through me.

"What Edward?"

"Rosalie, I can't see."

"What?"

"I can't _see_." I cried, on the verge of an anxiety attack, my hands coming up to grasp at anything. I felt my head roll around.

A hand gripped mine. "I'll be right back, okay?" She said, her voice suddenly concerned. "I'll go get Carlisle."

"No, wait." I said, not wanting to be left alone in the blackness.

I gasped hard breaths, panic twisting my stomach into knots. I touched my face with shaky hands. I felt the NG tube taped to my cheek. I touched my chest. I found the basin. I touched the blood, cool and wet under my fingers.

The anxiety brought on lightning strikes and I cringed hard against the pillow, whimpering with the pain that rocketed through me. It blasted again and again, oscillating searing pain into my limbs. "Please," I started to beg quietly. "Make it stop."

But, I couldn't see and the blackness – the creature – smothered me, sat right on my jugular and pressed the air out of me. I choked like I was drowning.

"Son, we're right here." Carlisle said and a hand touched my shoulder.

Desperation bubbled out of me. Desperation to get away from the pain. From the darkness. "Dad, dad." I cried and grabbed at his shirt, hooking my fingers around his collar. "I can't see. I can't _see_."

"I know. I know you're scared." He tried to pry my fingers on his shirt. "We'll get you checked out. We'll get you fixed up, okay? You got to let go of my shirt."

"No, no." I begged, the darkness continue to press on me. My breaths coming out hard and ragged. I coughed and felt blood fly out of me. "If I let go then you'll disappear. You can't disappear. Please don't leave me. Please." My voice broke.

There was a sentence of clipped Japanese from somewhere in the room.

"Okay," Carlisle said, scooping me up. He replaced my spot on the bed and held me close to his chest. A towel was pressed under my face and we slowly started to rock. "It's okay. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

I felt his face press against my hair as he murmured I counted his breaths and focused hard to control my own.

A sudden impending feeling of dread washed over me like a tsunami. Everyone always talks about seeing a light at the end of the tunnel when you start to die. But all I saw was eternal dark. I started to panic all over again, my stomach twisting into knots. _This isn't how it's supposed to end. It's not supposed to be this way._ "I don't want to die." My voice cracked.

"You're not going to die." He assured, his arms squeezing tighter around me.

My darkness flashed white and I cried out in pain. "I had so much more to accomplish." I sobbed. "I wanted to watch Bella grow old. I wanted a life with her. _Kids_." I babbled. "Or I don't know, adopt like you guys did. I-,"

"Edward," He said firmly. "You're not going anywhere."

The resolution in his voice gave me small comfort. I clenched my teeth together and tightened my fingers around his shirt. "Don't leave okay." I whispered.

"Never." He started to hum an old hymn.

I focused on inhaling deep breaths and exhaling. I focused on the tiny things – Carlisle's thumb rubbing circles on my arm. I focused on the dripping cadence of the blood bag. The game show host's loud voice on the television.

I blinked and suddenly my vision flooded with light and my hospital came back into view. Rosalie too, a worried look on her face, the blood in hair drying black. And Dr. Funai, her small arms crossed over her chest and a crease in her eyebrows.

"My sight." I touched my face, finding the tube. "It's back. I can _see_."

I heard Carlisle sigh with relief behind me. "I'm glad."

I looked at Dr. Funai's expression as it became more pained. "What?" I asked and picked my head up. A shooting pain radiated from the base of my spine to the crown of my head and I let it thump back on Carlisle's chest. "Oh, my head."

"Your vision will start going in and out." Dr. Funai explained. "Unfortunately, when your vision starts going, your time shortens into weeks, even days. We must work quickly if we are to see you through this."

"H-how long?" I asked, my mouth suddenly feeling like it was stuffed with cotton.

"Perhaps two weeks." She answered.

I let my mouth pop open in surprise. _Two weeks?_ My eyebrows furrowed. I was filled with a sudden flash of regret. I was such an idiot. _If I had just come when she offered in January…_

I sucked in hard breath like I was on the verge of tears. But, vampires couldn't cry. We could sob, but we received no relief of tears. Panic and dread and denial and anger flooded through me. This couldn't be it. _It couldn't be._

"Edward, we're not going to let that happen, okay?" Carlisle said.

 _But it's going to happen anyway._

* * *

I started making lists. It kept me distracted enough to sit in my bed quietly, otherwise I knew if I focused on the fact that my expiration date was approaching, I would send myself into a fit that would ultimately leave me in a huddled, useless mass on my bed.

I would make lists in my head. Lists of things I did in my life I was proud of. Lists of accomplishments. Lists of people I loved. Lists of people I helped. They were like the opposite of bucket lists – things I already did that eased the burn of dying.

I didn't let Bella leave my side. In light of the Russians coming and my impending demise, I couldn't be without her for more than a couple of seconds. Every time she got up to go use the restroom or get food or change clothes, it felt like part of me was ripped away. I _needed_ her next to me. She was the air in my lungs and the beat of my still heart.

She agreed, of course. She even slept in my little hospital bed at night with me, her head on my chest as I held her in my jerky arms, counting her heartbeats because I knew soon, I wouldn't be able to hear them at all.

Esme never left my side either. Busying herself with knitting baby hats. She made probably a hundred of them a day. Even Rosalie camped out in my room. Everyone except Carlisle, who was working to the last minute in the lab. We all capitalized on the time we had left, because we knew there wasn't much left to have.

When Bella slept on me, Esme helped arrange my affairs. She helped get all of my finances and assets transferred over into Bella's name, arranging it so that Bella would be financially set. I composed shaky letters to my family to read after I died. And then when I wasn't preparing, I was marveling over the slight, brunette girl in my arms, my _wife_ , my hands running all over her face and arms. My lips tracing her forehead, her jawbone. Memorizing every part of her so I wouldn't forget in the next life.

It was ten days after we arrived in Japan when Carlisle suddenly popped into my room, his face neutral except for a worry line between his eyebrows.

"Esme," Carlisle said. "May I see you? Bella too?"

"What's going on?" I asked as I looked between the three faces. I felt my eyebrows pull together in worry.

"It's nothing concerning." Carlisle said, with a small smile. "Just coordinating efforts."

"I'll be right back." Bella said. She pressed her lips in the hollow under my ear and stood up.

"But-," I protested, already feeling cold without her next to me.

I watched them leave. That was odd. _What couldn't be said in front of me?_ If it was about the strikes, I already knew everything. An alarm went off in my head. _Did something happen at home with the other vampires?_

With my brows still furrowed, I forced myself into their thoughts. I found them in Dr. Funai's lab, two stories below me. My fingers wrapped around the metal of the roll bars as I pushed with great effort to get into their heads.

" _…_ _Russians…Japan…"_

 _"_ _Alice…sees…"_

 _"…_ _Emmett…"_

A white, hot cattle brand ran through my eye right into my brain. I fell against my pillow, my hands pressing against my forehead as I cried out with the intensity.

The pain wasn't the only thing in my head. Were the Russians coming _here?_ That couldn't be right. How did they know she was here? Did they hear something? _What was going on back home?_ Anxiety flipped my insides and I gasped with a sudden panic attack.

Ignoring the stabbing in my head, I pushed out again to scan for mental voices, looking for Bella. I needed her here, right next to me. _Right now_. My vision went in and out and I felt the hot stream of blood on my face as it ran from my nostril.

I couldn't find her. _Dammit._ Why was I so useless? I felt dizzy all of a sudden, but I fought through it as I fished around from my cell phone. _I could call Alice._ She would tell me what I wanted to know. She would tell me what's going on.

I ended up finding my phone by pushing it off my bedside table. I listened as it clattered to the floor.

"Dammit." I cursed, my shaky fingers finding the bridge of my nose.

I pinched the release of the roll bars and let them swing down. With a stiff push, I turned into a sitting position, swinging my legs over the bed. My feet hit the tile floor and I paused and breathed – inhale, exhale - fighting the vertigo and the nausea and the sizzling burn that ran through me.

I fished for my walker that sat folded up next to my bed and popped it open in front of me. _Ugh, I'm such an_ old _man now._ I winced. With protesting fingers and a deep breath, I struggled to my feet.

And then I thumped to the floor with a sound that rivaled two boulders being thrown together. My head cracking against the metal bedframe and the walker tumbling down over me.

 _Well, this isn't what I had planned._ I thought sourly as I laid prone on the tile floor.

I found my cell phone under my bed, sitting at a tilt against the mechanism that made the head of the bed move. It was inches away from my fingertips. I reached out to grab it.

"Fuck!" I cursed in a way that wasn't acceptable in any sort of company.

The strikes blinded me with hot white for a second and then I was plunged back into the suffocating dark. Voices flooded my mind, stinging hot and loud like a bunch of angry hornets were released into my head. Mental voices. They rose in pitch and volume, vibrating around my skull like I had jammed it inside a subwoofer.

 _"…_ _But what about Victoria?"_

 _"_ _I don't know. That's just what Alice saw."_

 _"_ _Do we know when?"_

Fire hit me and I saw orange. A scream of a burning man escaped my lips. All the mental voices turned towards the sound and one word echoed through all of their heads. _Edward._ I closed my eyes and prayed that the floor would open up and swallow me, releasing me from this torture.

"Edward," Esme was the first to get to me. "What are you doing on the floor?"

I couldn't make any comprehensible sounds, so I just whimpered as they lifted me off the ground and got me back into bed. A hand slipped into mine and the pain started to slowly decrease. I sucked in deep breaths like I had been drowning as the fire inside of me died.

"What is going on with the Russians?" I demanded between clenched teeth as I winced through the flares. I still couldn't see, but I could hear everyone's breathing and Bella's erratic heartbeat in her chest. I knew they were still there.

"Edward, please." Esme said. "Just focus on getting well."

"No, no, no." I shook my head. "Stop lying to me. All you're doing is making me worried and it's making it worse."

There was a hard, heavy silence. A warm hand slipped into the one that I wasn't holding with Kotoko. I opened my mouth to demand the truth again, but Carlisle interrupted me with a sigh. "Alice called earlier. The Russians have decided that they are coming to Japan."

"Bella," I whispered, my eyebrows pulling together.

"I'm right here." She pressed in next to me. "I'm right here." I wrapped my arms around her shoulders.

So it was true. I gritted my teeth. "How did they know we'd be here?"

"Alice suspects that one of them heard you talking to the wolves in the woods." Carlisle answered. "We're not sure why they've waited this long, though."

I knew, though. I knew exactly why. They were waiting for me, biding their time. Every second passed was a second towards the end for me.

"What are we going to do?"

" _You're_ not going to do anything." Bella said next to me. "Except get well."

I made a face. "We need to get Bella out of here." It pained me to say it, but moving her away from here would keep her safe.

"No," She said. "I don't want to leave you."

"Bella, my love." I lifted her hand to my face. "Please be practical."

"I am." She assured and then paused for a long moment. "And I'm not separating from you. I don't care what happens to me."

Anxiety twisted through me. "I _care_ about what happens to you!"

"Edward, stop it. Just focus on yourself."

"No! You're my _wife_. I'm allowed to worry about you." I hissed with a strike, and jerked.

"And you're my husband, my very _ill_ husband." Her hand rubbed my arm. "Please just relax. And don't worry."

I coughed in response. I had lost that argument.

"We should move you, though." Rose said. "Both of you."

"That's a good idea. But, I don't want to stray too far away from the lab, if we can help it." Carlisle said gently.

"Dr. Funai has another facility underground." Keiko bounced on my other side, her powers running like currents between our hands. "We can move Edward-san there! It hasn't been utilized since World War II, so I highly doubt the Russian vampires know where to find it."

"It's not too far from the lab?"

"Directly under it, actually." Keiko said.

"And we'll keep Bella safe, Edward." Rosalie said.

"Yes, she's in very capable hands." Esme said. "Just please rest."

But, I couldn't rest. Not with this new threat looming on the horizon. It kept the panic in my chest and the fire hot in my limbs. I laid awake, trying to make lists. I tried focusing on pleasant things. I tried composing in my head. I couldn't do any of those things, though.

All I thought about was this threat.

And Bella. I thought about Bella.

 _I don't care what happens to me._ Is what she said. All of a sudden I was back in the Forks hospital hallway, standing in front of the directory with her, watching her eyes harden like petrified wood and her tiny fist tighten so tight it drew blood. _Contingency plans._

The others would protect her from the vampires, sure. But, could they protect her from herself? What would happen when I don't wake up? Would she live her life or seek to find the means to her end? I couldn't let her do that. She wouldn't be able to follow me. She was destined for heaven I was destined for darkness.

"Bella," I whispered, my fingers tracing her face. "Are you awake?"

She didn't answer. She mumbled incoherently as she slept against me, her hand sliding down my chest.

"Hello?" I called quietly out into the darkness. But, nobody answered me. We were alone.

I ran my fingers through her hair. She was so fragile, so breakable. Each one of her processes tied to delicate balances. Her breathing and heartbeat and brain all hooked up together, all reliant on each other. I picked up her hand and ran my thumb against the row of scabs she put there with the force of her own fingernails. She was so _precious._

 _And I couldn't protect her._

I felt my breath hitch with tears. _I couldn't protect her even from herself._ My own wife. I sobbed silently, dryly. She was supposed to be safe here, with me.

A liquid dot hit the back of my hand. My hand went to my face and I jerked slightly in shock. I was crying _tears._ But, they weren't regular tears. They were made out of a blood. Could I be any more of a _freak?_ A _monster?_ I quickly raked my face in horror and disgust, streaking sour blood across my face.

I blinked and suddenly had my sight back. I looked at the blood in my hands, a feeling of disgust and hatred and deep, deep sadness seizing me.

"God," I shakily whispered aloud as more red tears fell down my face. I _never_ prayed, let alone prayed out loud. Who was going to listen to me? But, I was a desperate man coming to the end my rope. I _needed_ a miracle. "God, please protect her." I begged between sobs, my arms circling tighter around her. "Please. Because I can't anymore. I can't protect her, even from herself. _Please_ don't let her die." I pressed my face against the top of her head and rocked gently, breathing her scent in. Feeling her soft, warm hair against my cheek. _"Please."_

A buzzing sound caught me off guard and I watched through a red haze as Bella's cell phone lit up from the bedside table. I picked it up to click the ringer off, but froze when I saw the name of the caller ID.

I looked up at the ceiling of my room, imagining God laughing at me with cruel irony from His golden throne. I slid to answer the phone. It wasn't a miracle, but it was something.

"Jacob," I answered the phone. "It's Edward. I need your help."

* * *

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

also review k thx


	27. 26: It's Fuck My Life O'Clock

It was raining. I mean, _of course_ it was raining. It rained basically every day here in great northern Washington: America's moist, sweaty asscrack.

I listened to the rain sheet outside as I checked the balance of my bank account for the fifth time in a row on the 7Eleven ATM on the edge of Forks. I punched in my PIN, agreed to the $1 balance check charge, and watched as an asinine amount of money populated the screen. I counted zeroes. Three of them. And then a five and then a one. I was just transferred $15,000.

By my mortal enemy.

I smashed – not to kindly – my forehead into a sign warning against check fraud, feeling the plaster give a little with the impact. Or maybe it was my skull. Maybe I could bash the last twenty-four hours out of my brain. Especially _that_ call. _Now,_ that would be a lucky break.

I ran _that_ conversation through my head for the millionth, billionth time…

"Jacob," A gravely, Don Corleone voice answered. It was the sixty-eighth time I had tried calling Bella. Her voicemail filled up on the forty-second call. So, now I had just been calling to see if she would have a memory lapse and answer her phone. Or maybe just get so fed up with me calling that she would answer to yell at me to stop calling her. Either way, my goal was to get her on the phone so I could explain – in my own words – what happened the night of the party. "It's Edward. I need your help."

My jaw hit the floor in surprise. I forced a couple vowel sounds out before I got ahold of myself. " _Edward?_ Really? Have you taken up smoking menthols? You know how many carcinogens those things have? They're really-,"

"Jacob," He snapped. I took that cue to shut the hell up. "I need you to come to Kyoto, Japan."

"Japan." I repeated. "Um…why?"

"I don't really have time to explain." He said and then coughed. He coughed like a smoker too – wet and gross. The types of coughs that make you cringe. "Text Bella your account number and I'll wire funds so you can buy a plane ticket. Please get here as soon as you can. Bella needs protection."

 _Bella needs protection._

I smashed my head against the wall again and then dusted the white plaster off of my skin. Bella needs protection. I guess that meant I was going to Japan. _Fuck my life._

"Hey, buddy." Someone said behind me with a chuckle. "It's not a slot machine. Pressing different buttons ain't going to make more money come out."

I sighed, withdrew a $20 bill for shits and giggles and turned around to the redneck who was sniggering at me, his hand wrapped around the forty he was purchasing. I imagined for a second taking that forty and smashing it over his head and watching him crumple to the floor.

"Isn't two in the afternoon a little early for a malt liquor?" I asked.

"Boy, you want to catch these hands?"

But, I was already outside in the sheeting rain before he could even finish his sentence.

I tucked the bill into my shorts and ran to the back of the store. I phased into my wolf form – a coordination that included a front flip to get my shorts off and around my ankle in time before I lost use of my opposable thumbs – and started running towards La Push.

 _Thanks for finally joining us._ Embry called.

 _The king has graced us with his presence._ Quil teased.

 _Fuck off._ I called back, doubling my efforts.

 _Language, Jacob._ Sam said.

I smiled to myself as I ran, the rain soaking through my fur. Getting under Sam's skin was a favored pastime of mine. I enjoyed annoying him just to the point to put his teeth on edge but not enough for him to want to fight me.

 _Where are you, Sam?_ I called. _I need to talk to you._

 _North._ He answered simply. I could see through his eyes exactly where he was. Actually, most of the whole pack was there. _Great, now they'll all know._

 _All know what?_ Seth asked.

 _Seth. Aren't you supposed to be in school?_ I asked.

 _Summer break!_

I internally cringed and picked up my feet, weaving artfully through the thick trees. I watched the smells around me, constantly on the alert for this frickin' vampire with the teleportation powers. It was like playing a fucked up game of wack-o-mole. Every time we thought we got a lead, it would disappear. _Poof!_ Just to show up somewhere else.

At least they stopped killing civilians. They were pretty quiet for a hot second and then the big Cullen bloodsucker stumbled upon one of them – the male – and they fought until the sister got in and saved his ass. That was two days ago now.

I burst through the trees into a clearing, where Sam was with the pack.

 _Taking a load off?_ I thought as I looked at all of them lounging around like they were getting paid or something. Embry was even on his back, scratching like a dog against the ground.

 _Waiting for you._ Leah jumped out of a tree and rolled her eyes. _Obviously._

 _What did you need to talk about, Jacob?_ Sam asked, Paul and Jared trailing him like an entourage. I rolled my eyes. This alpha thing had really blown up his head.

 _So, I need to use a couple of my vacation days._ I started.

Sam - a gigantic black wolf only who was just infinitesimally shorter than me - ghosted around like a shadow. _What?_

 _I have a…gig, I guess._ I replayed the conversation I had with Edward over in my head.

 _That's Edward?_ Seth asked, surprised and sad. _He sounds so rough._

 _Oh, Lord. Here we go again._ Leah laid down and put her head on her crossed paws. _When will you give it up when it comes to that girl? She obviously chose the leech. Let. It. Die._

 _Leah, just because you're a miserable hag, doesn't mean you should make everyone around you just as miserable._ I thought back.

She jumped to her feet and growled at me, her teeth flashing in the low sunlight. _Miserable? You want to talk about making everyone around you miserable?_ She started in a deep voice which I assumed was a poor representation of me. _Oh, when will Bella call me back? Gosh, I'm so in love with Bella. I really wish she didn't choose the corpse over me. Boohoo. I'm so heartbroken._ She shook her head. _She's a bit-_

I lunged into Leah, knocking her off of her feet before she could say the word and growling right in her face. I saw the fear flash in her eyes for a second.

 _Alright, enough_. Sam ordered and I backed off.

 _So a leech calls and you drop everything to go to Japan?_ Paul snorted, bumping his shoulder with mine. _If they ask you to jump, do you ask how high?_

 _You're whipped, boy._ Quil said. _And you're not even her boyfriend. That's sad._

 _You're whipped too! By a toddler, no less._ I said. _Pot meet kettle. Kettle says 'now_ that's _pretty fucking sad.'_

 _Jacob, you_ know _that is different._ Quil started getting all defensive and huffy. Claire was Quil's imprintee, which was more than being in love. It was finding one's soul mate. One's gravity to the earth, their blue to the sky, and the melody of their song. Unfortunately, Claire was also three years old – something we never failed to give him shit for.

 _Enough. Let's actually have a conversation._ Sam said. _This back and forth isn't getting us anywhere. Why do you think Bella is in danger?_

 _Because if it's Edward the one that's saying it._ I cringed, all my fur standing up with nausea at my next words. _Then, it's probably true._ He was a lot of things, but he was not a liar.

Sam sighed. He knew that my mind was made. I was going to go whether he approved or not. _Fine. Go._

 _Are you guys going to be okay without me?_ I asked. Next to Sam himself, I was the pack's best fighter. While I was itching to get to the land of sushi and questionable anime to help Bella, my duty was the pack first and foremost. And I didn't want to leave them to the wind.

Sam regarded me for a second before lowering his head. _We should be fine. The blond bloodsucker has a whole strategy planned._ He rolled his eyes. Working with the parasites made everyone's skin crawl, but we couldn't say they weren't without their _talents._

 _Yeah, Jacob._ Embry called. _Go to Japan. Get your booty call on!_

 _Make sure you say 'domo arigatou,'_ Quil snickered. _That's 'Hey, Bella will you marry me? I'm desperately in love with you' in Japanese._

They both rolled on the ground, mud sticking to their fur as they wheezed with laughter.

 _I hate you all._ I shook my head. Maybe I could find another wall to bash my head into. That sounded nice right about now. I turned around and started for La Push, running as hard as I could, my paws hitting the ground and my heartbeat the only sounds louder than the wind in my ears.

 _Be safe._ Sam said as I phased back when I broke the forest line behind my house, pulling on my shorts in the same motion.

I ran through the back entrance, the storm door behind me crashing as I blew through it. "Dad!" I called as I hurried into my bedroom. I threw my old duffle on my bed and packed my clothes into it, not even bothering to, like, fold anything.

"Yeah?" He called back.

"I'm leaving for a couple of days." I said as I opened my sock drawer and pulled out my passport, checked the expiration date before throwing that in my duffle as well.

"Okay," He said. "Where you going?"

"Oh, um…" I wracked my brain. _Portland had a good sushi place_. "Portland!"

I was so glad that Billy was apart of the council. Literally any other parent would've given me shit for leaving like I was. I'd hate to be Embry, who had to sneak out every night because his mom didn't know what the hell was going on and _couldn't_ know what was going. For Billy though, running away for a couple of days was a normal Tuesday afternoon. "Okay!" He called back, not even looking up from his television program.

I changed into some regular human clothes – jeans that had minimal grease stains and a white shirt and my leather jacket - and started for the door. "Be back…sometime." I said as I jogged through the rain to my car.

I threw my crap in the trunk and got in, starting eastward to SeaTac airport. _Bella needs protection._ His words echoed around in my head like he shouted them down a gulley. My forehead wrinkled as I drove through the pouring rain. Protection from what? Vampires? Something else? Isn't half of his family out there with him? Three or four vampires couldn't stop Bella, one tiny human, from getting hurt?

I sighed. I knew that answer and it was a big, fat fucking _probably not_. Knowing Bella, she had the whole host of fairy-tale creatures after her, including the Wicked Witch of the West, the Easter Bunny, and Ariel the Mermaid. But, fighting was the easy part. It was protecting her from herself – her inane ability to put herself right into danger because she felt like it was the right thing to do at the time – was a little harder.

And exactly the reason why Edward was calling me out there.

Fuck my _life._

I snapped out of my moment of self-loathing to see a figure standing in the middle of the road, the hood of his rain jacket up. I slammed the brakes before I turned him into a person-sized bug on the hood of my car. He tipped his head up and I saw the characteristic golden eyes and white skin of the Cullen clan of leeches.

 _Jasper._ I growled in my chest. The blond bloodsucker with the southern accent was blocking the freaking highway. I should've just kept going, but I knew I would've probably just wrapped my car around him. I honked my horn once before throwing my car in park and opening the door. "What the fuck are you doing?" I yelled at him, my shirt automatically soaking in the rain.

"We want to ask you the same question." A tiny, high-pitched voice said behind me.

I wheeled around to Alice, who was standing with her arms crossed over her chest, her hair glued to her face in the rain.

"I'm going to Japan." I said.

"I know that." She said and rolled her eyes. " _Why_ are you going to Japan?"

"You can't see that in that crystal ball of yours?"

"Jacob," She said, a growl forming deep in her chest.

It was my turn to roll my eyes. "Because Edward asked me too?" The 'duh' was implied with my tone.

She blanched, her face twisting in surprise. She didn't see _that_ with her voodoo black magic apparently. "He did?"

"Yeah. Why else would I suddenly drop everything here to fly half a world away?"

"Um…to try and get Bella back?"

I tensed, feeling my mouth press into a line. My feelings for Bella weren't a secret. I was pretty much miserably in love with her. My sore and aching heart sputtered around in my chest at the thought of me showing up and winning Bella back to whisk her back here to Forks. "No." I said tersely. "I was asked to go by your parasite brother." I looked at the blond one who was still standing in front of my car, still as a statue in the pouring rain. "Can I go now?"

She suddenly jerked, her fingers flying to her temples and a groan escaping her lips. "Wait," She breathed. Jasper was at her side in her instant, his hand on her back.

I closed my door to my car and leaned against it, crossing my arms over my chest. I was going to be here for awhile, apparently.

"Something's firming up." She said, her eyebrows pulling together.

"With the Russians?" Jasper asked.

 _Russians?_ I straightened up. "What's going on with the Russians?"

"Shush!" She said, her fingers still pressed to her head and her eyes intense on me, like she was trying to smite me with her mind. "No, with… _Edward_."

Jasper's eyes widened with shock. "Is he going to be okay?"

She shook her head. "The image of him on the table is firming, but I can't tell if it's good or bad." She looked at Jasper and gripped his arms and then looked at me. "But, _you_ have something to do with it. It wasn't this clear before, but now it is."

" _Very_ insightful." I rolled my eyes. "Can I really go now? I have a plane to catch."

"Yes," She said, almost frantically. "Go. Please."

I got back in my car and pulled off my jacket, starting the heater so it would be dry before I got to the airport.

 _Alright, Bella._ I thought. _I'm coming, whether you want me there or not._

* * *

I moved through the Japanese airport, catching wide-eyed stares as I passed. I guess people here weren't used to seeing a Native American, six-foot-five kid in greasy jeans with nineteen-inch biceps. I followed the polite female voice over the intercom and the arrows on the signs to the baggage claim.

I actually didn't really know where I was going, but I didn't focus on that too much. I couldn't imagine it would be very difficult to catch a vampire scent around here and let it lead me to where I needed to be.

Instead, I was fixated on the worry that oscillated in my chest like a fucked up tilt-a-whirl over Bella. _Of course._ My heart – which beat so fast and loud, that I had to consciously drown it out – revved up like a motorcycle engine in my chest. An idea had come to me as I sat on the plane. Edward was sounding _rough._ Which made me wonder how Bella was holding up.

I was brought back to last year, to those months where Bella looked like a beat-up rag doll – limp and lifeless. I thought of her as she held herself in the middle like she was going to split at the seam, her stuffing threatening to come out. Whose fault was that? _Edward's._

Edward. _Aw, man._ And the night of the fight I had with Edward - I thought about that too. There wasn't really a day now, where I didn't think of it. I went way too far with him. And his face – the face of a man burning at the stake – haunted me every time I closed my eyes. I couldn't imagine what condition he was in now.

And what that was doing to Bella.

I grabbed my duffle bag from the carousel, threw it over my shoulder and started for the exit of airport. I looked around me. Families greeted each other and couples waited for taxis.

A man caught my eye. He was holding a sign that had 'Jacob Black,' standing in front of an all-black car with tinted windows. I looked around at the faces that looked nothing like me –maybe there were two Jacob Blacks here – and then approached the man when I saw that no one else was.

"Hey," I said as I bounded up to him. "Are you with-?"

His eyes widened as he took me in. "Jacob Black?" He asked, his accent thick, turning my last name into _'Brack.'_

"That's me."

He stepped to the side and opened the back door. "I am your driver." He said simply and took my duffle from me to put into the trunk.

I shrugged and slid into the back. Limo service beat having to run. He got into the driver's seat and started off.

I pulled out my phone, watching the little bars in the corner turn to roam in the international area. I navigated to my contacts, my fingers going to Bella's name on reflex. _How are you doing, Bella?_ I snapped my phone shut and tapped my lower lip with the antenna. _What mess am I walking into?_

It took an hour to get to where we were going. I watched Japan fly by the window. The trees and the mountains and the greenery reminded me of home, but the signs and the architecture and the fact we were driving on the wrong side of the road reminded me I was in a very different part of the world.

We turned down a drive and large castle broke the horizon in front of me. It was a dark wood with loopy roofs that bended up at the edges like elf shoes and was surrounded by an ornately decorated gate. Tourists milled around the outside, taking pictures at the front. "Wow." I breathed as I watched us approach it.

"Nijō castle." The driver explained.

We suddenly made a turn down a hidden drive that was surrounded by trees. It was one of those roads where you had to know where it was, otherwise you would completely miss it. We pulled up to another palace. This one a smaller version of the big one we just passed, like it's little brother or something.

The driver parked in front of what I assumed was the stair that led to the front door. I got out of the car, the buzzing of insects filling the silence around me.

"Ring the door and ask for Dr. Funai." The driver instructed as he handed me my bag.

"Thanks," I said and turned, walking up the tall stairway to the big, red door. I hit the button and stared into the camera.

"May I help you?" A voice said over the intercom.

"I was told to ask for Dr. Funai?" I shrugged in the camera, fixing my hair in the reflection of the lens.

There was a low buzzing and the door swung open with a creak. The smell alone told me there were vampires here. _Ugh._ I thought the Cullen household was bad. This was ten times worse. It was like over-sweetened rotting frosting mixed with patchouli. And something else? _Sandalwood?_ That was a new one.

I looked around the empty entrance. _So much for a welcome party._ I looked down at the row of shoes at the base of the entryway. I bent over and untied my boots and slipped out of them before stepping up onto the hardwood.

I followed my nose, letting it lead me to the Cullens and ultimately to Bella. This was an empty place. All the rooms didn't have furniture in them, but they did have art. That was kind of pleasant, I guess.

I opened a door and came to a flight of stairs. I walked down them, watching my surroundings go from a fancy Asian restaurant to a gray, stone dungeon. _Creepy._ But, what else would I expect from a smattering of vampires?

At the bottom of the stairs I found…a lab? I looked around. It _was_ a lab, surrounded by clear walls that had a mess of calculations and writing on it. Bright lights flooded the place, illuminating the benches and counters that had a mess of different science-y stuff on them.

Carlisle and some other bloodsucker chick was working over something, both of their eyes intense. I, evidently, had a pretty strong smell to vampires like they did to me. That and the fact that my heartbeat was so loud, it could be mistaken for a ceremony drum left me without the element of surprise. Both of their eyes snapped up to me when I entered their super villain lair.

"Jacob?" Carlisle's eyebrows furrowed and his tone was surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh," I was caught off guard with the question. I kind of expected Edward to tell his family that I was coming. You know, forewarning so they didn't try and tear my head off. I sure didn't make any _fans_ the night of the party. "Edward invited me to come out."

Carlisle looked perplexed, but it was the other vampire that stole my attention. Her eyes widened at me and then narrowed.

"You are not human." She said and approached me in a flash. She was tiny and Japanese, but her English sounded basically American. Her golden eyes studied me like I was a math problem to solve.

"Jacob is a shape-shifter." Carlisle explained from his place at the counter, his hand still on the microscope. "Werewolf. We…cohabitate the Olympic peninsula."

She picked up one of my arms in her cold iron grip and looked at it for a long moment. _Yes, yes I'm very fascinating._ "May I borrow some blood?" She finally asked, her eyes snapping up to my face.

I took a defensive step back and ripped my arm from her grip. " _Excuse_ me?" I wasn't about to let this lady take a chomp out of me. _Hell no._

Her mouth rounded in surprise at my sudden movement. "Excuse me for not clarifying." She said politely. "May I borrow some of your blood _to study?_ One test tube full?"

Carlisle and I both looked at her with confusion. " _Why_?" I asked.

"Your ancestors started turning into their other form when they were threatened by vampires, correct?" She asked matter-of-factly.

I took another step back. "H-how did you know that?" The legends weren't shared outside the rez and we were a people of about four hundred. I _highly_ doubted that word had travelled all the way to Japan.

She gave me a knowing smile and stepped forward. "You heal incredibly quickly, you are strong enough to fight vampires and are repellant of our venom, correct?"

"Well yeah." I ran my fingers through my hair. "Wait…Are there _other_ werewolves?"

She shrugged. "The shape-shifters I studied turned into giant cats…"

I recoiled. _Cats? Ew._ That was crazy that there were others like us out there, though. Others who responded to these parasites by fighting them toe-to-toe instead of running. A burst of pride went off in my chest like a camera flash. But, I wasn't here to be grilled by this small vampire and this whole conversation was growing tedious. I had a _mission._ "Can you direct me to where Bella and Edward are please?"

"May I have a sample of your blood?"

I avoided her question and tried to move around her and she stepped back in my way. We zig-zagged around the lab in a weird tango, my frustration growing with every move. A red haze clouded my vision and my heartbeat started jackhammering hard in my chest and I started to vibrate, on the verge of exploding into my other form.

"Jacob," Carlisle said in a warning tone as he watched us. "Please humor her? We are working to save Edward. You might be able to _help_ him."

I sucked in a deep breath. I was doing a lot of _helping him_ lately. But, his burning-man face popped in my head and I lowered my eyes. "Fine."

"Thank you." She said and quickly moved back to behind the counter, opened a drawer, pulled out something and zipped back to where I was standing. With a snap of gloves and a poke into the crook of my elbow, she filled a needle full of my blood – thick and almost black like molasses.

"Edward and Bella and are down the stairs, second door to the right." Carlisle said as he adjusted his microscope, his eyes pitched downwards.

"Thanks." _I guess._

"And Jacob? Please be…courteous. Edward is not well and he reacts badly to stress." He said.

"I'll keep that in mind." God, we're not _savages._

I started down another flight of gray stone stairs, taking them two at a time. _Second door to the right_. I could smell Bella now, human and lovely among the rot of the vampires. My hands all of a sudden became clammy. _What was I going to find? What mess was I walking into? What pieces did I have to pick up?_

The door was opened, so I just walked in. The smell hit me first and made me want to kill myself. It was like a battering ram right to the face. Stink and decay and blood. _Ugh, gross._ _Human blood, too_. My skin crawled and I instinctively took a step back.

But then I actually _saw._

It was a hospital room. White, sterile, uniform. Nothing too crazy.

It was the occupants of the room that froze me to the floor.

Edward was looking _rough._ And by rough, I mean warmed over three-week old corpse that was fished from a raw sewage line. He was so _pale_ ; he bled into the white sheets around him. And gaunt - the dark purple bruises under his eyes making him look like one of those Tim Burton Claymation characters. His stiff arms shivered like he was freezing and he was sleeping – I guess – against towel on Bella's neck, his face scrunched and pulled like he was in pain.

And then my eyes tore away from the train wreck in the middle of the bed to Bella next to him. She was so lovely and so human and so…put together. I sighed a little with relief. She looked, well, _normal –_ her hair down and straight around her heart-shaped face and a book in her lap. There wasn't any of that crazy holding-myself-in-the-middle-like-my-guts-were-going-to-fly-out shenanigans like last year.

She looked up at me and we locked eyes, her dark brown ones kaleidecoping through a bunch of different emotions. Her mouth popping open in surprise. "Jacob?" Bella whispered, her face turning into a scowl. "Wh-what are you doing here?"

She was still pissed at me. We were going to have to work on that.

Edward coughed – a horrible rattly wet-sounding cough from deep in his chest- his shoulders jerking in weird directions and the shaking getting worse. Bella turned her attention to him at once, her hands running through his hair. He didn't open his eyes, though. Instead he seemed to settle and relax, his mouth opening slightly.

"Your bloodsucking boyfriend didn't tell you?" I whispered, swimming through the smell to approach her. "He's the one that asked me to come."

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "He did?"

I nodded my head rapidly up and down as I stood on the opposite side of the bed, Edward between us like a cadaver sandwich. Up close he was worse. He had all these blue lines running up and down his arms and a line in his nose that was taped to his face. I traced it to the bag of blood hanging over his head, my skin crawling in disgust again.

"Why?"

I sighed. Edward should _never_ go into the travel agent business. "I don't know. Just something about protecting you."

Her scowl twisted further. "I don't _need_ protection. They moved us down here to protect me from the Russians."

"What is going on with the Russians?"

The door on the other wall – opposite of the one I walk in through – threw open and and the blonde bloodsucking sister - _Oh, Lord. What was her name?_ Something to do with flowers, I think – stood in the doorway, her posture set like she was going to pounce me. I sighed and crossed my arms. _So melodramatic._ "Who let the stray in?" She demanded, her tone pissed.

"Rosalie," Bella scolded lowly. "You're going to wake Edward!"

But, it was too late. Edward stirred in the bed, his head coming up and that cough of his shaking his body. His eyes – bright, fire truck red in color - snapped opened and I took an automatic defensive step back, my butt hitting the wall.

He looked around, confusion clouding his eyes and his eyebrows furrowing. "Bella," He said, his voice rough like he had been gargling acid.

"I'm right here." She patted his arm.

"How long was I asleep?"

"Eighteen hours."

He closed his eyes again like that news pained him. "Where's Keiko?"

Bella looked at Rosalie, who looked at Bella, both of their expressions twisting uncomfortably. "She went into town to get more blood a couple of hours ago."

His eyebrows furrowed and he opened his eyes again, his teeth grinding together in his head.

"Is it really bad?" Bella twisted so that she was facing Edward, her hands clasping his and her brown eyes shining with concern.

Edward shook his head and opened his eyes, his fingers going to Bella's face. He stroked her cheek once with the back of his hand before it thumped back onto his chest. "Seven." He breathed.

"She's due to be back at any second." Bella assured worriedly, her hand petting his like a family pet. "We were hoping you wouldn't even notice."

Edward's red eyes snapped to me. Cold, predatory. And I pressed myself further against the wall. "Jacob. Thank you for coming on such short notice."

"Oh, um. You're welcome." I stammered for a second. " _Why_ am I here?" Besides, you know, being horribly in love with Bella to the point where I would die for her.

Edward looked at Bella and then coughed, a stream of blood dripping down his face. Bella picked up a washcloth and wiped it away for him. _Sexy._ "Bella needs protection." He repeated to me what he said on the phone.

"Edward," She groaned, her eyes going tight around the edges. I'm fine. Don't _worry_ about me."

"The Russian vampires and probably Victoria have decided to come to Japan." Edward said as he looped a piece of her hair around his fingers, his eyes never moving from her face.

I looked at the blonde sister who was glaring at me with her arms crossed over her chest. "Aren't there like a million of you guys here? You can't protect one human?"

He looked up at me and I fought the urge to recoil again from his red eyes. Instead, I saw something flash in them. A new pain besides the physical suffering. He had something more to tell me.

Something he didn't want Bella to hear.

* * *

 **So we're in Jacob's head now. Whewww. We're in the home stretch boiz.**

 **In preparation for Jacob's POV, I did half-read like three chapters of his section of Breaking Dawn to psychoanalyze him a bit. A couple of things: 1) I hate BD so much 2) SM's 'I'm trying to be a teenaged boy kool kid' writing style is so UNCONVINCING 3) the lack of cursing - like the lack of meth running rampant through Forks. It's a small town guys, you know it's a fucking problem - depresses me. Like, how you gonna write a seventeen year old lower-middle-class small-town kid without having every other word be an expletive? I know this whole series is basically a four-part LDS church pamphlet, but come ON AT LEAST DO THIS ONE THING RIGHT STEPHANIE MEYER**

 **I'm going to go eyeball fuck myself with a bottle of bleach tbh**

 **Bucketofguts (are you my spirit animal with that name? Can we be best friends forever?) - Thank you for your kind words. I hadn't even thought about Twilight or anything like it until I opened an old thumbdrive and now my husband's like "are you okay? Why are you reading Twilight all of a sudden? You're 23 and not a 12 year old emo girl?" and I'm "Shhhh I'm fine. Just fine. Does this washcloth smell like chloroform to you?" And SM struggles with alot, which you have probably seen in my less-than-nice literary analysis of her works at the bottom of the chapters...**

 **Also, thank you for actually reporting back that you did the homework I assigned. A+++ gold star for you. You are the first person to say you actually listened to the album.**


	28. 27: I Need Therapy

Before he could say anything more he jerked like he was suddenly having a seizure, his face twisting into that I'm-burning-at-the-stake face that haunted my dreams. He screamed a tortured cry, blood coming out with it and hitting his white Fruit of the Loom shirt and the sheets. I cringed against the wall and fought the urge to stick my fingers in my ears and hum 'Happy Birthday' to drown it all out.

"Where's _Keiko?"_ He asked between ragged breaths, blood foaming at his mouth.

"She'll be here any minute." Bella assured. Anxiety twisted her face up. She got to her feet and lifted the roll bar of the hospital bed so Edward wouldn't jerk himself off of it.

Blondie ghosted in front of me to the IV that hung next to Edward's head. "He's out of blood." She announced. "I'll go see if we have any more." She disappeared in a streak of yellow hair through the door I walked in through.

I watched Bella as I pressed myself so flat against the wall I could've been a cheap motel painting. She worried over Edward, her fingers smoothing down his hair and rubbing his shoulder and running down his face. And her eyes were like melted chocolate, warm and shiny with adoration for the lifeless carcass sitting in the bed, shaking so bad he looked like he had Parkinson's.

My sore and aching heart spluttered around in my chest like it was dancing in a violent mosh pit. _Why?_ Why did he have to come back? Why did he have to fuck up everything all over again? He already _ruined_ her. Broke her. He must know what he _did_ to her. What he's _doing_ to her? Did he not care? _Of course not!_ That's what parasites do. They take and take and take and give _nothing_ back.

And now she was here _again_ on the verge of being abandoned in the woods. On the verge of being shattered and left and by Edward Cullen – the biggest bloodsucking douche bag of the century.

And I was here. Ready with open arms to pick up the pieces, hoping one day she would look at me with _half_ the love she looked at him.

Rosalie flashed back into the room, quickly changing out the empty back for a fresh one full of donated human blood. _WHOLE BLOOD_ was printed in big letters on the front of the bag _._ I bet the Red Cross would have a bunch of issues if they knew the blood donated to them was going to _sustain_ a parasitic monster.

On Blondie's heels was another leech. She was tiny and thin and was wearing one of those traditional Japanese dresses with big flowers all over it. Her sleeves were flipped over her arms like they got in the way. _At least this one smells a bit better._ She wasn't as sweet. More musky. I now understood why I smelled sandalwood earlier. "I'm very sorry, Edward-san." She said with a thick accent. I didn't see her face, but she sounded really young. "I was hoping I would've gotten here before you awoke."

I didn't want to hang around here and watch this fucked up episode of _Grey's Anatomy_ , though. So, I let myself out into the hallway and slid myself against the wall to the ground.

"It's okay. Please don't feel bad." Edward said between coughs. His labored breathing started to even out and he didn't sound so pained.

"I'll have to go down to laundry to get you new sheets." She said.

I sighed against the wall and stared at the unfinished ceiling, stewing in my misery. God, she makes me so _mad._ Why did I _love_ her so much? I didn't even get it.

A pair of small feet with red painted toe nails stopped to stand in front me. "Can I talk to you?"

I jerked my eyes up to Bella's face. She looked at me with an odd look in her eyes. They were resigned, but pained at the same time. "Sure," I said automatically. _Why are you so stupid, Jacob? You know she's only going to tell you something you don't want to hear._

I got up and followed her down the hallway. This must've been some sort of underground bunker, because the rooms were all like little prison cells. Or maybe this is where the crazy doctor locks up her experiments, like, Frankenstein or Mangele or whatever. It had a creepy vibe, but that could've also been the fact that the place was crawling with vampires.

While I was looking at my surroundings, I was looking at Bella too out of the corner of my eye. She looked so _well._ I was totally expecting an Act II of last year. She didn't look happy, though. Her expression hard as she bit on her bottom lip and kept her eyes trained to the floor. _What was she thinking about?_

We walked silently up a flight of stairs that twisted up and around, both our un-shoed feet padding on the wood. Bella pushed a door open at the top and suddenly we were on a balcony. I blinked at the sudden light change, letting my eyes adjust to the start of a sunset. Bugs buzzed crazy loud in the surrounding forests and the humidity made my t-shirt adhere to my back.

"Why did we come up here?" I asked as I looked around. There was a garden below us with a creek running through it, fruit trees turning it fun and bright colors.

"So Edward wouldn't hear us." She said and leaned against the railing, her back to the garden. "He gets upset easily."

"Yeah, Carlisle said something about that." I said and turned so I was elbow-to-elbow with her. "How's he doing?" _Besides the obvious, I guess._ I winced at my own question.

Her face flashed through emotions, before settling on pained. "Not well." She almost whispered.

I reached out to touch her, to run my hand against her arm or wrap her up against me. Provide some comfort, like I used to be able to do. She used to run to me, pressing her small frame against my body. She fit their perfectly – like a puzzle piece finding its mate. But, she shied away from my touch this time. My heart twisted violent and painful in my chest and I dropped my eyes to my socked feet. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Why did you come here?" She asked, her voice not unkind but not friendly either. I felt like I was at a job interview, her tone resigned and professional.

"Edward asked me to." I said.

"You wouldn't do something just because Edward asked you to." She said, her arms crossing. "Why are you _really_ here?"

She looked at me and I looked at her, my mouth opening to speak. I forgot exactly when I figured out I loved Bella. There wasn't an _aha!_ moment like I imagined imprinting was like. No lightbulb. No sudden epiphany. I fell in love with Bella like I breathed: slowly and without thought.

Oh, how I wished I imprinted on her. How much _easier_ this would've been for me. Because at that point, it didn't matter if she didn't love me back. I would've been anything for her: a best friend, a lover, a protector. Whatever she needed I would've been fine with. Everyone just defaulted to romantic because, well, it was hard _not_ loving someone back when they pledged their endless devotion to you.

Not now, though. I only wanted her _one way_ and anything else just felt like I was being stabbed through the chest with a toothbrush prison shank.

"Because I love you." I finally said, my eyes pitching down to my feet.

"Jacob," She groaned.

"Well, what answer were expecting, Bella?" I asked, the question exploding out of me. "I came here to make amends with Edward and become his BFF? Because I all of a sudden love the Cullen clan of leeches? Because _Japan_ is the top of my list for international destinations? What answer do you were expecting?" I asked, my heartbeat picking up in my chest. "I'm honestly genuinely curious."

She made a face and looked away. She didn't have an answer to that question. We sat in silence for a long moment. I worked on keeping my breathing even. In and out. In and out.

"Do you remember our date?"

"What?" I asked dumbfounded, completely caught off-guard with her question.

"Our weird movie date with Mike last year? When we went to go see that movie…" She started.

Oh. _That_ date. "Yeah, and then he got sick because he couldn't take the gore." I chuckled.

"What was that movie called?"

"Cross…hairs?" I guessed, not entirely sure.

"That's it." She laughed, her smile lighting up her face. _I missed that smile._ My heart _tha-thumped_ harder in my chest. "Those movies were ridiculous."

"Yeah, you sure knew how to pick 'em."

We both laughed. It wasn't our usual shared laughs. These were polite, distant. Like, we were trying to laugh with each other from two different planets.

"You said, 'don't get mad at me for hanging around.'" She said, her voice suddenly intense. "You said that you weren't going to give up."

I remembered that. I was so sure of myself. Such a simpleminded idiot I was back then.

"Jacob, you _have_ to give up." She turned so she was facing me, her brown eyes wide and full of regret. Her fist was clenched tight, her knuckles white. "You have to, okay?"

I felt my eyebrows pull together. There was a sense of foreboding all of a sudden. A dark shadow on me. "Why?"

"Edward and I…" She started. My heartbeat pounded hard in my chest and I had to focus hard to catch all of her words. "...are married."

Red. Red haze blinded me. I shook, not like Edward did – that sickly jerking or whatever – I vibrated, like I was phasing from two different dimensions. Phasing between two different forms.

"Jacob!" She yelled, her hand finding my arm. "Get ahold of yourself."

"You guys are _married_?" I exploded, ripping my arm from her grip. I felt like she had cracked open my chest, pulled my heart out, trampled on it and then torched it on fire. I felt tears in my eyes, on my face, boiling hot on my skin. I felt betrayal stab at me jagged and rough.

Her eyes were wide on me and she nodded. "We did it last week." She said in a small voice and then pointed to the garden. "Under those trees."

"Why?" I groaned.

"Because I love him." She said simply.

 _But, you're not supposed to love him. You're supposed to love_ _me._ I thought and looked to where she was pointing. I shook my head and started ripping off my clothes. I would've just jumped, but these were my last pair of jeans. "Well, congratu- _fucking_ -lations."

"Jacob, listen to me." She said.

I paused for the briefest of seconds to look at her. To really look at her. The red in her hair and the deep brown of her eyes and her heart-shape face and her porcelain skin. And instead of the girl I loved, I just saw one of _them_. Another leech. Another parasite – taking and taking and taking without giving anything back. She was just one of them. It was a perfect match all along.

"I will always love you." She said lowly.

I shook my head and placed my jeans and shirt on the railing. "If you loved me, you wouldn't have married a corpse."

"Jacob!"

But, I was gone.

* * *

I ran as hard and as I fast as I could, ignoring everyone's attempt at communication in my head. I ran north, into a forest and up a mountain. The evergreen trees reminded me of home, but the heat and humidity was a suffocating reminder that I was no one

 _Come on, Jacob._ Embry pressed. _What happened?_

Everyone could feel what I felt – a churning hurricane of emotions. Disgust. Betrayal. Pity, even. I don't know. Maybe a couple of emotions I didn't even have names for. I never felt this bad before in my life. I wanted to hurl and scream and shoot myself in the head all at the same time.

But, I wasn't talking. I wasn't thinking. I didn't let myself run the conversation in my head. I didn't want anyone to know. I just kept my focus on the trees and my heartbeat in my ears and the wind blowing my jowls back.

I ran and ran. I came across a temple of some sort. Another building made out of dark wood with a red roof that curved up at the edges. I kept to the forest and ran past it, continuing my climb up the mountain.

This was a mistake. Coming here was a mistake. I should've seen it. I should've _known._ And maybe I did, in some way. I knew that I wasn't going to like what I saw when I came here.

But, goddamn, did have to be this? A _marriage_? I couldn't believe it. It made my ice shoot through my veins at the very thought. I almost wished that he had turned her into a leech instead. At that point, I could mourn like I would if she had died. Mourn and then fight the Cullen clan for breaking the treaty – starting with the one who turned her. But, she was still very much alive. Her heart beat in her chest. Color rose into her cheeks. And all of that stabbed at me like a rusty knife. Over and over and over.

Being friends with Bella was mistake.

 _No._ I wasn't going to let myself go there. I _was_ happy at one point. Briefly. I was happy following her around like a puppy, picking up each piece that was left behind. I had those memories at least. A small token. A consolation prize.

 _Jacob._ Sam said. _Please tell us what is going on?_

 _Nothing._ I answered back. It was nothing. I was nothing. A black hole sucking everything good into my middle and spitting out blackness. _Nothing._

I stopped when I reached the top of the mountain and turned around. I could see what I guessed was the lights of Kyoto – rows of buildings and houses twinkling against the dark backdrop of the night. It would've been pretty if I was in any other mindset besides heartbroken and miserable. Slightly suicidal maybe? Reckless, definitely.

I turned to the north and saw a body of water. There was a full moon out and it reflected off the surface of the water. It made me even sadder in an ironic sort of way. A werewolf under a full moon. I started howling for the full effect.

I had no more purpose here. I had no more purpose in Washington either. Besides, the pack, I guess. But, what did they ever do for me? Maybe I'll leave. Leave for good, turn into the animal I was meant to be. What's the point of ever being human again? If it was like this? If this was all I ever got?

I started back to the palace. I didn't want to. I wanted to just start running and never stop. Ran until I collapsed. Ran until my heart burst out of my chest. But, I knew if I did that, I would hit bodies of water. I had to get my things. And then I could leave and never turn back.

I found the palace by retracing my steps back down the mountain, running. I jumped back over the balcony. It was late at night now, even early morning. The sky was dark overhead and the stars that defied the light pollution of the city twinkled over my head. I found my clothes still lying over the edge of the railing where I left them. I phased back into a human, quickly jamming myself into my outfit and walking back into the castle.

I didn't hear a heartbeat in Edward's hospital room. _Good._ She was the last person I wanted to run into. I was just going to grab my duffle bag and leave. I'll disappear like a ghost. I wasn't even sure where I would go yet. I had $13,000 still. Maybe I'll take a trip to Paris and throw myself off the Eiffel Tower. _That sounded nice._

"Jacob," Edward said in his gravely voice when I came in. "Are you okay?"

"You should ask your _wife_ , Mrs. Parasite." I grumbled and picked up my duffle from where I dropped it earlier. I didn't even bother to look at him. If I did, I would just feel bad – his burning man face in my head. And I didn't want to feel bad. I wanted to feel bitter and angry. I deserved that much.

"Jacob," Edward said with a pleading tone. "Stop, please."

I froze. I don't know why I kept doing that. I needed to just learn to keep going. But, I stopped and looked at the pathetic creature sitting in the middle of the hospital bed. "What?" I asked.

"I'm sorry." He said and leaned forward, straightening himself up a bit. "I can't imagine how hard this is for you."

I rolled my eyes and started moved again, scoffing. "Why are you sorry? You got Bella." _I got shit._ Less than shit, actually. " _And_ you got to rub it in my face in person. You should be happy."

"Happy?" He asked. His shoulders rolled forward and arms crossed his chest loosely. He shook and I could hear his razor sharp teeth rattling together in his head. "No. I'm _dying_."

"Congratulations." I muttered and started for the door.

"Jacob, wait."

I groaned and punched the wall, watching the plaster give under my fist. " _What_?"

"I have days left." He said just above a whisper. "Maybe a week if I'm lucky. Bella is my wife _now_ ," I winced hard at that statement, the words chewing on my insides. "But, she won't be when I'm gone."

"You made her a bride and a widow in a span of two weeks. I think Britney Spears had longer marriages." I said with a miserable chuckle.

His eyes dropped to his lap. "She's going to need someone when I go, Jacob. I'm afraid she'll try something-," His face twisted with pain and his fingers went to his head, a low moan escaping his lips. "She'll try something-," He rocked back and forth, his body shuddering with movement.

I scrounged up the last of my brain cells to comprehend his line of reasoning. "You're afraid she's going to try and _off_ herself?"

His pained, red eyes snapped to me and he nodded.

"You know how ridiculous you sound, right?"

"Yes, of course." He said. "But, you _know_ it's a real possibility. You know how unpredictable she can be. _Please_ stay here for her _._ My family would protect her from any exterior threats, but she's going to need you-,"

"To pick up the pieces." I finished for him and leaned forward on footboard of his bed. "Have you ever thought that maybe I am tired of playing fifty-two card pickup every time you throw the deck of Bella's heart on the floor?" I challenged, my eyes staring hard into his.

His arms circled around his middle like he was trying to make himself small…or hold himself together. "You're all she's going to have left." He whispered.

I wavered. I imagined Bella in my arms. Bella grieving. Bella burying her dead undead husband. Bella healing. Bella finding love again. Bella having a family. Children with coppered color skin and chocolate brown eyes. Bella's beating heart against my fingertips, my ring on her finger.

" _Please_." He begged, his fingers rubbing his own arms, a nosebleed making its way down his face from his nostril.

I felt something in me harden like my chest had been split open and concrete was poured into me. The hole where my heart was ached. The knife in my back turned. All the pain I felt from before flooded back, lighting me ablaze. "No," I said. "She's not my problem anymore. She stopped being my problem when she said 'I do' to a bloodsucking leech."

I turned to leave, coming face-to-face with the other Japanese vampire. She gripped a black, lacquered box in her hands and looked between the both of us like she was afraid she was intruding.

I looked at her for the briefest of seconds. A millisecond, just to acknowledge her existence before I shoved myself past her. She had a young, round face. She was my age, maybe a little younger. Her long, black hair fell around her shoulders and was cut in a straight line right over her eyebrows. She had a button nose and her eyebrows were scrunched in concern.

 _She's pretty for a vampire._ I thought.

But, then we locked eyes.

I gasped like I had been socked in the gut.

My whole existence suddenly completely made sense. It was like I was a math equation that needed one more number to be irrevocably solved, a recipe that finally found its secret ingredient, the puzzle that found its missing piece.

All of a sudden, I wasn't in this hospital room, surrounded by impending death and doom. All the pain melted and I was transported to the most beautiful place on earth. A field of flowers the most of the loveliest colors and smells. A sky above us shining with stars that twinkled only for us. It was heaven, but more so, because she was in it. She was _the_ heaven _._

My torn and aching heart became suddenly whole and started beating wildly. The strongest its ever been, like it just snorted a line of coke and shot-gunned a Red Bull. I was a man raised from the dead, and I didn't even know that I had been a zombie in the first place. My universe started to rotate on a completely different axis, my gravity fixated on _this_ person. I was _made_ for her and I would follow her and protect her and live only for her for the rest of my life.

And it all happened in an instant. A flash. And now my future had completely shifted. My purpose had changed. Everything that I had thought I knew, all the ties I thought I had to the people I loved were gone. _Poof._ Like a magic trick.

I wheezed out the air I gasped, realizing what had happened.

I just imprinted.

On a vampire.

 _No. No. No. This wasn't right._ I groaned. I couldn't _imprint_ on a _vampire._ They were the enemy. Our sworn enemy. Cold and dead and white. _Bloodsuckers._ I felt sick all of a sudden. Disgusted with myself, even. It went against my whole nature. _What am I going to do?_ There must've been something _wrong_ with me. I was seriously _fucked_ in the head or something.

Or maybe it wasn't an imprint. Maybe I was just feeling sorry for myself because I'm a miserable, heartbroken bastard and just _thought_ I imprinted on her. _She was kind of cute._ For a vampire. I had to make sure I added on that last piece of information. She was a vampire. _Vampire._

But, then I looked at her again. I just stole a tiny peak at her face. The adoration literally threatened to drown me. Oh my God, I _adored_ her. I worshipped her. I would die for her. I definitely imprinted. _On a vampire._

 _What the fuck is wrong with me?_

I gripped the footboard of Edward's bed, my hand crunching into the wood to keep myself from phasing. I wasn't even angry; I was just _emotional._ It was too much. _So much._ It was like they had all been turned onto level eleven and were going at full blast in me.

"Rosalie-san said that you eat what Bella-san eats." She started, her accent making her voice soft and velvety. The box in her hands lifted and she offered it to me. "I made you some dinner."

I looked at her again, my eyes tracing and memorizing each line and shadow and curve of her face. _She even smelled good._ Sandalwood. They glanced down at the box which was ornately decorated with a mountain scene. I opened my mouth to speak, but I managed to make only choked, sounds like I was gargling on marbles.

" _Ano_ …" She pulled the box back when I didn't take it, probably staring at her like she had just grown a third eyeball and a second head. "If you are not hungry, I can save it-,"

"No, no." I cut her off, almost launching myself forward. I cracked another fist-sized dent into the footboard in an attempt to keep myself together. "I'll eat it."

She brightened. Her smile was so brilliant, the sun should take a lesson. "Wonderful."

I took the box from her and opened it. Inside were a couple of rice balls shaped and decorated with other foods to look like cutesy panda bears. The bears were surrounded by vegetables that were cut and shaped like stars. _Oh my Lord._ I thought. _I just imprinted on Hello Kitty._ "This looks…amazing." I said as I took it all in, feeling the biggest smile find its way on my face. I wasn't sure if I was even capable of doing that anymore. It felt so foreign.

She bounced up and down and clapped her tiny white hands together. " _Sugoi_!" She said. "You will let me know if it is too spicy?" She looked at me, her golden eyes wide.

"Sure," I managed, emotions still twisting inside of me. I felt like the round basket of bingo balls at the Elks Lodge in La Push, where my dad would go to scratch his gambling itch. Turning and turning, all the emotions bouncing around inside of me in pure chaos.

"I don't think we were properly introduced," She said and held out her hand for a handshake. "My name is Keiko."

 _Aw, man. I haven't even told her my name yet._ "Jacob."

"Jacob-san," She said. "It's nice to meet you."

 _It's nice to meet you too. By the way, do you know you're my soul mate?_ "Yeah," I managed and grabbed her hand. "Likewise."

She was cold, like vampires. But, there was a jolt of electricity between us. An intense heat that I had never felt before. And then a tug of some sort, like all of the energy in my arm was magnetized right in the middle of where we touched.

Her eyes widened at me, the smile melting from her face and she disconnected our hands. A million alarms went off in my head. What happened? Was I too hot to her? Did she see something? Feel something? _Bring the smile back, please._ I begged in my head.

She said something quickly in Japanese and then quickly she said "I-I need to go finish my chores." She about-faced and moved quickly out of the room. I had half a mind to chase after her, but that would probably only freak her out more. So, I glued myself where I was and watched her leave, her traditional attire fluttering behind her.

I looked at Edward, who was taking this all in with his wide, red eyes. His arms had relaxed around his middle and I watched them jerk on his lap. "What was that about?"

"I don't know." He shook his head and then tapped his temple with a shaky finger. "It hurts to read thoughts, so I haven't been." He said in his chain smoker voice.

"So you didn't hear…"

I watched a small smile ghost over his lips. "I caught the gist."

I rolled my eyes and picked up a rice ball panda. "Well, keep it to yourself." I shoved the whole thing in my mouth, the sauce in the middle instantly lighting my taste buds on fire. _It was a little spicy._

He held up his hands in surrender, his smile widening like this was the most entertaining thing on earth. _You would be pleased with yourself, you ailing bastard._ "I won't say anything."

"Good."

"Does this mean you will stay here in Japan?"

The thought of physically being separated from her lit my skin ablaze. "Yeah," I said, looking at the food in my hand. "I'll stay."

* * *

A **vampire is better than a half-vampire mutant child. Take _that_ Stephanie Meyer. Also, review please ilysm readers 33**


	29. 28: I See Dead Penguins

I followed Keiko's scent like a bloodhound, powerwalking through the castle as I chased it. I had to give her back her lunchbox or whatever this thing was she packed my dinner in. That gave me an excuse to look for her, to talk to her, to bask in her presence like the pathetic plebian that I was. I almost completely zoomed by Bella as I made my way up the stairs, not even paying attention to her. The sour feelings I had against her completely eclipsed by the adoration I now felt for Keiko.

"Jacob?"

I skidded to a halt at my name and looked at her. Bella was in pajamas now and clutched a folded up blanket to her chest. She looked pained to see me, but I barely registered her. I was on the hunt for the love of my life, the wind in my sails, the mac to my cheese. "Hey, Bella." I said. "Have you seen Keiko?"

"Oh….um, no. I haven't."

"Okay, thanks." I said and started down the corridor again.

"Wait," Her hand found my arm, and her voice was tinged with distress. "Is everything alright with Edward?"

"Yeah, he's fine." I shrugged, looking around her distractedly for Keiko. "Well, you know, as much as he can be." I added on the end.

"Okay," She breathed a sigh of relief and her eyebrows knitted together. "That's good. Hey, I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to hurt you like that. I know-,"

"Hey, don't worry about it. Water under the bridge." I impatiently cut her off. "Congrats on the nuptials and all of that."

Confusion flashed in her brown eyes. "You're… _okay_ with it?"

I shrugged. "I was pretty upset earlier but my…priorities have changed." I grinned down at her. _I had a soul mate now._ Keiko was my soul mate. She was made for me and I was made for her. I honestly _couldn't_ be better.

"So we can still friends?"

I grabbed Bella and crushed her against my chest in a quick hug, dancing from foot-to-foot with restlessness "Bella, I will _always_ be your friend. Your best friend even! And we can talk about our feelings but later, okay?" I said. "But, right now, I have somewhere to be."

"O-okay."

I detached from her and started jogging down the hallway, chasing the scent. "Hey, text me your registry link so I can send you guys a gift!" I called back after her.

I finally found Keiko in a commercial-looking kitchen. She had changed clothes too. Instead of the traditional silk dress-robe thing she was wearing earlier, she was in a bright pink sweatshirt and shorts, her socked feet sitting one right on top of the other as she worked over something on the counter.

"Hey, Keiko." I greeted with a rap of my knuckles on the doorway.

Her big eyes snapped to me and I watched her pull out her earbuds. "Jacob-san," She greeted as she chopped vegetables, her eyebrows furrowing in concern. "Dinner was okay?"

"Dinner was great." I felt the biggest grin on my face. "I wanted to return your, um, box."

"Oh, sure." She said with a smile and came around the counter to fetch it.

I caught a smell of something cooking. Some sort of meat on the grill, the oil and spices hitting me right in the face. My stomach made the most menacing, embarrassing growl I've ever heard in response. I blushed and put my hand over my stomach.

Keiko started to laugh, her hand raising to cover her mouth and her eyes closing. The sound was beautiful, bubbly like the loveliest champagne. "Are you still hungry, Jacob-san?"

"I'm _always_ hungry."

"You can come in. I'll make you something."

I gladly took her invitation and sat down at the island across from where she had been standing. It was stainless steel and sterile-looking – like the back-of-the-house of a restaurant. I watched her deposit the box into the three-part sink against the wall and then walk to the grill.

She quickly and artfully prepared me a plate of food that included a large bowl of rice, an egg, vegetables with some sort of sauce and the meat from the grill cut up into long strips.

"This looks _amazing."_ I said as I watched her place the food in front of me with a pair of chopsticks.

" _Ittedakimasu_!" She sang in Japanese, a big smile over her face and an expectant look in her eyes as she leaned over the counter to watch my reaction.

I started shoveling the food into my mouth as fast as I could go, breathing around the fire of the spice. 1) I was _hungry_. I hadn't eaten anything since that panda lunchbox thing and before that it was a Starbucks muffin and a coffee in the airport between flights. 2) I could eat a 7Eleven urinal cake with pubes stuck to it if Keiko was the one that put it in front of me. "How do you say 'delicious' in Japanese?" I asked between bites.

" _Oishii_!"

"Oishii!" I mimicked her and she laughed her bubbly laugh, her eyes closing and her head tilting to the side.

"I'm glad someone enjoys my cooking with such enthusiasm." She said.

"You can invite me over for dinner _anytime_." I said as I basically licked the plate clean like the dog I was. "I will gladly eat anything you wish to prepare for me."

"Perfect!" She clapped her hands together.

"So, how does a vampire know how to cook?"

She giggled, "I have to be prepared for all of Funai-sensei's guests needs, whether they be human, vampire, or… _ano_ …" Her eyebrows creased as she put her chin in her hand as she studied me intently. "What are you, Jacob-san?"

"I'm a human. Native American. Capricorn." I grinned at her. "And…I turn into a werewolf."

"A werewolf?" She repeated.

"Yeah, but not a hairy guy who howls at the moon." I clarified. "We can actually turn into an actual wolf at any time. Super strength, super speed, we aren't harmed by vampire venom." I ticked with my fingers. "We became the vampires' worst nightmares."

She considered this for a moment, her perfect lips pursing. "So vampires and werewolves could never be friends?"

"What?" I spluttered. _Where did she get that insane idea?_

"Well, if you are vampires' 'worst nightmares' that means you guys are enemies, right?" Her eyebrows furrowed and she looked at me with a sad expression. _No, don't be sad._ I wanted to reach forward and physically lift her frown back into a smile.

 _She got that insane idea from me._ Good job, Jacob, you're a _fucking_ idiot.

I dropped my eyes and ran my finger through the last bit of sauce on the plate. "My tribe was attacked by some _bad_ vampires way back in the day," I made the point to emphasize _bad._ There was a difference between those bloodsuckers and this beautiful creature sitting in front of me. "The tribe leaders started shape-shifting into wolves to fight back. Then the Cullens came – vampires who don't eat humans - and we made a treaty with them. We coexisted peacefully. Maybe not exactly come-over-for-Sunday-football _friends,_ but we are nice to each other."

I watched as she grabbed the plate, refilled it with rice from a rice cooker and more vegetables and placed it back in front of me. I picked up my chopsticks and started eating. "Why do you ask?"

"I felt something when we shook hands." She said. "I have a power that let's me see what you're feeling and I felt…" Her eyebrows furrowed and she looked at her hand like it was going to spontaneously combust. She started speaking Japanese, her face twisting.

"I'm sorry." I said, cutting her off. "I don't speak Japanese."

"Sorry," She apologized. "Sometimes its easier to…" She made a motion next to her head and said something else in Japanese. I mental note to pick up a textbook or something. I learned how to completely disassemble a transmission and reassemble it. _I could learn Japanese for the love of my life._

"I know what you felt," I started, my fingers creeping towards hers on the counter. I dragged it back and almost slapped it with my other hand. "If that helps."

"Is it a werewolf trait too?"

I put my chopsticks down and nodded. _Well, here we go. Don't fuck this up._ "I've imprinted..." I said dumbly, like the idiot I was. "…on you."

And of course her eyebrows pulled together in confusion. She shook her head. "I don't understand." _Of course you wouldn't understand._ She wasn't a Quileute or even Native American. She wouldn't ever understand. She just had to trust. If I could get her to trust me, then I could explain and even, sort of, perhaps, turn this into something other than me stalking her for the rest of my existence.

I sighed a little internally.

I felt my mouth twist as I tried to explain the intricacies of this werewolf quirk to someone who didn't even know werewolves existed until about half an hour ago. I think _you are my soul mate and I'm now unconditionally bound to you for the rest of my life_ was a little…strong. "You know penguins?"

"Penguins?" She repeated.

"Yeah," I had no idea where I was going with this metaphor, but I already made myself look like a fool, so I just went with it. "You ever see _March of the Penguins?"_

She nodded. "Yes…?"

"You know how when the penguins find their soul mate penguin, they'll do anything for it? Walk miles to find fish for it, hide its young on their feet, protect it from sea lions and stuff?"

She nodded, her eyebrows still creased. "I think so."

"I am your...penguin." I winced.

"Are you saying you're my soul mate, Jacob-san?"

"Sort…of." I looked back down at the plate.

"Keiko," We both turned to Rosalie in the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest. I watched her regard me for a second with disgust before flicking back to Keiko. "Edward needs you."

" _Hai_ ," Keiko nodded and immediately started moving towards the door. I got up and followed right on her heels, fighting to keep up as she zoomed through the palace, down a flight of steps, through the lab and then down another flight of steps. Dr. Funai chattered something in Japanese to her as she passed and she said something back.

Edward was writhing on the bed in pain, choked whimpers drowning under the red foam that bubbled at his lips – his constant state nowadays it seemed. Bella was rubbing his arm, worry in her eyes. "Shh…she's right here." Keiko edged up to the side of the bed and grabbed one of Edward's hands, clasping it in both into hers.

"What are you doing?" I felt a flash of jealousy, red haze blinding me. _He can't have her. She was mine._

"She…" He gasped, breathing hard in and out of his nose. "…takes the pain away."

"I fool the nerves into thinking they're not feeling pain." She said. "It doesn't last forever, but it helps."

I looked at Keiko, a line between her eyes as she concentrated. _Could she feel what he feels?_ She said she felt something when _we_ touched. _Does that mean she felt the pain too?_ I was bothered by that, but I didn't say anything. She seemed more than eager to help and it got Edward calmed down. He stopped seizing and relaxed, his eyes sliding shut. He started breathing heavy and his head tipped onto Bella's shoulder.

I sat down heavily in one of the empty chairs next to his bed, jet lag and emotional turmoil and running around the whole Kansai region of Japan finally catching up to me. I had another question, another remark. But, sleep took me as I watched Bella wipe a red tear off of Edward's cheek.

* * *

I woke up to shrieking.

 _What the fuck?_ I jerked, falling over and taking the plastic-formed chair I was sleeping on with me. I crashed into the wall, leaving two dents where my head and shoulder connected. My hand came up to where I hit the wall with my forehead and dusted off the plaster.

"Oh, honey." Esme popped into my line of vision, her honey-colored hair framing her white face. "Did we wake you?"

"Nah," I said as I shook the last bit of sleep away and straightened up, pushing the chair away. Edward's hospital room was starting to look like someone tried to play dodgeball with boulders, with all the dents I was leaving everywhere. "I was already awake."

"Esme," Carlisle said. "I need your help."

I stood up. Edward was in bed being held down by the shoulders by Esme and Rosalie, a tortured, wide-eyed expression on his face. Carlisle had Edward's arm in a death grip with one hand and something that looked like a modified power drill in his other.

"I only need three more samples," Carlisle said, his blonde hair flopped onto his forehead as he held out Edward's arm in front of him. "And then you can rest."

I looked around for Keiko, but she wasn't in the room. I also looked around for Bella, but it was just Edward and half of his family. "Where's Bella?"

"She became hysterical." Rosalie said as she pushed Edward's shoulder down when it jerked against her hand. "Carlisle asked Keiko to remove her." Rosalie motioned to Edward with her head and the mouthed _the screaming._

"What are you evening doing?" I asked as I watched him Carlisle position the drill over Edward's forearm.

"We have a lead on something." Carlisle said. "But, it's not working on healthy vampire flesh. We're too strong. We want to see if Edward – in his weakened state – will respond to what we're developing."

"Carlisle, wait." Edward panted. "Jacob." I moved without thinking about it to Esme's side. I looked at his arm that Carlisle was holding. It was covered in these blue lines and had two little craters in it, like a cube of moldy cheese. "Jacob." He said again.

"I'm right here, buddy." I said, my eyes furrowing. _Could he not see me?_

"Go find Bella." He said, his eyebrows furrowing as his blank eyes tracked around. "She was _really_ upset."

 _I slept through all of that?_

"Oh, God." Rosalie groaned as she pressed on Edward's shoulder. "Can you stop being so self-sacrificing for once if your _life_ , Edward."

"Rosalie." Esme scolded. "That's entirely inappropriate."

"Guys," Carlisle said. "I really need to get these samples."

Esme and Rosalie shifted so that they had firm grips on Edward's shoulders and Carlisle pulled the trigger on drill. Edward's expression melted into horror and when the drill connected with his arm, it sounded like a million fignernails all scraping simultaneously on a chalkboard. Edward started shrieking his dying-man cry. I immediately jammed my fingers into my ears and started for the door. It made me want to bash myself in the head with a brick, or, I don't know – bash Edward in the head with a brick. At least put _one_ of us out of our misery.

"I'll go find Bella." I volunteered, eager to put a million miles between those sounds and I.

I caught fresh scents of Keiko and Bella's leading up the stairs into the lab. Dr. Funai was in her usual spot behind the counters of her lab, pouring over a petri dish of something, a long pair of needles in her hand. She glanced at me for a millisecond. "Keiko took her upstairs." She said.

"Thanks, Doc." I said and watched the corner of her mouth infinitesimally slide up when I called her 'Doc.' I wondered for a second if Keiko told her about me. _So, that werewolf guy thinks he's my soul mate._ Doc seemed like the kind of person who didn't bother herself with stuff like that.

I bounded up the stairs and let myself into the empty palace, following the scents as they weaved around each other. I glanced at art and old artefacts as I passed them. It was pretty, but it seemed like such a waste of space.

I finally found them in what looked to be a temple – a bunch of mats lined up in rows with a statue of some sort at the head. Incense burned in the corner, but that didn't overshadow Keiko's musky-sweet smell.

I almost audibly groaned with the flood of adoration in my chest at the sight of Keiko and I didn't have butterflies in my stomach, I had a whole rodeo. My heart started and sputtered around like an old lawnmower engine. I started to vibrate with emotion, on the verge of exploding into my other form. I inhaled deep breaths and exhaled to try and calm myself down. I was going to have to rein those crazy imprint feelings in if I was ever going to survive around her.

They both sat on huddled on one of the mats. Bella had her face pressed into Keiko's shoulders, her body racking with sobs. Keiko's face was twisted with sadness too and I wanted to launch myself at her and scoop her up against me. "Hey, everything alright?"

"Jacob," Bella's eyes snapped to me and she scrambled to her feet and threw herself at me. Her forehead smacked into my sternum. "They're hurting him." She sobbed. "They're supposed to be helping him but they're _hurting_ him. They're hurting him."

"It's alright, Bells." I rubbed her back and looked at Keiko, who had risen to her feet as well. "It's for the cure. Carlisle wouldn't do it unless they had to. They're probably almost done, anyway."

Keiko cocked her head to the side and then shook her head, her eyes widening at me.

"Okay, maybe they need a couple more moments." I gently pushed her off of me. "Maybe we could use some air?" I looked at her red and puffy face and then at Keiko for assistance. "You want to go outside and get some air?"

Bella's eyes were swimming with tears and she swayed on her feet. _This_ is what I expected when I got here. Shattered, broken Bella. She nodded. "Air sounds nice."

"I know where we can go." Keiko said. "It's not very far."

Bella hung on me and I had my arm wrapped around her as she sobbed against my chest. We followed Keiko through a back door, slipping into flip-flops that lined the entryway on our way out. There was a small stone pathway that ran through a grove of peach trees, wildflowers blooming in-between the trees, giving the whole area a _Secret Garden_ vibe. With a bunch of mythological creatures walking through it, I wouldn't have been surprised if Tinkerbell came out and joined us.

We all walked together in silence, the only sounds coming from our feet on the gravel and my loud heartbeat in my ears. Eventually, Bella stopped sobbing and disconnected from me. She walked ahead, pulling flowers from the ground into a bouquet. I slowed down to walk next to Keiko. I wanted to grab her hand, but I kept them jammed up under my armpits.

Edward's burning-man face popped into my head and his shrieks filled my ears and I tensed against it. I knew I wasn't his biggest fan, but whatever he had – the suffering - I wouldn't have ever wished on him in a million years.

"Do you think Doc and Carlisle will save Edward?" I asked softly so Bella couldn't hear me.

"If he is to be saved," Keiko said, her fingers lacing together in front of her as she walked. "It would be Funai-sensei that finds the cure."

I watched Bella curl her arms around herself as she walked, my heart aching for her. I couldn't imagine the pain she was in. "But, will she do it in _time_?"

"That I don't know." Keiko shook her head. "But, she'll die trying, if that's what it takes."

"Really? She'll go that far?"

Keiko nodded. "She almost died to save me."

I skidded to a stop. "What?"

Keiko's face twisted with pain and it took all of my effort to not to launch myself at her. "When I was a human, I was sold by parents to a man who promised them that I would have a good life. It wasn't a good life though. He put me on a boat with fifty other girls like me and we were shipped to Singapore to become _karayuki-san_."

"Kara…yuki…san?" I repeated, trying to mimic her accent.

The pain in her eyes became palpable. "Prostitutes."

I felt my mouth drop open and her eyes fell. "It was a miserable job, but, they fed me. They clothed me. They gave me shelter. I had it better than others, so I didn't complain. But, there was this one man," Her tiny fists balled and her voice broke in a way that stabbed me right in my heart. "He was _cruel._ Not only to me but to the other girls of the brothel. He would hurt us, sometimes to the point of death. But, he paid well, so the mistress let him come back. He was cold to touch and never warmed, so we called him _Tsumetai-san_ or Mr. Cold."

"What happened?"

"I was supposed to service him and he started to beat me with his cold hands, so I tried to fight him. I didn't realize it at the time, but he was a vampire and he bit me." She said. "Funai-sensei smelled him and came to investigate and found him hurting me. I don't remember much after that. Just her crouched over me protectively and the burning where he bit me."

"Oh, Keiko," I said, reaching out to touch her and forcing my hand back. My heart felt like it was elbow-slammed by John Cena. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." She looked at the palace, a smile lighting up her face and her eyes shining. "She became the mother I never had after that. And I get to help her patients with my powers, like Edward. And I get to meet new friends, like you, Jacob-san. That's not something to apologize for."

I felt a gigantic smile split across my face like a fault line in the earth. She was so selfless and wonderful. Of all the vampires to imprint on, I was so _glad_ it was her. "You're amazing; you know that?"

"Are you just saying that because you're my penguin?" She teased, her nose wrinkling and her brilliant teeth glittering in the light with her smile.

I opened my mouth to retort, say something snarky, confess my undying love for her, but a breeze moved across my face and I caught a familiar, goosebump-raising scent.

 _The Russians._

My head jerked and I found Bella about thirty feet away, squatting in front of a coy pond, her arms wrapped around her knees. I looked back at Keiko, who had also caught the scent, her dark eyes searching around with worry in them. A million emotions ran through me. A million emotions all saying the same thing. _Protect her. Protect them._ "Get Bella back to the house." I said, my fingers running down her cool face before I could stop them. " _Both_ of you get to safety."

"No, Jacob-san. I want to go with you." Keiko said and grabbed my arm, and I felt that electricity again, and then the pull. She gasped and jerked her arm back like she had been shocked.

"I can't let you get hurt." I argued, feeling my eyebrows knit together. The very _idea_ of her getting hurt was a wood stake to my heart.

She moved quickly – vampire quick – and planted a kiss on my lips. Just a small one, but it was sweeter and lovelier than anything else. My skin tingled like bubbly soda where she touched me and my heart started to beat so loud in my chest that I almost didn't hear her next words.

"Be safe." She said and then turned to Bella, zipping over to her in a flash. She scooped up Bella and dashed back towards the palace in a streak. I ripped off my clothes and left them in a pile on the path and then phased into my wolf form.

The scent turned almost visible when I was a wolf – a ribbon of color to chase. I followed it around the garden for about twenty minutes, weaving artfully through the throng of fruit trees and around the river. It looped back and forth in a zig-zag, making me feel like a dog doing tricks for treats.

I skidded to a stop, my paws digging into the soft earth when I realized what was happening. _Jacob, you're a fucking moron_. This pattern purposeful. There were going to be no Russians here. This was just a distraction, a fucking trick. I looked back towards the palace. They could already be in there and I was out here chasing my tail. _Keiko. Bella_. _Edward._ Anxiety coursed through me and I tore back – grabbing my clothes on the way – and ran at a full gallop towards the old building. I leapt into the second-story balcony I jumped off of the night before.

I jammed my shoulder into the door to let myself in, closed it and then broke the handle with the heel of my hand so it was jammed shut. I knew it wouldn't stop the vampires from coming in, but I hoped it would slow them down momentarily. _Hopefully they aren't already here._

Thankfully, there wasn't any out of the ordinary vampire scents in the palace as I jogged through it, keeping myself vigilant for any sign of danger. But, it was stone quiet and empty, just like we had left it.

 _I should go tell the others._ I thought. Who knew how much longer we had until they arrived. Minutes maybe. We needed to regroup, prepare. I needed to get to Keiko and make sure she was okay. I needed to make sure Bella and Edward were okay.

The lab was empty, which made a bunch of alarms go off in my head. I double-timed my steps as I made my way through the hallway. I bounced into Edward's hospital room, finding everyone jammed in tight like sardines around Edward's bed. Bella sat next to him, her fingers weaved with his. Keiko held Edward's other hand, a line of concentration in her forehead. Rosalie and Esme were standing next to the bed, static and unmoving like only vampires could be. Doc and Carlisle were at the foot of his bed, like they were about to make a speech or something.

"I'm glad everyone is here." Doc said as she watched at me enter.

Carlisle stood next to her silently, his expression neutral except for a small line between his eyebrows. He looked at his whole family and then at me and finally Edward.

"We have an announcement to make." Dr. Funai said lowly, her arms crossing behind her back. "We have found a cure-,"

There was a collective gasp from their audience. Bella threw her arms around Edward's neck. Esme turned and planted a kiss on his head. Keiko started bouncing up and down like a pogo stick, her tiny, white hands clapping.

"I'm not going to die?" Edward asked in a dazed tone, his eyes glassy as he slowly circled his arms around Bella.

" _You_ found a cure for the strikes?" Rosalie asked Doc, dumbfounded.

"Rosalie, it's why we came." Bella said. "To cure Edward, so we can go home as a family." There was an _'of course'_ to her tone that was implied.

"I know." Rosalie scoffed back. "I'm just a little confused as to why they don't seem as happy as they should be."

Everyone's eyes snapped back to the two doctors at Rosalie's valid point. The concern in Carlisle's black eyes deepened and he started to twist his wedding ring around on his finger. Doc just looked at her audience with vague interest. "To clarify, we did not find a cure for the strikes." She said in her tight, professional voice.

Everyone froze up. All the vampires went deathly still, masks of shock and terror on their faces. Only Edward looked different – like he was going to be sick and blow crimson chunks all over the bed.

"What?" Bella squeaked, her dark eyes flashing with desolation, her arms still wrapped around Edward. "But, you said-,"

"Dr. Funai didn't finish." Carlisle said gently.

Doc's eyes snapped to me. "Thanks to Jacob's _contribution_ to the efforts, we have been able to synthesize the enzyme that his body naturally produces that reverses vampire effects, tripling its strength with a catalyst that Dr. Cullen and I designed."

"What does that mean in English?" I asked as I leaned in the threshold of the door.

"We found…" Carlisle looked around and then dropped his eyes to his shoes. "…the cure for vampirism."

* * *

 **So...did I _Sixth Sense_ you? Can I now change my name to the TheMetaMNightShyamalan? I mean, _I_ felt like I laid the foreshadowing on thick enough that you should've seen this one coming, but it's also my headcanon. Idk. Let me know in the reviews!**


	30. 29: What's Russian for 'What the Fuck'

Everyone stopped breathing and the room went deathly still. The only sound in the room was my heart as it thudded loudly against in the inside of my chest and everyone's gears turning behind their eyes as we all tried to comprehend what we just heard. The _cure_ for vampires? That was even _possible?_ But, they were corpses. Like, undead, mythological, black magic, no-heartbeat, cold monsters or some shit like that. _Right?_

It was Edward that finally broke the silence. "Bella," He said. "Bella, breathe." There was a ragged inhale from her as she did what she was ordered.

"Wait…" Rosalie said, her bitchy face twisted into astonishment. "You're going to turn Edward back into a _human_ and that's going to cure him of the _strikes_?"

"That is the intention." Dr. Funai nodded. "Simply put, the enzyme naturally breaks down the extra two vampire chromosomes and erasing the vampire instructions carried in RNA. This allows for the restart of human DNA processing, and the reproduction of human cells, unfreezing them from their vampiric state. Based on our studies, it should take the encephalopathy with it, because the body will be able to heal without relying on venom to break down the cells that need to be replaced."

That was _simply put_? All of that sounded like Swahili to me. I looked around at the room to see if anyone was confused as I was. They were all staring at the doctor like she had sprouted a second head and had started reciting the Gettysburg address.

"There are some risks involved." Dr. Funai said her resigned tone. "It wouldn't be as easy as turning you into a vampire. There are a lot of…processes that would have to be manually restarted. The heart being the main one."

"We want to run tests to ensure that all of your organ systems would be able to handle the stress of the transformation." Carlisle said, his hands ringing. I understood why he was so worried now – he was afraid it wasn't going to work. And, I had taken anatomy and physiology in high school. I _even_ knew from my subpar lower-class public school education that the human body had _a lot_ of processes.

"But, you said whatever you were working on this morning wasn't taking." Rosalie argued again in an unkind tone. It was like she was in denial about this whole thing, like she was unhappy that her own _brother_ was going to be saved.

Carlisle rubbed his arm where he had drill craters that matched Edward's. "That was before we tried it on Edward's flesh." He said gently, like he was breaking bad news to her. "It doesn't work on healthy vampires, Rose. Edward's venom has weakened his cells enough that the enzyme and the catalyst and get in there to break down the molecular vampire coating on his DNA. Healthy vampires are just _too_ strong."

Her face twisted like she was going to cry and she tore out of the room in a flash of blonde hair and white skin. Carlisle sighed and watched her run out before turning back to Edward. _God, what a cunt._ I side-glanced Edward to make sure he didn't hear that, but his face was still a mask of frozen shock as he stared at the doctors at the foot of his bed.

"Edward," Doc said, her arms still clasped behind her. "I need your full permission to attempt this. I can't guarantee that you'll make it out alive, but, I can guarantee that you _will_ die if you stay a vampire."

He nodded, slowly at first like he was weighing it out all of her words in his head and then it picked up in speed when he looked at Bella. "Yes," He whispered. "Yes. I want to try. I want to be human again."

Dr. Funai nodded once. "We will do our best to see you through this."

"Thank you," He breathed, his eyes still on Bella, adoration and disbelief making them shiny. "Thank you."

"You're going to be human?" Bella asked dazed, her hand pressing on his chest where his heart was. "We can grow old together."

"We can have a family together." He amended, a smile lighting up his face. "Children!"

"No more running from _time_."

"My _soul_." He jerked and pressed his hand over hers. "You'll save my-,"

"We should start tests right away." Carlisle interrupted, his hands still ringing. "We don't have much time."

"Wait," I said, remembering why I came looking for them in the first place. "I smelled the Russians outside in the garden." I said and entered the room fully.

Nobody looked surprised at this news. Well, except for Edward. His face melted into shock and he looked between the faces of his family for an explanation.

"What?" He squeaked, turning to Carlisle and then to Esme. "You _knew_?" Carlisle opened his mouth to speak but he cut him off. "Wait, I know what you're going to say – Alice called, right?"

"We didn't want to worry you." Bella said as she rubbed Edward's hand.

"Not telling me is going to worry me _more_. They're right outside, now?" Edward flinched, his hands going to his temples. "What are we going to do?"

"We will cross that bridge when we come to it." Carlisle said. "First, let's get you _well_."

Edward jerked and coughed, spraying blood and making himself look like a _Walking Dead_ extra. "I don't want Bella to go outside." He said between bubbly wheezes.

"I'll be safe. Don't _worry_." She said and got to her feet and – unsurprisingly – tripped on her way to grab a towel. I watched her face transform into shock as she fell, her head smacking hard against the corner of the footboard of Edward's bed. I cringed when I heard her skull collide with the wood. _Oh, that's gotta hurt._

"Bella!" Edward jerked as he watched her fall, his red eyes horrified.

"I'm okay," She assured and then stood back up. She pressed on a gash that was gushing blood down her forehead and into her hair. "I'm fine."

Keiko's head snapped around to Bella, her dark eyes going glassy and the muscles of her shoulders tensing. I registered in the next second what was happening, but by that point, it was too late. She started to move towards Bella and Edward reached out and grabbed her hand to stop her.

I know they say that time slows down when you watch something catastrophic happen, but time actually moves faster. It was like a flash and then it was over. If I blinked I would've missed the whole thing.

Edward jumped and jerked like he had electrocuted – his whole body shuddering in a wave starting from his hand that was wrapped around Keiko's. His face distorted. It was worse than his burning-man-at-the-stake face he would make. This man was in the inferno of _hell._ His lips parted and he shrieked a bloodcurdling scream of pure torture.

"Edward!" Bella yelled as she gripped his shoulders, leaving bloody handprints on his Fruit of the Loom shirt.

"Edward-san!" Keiko cried, her hands raising to cover her mouth.

Edward fell back on the bed and thrashed like he was having a seizure, both of his hands over his his ears. "The voices! Make it stop!" He begged between screams. "Make the voices STOP!"

"What did you do?" I breathed in disbelief from the doorway, but Keiko just streaked out the door, her shoulder brushing mine. I wanted to run after her, I _ached_ to run after her, but I felt frozen to the ground, forced to watch this horror show in front of me.

"Edward," Carlisle launched himself at his adopted son. "Edward, what's wrong?"

"Baby," Esme said, her face twisting like it was going to cry. "Talk to us."

But he just screamed and begged, blood bubbling in the back of his throat like he was being waterboarded, like he was being drowned in a boiling lake.

Doc was the only one in the room who maintained any semblance of calm, her arms still clasped behind her as she watched Edward spasm and shout and beg. "Keiko can take away pain, but she can give it too. She must've turned on all of his nerve endings in her second of thirst, even the damaged ones."

"Fix it!" Bella demanded, her brown eyes horrified and both of her hands balled into tight fists.

Carlisle looked at Dr. Funai. "Can Keiko stop it?"

Dr. Funai shook her head. "The damage is done. All of his nerves are misfiring now. He has only moments left. We must start the cure process."

"No!" Carlisle boomed back, appalled. "We have no way to ensure that his body is ready for that!"

"If we wait, then he will die." She said softly.

Everyone froze, Edward's shrieks the only sound in the room as everyone realized what was happening. Edward was going to die, right here, right _now_ , unless they did something and did something _fast._

Carlisle nodded, his eyes going sharp. "Okay," He turned back to Edward, untaping and removing the line in his nose and then scooped him up against his chest. "Okay. We will try. Lord willing, he will see the other side."

"MAKE IT STOP!" Edward cried again, his eyes shut tight, his chest contracting in hard breaths. He vomited blood like he did the night of our fight, the red hitting his shirt and Carlisle's face. "Please." He begged, his hands still over his ears.

I grabbed Bella – she would never be able to keep up – and we ran after them through the lab into an adjoining operating room. I happened to glance down as she loosened her fists, revealing rows of little red crescents on the palms of her hands. "He'll be fine." I said as we ran, but the words sounded hollow in my own ears.

Carlisle and Doc put Edward on the table, tying him down by his wrists and ankles so he wouldn't jerk himself onto the floor. His screams echoed around, as he fought the restraints. The bright white light over the table flooded the whole room, turning all the vampires ghostly white. They ripped his shirt off, revealing lines of blue on his white chest. He looked like a topographical map of the Los Angeles highway system, the way they crisscrossed over his chest.

"Esme," Carlisle said. "Bring the crash cart close and I need fifteen bags of blood. Type O negative."

"What can I do?" Bella asked, launching herself away from me as I put her back on her feet.

"Come stand at his head. I'll need someone to pump the Ambu bag when it's time."

All four of them worked over him as he continued to thrash, sticking different wires to his skin. Doc turned to a tray, grabbing a large, silver needle that looked like it was better used for a gigantic animal than a man.

"Do you want me to do it?" Doc asked as she held out of the needle to Carlisle.

"No, he would want me to do it." Carlisle said gently and took the needle.

I recoiled as I watched Carlisle bend over and _bit_ e Edward, just freaking chomped him right next to his sternum, which caused Edward to jerk even wilder. "It burns!" He shrieked, his eyes blank and wide. Carlisle jammed the needle into the bite mark, right where Carlisle's two front teeth met.

"What the _actual_ fuck?" I breathed.

"It's the only way we can pierce all the way through vampire flesh." Carlisle said, anxiety ringing his voice high.

Edward's eyes rolled back and his body went limp on the table. Without his screaming, the room was deathly still. My heart pounded like a hammer against a boulder, the only sound I could hear now.

"Edward!" Bella's hands went to his face. "Is he okay? What do we do now?"

"Now," Carlisle looked at Edward. "Now, we wait."

I closed my eyes for a second. I wasn't a praying person, but with all the fucked up stuff my tribe went through to protect itself, I knew there had to be some sort of higher power out there. _Let him be okay._ I prayed and looked at Bella, whose face was half-petrified, half-alarmed, like she was on the verge of completely white-padded-cell-straight-jacket losing it. _Please let him be okay for her._

There was a crash upstairs. My heart stopped beating in my chest and ears as only one word echoed through my mind. _Keiko._ I turned and scrambled out of the room, my socked feet slipping against the smooth tile floor.

"Keiko!" I yelled as I scrambled up the stairs.

I would mutilate, _eviscerate_ anyone that dared laid a hand on her. Growls formed low and deep in my chest and a red haze formed a halo around my vision. I was going to find those damn vampires and rip their _goddamn_ heads off.

"Rose!" Esme called. I didn't even realize she was behind me. I looked at the motherly mate of Carlisle just long enough to register her worried expression.

We both burst through the first floor door of the palace.

"Do you smell anything." Esme asked, her focused eyes searching around as she breathed deep breaths.

I smelled a fresh scent of Keiko's. I pursued it without thought, finding myself in the temple from earlier. That felt like a million years ago now. I looked around the empty room, my eyes finding the statue. It was Buddha, I think. Except, not the fat, bald guy. Young, skinny Buddha.

"What do we have here?"

I whipped around to a blonde bloodsucker. She was dressed like a stagehand in all black clothing and had matching black eyes.

"It's heart beats like a human, but it smells like a dog." She said with a thick Russian accent.

I started to vibrate, red clouding my vision as I looked her up and down. "You the Soviet bitch that keeps terrorizing the Cullens?"

She bared her teeth into a wicked smile and started to side-step, slowly circling around the temple. "Guilty."

I matched her movements, circling around the room. I watched as her eyes darted around, taking everything around her in. _She teleports._ I reminded myself.

"The USSR doesn't exist anymore," Another Russian accent said. "But, if you like I can still call you 'comrade.'"

I whipped around to a blond stocky leech dressed like his sister. He was casually leaning in the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest and a cheesy grin on his face. The Bonnie and Clyde of parasites and I was caught in the middle of them. _Perfect._

"I apologize." The female said, her blonde hair shaking around her chin as her black eyes flashed as we continued to circle. "We were going to do this the right way, but as you can see, my brother is an idiot."

"Hey!" He balked something in Russian at her and she replied back in an unkind tone.

I seized this second of momentary distraction and phased, exploding through my last pair of jeans. _Dammit._ Oh well. If I lived, I could buy a new pair. I had come into some money.

I jumped towards the Russian bitch, angling myself so I could grab onto her head and twist her and pop her head off like a chicken. But, she disappeared. My anger flashed red in my eyes for a second as I collided against the wall – and the statue of skinny Buddha – and busted through it.

I righted myself, shaking the plaster and drywall from my fur and turned around to the both of them standing in the doorway, a room away now.

"You won't win." The Russian bitch shrugged. "I don't even know why you try."

I growled at them both. _They had never fought a werewolf before._ I thought. _I'll take their smug_

I leaped forward again, only to watch Esme collide with them first, a growl in her chest. "This is for my son, Edward." She growled as she kicked the legs out from under the male and then grabbed him by the arm. _Wow, Mother Dearest has some fight in her._ I thought.

I focused back on the female. She disappeared again and reappeared behind me, grabbing my foot in her iron grip and pulling me onto my stomach. I death-rolled like a crocodile, breaking her grasp on me. I guessed I startled her, because she hesated and I was finally able to connected with her – my two front paws hitting her square in the chest and forcing her down to the floor.

I was so close I could see the fear in her black eyes and the glisten of venom on her teeth. I growled and bared all my teeth, ready to make the final blow and bite her head off, right where it connected to her bloodsucking shoulders. _All these months and this was it._ I thought. _How boring._

A sound of marble splintering caught my attention and I looked over to see the male snapping the neck of Esme, her head coming off in his hand. _Oh, no! Not Esme!_ I whined in my chest. She was always gentle and kind. Anger overshadowed the grief, blinding me with red for a second. But, I hesitated for a millisecond too long. The female punched her stone fist square in the jaw and I flew back, breaking through another wall of the temple, sliding against the floor.

"Are you okay?" Rosalie asked, who was standing over me in a protective stance, her Barbie face twisted into a snarl.

 _I can't answer you._ I thought. _But thanks for joining the party, I guess._ I got back to my feet, shaking out the ache in my face.

Rosalie launched herself at male with a snarl that surprised me even. I set my sights back on the female, who was flashing around the room like a pinball being knocked around by invisible flippers. I watched her eyes for a split second. _She had to see where she was going._ That's what Jasper said when he was briefing the wolves on them.

I leaped to where I thought she was headed, colliding with her at full impact with a sound that rivaled cars crashing. Luckily, I was able to recover first and I got my teeth around her head, not letting anything else distract me this time. _It's over, you Slavic bitch._ I thought. She kicked me in the ribs, and I felt one crack under the impact, searing hot pain flashing through my side. _Ouchie, that stings a little._

She maneuvered her head out of the way of my jaw, and wrapped her arms around my neck, squeezing right on top of my windpipe. I gasped and snapped my jaw open and closed, trying to get a hold on anything.

"Why are you making such a mess?" A disapproving voice said.

"Momma," The female stopped and let go of me. I rolled away from her grasp and got back to my feet, a growl in my chest. _Wait._ I shook my head. _What did she say?_

 _Momma?_

I saw the redhead and I generally would've been happy too see her. I finally would get to fight that slimy broad. But, she had Keiko by the arms and all I felt was cold. _Keiko, no!_ I watched her twist Keiko's arms back in an unnatural position until there was a loud, piercing splintering sound.

I hurdled towards her without thinking about it, desperate to put myself between this redhead and Keiko. The female phased in front of me and punched me to the ground. I felt another rib crack and I howled as I hit the floor. She stomped her foot on my back and I felt something else give, shooting pain running through my middle.

Victoria's eyes shifted. "Let him go."

I looked over and saw that the big guy was on his knees, being held in a full nelson by Rosalie.

"Why would I?" Rosalie snapped back, her face maniacal as she twisted his head to the side until he started to splinter too.

"I'll rip every petal off this pretty little cherry blossom." Victoria squeezed Keiko's cheeks with one hand and twisted her arm behind her with the other.

I whined again as I squirmed underneath the Russian female's foot. _Please don't hurt Keiko._ I begged in my head.

"Do it." Rosalie said and snapped the Russian's head clean off of his shoulders, tossing it like a beach ball at his sister. "I don't give a _fuck_."

"No!" The sister shrieked and teleported to Rosalie, her fist readying to punch her. I ignored the pain in me and launched towards Keiko, prepared to do anything in my power to get her away from the redhead.

"Jacob-san, no!" Keiko protested as I hurdled myself with a full growl ripping out of me at Victoria. I hit the redhead bitch with my full strength, but she karate chopped me or something in the neck and I flew back. _Ouch._ I thought and rolled back to my feet.

Keiko whipped around like the ninja she was and grabbed Victoria by the neck, lighting her up with her powers like a Christmas tree. Victoria shrieked and jerked and landed on her knees. Victoria hit Keiko in the chest and sent her flying into one of the walls that hadn't been busted through yet.

Without thinking about it, I launched myself to Keiko. I whined and nuzzled her, trying to make sure she was okay. Her white hand came up and touched me on my nose right between my eyes. I felt the pull from her powers into her hand and the pain in my side disappeared.

"I'm okay," She said and got back to her feet, her fingers weaving into my fur.

 _I love you, Keiko._ I thought. _I know you can't hear me, but maybe you can feel it._ She looked at me, nodded once and then kissed my nose. That sent me soaring over the moon, my heartbeat drumrolling in my chest. I wheeled around, a growl forming in my chest.

Victoria was still reeling on her knees from the effects of Keiko's power, her arm around her middle. She opened her mouth and barked something in Russian. The female – who was cat fighting with Rosalie – snapped to attention at us.

I didn't speak Russian, but I caught the gist. Victoria wanted out. This wasn't even her end goal, that was Bella and Edward in the lab below. _Alright, leech._ I thought and galloped towards the redhead. _Teleport to this._ She did, like I anticipated, and I was able to get a good hit on her – knocking her back into the floor, with me right on top. Rosalie had gotten over to us too, and helped me by grabbing her by the shoulders.

I grabbed her head in my jaw and clamped down, feeling my teeth break through the granite skin of her neck. She shrieked from inside my mouth and then teleported out of Rosalie's and I's grip.

"This was fun," The Russian said, teleporting behind Rosalie and grabbing her around the waist, pinning her arms down. In what looked to be caress or even a kiss, she drew her mouth around Rosalie's throat, severing her head from her neck. "But, I think I'm getting bored."

Aw, man. I didn't particularly like Rosalie, but that was two Cullens down now, leaving just Keiko and I. I backed up to where Keiko was standing. We were cornered between a beam-me-up-scotty vampire and a redhead with a vendetta. _Fan-fucking-tastic._

"It's okay, Jake-chan." She put her hand against my side and weaved her fingers into my fur. "We can take them."

 _I don't want you to get hurt._ I whined and stomped my paw.

"I won't." She murmured as she looked at the both of them, a small smile crossing her lips. "I'm glad you're my penguin, Jake-chan."

My loud heartbeat sputtered and I set my eyes on the Russian female. _Alright_. I thought. _Let's dance._

That's what we did. Or what it felt like, at least. I would jump and she would disappear. Anger in my chest grew like a fiery inferno with every dodge, threatening to explode. _Just fucking fight me!_ I thought and leaped again, only to find myself alone and spinning around to find her

Keiko maneuvered too, streaking around rubble of the room like a comet. The Russian bitch evaded both of us, a smile on her face widening.

I froze as I realized something was missing.

 _Where's Victoria?_ I looked around, but she wasn't in the room anymore. Anxiety arced through me. _Bella. Edward._ She was going after them. The female was just toying with us to distract us so she could escape and find Bella. Just goading me into doing something dumb. It was just like the outside. _Jacob, you're such a dumbass!_

I didn't have a chance to dwell to hard on that though. The female tackled me to the floor in my moment of distraction with the full force of her knees, taking one of my back legs with her. She twisted it into a WWE ankle lock, forcing my femur out of its socket and crunching through the big bones of most of my leg. I let out of the howl with the shooting fire of broken bones.

"No, Jake-chan!" Keiko shrieked, her face horrorstricken. She started to run to me.

"Don't move." The female barked to her as she flashed around to stand on top of me, slamming a fist into my chest and taking another rib. I howled again. _Man, that hurts._ "Or your puppy dog eats it."

Keiko skidded to a stop, her eyes wide as she looked between the two of us.

"Good, _myshka_." The female said as she pressed the palm of her hand into my . "Now, I'm going to leave and you're not going to follow me, otherwise I will crush your puppy's head in."

I wheezed against the pain in my side.

"Jake-chan." She said, her voice desperate and her eyebrows pulled together. "Jake-chan. I want to be your penguin."

 _Penguin…what?_ I was a bit hazy, but I understood what she was saying. I think. She was developing feelings for me. _Don't get hurt._ I thought back with a whine. _Please don't get hurt._

"Do you trust me?" Keiko asked as she crouched and looked at me in my eyes.

I nodded my big head once.

Keiko leaped – a flash of ebony hair and white skin - and the female responded by smashing both of her fists against my head, crunching bone with the impact. The pain blinded me hot white for a second and I blinked back stars. _That fucking sucks._ I thought, tasting blood in the back of my mouth.

I watched Keiko grab the female's arm, her eyebrows furrowing. The Russian jerked like she had been electrocuted. "What are you doing?" She shrieked.

"You can't teleport if you don't know where you're going." Keiko said. "So, I blinded you." With a quick move, Keiko was riding the female Russian's shoulders like she was playing chicken in the pool. Keiko grabbed the female's head – one hand on her chin and the other on the top of her head – and with a twist and a noise that sounded like metal grinding together, she popped it off.

Keiko pitched the head across the room and then scrambled to me. "I'm sorry, Jake-chan." She dug her fingers into my fur and her face into my neck. Immediately the pain started to deplete, but I was still a little woozy and lightheaded from being facefucked by a vampire's fist.

 _Don't worry about it._ I thought, not daring to move. _Anything for you._

"Sleep now, Jake-chan." Keiko said, her hand moving to my head. "It's all over."

 _I love you, Keiko._ I thought and let her light giggle fade me into unconsciousness.

* * *

 **Sorry to disappoint if the 'cure for vampirism' wasn't the twist you were hoping for. I just hate Breaking Dawn so much guys lol I just wanted to stay far away from the 'Vampire Mary-Sue Bella' as much as possible. A couple of other 'plot devices' from BD I wanted to avoid in my own fic:**

 **-abortion debates**

 **-built-up, three book long sexual tension with no actual sex scene (I FEEL ROBBED)**

 **-Edward disappearing for chapters at a time (literally, where'd the boy go in the last third of the book? Like he becomes a secondary character and isn't the whole book series about him and Bella? I FEEL ROBBED pt 2)**

 **-Children (and awkward pregnancies?)**

 **-gathering a bunch of other useless vampires together for a fight scene that never happens (there's more characters at the end of the book than Game of Thrones, SM you fucking hoe)**

 **-Ending everything on happy note like this is Wizard of fucking Oz or something**

 **Also, human Edward means he is so much more fuckwithable and, as you guys can tell, Edward's my FAVORITE character to fuck with. Oh, well. I hope you still love me enough to finish this shitshow.**


	31. 30: Alive

_Edward._ I thought as I ran my fingers through his bronze hair. _Please be alright._

There was a crash above us, like a wall was being knocked down. I looked at Jacob, who went pale and his eyes went wide. He dashed out of the room, slipping on the tile and hitting the the wall, crunching through the threshold on the way.

"I'll go find Rose." Esme volunteered and disconnected from the table, streaking after Jacob.

I kept my eyes on Edward. He had gone still after screaming and seizing like he was being electrocuted over and over. _At least he's not in pain anymore._ I traced the cool marble of his face – the dark circles under his eyes, the line of his jaw, his parted lips.

 _You are going to make it through this._ I thought, feeling my eyebrows furrow. _You will._ I looked at his bare chest, where Carlisle bit him right over his heart to inject the cure. I tried to imagine his pulse on my fingertips. I imagined us the same temperature. I imagined in his lips soft and warm against mine. I imagined us in five years, ten - the same age.

It's what was keeping me going, keeping my heart from jumping out of my mouth and onto the table. Keeping the air in my lungs.

"Bella," Carlisle said gently as he leaned over the table. "You should clean up that wound on your head."

"I'm fine." I said automatically, my hands tightening in Edward's hair.

"It's okay." He said. "It might be awhile before we need to do anything to Edward. I don't know how long the cure is going to take."

There was another crash upstairs and we all flinched at the loud noise. A small puff of plaster sprinkled over our heads.

"What's going on up there?" I asked and dusted off Edward.

"The Russians are here." Dr. Funai said from the other side of the table. "You need to clean up the blood on your head, otherwise they'll find the smell. Come, I'll do it."

I nodded dumbly and looked at crack that was starting to form on the ceiling. I followed Dr. Funai to the other side of the room. She looked me over with her calculating black eyes and handed me a blue cloth splashed with rubbing alcohol. "Use this to clean up the dried blood." She ordered softly before pressing some gauze to my head.

I rubbed my face. "This is my fault." I whispered, feeling tears mix with the blood. I tried breathing in deep breaths to calm myself, but the dam I had spent so much time rebuilding after this morning threatened to break down again.

"Bella," Carlisle said. "This is nobody's fault."

"If I didn't trip," I argued. "You guys wouldn't have to go in blind like this." _We only get one chance._ I wanted to add. Instead I hissed with the sting of antiseptic on my wound.

"There would be a level of blindness, anyway." Dr. Funai assured as she taped up my head. "He _is_ patient zero."

"I just want him to be okay." I whispered, my eyes finding his face.

Dr. Funai pressed her small, cold hand to my cheek and I looked at her intense eyes. "I do too." She said. "So, we're going to fight to make sure he is, okay?"

I bit my lip and nodded, taking small comfort in her resolute tone.

"Dr. Funai," Carlisle said. "Something is happening."

We both turned to the sound of deep growling. Edward's eyes had snapped opened and were tracing around wildly. His teeth were bared in a snarl. He struggled against the restraints, snapping through them with a jerk of his arms and legs. Carlisle locked his hands around Edward's wrists and pressed him down on the table.

"Edward!" I said and launched forward to get to him. _He was awake!_

"No!" Dr. Funai grabbed me. "It's not him."

"What are you talking about?" I said and struggled against her iron grip. "Of course it's him!"

"Get Bella out of here." Carlisle said as he struggled to keep him pinned down. A snarl ripped from Edward's chest.

"No!" I shouted. _I can't be separated from him. I'll die if you take me away from him._

But, then Edward and I locked eyes. There was no recognition in them of me. They were wild and as predatory as an animal. He looked at me like a snake would look at a mouse. I was prey. A food source. _That's not my husband. That's not Edward._ For the first time ever in my life, I felt _afraid_ of Edward, afraid of the love of my life. He growled and pushed Carlisle off of him. I watched Carlisle fly into the wall, cracking the brick on impact.

"What's happening?" I cried, horrified.

"The venom's fighting back." Dr. Funai said, moving in front of me, taking a protective stance, her arm still wrapped around me.

"Get Bella out of here!" Carlisle repeated as he jumped back to his feet and cinched Edward around the waist.

"I want her!" Edward snarled demonically, fighting against his father's grip. His eyes rolled in his head and he thrashed hard. "She smells so _good_!"

"Edward," I said. "It's me. It's _Bella_ , your _wife_."

"There's no use trying to reason with him." Dr. Funai said. "It's the venom that's doing the thinking."

Edward turned and punched Carlisle in the face – his fist sounding like a sledgehammer hitting asphalt - and I cowered back. _That's not Edward. He wouldn't do that._ He broke Carlisle's grip and launched in a streak towards Dr. Funai and I.

I closed my eyes, preparing for him to take me. _This was it._ I thought. _I was going to die by the hand of my own husband._ I guessed, if it had to be this way. I'd rather it be him that did it.

But, death never came. I opened them to Edward supine on the ground, Dr. Funai's open palm against his throat and her knee on his belly.

"We just need to wait it out." Dr. Funai said as she pressed down on Edward, keeping him pinned to the floor. "Until the cure has won."

Carlisle had gotten back to his feet and came over to help keep Edward restrained. Both vampires knelt down on their knees and held his arms and legs down like a frog pinned to a dissecting board. "Son," He said, looking at Edward's snarling, snapping face. "If you make it out of this alive, you're grounded until your thirty."

"I want _her_!" He protested, his head coming up off the floor and slamming back down with a hard _bang!_

"I do too." A voice purred.

My head snapped to Victoria and I scrambled backwards, not stopping until my back hit the wall. Her fire-red hair draped around her pale face like a waterfall and her outfit was different from the one on the baseball field. That felt like a century ago, now. A lifetime ago.

Her eyes were black and focused on her goal, her mission since Edward had found me in the ballet studio – me. My death.

Her gaze chilled me to my bones. The fight was _here._ And my husband was a temporary monster and I felt like I had been plunged into a waking nightmare meant for only the darkest parts of the night. My heartbeat froze as did my breathing as I watched Victoria float in like an apparition, her eyes never leaving me.

Dr. Funai was on her feet first. "Stay with Edward." She said to Carlisle and then looked at me with concern.

Carlisle maneuvered so that he was kneeling, his knee sitting on top of Edward's chest. With his legs free, Edward thrashed around violently, a frustrated scream emanating from him.

"I only want the human," Victoria stopped where Jacob had been standing, her back against the far wall. "If you hand her over, I'll get out of your hair."

"Unfortunately, I can't allow that." Dr. Funai said and crouched. "She's family of my patient."

Victoria regarded Edward for the briefest of seconds. "Ah, the strikes. Very unlucky that it claims another victim."

"Indeed."

"That affliction over there, however, has claimed more lives than necessary." She motioned to me. "Two of my own family, including my love, James and then your family." She nodded to Carlisle. "The beautiful female with the blonde hair…"

 _Rosalie?_ I felt my jaw drop.

"…and the one with the honey hair and the kind eyes."

Carlisle jerked. "Esme?"

I gasped with horror – air stinging my oxygen-deprived lungs – and my knees buckled and gave underneath me. _Esme? Rosalie? Dead because of me?_ I couldn't believe it. This _was_ a nightmare. It had to be. I was going to wake up in my bed in Charlie's house in Forks.

Victoria smiled. "Will you reconsider my offer of handing over the human?"

Dr. Funai just shook her head once.

"Shame." Victoria dove and there was a crash of boulders, the splitting of earth as the two vampires collided.

I couldn't see what was happening – everything was a streak of red and black and white as the two vampires fought around the operating room. It was a dance, a sickening ballet. Only stopping when someone was thrown off their feet or into a wall. And then they would right themselves, crouch and spring again.

It seemed like their fight was lasting hours – back and forth, not one of them being able to grab a hold on the other - when I knew in actuality it was probably only a couple of minutes.

Dr. Funai threw Victoria against the wall, deflecting her attack. As she righted herself back on her feet, she glanced at me with the same worry as before in her eyes."Get them out of here." Dr. Funai ordered Carlisle. "Save _them_."

Victoria seized Dr. Funai's moment of hesitation, crouching low like an animal and springing through the air towards the small Japanese woman. They fought, circling around each other like they were going down a drain. Victoria screeched and Dr. Funai yelled back something in Japanese.

Suddenly, the turmoil of their fight ceased. Victoria had Dr. Funai by her head. There was a horrid, splintering sound. I covered my ears and watched in frozen shock as Victoria twisted Dr. Funai's head off of her shoulders.

"Kotomi!" Carlisle cried and jerked again, eager to join the fight. This gave Edward enough wiggle room to get out from underneath Carlisle's grip. He jumped to his feet and bee-lined to me, a streak of red hair and white skin. Carlisle jumped and intercepted him – another crash of their bodies hitting each other as Carlisle gripped him around the waist.

Victoria laughed as she grabbed a bottle of antiseptic from one of the carts around the operating table and cracked it under her fist, spraying Dr. Funai's body with it. I watched in horror as she revealed a zippo lighter from her pocket. She lit it and dropped it. The small vampire's body lit ablaze. _No, Dr. Funai!_ Horror flashed inside of me and my intestines twisted _She killed Dr. Funai._

She turned, her eyes on Carlisle.

"She's _mine_! You can't have _her_!" Edward suddenly broke Carlisle's grip and streaked towards Victoria in a wild, bezerking fashion. He was so fast he was barely undetectable – just a ghost – as he moved to her, crashing against and seizing her

"Edward!" Carlisle went after him.

"Mine!" Edward's face was wild and crazy as gripped Victoria's throat. Her eyes were wide and frozen with shock. She wasn't expecting Edward to go after her. With a kiss on one side of her neck, dragged around to the other, Edward decapitated Victoria. He dropped her into the fire and laughed like a madman. Then, he stopped laughing suddenly, his crazed, blank eyes snapping to me.

Carlisle tried to tackle Edward, but he was _too fast._ Edward evaded his grip, punching him back into the wall and streaked to me. His black eyes flashed with victory like an animal that finally caught its prey and clenched me by the throat with one hand.

"Edward," I squeaked, trying to fight him off. "It's me. It's Bella!"

"Mine." He hissed, pulling me to him. His nose ran down my throat and I felt my heartbeat jackhammer in my chest at the touch. "You smell so _good_."

"Edward," I struggled, my hands hitting his bare chest. "I am your _wife_!"

He froze with his hands still on me and I thought maybe I had gotten to him, that maybe I had found his conscious underneath the animal. But, something horrible happened. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and he collapsed with a sigh into my arms.

"Edward!" I shrieked, catching his dead weight against me, struggling to keep him upright and us both off of the floor.

"We have to get him back on the table." Carlisle said at my side, detaching Edward from me and streaking back to the operating room set up. I ran after him, tripping and catching myself on the way over, barely registering that the fire hadn't been put out yet. "The venom has lost. He's reverting into a human now."

"What should I do?" I asked, looking at the machinery around the operating table that required a doctorate to even understand, let alone utilize.

Carlisle quickly attached the heart monitor pads to Edward's chest and a bunch of nodes to his head. A low tone filled the room as he turned on the heart monitor machine and I watched the line maintain a flat, even line. "Take care of the fire." He ordered. "There's an extinguisher in the crash cart."

I opened the cart with the defibrillator on top and found a small extinguisher. I pulled the pin and put the fire – which smelled like burning sage – out.

"We have to get his heart started." Carlisle said quietly as he jammed a large IV needle that split into two different lines into Edward's arm and taped it down. "But, his heart is no good if there isn't any blood to move around."

"We're going to give him blood?" I noted all the bags that sat ready.

Carlisle nodded and pushed his hair off of his face as he hooked one up and into Edward's arm. "We have to move quickly. As soon as he reaches the point where his body needs oxygen, every second without could be irreversible brain damage."

"How do we know when it is time?"

Carlisle glanced at me as he streaked to Edward's head. He placed a metal device in his mouth and then a tube. "I honestly don't know." He motioned to me come to him as he hooked an Ambu bag up to the line in Edward's mouth. "Squeeze, count to three and then squeeze again."

I did as I was told, forcing air into Edward's lungs and watched Carlisle move back and forth around Edward, hooking him up to different machines, different monitors. I watched Edward too. The blue lines on his chest faded until they were no longer visible. His skin started to dull, losing the smooth alabaster look to it. I pressed on his bottom lip with my finger and watched it give. They were no longer hard like stone, but he was still so cold.

I watched a spot form on Edward's neck, right on top of his collarbone. "What is that?"

Carlisle glanced at it for the briefest of seconds, a small smile ghosting over his lips. "That's Edward's birthmark. I almost forgot he had one of those."

"Oh," I suddenly remembered his Christmas gifts to me - those photos of him as a child. He did have a birthmark. And freckles. I inspected his face, but no freckles had shown up yet.

All of a sudden, a machine screeched to life and I watched a needle move over a piece of paper that fed out of it. I jumped at the sudden movement, startled.

"His skull has softened enough that the EEG machine can monitor his brainwaves." Carlisle said and then glanced at it, his expression going worried. "We need to start defibrillating."

Anxiety twisted in me and my palms went sweaty. "Is everything alright?"

Carlisle didn't answer though, he streaked around the table and grabbed the paddles of the defibrillator and charged the machine. I could hear the hum of electricity. "Clear!" He called I dropped the Ambu Bag just in time to Edward's body pop off the table with the surge of electricity.

We both looked at the heart monitor for any sign of life. The line stayed flat. Panic twisted my insides. _No, come back to me Edward._ I thought, tears in my eyes.

"I'm charging it again." Carlisle said and placed the paddles back on Edward's chest. "Clear!"

His body shuddered again, but the line on the monitor stayed stagnant. "Come on," I begged, feeling tears hot on my face. "Edward, please don't die. You've gotten this far."

"Charging it to a thousand volts." Carlisle said, worry making the lines in his forehead deep. "Come on Edward. You can do it, son." He took a breath. "Clear!"

We watched him shudder and the line jump on the monitor, only to flatten again. I felt the hope seep out of me. I felt something die in me. _This couldn't be happening._ It couldn't be.

"Bella, change the blood bag." Carlisle said, his voice panicked as he took over squeezing the Ambu bag at Edward's face.

I did as I was ordered, moving to the the opposite side of the table. Shakily, I picked up a bag of blood and hung it up in front of the used one on the pole. _Come on, Edward._ I said as tears squeezed out of my face, making it hard to see the line. _Please come back to me._

"I'm going to to try one more time." Carlisle said and glanced down at the EEG feed of his brainwaves. "After that, I have to call it." His voice cracked on the end with grief.

I cried harder and pumped the Ambu bag, watching his chest rise and fall. _This couldn't be happening._ We had gotten so far. I had seen a whole future for us. A house in the sun somewhere. Children with bronze hair and brown eyes. Us, elderly and wrinkled holding hands and watching our grandchildren play at our feet. We had gotten _this_ close to a life, a _real_ human life.

"Clear." Carlisle whispered and we watched Edward jump on the table again.

We stared at the screen. No change. Nothing.

This couldn't be happening.

"No!" I cried and pressed my face onto his chest. "You have to come back." I sobbed. "I can't live without you, Edward. Please come back. _Please_."

"Bella," Carlisle said and streaked around me. "I have an idea."

I straightened up and wiped my face. A tiny seed of hope lit up in me. "What?"

"Epinephrine." He said as he filled a long needle with clear liquid. "The defib just might not have enough power to restart his heart."

I watched as he punched the need straight down right into Edward's sternum. His limp body shuddered and the monitor behind me squealed and then took off, the line jaggedly bouncing up and down with methodical beeps. _It worked!_ His heart was beating. I almost started jumping up and down with joy. Edward was _alive! It worked!_ I watched his body slowly turn from stark white in a bright, healthy peach as his heart pumped the blood being fed into him around his body. I dared to touch him with the hand that wasn't squeezing the Ambu bag. He was _warm._ My temperature. I gasped and jerked my hand back.

"No!" Carlisle said and I came crashing back down to earth, a shock freezing me still.

"What?"

The machine started an urgent tone, like it was trying to get our attention. I looked behind me to see the jagged line bounce erratically on the screen.

"He's in vfib. Start chest compressions!"

Without even thinking about it, I maneuvered to his chest and started compressions – one hand right over the other. I was brought back to sophomore gym, where we had to do this on a dummy with no arms or legs. Now, I was here doing it on my husband, my heart frozen in my chest. I started counting and watched tears and sweat from my hairline drip onto Edward.

"Come on, son." Carlisle urged the unconscious Edward as he squeezed the Ambu bag and reached for the defibrillator paddles again. "You can do it. You can make it through this."

 _Please._ I begged in my head. _Please make it through this._

Carlisle charged the paddles again. "Clear."

I watched Edward's body jolt one more time. _Please._ I begged.

The machine's urgent tone ceased and the beeping resumed.

"He's…stabilizing." Carlisle said as he watched the screen with wide eyes. "It worked." He breathed. "Edward's one-hundred-eight year old heart is beating again."

"He's human again." I added in disbelief.

Carlisle picked up the paper feeding from the EEG machine, his face twisting with concern. He moved to Edward's head, peeled back his eyelids and shined a pen light he pulled out of his shirt pocket into them.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

Carlisle grimaced. "It doesn't matter if we start his heart," He said and put his pen light away. "If he's brain dead."

I felt my jaw drop and I choked on my own words, my lungs in the back of my throat. _But, he's alive._ I wanted to argue. _Look at him._

Carlisle sighed and leaned over the table, one hand on either side of Edward's head. "He's in a coma. Only time will tell. He'll either heal and wake up." Carlisle looked at the heart monitor, watching the steady hill and valley of his heartbeats on the monitor. "Or he won't."

I touched him again, feeling his soft, warm cheek under my fingers. I traced his jaw all the way down to my necklace I gave him at Christmas, to his newly beating heart. "Come back to me, Edward." I whispered. " _Please_."

* * *

 **so I think I lost readers, because no ones interacting/reviewing anymore lmao did EVERYONE have their heart set on vampire Bella? Am I the only one who thinks that's overdone? ah well. I'm almost done anyway might as well finish this trash truck full of rotting garbage of a fic. Does anyone want the alt ending where literally everyone dies? would that make y'all feel better? lol**

 **dumb-brunette - not a published author, but I have a degree in English that's done nothing for me professionally, but has given me a side hobby of writing shit fanfiction for strangers on the internet. And to answer the pack telepathy question - I like to assume that the other wolves stay out of fights so they don't distract each other lol**


	32. 31: Edward's a Ginger

I jerked awake suddenly, my heart revving like a racecar in my chest. Shooting pain in my ribs and arm forced me back to the pillow. I groaned heavily with the sudden movement and tried to blink away the headache behind my eyes and the swirling memories of the fight. I felt like I had been elbow slammed by a semi-truck. Flattened by tank. Mauled by a pack of bears. _All three?_ Pain shot through my body and I groaned and closed my eyes again. _Yeah, all three._

A hand found mine and all of a sudden, the pain started to fade. I grunted and opened my eyes to a beautiful round face with shiny gold eyes framed by long black hair. My heartbeat flipped and sputtered, like trying to start an old engine. "Keiko," I breathed.

"Jake-chan." Her eyes flashed. "You're okay."

"Yeah," I almost snorted. "Of _course_." I looked around the room. It was a hospital room, like Edward's was. Except it couldn't be Edward's since there wasn't dents in the wall and the footboard was still intact.

 _Oh._ _Edward. The fight. The Russians._ It all flooded back to me at once, like a sledgehammer to the face. I jerked up suddenly and was rewarded with a shooting pain in my chest. "What happened? Is everyone okay? Are _you_ okay?" I asked quickly. "How's Edward? _Bella?_ Did they find Victoria? What _happened_?"

Keiko looked down at our clasped hands. "The Russian vampires and the one with the red hair have been destroyed." She said reservedly. "I burned the remains of the blonde ones after I put you to sleep. And I got Rosalie and Esme back together. They're a little sore…but okay otherwise."

"That's great!" I said. _We won._ But, I looked at her face. She didn't look as happy as she normally was, or _should_ be in light of this victory. But it was like she was holding something back. "But…" I started for her.

"Funai-sensei didn't make it." Keiko shook her head, her face twisting like she was going to cry.

"Oh, no." I said, feeling my heart break for her. I cupped her face in my hot hand. "I'm sorry, Keiko. I know how much she meant to you."

"She is and _was_ my mother for the last one hundred and thirty years." Keiko sniffed. "And she's _gone_." She shook her head. "I can't believe it."

I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around Keiko. Her stone cold body and the fact I was holding her so close sent a shiver through my body. "I'm sorry." I whispered, feeling the ache for her radiate out of me in waves.

She wrapped her little arms around me and sobbed tearlessly against my shoulder. While it sucked about Doc and I felt so bad for Keiko, I was happy that Keiko was safe and whole, _here_ in my arms. I was so afraid, so _afraid_ that something bad was going to happen to her.

"Jake-chan," She whispered and ran her fingers against the lines of my biceps. I felt the pull of energies into her. "I'm so happy you're okay."

"I could say the same for you." I pulled back to look into her golden eyes. "You saved me."

"I'm sorry that the blonde lady hurt you." Her face twisted again. "It was the only thing I could think of to get to her to end it."

"Shhh," I pulled her back to my chest, burying my nose into her hair. "It's all over now. _You're_ fine and that's all that matters to me."

We sat like that for a long moment, her little frame wrapped up in my arms. She was small and delicate, but hard as stone and cold. I heated her against me with my feverishly hot body.

"Jake-chan," Her hand ran up and down my arm. "You need to find someone who is better for you than me."

I felt ice in my veins and froze. "What are you talking about, Keiko?"

She pulled away, _completely_ away and stood up. I groaned audibly at the separation. I felt suddenly empty without her in my arms. "I've felt what you feel about me and I can't understand what I _did_ to deserve it."

"You existed." I said simply, picked up her hand. "That's all you ever _had_ to do. Exist so I could find you. So we can be together."

She shook her head and pulled her hand back, crossing them over her chest. "I'm not worth it, Jake-chan."

"Where is this coming from?" I almost whined, feeling my heart ache in my chest. "During the fight, you said that you were _glad_ I was your penguin."

"Jake-chan," She argued. "You saw what I did to Edward-san. You saw how I hurt you to get to the Russian. You should find someone else. Someone who can't hurt you. Someone who is like _you_."

I shook my head. "That's not how imprinting works. You are my soul mate and I am your soul mate. I can't just find someone else, Keiko. If you don't feel the same way _romantically_ , that's okay." I brightened. "We don't need to be in love to be soul mates. I can be the bestest friend you've ever had or a big brother or whatever you need. That's the beauty of imprinting."

Her face twisted like she was going to cry again and my smile fell off of my face. I wanted to hold her, to make her feel better. I wanted to protect her from every bad thing out there. I just wanted to keep the dimples in her cheeks and the light in her eyes there always.

"Keiko," I said trying to reach out to grab her again, but she shied away from me. "It's okay. You don't have to feel the same way. It won't hurt my feelings."

"But, I do." She sobbed into her white hands. "I think I'm falling in love with you."

My heart stopped and then started racing like it was in a relay. _She was falling in love with me._ Pure ecstasy blasted through my veins. "Why is that a bad thing?"

"Because, I don't want you to abandon everything you know for me." She said and sat back down on the edge of the bed. "You said it yourself – werewolves are vampires' worst nightmares."

I sighed. The pack knew that I had imprinted. I had phased into my other form since imprinting. They probably knew it was on a vampire and I knew I was going to hear it when I got back. But, I didn't _care_ and they couldn't do _anything_ about it. I had imprinted. And Keiko was my imprintee. They would get over it. Period. "What you are doesn't matter to me." I said.

"But, it does." She said.

I shook my head, resolute. "Well, you're not getting rid of me."

"You can't stay here in Japan, Jake-chan. Your people are in America. Your _family._ " She shook her head. "Your _pack_."

I flinched at the last one. "They'll be fine without me."

She sat back down on my bed. "I can't believe you would give all of that up for me."

I grabbed her hand. "Do your thing." I said and nodded at her. "Believe it's real."

There was a pull and she gasped but didn't let go. I watched her eyes mix with emotions: astonishment, wonder, disbelief, confusion.

And then she kissed me – not a little peck like the garden the other day. She kissed me for real. She tasted herby, like rosemary and lavender. And even though her lips were cold, there was a heat to our touch, an electricity. _She was everything to me._ My whole world, here, right in my arms, _kissing_ me. I put my hands on her face and ran them down down the smooth white of her throat.

She pulled back, her eyes shining. " _Daisuki da_."

"I hope that means 'I love you, Jacob.'"

"Something like that." She nodded and giggled, her eyes closing with her laugh. She pressed her face against my chest and breathed me in and we stayed like that for a long time – her in my arms as I played with her straight, black hair and ran my lips over her cool forehead, the only sound in the room was my loudass heartbeat in my chest.

She separated only when my stomach started to growl, and left with a promise she would be back quickly with food. I laid back and stared at my ceiling, counting down the seconds when she could be back in my arms.

There was a knock and I sat up to Carlisle in my doorway. "I was hoping you were awake." He said. "I wanted to take a look at your leg."

"Oh, sure." I looked down, not even realizing I was in a cast thing until that second. _Give me like three days and I'll have that healed._

"How are you feeling, Jacob?" The doctor asked, his golden eyes only a shade darker than his hair. He approached my bed.

I rolled my head on my neck, cracking it and then stretched out my arms, feeling my sore and tired muscles. "Like I went a couple of rounds with the Incredible Hulk."

Carlisle smiled gently at the joke. "I think we all feel like we've been through the ringer."

"How is everyone by the way?"

His eyes flashed at me as he bent over to inspect my leg, his cold hands palpating the bones. "You heard about Dr. Funai?"

"Yeah," I said and looked at my hands. "Keiko's pretty broken up about that."

He nodded. "The entire vampire community felt that loss." He bent my leg back and forth. "Any pain?"

I shook my head. No pain. "Speaking of vampire community losses…" I started. "…how's Edward?"

Carlisle put my leg down. "The cure worked, but we had troubles restarting his heart and gave him a shot of adrenaline." He pointed to my leg. "Keep off of that for a couple of days, okay?"

I nodded at his orders, barely registering them. I was still focused on how he resurrected Edward like a crazy Dr. Frankenstein. "Like Uma Thurman from _Pulp Fiction_?"

He nodded. "Exactly."

"That works?" I asked in disbelief. "You know, outside of Tarantino movies?"

Carlisle smiled slightly and straightened back up. "It did," His smile quickly faded and the line returned from between his brows. "But, it constricted blood vessels in his brain and put him into a coma. He's been healing and showing signs of improvement – which is good. I'm hopeful he'll wake up soon and that there will be little to no damage."

"Little to no damage?" I repeated.

Carlisle grimaced just slightly. "Best scenario is he walks away. Worst scenario is he doesn't." He sighed. "Realistic scenario is he'll be somewhere in-between there."

"He'll be okay." I said confidently.

"I pray you are correct."

I sat in silence for a moment as I chewed on that. Edward was like a hundred years old. Like, _a hundred years old._ I didn't really know or care to know about science-y stuff outside of car mechanics, but I knew that turning him from a vampire to a human was a miracle and then restarting his heart was a miracle. "You literally raised him from the dead." I said, feeling my hands press to my face in disbelief. "He's got God on his side." I nodded. "He'll be okay."

His smile widened, his wise eyes flashing. "It wouldn't have been possible without you, Jacob. Edward owes you his life."

"I don't know about that." I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling myself grin a little. Before Keiko, I would've been happy to hear that Edward owed me his life. I probably would've lorded it over him too until we were both old and gray. But now. Now, I think I was just happy that he was _alive._ Like he was my friend, like _we_ were friends. I grinned. "I think we can start with 'he owes me a pizza or something,' and go from there."

* * *

After two days of staring at a television I couldn't understand, I started going a little crazy.

It wasn't all bad. I had Keiko. She spent the days with me and made me food and translated what was being said on the TV. She taught me some Japanese. " _Daisuki da_." _I love you_ was a phrase I learned quickly and used often and proudly. And at every proclamation, Keiko would cover her giggling mouth and then kiss my cheek.

But, I worried over my friends as well. I wanted to see Bella. I hadn't seen her at all since the day of the fight. It was understandable – I would be tied to Keiko's hip waiting for her to wake up too. And I worried about Edward – something I thought I would never do ever in a million years. I was kept abreast of what was going on with him from Keiko – which apparently was not much. He was still in his coma, healing his brain or whatever.

I was watching an anime with Keiko next to me, when something occurred to me. _I could go see them._ Duh. Why didn't I think of that before? "Can we go to Edward's room?" I asked Keiko suddenly.

"Oh… _ano_." She shrugged in her sweatshirt with a cartoon puppy on it. "I don't see why not."

He was two doors down the hall from me. I leaned on Keiko, my arm around her shoulders as I hobbled down the hallway into his room.

I looked at everyone else first. They were camping around his bed – Esme and Rosalie standing at the foot. "You guys are okay." I breathed in disbelief, happier to see Esme than Rose, if I was being _completely_ honest.

"Jacob," Esme said and gave me a hug.

"Hey, buddy." Rosalie said, her Barbie face softening a little.

"I thought you guys were goners."

"You can't get rid of us that easy. You have to burn us to kill us," Rosalie looked at the bed, her arms crossing. "Or contract the strikes."

Carlisle touched my shoulder on his way in. It was weird, being surrounded by vampires. A week ago, this would've been my worst nightmare. Now, I felt like they were, well, _family._

I looked at Bella, who was perched in a chair next to Edward's bed, his hand clasped with hers and a line in between her eyes.

And then I looked at Edward.

He looked, well, so _well._ He wasn't ghostly white anymore, instead it was a healthy peach color with a bunch of red undertones. He had freckles over his face, paired with his red hair, he looked like he could be a Weasley sibling or Ed Sheeran's better looking brother. _Edward's a ginger_. I thought with a wheezing laugh. _Even as a human, he's still soulless._ Karma - the bitch - stabbed me in the ribs with pain at that thought.

There was a lot more sighing, noisy machinery around him now, a lot more tubes and wires stuck to him than when he was a dying vampire. I recognized some things from when my mom was in the hospital with cancer: a central line hooked on his arm, an intubation tube in his mouth, held in place by a blue holder, dialysis, heart monitor lines stuck to his skin on his chest.

I watched the heart monitor. With my wolf ears, I could hear his heartbeat, along with the steady breathing of his lungs. But, watching the machine made it seemed more _real._ Like, Edward was _human_ again. The proof was in that little jagged line that bounced every other second on the screen.

"He looks great, Bells." I said.

Bella looked up at me, startled to see me, like she didn't hear me come in. In her spastic, Bella fashion, she got up and ran to me, her arms finding their way around my waist in a hug. "Thank you so much, Jake." She said against my chest. "I owe you so much."

"No problem," I said and hugged her back. "I'm just happy everyone is okay."

Edward suddenly coughed against the tube in his throat, the respirator monitor squealing behind him in response. Carlisle was at his side at once. He untaped the intubation tube and gently pulled it out of Edward's mouth, replacing it with an oxygen mask.

Edward's eyes fluttered opened. They were green now. A deep green - like the Forks High football field after it had been freshly mowed. He looked around at the faces around him like Dorothy did after she woke up, confused and baffled. _Oh, Auntie Em, there's no place like home._ "Bella," He managed, his voice scratchy as he fogged up his oxygen mask.

"Edward," Bella got into his line of vision, planting herself on the edge of his bed. "Everything's okay. _Everyone's_ okay. We're all right here."

His eyebrows shined with worry and confusion. "What happened?"

"We got 'em." I moved to his bedside and patted his shoulder. "No more threat."

I expected him to be happy, crack a joke, even. I don't know, _smile_ at least. But, his confused looked deepened into dismay, his eyebrows twisting together as I talked. We all grew concerned at the same time and stepped forward, a moving wall bodies.

"Edward," Bella said, her hand finding his. "What's wrong? Are you in pain?"

"We're right here if you need anything." Esme said from the foot of his bed.

"Edward, talk to us." Rosalie said impatiently.

He looked at us, bewilderment in his green eyes. Silence overtook the room and for a good solid twenty heartbeats, he just looked from face to face. "Are you guys whispering?" He finally asked, his voice creaky from the intubation.

I looked at Carlisle, whose expression shifted into concern. "Son, are you having troubles understanding us?" He asked.

Edward's green eyes bounced between us. We all watched as he slowly raised one of his hands and snapped his fingers next to his ear. His expression shifted into distress, his eyes wide. "I can't hear."

There was a flurry of voices over his bed as his family all started talking at once. Keiko chattered in Japanese, her eyes wide on me. Esme and Bella turned and started talking to Carlisle. Rosalie was just _talking_ to probably just hear her own voice.

I turned to Edward and placed my hand on his shoulder again. His stressed eyes snapped up to me and I nodded and smiled reassuringly. "It's going to be okay."

"Thank you." He said and I could see a tiny smile through his oxygen mask.

Once everyone got calmed down, the attention shifted to Carlisle, who spun his wedding ring around on his finger. "We'll do a hearing test and an MRI to see what is causing the hearing issue and to see if it is reversible. We want to do some tests anyway to confirm that all of your organ systems made it through the cure without any damage."

"I don't know what you're saying." Edward said and shook his head.

"Can we get some pen and paper?" Bella twisted from her seat on the side of the bed.

I watched Rosalie pull her cell phone out of her back pocket and violently tap at it. "Here, baby brother." She said and shoved it in his face.

"Tests," He repeated as he read her screen. "You're going to do a hearing test."

Carlisle nodded. "We'll figure it out, son."

I had a deaf cousin that lived in Idaho, so I knew a bit of sign language. And everyone learned the alphabet at some point in their public-schooled lives. I tapped Edward's shoulder and he looked at me again. "It's going to be okay." I repeated and signed the letters 'o' and then 'k.'

He nodded at me and repeated the sign with a hand that had an IV taped to the back of it, his shoulders relaxing. "Okay." He looked back at Bella, their eyes meeting. "Okay," He echoed and looked at her like everything else suddenly didn't matter, like they were the only two in the room. Like, they were on their own planets. Just them and their two matching hearts beating wildly in their chest.

* * *

 **I deafened the music lover. Cruel? Ironic? Cruelly ironic? I'll let you decide.**


	33. 32: Happy Birthday

"Bella-chan," Keiko sang next to me, her golden eyes shining. "Do you want see the cake?"

I finished chopping the last of the veggies and arranged them on a party platter and then looked at the massive amount of food that we had for three humans and seven vampires spread out over the kitchen counter. I hoped Jacob didn't mind that I was going to pack up three-fourths of this to send home with him at the end of the night.

I looked at Keiko, who had her black hair in two pigtails on the top of her head and was wearing an oversized pink t-shirt with 'Danced or Be Danced' emblazoned over the chest, a phrase which didn't make sense in either Japanese or English. And then I looked at her creation, which she had just finished decorating, the frosting bag still dripping with blue frosting. "Keiko," I said and clapped my hands together. "You did so well!"

"Vanilla cake with strawberry filling. Just like you ordered." She said as she licked frosting off of her finger and then grimaced. " _Kimoi."_

"How's the cake looking?" Jacob snuck up behind us and wrapped his arms around Keiko's waist, hooking his chin on her shoulder.

"You need to stay out of the kitchen." She ordered him with a smile and squirted him with the frosting bag in the face, a line of blue confection hitting him in the cheek. "You're the reason why I had to redo the frosting in the first place!"

"It just looks so good. I couldn't resist." He said as he licked his cheek.

"It's not your birthday!" She spun around to face him, her smooth black hair falling like a curtain around her face and shoulders. " _Deteitteyo_!"

" _Iie_." He responded back in Japanese, wrapping his large arms around her, dwarfing her against him. "I'm staying right _here_." He kissed the top of her head.

"I want to see the cake!" Alice said and bounced into the kitchen, the party dress she was wearing fluttering around her knees.

"Guys," I fake-groaned with a smile as I started placing eighteen candles into the cake top. "You'll see it. You jus have to wait. Go back and enjoy the party."

"Aw, Bella," Alice groaned. "This is the first birthday we've been excited about since, well, _your_ birthday last year."

Harsh memories flooded through me and I almost stabbed a candle all the way through the layers of the cake, ruining the icing for a third time. "How _is_ Jasper?"

"He's so full, he's sloshy." Alice said. "No repeats of the Bella Birthday Catastrophe."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay."

"Speaking of Edward, where is the birthday boy?" Jacob asked and picked up a tortilla chip with salsa on it and popped it into his mouth. He immediately started fanning his face and dancing around, his dark eyes going wide.

"Oh, no." Keiko's eyebrows knitted together. "Too spicy?"

 _Where is the birthday boy?_ I looked around for Edward automatically. After almost losing him, keeping him at arm's length was almost a reflex of mine. Worry flipped in me, but - as if on cue - music drummed through the house at concert levels, shaking the walls and all the containers of liquids littered around kitchen.

"He needs to come down and join the party." Alice said as she looked up to the ceiling.

"I'll go grab him." I handed the candles off to Keiko. "If you want to finish this."

I started up the steps of the Cullen household, letting the music surround me. At first, it just sounded like bass-y noise as it rattled the pictures on the wall and vibrated through the floor. But, as I got closer, I recognized it as 'Come Undone' by Duran Duran, the same song I spent learning on the piano so I could surprise him with it on our wedding day.

I opened the door to Edward's bedroom. He sat cross-legged on his bed, one of the speakers from his sound system in his lap, one hand on the cloth covering, the other on his chest. I watched him for a moment. It looked like he was counting – matching the beat of his heart to the beat of the music.

I flipped the lights on and off to get his attention and his eyes – two beautiful emeralds – snapped up to me. He picked up the remote to his sound system and killed the music.

"You ready for the party?" I asked, and pointed over my shoulder.

He pushed the speaker off of his lap and got to his feet, his crooked smile finding its way on his face.

I took him all in, just like I did on the first day. Instead of granite white, he was a healthy, fawn color, punctuated with a constellation of brown freckles that covered his nose and cheek and the tops of his arms. He had a birth mark in the shape of a heart on his throat. He blushed more than me now, red blooming under his eyes and over his nose all any and all embarrassments. He was lovely and so, so _human_.

"Party?" He asked as he pushed his hair off of his forehead. His head turned, revealing one his new hearing aids. The devices were a light, flesh-tone in an attempt to blend in with the skin around them, but unfortunately, they were still pretty large and noticeable. The microphone and controls sat behind his ear and connected to an amplifier mold that filled the entirety of his outside ear canal.

It had been nine days since he had opened his eyes. It had been eight days – and two hearing tests, an MRI, and a CT scan – where we found out that Edward's auditory nerves that connected his ears to his brain were damaged beyond repair, leaving him profoundly and permanently deaf.

Carlisle wasn't sure the cause – speculating anything between the cure itself to the lack of oxygen to maybe even a mild stroke from the epinephrine. All he knew was that he couldn't hear any softer than ninety decibels, which meant he couldn't hear me speak anymore, or anyone else for that matter. In fact, he couldn't hear most sounds that were softer than heavy machinery or a rock concert. His new hearing aids were for mostly loud ambient noises – sirens, cars, alarms - so he would be aware of his surroundings.

But, he was _alive_. And that's _all_ that mattered to me.

I nodded as I stared at his perfect, lovely face. "We're ready when you are."

"I can't believe I'm eighteen," He said with his crooked smile over his face, his voice different now that he was human and couldn't hear himself speak anymore. He pressed a warm kiss to my forehead and then started for the stairs.

I grabbed his arm to grab his attention. "Wait," I said and lifted my hands. "Happy Birthday, Edward." I signed with American Sign Language, spelling out his name with the alphabet I found on the internet.

He smiled and signed back "Thank you."

I pulled him back and wrapped my arm his waist, looking deep into the green depths of his eyes. "I love you, Edward Cullen." I said, the glittering rock I gave him at Christmas hanging on its cord around his neck catching my attention. I thought about the mythology behind it – the people they loved wearing the crystals would return to them. And he did. I lost him, but he _returned_ to me, whole and well and _human._

"Come on, guys." Emmett said from the top of the stairs. "We want to see Edward blow out the candles!"

Edward looked down at me with questions in his eyes. "What did he say?"

I interpreted for him by fingerspelling "cake," and then mimicked blowing out candles. He smiled when he got it. "We're coming." He called back.

"Well hurry!"

He tightened his arms around me. "I love you, Bella Cullen."

"I know." I whispered back, moving my hand down his chest, right over his beating heart.

* * *

 **Final A/N *sniffs***

 **Well, thanks for making it all the way to the end of this trash heap. As always, reviews are welcomed. Good or bad.**

 **Honorable mention reviewers: cinfalt226, onemillilives, BlackSoulReadingNerd84, leward1992, sujari6, LaurelLeafSinger, Yrrahjen, BucketofGuts, ThePsychoVamp and all you gray-faced anons. **

**Thanks everyone who's faved this story/me as an author**

 **I won't mark this story complete RIGHT AWAY because I think I will eventually get around to uploading the alt ending and then I have a couple one-shots (y'all want to see Keiko meeting the pack for the first time, right? Right?)**

 **My Final Unsolicited Eclipse Thoughts: Welp, Bella crying that she stabbed Jacob in the back for the last chapter is very anti-climatic. I also forgot that they gave Victoria a pikachu voice. Riley was completely unnecessary. I'm going to gargle bug spray and pray for death. Please let me know if you would like me to review Breaking Dawn next.**

 **GOOD NEWS EVERYONE \- I am making a sequel. Obviously, it's going to explore more human issues and I probably won't post as fast as I did this one, but I think it'll be pretty good. At least, maybe not as big as a dumpster fire as this one was? A small dumpster fire? An bathroom trash can fire? Head over to my profile to find that one. I'm calling it _Ordinary World_. (very predictable, but I like it)**

 **A couple of final thoughts:**

 **-my husband still has no idea I wrote this and I spent a month and 150K words on it**

 **-I still hate Kristen Stewart's face and everything about it (I REFUSE to watch the movies)**

 **-I picture Edward as a cross between Ansel Elgort and the kid that plays Archie in _Riverdale_**

 **-I picture Jacob as a hot, young Jason Momoa**

 **-I'm cross-posting this shit on Ao3 (eventually)**

 **-you probably didn't read to the end of this author's note, but if you did, I just wanted to say that I love you guys so much and I hope your crops are good in the upcoming year and that you get the guy and the promotion and all your breakfasts be delicious and that your acne clears. Okay that's it.**

 **With Love, XOXO, TheMetaBard**


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